Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org
♪ I got lucky in the rain ♪
♪ One day when I had nothin' to do for an hour ♪
♪ I walked around in a shower ♪
♪ I had reason to complain ♪
♪ One moment I was sadly in need of a song ♪
♪ Next moment you came along ♪
♪ Then the heavens smiled at me ♪
♪ My heart said, "How lucky can you be?" ♪
♪ Things like this you can't explain ♪
♪ I only know that I met the love of my life ♪
♪ When I got lucky in the rain ♪
This is Yardley...
which is supposed to be a very good liberal arts school,
and definitely tony enough for my mother
with its beautiful rural campus...
which is total bullshit
because you get ticks walking in the grass.
Yardley has more structure
than the first college I went to.
I lasted a few months at one of those serious
Ivy League pseudo-intellectual joints,
which my mother thought would give me
an "appropriate" education.
She says I have a high I.Q.
and I'm not living up to my potential,
even though last weekend
I made twenty grand playing poker.
But I'll get to that.
Yardley's where I met Ashleigh on the school paper.
That's my girlfriend, Ashleigh Enright.
My dad knew one of her father's banks in Arizona,
and naturally, with those family credentials,
my mother wants us to get married, sight unseen.
It's the one area I agree on with my mother,
because even though we've only been goin' out
for a few months,
- I'm hopelessly in love with Ashleigh. - Gatsby!
I got an interview with Roland Pollard.
Ohhh, my gosh, that is amazing!
How did you land that?
- Um, well, he has a new movie coming out this fall... - Mm-hmm.
and the assignment originally went to Priscilla McCain,
but she's totally got mono, so I'm doing it.
Gee, mono's like a two-credit course at this school.
- Oh... - Well, listen, Ashleigh, I think this is great for you.
- Yeah. - When, w-when, when is it?
- Uh, it's the twenty-eighth of this month. - Mm-hm.
- A Saturday. - Okay.
- And it's on campus? - Mm-mm.
It's in Manhattan.
It's in Manhattan? Are you serious?
This is fantastic!
We're always talkin' about going into Manhattan
for a special weekend.
Okay.
Look, I'm gonna make a reservation at the Carlyle.
That's the place I'm always tellin' you about with the...
the piano player at the bar.
He sings those old Broadway tunes.
And, uh, I'll take you out for lunch and dinner.
How does that sound?
Maybe I'll show you around the city?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
I mean... it'll cost a fortune.
Nah, relax, I'm loaded.
I scored twenty big ones last Sunday.
Not another crap game?
No-no-no, stud poker this time.
I'm sittin' there with three tens,
and some guy with aces up keeps raising me.
Oh. How do you get all the money to play
in such a big poker game?
Well, my horse came in this weekend.
I'm telling ya, this is why I gotta go to Vegas.
I-I-I-I'm a gambler, I don't know how else to put it.
Gosh... I've always wanted you
to have to show me around Manhattan.
I know, this is gonna be absolutely fantastic.
Hey, I'm gonna maybe get in touch
with my dad's ticket broker, he can get us tickets
to "Hamilton" how does that sound?
Actually, I don't want to let my parents know
- I'm in town that weekend. - Oh. Why not?
My mother's having her big annual Fall Gala
- and she's apoplectic I'm not coming, and... - Mm.
you know, I told her I had a major paper due.
Otherwise, I'd have to put in an appearance, and...
...it's like death, it's like having...
drinks with a hundred bullshit people,
not one of which has ever been turned down by a co-op.
God, I can't believe it.
- An interview with the director of "Winter Memories". - Yeah.
Hey, didn't we see "Winter Memories" together
on our first date?
- I think so. - I'm just so excited.
I mean, you have to help me come up with a list
of profound questions to ask him.
I don't want to come off like a twit.
You're not gonna come off like a twit.
And actually, now that I'm thinking about it,
we can't stay at the Carlyle,
it's too close to my parents' house...
but I want you to have a park view...
You know what? We're gonna stay at the Pierre.
That way you can have a park view,
- it's a safe distance from my parents' house... - Oh.
and then after dinner we're gonna go to the Carlyle,
we'll go to the bar, and, a-a-a-and spend some time there.
It's, it's very old New York. Uh, uh, I, I really love it.
- The murals are by Ludwig Bemelmans. - Oh, wow.
- Yeah. - Yeah, I've...
I've only been to Manhattan twice, you know.
Once when I was two
and then once when I was twelve.
All I remember is, we got incredible bargains.
I mean, my parents could not believe that you could buy
a Birkin bag and a Rolex on a blanket off the street...
for only two hundred dollars!
Are there any other questions you can think of
that I can ask him?
Find out who influenced him more on love,
Denis de Rougemont or Ortega y Gasset.
How do you always know all that stuff?
I read, I just don't read what they give us in school.
I mean, do I really care who wins
between Beowulf and Grendel? No, I don't.
Maybe if I had a little money on it, but....
Mm... I don't know why I'm so nervous.
I just....
No college reporter's won a Pulitzer, right?
- I don't think so. - You're gonna be fine.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
I think it'll be great.
Listen, I want to see the Weegee photos at MOMA,
and I booked us a dinner at Daniel,
which is kind of a nice place,
we can dress up for it, it'll be really nice.
And I splurged on the suite at the Pierre.
What the hell, right?
It's poker winnings, it's not even real money.
- Oh.... - Gatsby, it's beautiful!
Well, I wanted to do something special.
Wow. Oh, and the flowers.
That's not me, I don't know what that is.
Champagne. Wow.
Oh, look at that view!
Wanted it to be high enough so you could see Central Park.
Central Park.
Exciting.
Thank you so much, sir. I really appreciate that.
Oh.
- Thank you. - Do you think that, uh...
- later maybe we could take a carriage ride? - Yeah.
If it doesn't rain.
We could ride in the rain. It's very moody.
It's very romantic.
I prefer it.
What time is it?
Yeah, we should go, 'cause his hotel's downtown.
There might be a little bit of traffic.
Oh, it's far?
It's in Soho. You're gonna like Soho.
It was filled with creative people.
Then it got commercial and expensive,
so all the creative people moved to Tribeca.
But then that got expensive, so they all moved to Brooklyn.
Next move is back in with their parents.
He's only giving me an hour.
That's good, we have a one-thirty lunch reservation.
Oh. Well, what are you gonna do while I'm upstairs?
I don't know. I'll... stroll around Soho,
maybe visit my brother.
I can't tell you how nice it is to be back in the city.
Tell you the truth, if it weren't for you,
I don't know if I'd ever find my way back to Yardley.
Well, what would you do?
Find some brilliant way to ruin my life.
Hi, um, I'm here for Mister Roland Pollard.
- Roland, this is Ashleigh Enright... - Hi.
- ...from Yardley. - How do you do?
Ashleigh, this is Roland.
The screening's all set up.
- We're running on a really tight schedule. - Please.
First of all, I'd just like to say that, uh, eh,
what an honor this is for me.
I just want to say you're by far
the most interesting American director.
Thank you.
I write on the arts for our paper
and I've always put you right up in a class
with Renoir and De Sica.
I'm surprised to hear that s-someone your age
is familiar with Renoir and De Sica.
Oh, um... well, film's my total thing.
I've seen all the American classics.
Particularly the Europeans.
Kurosawa's my favorite.
- Um, I... - Ah.
I mean, technically, he's not European.
Technically, he's obviously Japanese, but you...
really speak to my soul.
Um... what college are you from?
- Yardley. It's small. - Oh.
I know it well. My first wife went there.
- Really? - Yes, a brilliant woman.
Long blonde hair and a state-of-the-art overbite.
Very sexy, a philosophy major.
To tell you the truth, I didn't deserve her.
And I... didn't end up with her, either, so....
Oh. Well, uh, that's, uh... neither hither...
nor yon, I'd imagine.
I guess... it's probably... more yon than hither.
Are you from New York?
Mm-mn... Tucson, Arizona.
What does your family do?
Agh, I was afraid you'd ask.
My father owns banks.
Is that bad?
Well... I know what you're thinking.
You know. Republicans.
The one percent. But we're not.
We're just, uh... totally Episcopalians
who happen to just be rich.
That's how my Ashley was.
Well, who's your Ashleigh?
My first wife.
The one with the long blonde hair
and the state-of-the-art overbite.
Her name was Ashleigh?
A-S-H-L-E-Y.
Oh, well... tsk, mine is A-S-H-L-E-I-G-H.
You use the Forbes Five Hundred spelling.
Since, uh... this is your first meaningful assignment,
would you like a scoop?
Of?
Umm...
inside information. You've heard the term.
Oh, a scoop!
I'd rather share this with you...
than some slick, gossip-hungry newspaper hack.
My God.
You keep going, I'm liable to have
one of my famous psychological hiccup fits.
When I'm nervous, I stammer.
Is that the scoop?
No, that's, that's not the scoop.
The worst, of course, is when I'm sexually conflicted.
Then I'll hiccup indefinitely.
Hm.
The scoop is...
I'm not happy with this film.
You're not?
I'm thinking of quitting... actually.
That's the scoop.
Well, if I could speak frankly, Mister Pollard...
you'll never have mass appeal.
You're too original.
I mean, you've never once made one single
commercial concession.
You're a free creative spirit.
Like... Van Gogh, or Rothko,
or Virginia Woolf.
Of course, they all committed suicide.
That's a very sweet thing to say, Ashleigh.
You should read me on you.
I wrote that your best work is yet to come.
I mean, it's only in the, you know, the...
Yardley Argus, but... we have a good circulation.
You think that my best work is yet to come.
I do.
I mean, I haven't seen your new film,
- but I'm willing to bet... - Would you like to?
I'd love to!
But I kn-, I know how... secretive you are...
which I totally respect.
What are you doing now?
- Now? - Yes, now.
I'm... I'm screening it for Ted Davidoff,
who did the script.
Oh, I know who he is.
Yeah, he writes all your movies. He's a genius.
I'm screening some... last-minute changes.
Face-saving changes.
Well, how long does it run?
Uh, I guess I-I could shift my lunch plans.
One thing about New York City
you're here or you're nowhere.
You cannot achieve this level of anxiety,
hostility, and paranoia anywhere else.
It's really exhilarating.
Anyhow, I decided to treat myself to a cigarette holder...
which makes me look dapper and serves the double duty
of delaying the inevitable onset of cancer
or emphysema.
I smoke too much.
So then who do I meet but one of the most obnoxious
and revolting characters from my high school.
Welles?
- Hey. - Troller.
I heard you flunked out of freshman year.
No, no. I didn't flunk out.
Uh... I transferred up to Yardley
because the first place I tried was too unstructured.
Oh. The word around is "flunked".
Nope.
Where the hell is Yardley? Afghanistan?
Upstate.
- Hey, you hear about Finletter? - No.
He got thrown out of Princeton for passing bad checks.
- No, I didn't hear about that. - Yeah, but big deal.
Because of his father, he's got like
the all-time golden parachute.
He could commit mass murder,
he'd still have a cushy job waiting for him.
- That's a weird way to put it. - And Millstein is marrying Carol Durand!
Which... I'll never understand
because she resembles Yasser Arafat!
Not to mention, she's an ice queen.
Yeah, well, you can't believe everything that...
What are you doin' in town?
It's my girlfriend. I'm just, uh...
showin' her around for the weekend.
Oh. Who's your girlfriend?
You wouldn't know her.
She's got a name, hasn't she?
Ashleigh.
- Ashley. - Mm-hm.
Like Ashley Wilkes in "Gone with the Wind"?
That wimp?
- What about Josh Loomis? - I just saw Josh.
He's shooting a movie on Minetta.
- A movie? - It's his student film.
This... N.Y.U. project.
It looked completely stupid to me.
You should stop by.
He's with Evans and the younger Tyrell.
You always liked Josh,
that Turner Classic wimp.
Did you say Amy's younger sister was there?
Is Amy there?
Amy's at Vassar.
Big deal. I'm impressed.
Flat chested.
Like two dimes on an ironing board.
Amy was beautiful.
Yeah, if you like Grace Kelly!
What are you in town for?
Just my girlfriend, uh...
she has an interview with Roland Pollard
for the school paper.
Who's that?
It's a director.
He did "Winter Memories", uh... "Moonglow".
Oh, yeah!
I can't stand his flicks.
All that... wimpy emotional probing,
never a single decent toilet joke.
- Yeah, well, uh... - Hey, you should go and watch them shoot.
You could be in it.
They're lookin' for volunteers.
With that cigarette holder,
you could be the perfect milquetoast nerd!
Okay, well, I'm runnin' a little bit late.
Hey...
I wouldn't trust my girl with a big-time Hollywood director.
Okay, good to know.
Hey, you didn't ask me what I'm doin'.
What are you doing?
I'm only premed.
We have pull with the board in Grenada.
I can't make lunch.
What? Why not?
- I have to see his film! - You do?
Oh, it's an unbelievable opportunity.
And then we're gonna discuss it after and everything!
When did this develop?
I thought you just had an hour with him.
So did I, but then he started opening up to me.
- He did? - Yeah.
He's going through this real artistic crisis.
There's a real story here.
Well, we have a lunch reservation.
Yeah, but, well, I mean, you wouldn't want me
to have to say no to the screening.
I mean, I'm here for work.
We'll have plenty o' time.
Well, when? A film's gonna take a couple of hours.
Well, what, I mean... it's one now.
The movie'll probably be over around three
and then, you know, we'll have all afternoon.
How'd you get friendly so fast?
Oh.
He's going through, on this whole self-sabotage trip.
Yeah.
It's a scoop.
Is that him?
Yes.
Oh, wow.
He's a lot older looking than I thought.
It's a good look, though, don't ya think?
- He's a sufferer. - So what?
What's so great about suffering?
You should hear him talk about the arts.
He's so passionate.
I can see how all his leading ladies fall in love with him,
Do you want me to meet him or...?
- Oh, no... no, I wouldn't want you to spook him. - It's okay.
No, he's a very private person,
and distraught.
Yeah, okay, well... I'll see you later
and I-I'll meet you back at the Carlyle at three.
It's the Pierre. The Carlyle's tonight.
What the hell is it about older guys
that seems so appealing to women?
Christ, all they are is decrepit.
What's sexy about short-term memory loss?
I don't ever want to get old.
Of course, with my smoking habit
I'll be spitting blood at forty.
Look, if she's gonna get some big inside news story,
she, she's gotta put in time with this guy.
Meanwhile, it's gonna rain soon.
Hey! Gatsby!
Josh. How are you?
- Hey, how's it goin', man? Nice to see ya. - It's good to see you.
Look, I just ran into Alvin Troller.
- He told me you were shootin' a short film down here - Oh, yeah.
- and I thought I'd stop by and say hi. - Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, it's just my term project. It's nothin' big, yeah. - Nice, nice.
How's, uh... Yardley? Is that where you are?
It's okay, I'm not really liking it too much.
I'd rather be goin' to school in the city,
but you know my mother.
If it's not the perfect image,
she bites down on that cyanide capsule
- she keeps for special emergencies. - Oh, yeah?
No, I d..., I didn't know that. I...
The only thing I remember about them
is they had that, uh, fundraiser for Jeb Bush, right?
- Yeah, the fund... right, right, right, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, right, yeah, that was...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, listen, how are you? How's life?
What, what, uhhh, what's, what's goin' on here?
- What are you doin'? - Uh, you know, just out here tryin' to create
- a modern film-noir classic, that's all. - Okay. All right.
Do you want to be in it?
- No. - Come on, man. Look.
- No. No, no, no, no. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- We're just light on extras, okay? - That's all right.
- We have all these people who were no-shows. - Listen, I'm not an actor.
- You don't even have to talk or anything. - Uhhh...
Seriously. You just get in the car...
and then on "Action" you let the girl out. That's it.
Okay, I don't have to talk?
- None. Zero words. - Okay.
All right, I can handle that.
- Okay. There we go. - Sure.
You remember Chan, don't ya?
- Chan Tyrell. - Hi.
- Yeah, you're Amy's little sister, right? - Yeah, good to see you.
Good to see you.
- Should we do this? - Yeah, go ahead.
I like that coat, actually. No, keep that on.
Hey, listen, I hear your older sister's at Vassar now,
- am I right? - Yeah, no, political science major.
Can you believe it?
I mean, Amy never heard the news that Lincoln was shot.
My God, Chan Tyrell, this is insane.
And you were a, a little girl
- and now you're actually a li... - A...?
- a young woman. - Ah.
Mm, you're not gonna start singing "Gigi", are you?
- I'm not gonna start singin' "Gigi", - Uh, so, here's the story.
She is totally mad with lust and she can't let go of you.
So, uhh, she kisses you and then she bursts away.
Right. Chan Tyrell.
Incidentally, I apologize in advance for ruining your scene.
I'm... not an actor.
Oh, I'm not an actress, either.
I'm just helping out a friend.
And we kiss?
Yeah. That's why I never wanted to be an actress.
You gotta fake...
passion with all kinds of weirdos.
- Thank you. - Yeah, but never mind.
Just... kiss me so I can really feel it in my toes.
I used to kiss your older sister.
She ever say anything about that or no?
Mmm, I don't know... I don't recall.
I think maybe she said you were a four.
- A four? - Yeah.
- I don't know, maybe a six. - She said I was a four?
Maybe a six, I can't recall.
Just this kiss, I, I want it to be... hot.
If we're gonna do it, let's... do it right.
- Oh, good work ethic. - Thank you.
And... action.
Cut.
Hey... are you gonna keep your mouth closed?
I have a girlfriend, Chan. I don't think I can do this.
Uh... I'm sorry, I think I froze.
You have a girlfriend?
Who's your girlfriend?
He name's Ashleigh. She's from Yardley.
Well, she's from Tucson, originally.
Tucson?
You're dating a girl from Arizona.
Do I have your permission?
What do you guys talk about, cactus?
Rattlesnakes.
Wow. Arizona.
That'll be great for your asthma.
Tsk. I don't have asthma.
That's funny, when we were kissing,
I, I thought I heard you wheezing.
You know, I always remembered you
as a very snotty kid.
Uh... ready?
Yeah, well, wh-what are you up to now?
I'm studying design at the Fashion Institute.
Oh, that's unique.
Rolling.
Scene nineteen, take two.
Action.
Uh, cut. It's, uh, better.
- Josh, he's way too uptight to open up his mouth. - Chan...
Hey, are you still seeing that shrink?
Gimme a break, all right? I was just takin' a walk,
he asked me to help out, all right?
I've never acted before.
Scene nineteen, take three.
Action.
Josh, it's, uh, starting to rain.
And cut.
Great.
See? I knew you could do it.
- Hey, Josh! - And I won't tell your girlfriend.
Hey, Josh, you liked it? You want a different version?
No, no-no-no-no-no, we're good with that version.
That's the version, we're stickin' with that. Okay.
All right, well, have fun in Arizona,
and whatever you do, don't get lost in the desert
and die of thirst.
I'll be sure to bring a canteen.
Oh, don't fall in the Grand Canyon, too.
It's really deep.
She always was the pain-in-the-ass kid sister.
How could she not be?
Amy was gorgeous and so sexually advanced.
Word on Amy was she performed oral sex at a bar mitzvah.
I think they should make that part of every Jewish holiday.
It certainly beats fasting.
It's also a great way to celebrate the Jewish New Year,
and what a great Hanukkah gift.
I wonder what's been bothering Hunter.
Something was definitely on his mind when I called him.
- Gatsby! - Sur-, surprise.
- What? Aaaaw! - Hey, yeah, I told you I might drop in.
- That's crazy, what? - Listen, if you got somethin' to do,
- I can come back another time and take a... - No! I got nothing to do!
- It's good to see you. - Hey! How are ya?
- Oh, buddy! Man! - Doin' well.
I'm good, I'm good. You?
- Good, good, no complaints. - That's awesome.
You come in for Mom's party?
No. So you can't tell her I'm here, okay?
- Gee. - It's okay, Hunter. You can pull it off.
You're engaged and outta the house now.
- She's not gonna take your phone away. - Hmmmm.
If Mom finds out, she'll die.
No, she won't, she'll live...
and she's not gonna find out.
Well, how come you're in?
Oh, it's Ashleigh, uh, my girlfriend.
She has to do an interview with Roland Pollard,
- the film director, for the school paper. - That... Ohh.
- It's a big coup. - Ashleigh.
That is the one that Mom's high on.
- She's never even met her. - Okay.
Hunter, your parents want to...
- Oh, hey, Gatsby! - Hey.
- It's so good to see you! - It's good to see you. How are you?
I'm good. What are you doin' in town?
- See, his girlfriend is interviewing Roland P..., uhh... - Sit.
- Pollard, he's a film director, but... - Ooh.
do me, do me a favor and don't tell my mom I'm here,
- I'm not goin' to her big party tonight, yeah, yeah. - He hates parties!
- He's Mister Antisocial. - What?
You always hated Mom's literary salons.
It's rich housewives
who have the leisure to pursue esoteric culture.
The out-of-work discussing the out-of-print.
She only wanted to make sure that we were exposed
to great literature.
Okay, what about Jimmy Cannon, then?
All right, what about Tom Adair?
It's not all giant insects and madeleines.
Hey, you're not gonna duck out of our wedding, are you?
How can he? He's the best man!
Come on. He cries at weddings.
He... well, he's not so tough as he makes out.
He cries at weddings and funerals.
Same reason.
All right, um, I'm gonna go take a shower,
- but there's coffee. - Sure.
- I'm so glad you're here. - Hey, it's nice being here!
I always liked her.
Gatsby?
- What's the matter? - Gatsby.
I don't want to go through with this wedding.
What?
I can't do it. I can't.
And I can't pull out now. It'll kill her.
There's two hundred guests invited.
They booked... the Century Club.
They booked an orchestra. Oh, God, save me!
Wait, eh, but...
Okay, all right, what... what happened?
- You'll think I'm so stupid. - I'm not gonna think you're stupid.
- Just tell me what happened. - I can't. It's too stupid.
I, I... Y-Y-You're making me anxious.
I want to hear this fascinating piece of stupidity.
- Uh, well, she's, she's bright. - Mm-hm.
Gatsby, she's nice, she's kind.
So?
I can't stand the way she laughs.
- What? - Yeah, I can't take her laugh.
- Her laugh? - Yes.
Yeah, her laugh. Her laugh!
Hunter, that's probably the most idiotic thing
I've ever heard in my life.
I told you you'd think it's stupid.
What's wrong with her laugh?
Listen to it. It's a total turnoff.
- How much do you love her? - But I do!
I love her, I love her! It's just her laugh!
If you love her, then get over it.
I can't. I've tried. I've tried, I've tried.
Last night, we were talkin' in bed,
and she laughed and I couldn't m-make love to her.
What?!
- I couldn't. I was impotent. - Just...
From her laugh?
- It's happened before. - Hunter, you gotta see a shrink.
What?
- I'm serious, you gotta see... - I don't need a shrink,
I know what the problem is. She has a fatal laugh!
It-it, uh, it, uh, a cross between Dad's sister Betty
and... Lennie in "Of Mice and Men".
I've never heard of a problem like that before.
Well, you're young, Gatsby.
The world is full of tragic little deal-breakers.
Haven't you been seeing Lily for over a year?
Wh-wh-why is this comin' up now?
Have you talked to her about it?
Uhh, yeah, I... brought it up, tactfully,
but I d-, I don't think she realizes
how serious it's gotten.
I love her. But I can't marry her, Gatsby.
I won't be able to have sex with her.
No, no, you mean you don't want to marry her,
so you're focusing on this laugh insanity.
Oh, please, spare me the fruits of your
Upper East Side talking cure.
Listen to her laugh.
When she comes down, we'll get her to laugh.
You'll s... see what I mean.
Oh... agh... aaggh, agh-agh-agh.
I can't... mm...
- I, I can't do this, I'm sorry. - Rollie.
- I know. I, I, I'm, I'm sorry, Ted. - Rollie, come on.
- It's just actually, it's physically... - Don't do this.
- making me sick. I have to... - Don't do this.
- It's humiliating. - It's a process, Rollie.
- No, the changes... are shit. - Rollie, sit down.
- Everything that I did is shit. - They're not shit. Different, different.
- Mister Pollard. - No... it's, uh, different...
Not all the changes work, but some are good.
Thank you for coming, Ashleigh.
I need to get a little air.
- It's a process. - I need some space.
- Come and sit down. - I need time.
- Don't do this. - I need to think. I'm...
Don't... No booze. Please, no booze.
- What? - Come on.
You just watched two hours
of an existential steaming shit pile
and that's all that you can say to me?
- It's a process. We... - Ted?
- We-we do this every time. - Ted?
Rollie, come on back.
Don't drink!
- Oh, God. - Well, shouldn't we go after him?
That's the sure sign he is gonna drink.
Hey, you go. You can go.
I, I, I have to watch it all...
to, to be able to talk to him intelligently about it.
Oh, well.... No, I...
I love the movie so far.
You do?
I do.
Let's go back.
There's a high-stakes card game later
at the Freemont Hotel.
I can't make it, but I know you love that kinda thing.
You want me to call Joe Cohen, say you'll take my chair?
I would love a high-stakes card game,
- I'm loaded right now, but, uh... - Yeah.
Ashleigh and I, we have plans tonight.
I'm dyin' to meet Ashleigh.
I know. I don't know where she is right now.
I was supposed to show her the city today.
Well, you better take an umbrella.
Watch, I'll make her laugh.
Oh! Hey!
I was just tellin', uh, Gatsby,
Larry Nash told me a great joke.
Two cannibals are eatin' a comedian and one says,
"Hey, do you taste somethin' funny?".
That is so unfunny.
- D... Umm... okay. - Okay! That's my cue.
Hunter, lovely to see you, as always.
- Uh, so great to see you. - Lily, thank you for the coffee, and...
- Wait. I heard one more. - Sure.
A homeless man stopped a Jewish mother
on the street and said,
"Lady, I haven't eaten in three days,"
and she said, "Force yourself."
Hello? Ashleigh, what's goin' on?
You said you were gonna call me thirty minutes ago.
I know. The film got delayed.
I'm, uh, I'm up at this, uh, screening room place.
It's fine, just meet me at the Museum of Modern Art,
it's on Fifty-third Street.
We'll grab a bite to eat there
and then we're gonna go see the Weegees.
I, I can't. I can't.
What do you mean? Why not?
Because I'm onto a real story here.
This is a seventy-million-dollar movie
and Rollie's very unhappy with it.
You call him Rollie?
Yeah, and Ted and I, we have to find him.
We have to find him and talk with him
before he has one of his crazy fits
and then re-edits the whole thing and ruins it.
Who's Ted?
Gatsby, I-I-I can't talk right now,
but I'll call you as soon as I'm through.
And, um, if, uh... I'm running late,
I'll just meet you back at the Plaza.
It's not the Pla... It's the Carlyle!
It's the, it was the bar and the piano for tonight!
Well, he's not at the hotel, and...
he didn't show up for the press interview, so...
he's wallowing in self-loathing somewhere,
drinking Courvoisier,
thinking up new ways to screw up our work.
Oh, I thought the film was full of wonderful things.
Me, too. Tell him. You... Tell him, tell Rollie,
because hearing that from me won't mean anything.
I'm always at... this end of the argument.
But you, a fresh, honest, new-generation woman,
especially a pretty one, maybe...
He may... Come on, let's find him.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Come on.
He doesn't like her laugh?
Now, Ashleigh's laugh is perfect.
Let's go, Ashleigh.
We're blowing the day, and it's so moody out.
We could be on the ferry...
or the top of the Empire State Building...
in black and white.
- Yeah, yeah, he was here. - He was here?
He seemed very distraught.
- He knocked back a couple of brandies. - Yeah.
Mumbled somethin' about heading out to the studio.
Okay.
Let's get my car and it's out to Queens.
- Oh, Queens. - Yeah, it's a big... film studio.
You still want to come?
Oh, definitely. Yeah.
When, when Rollie gets drunk and morose,
he likes to wander around the soundstages
- and pretend he's Norma Desmond. - Oh.
- Thanks. - Sure.
Thanks.
Could I ask you a few questions,
since I am on assignment?
Oh, sure.
What's your favorite film of Rollie's?
"Winter Memories". The one in Venice.
And when did you first see it?
It was with Gatsby, actually.
It was on our very first date.
Hm.
The dialogue made me want to kiss him.
That line about love and death
being two sides of the same coin.
Hm. Did you understand it?
Um... no.
I got confused and, and, and felt insecure,
and like I wanted to just be held and kissed.
You ever been to Venice?
No. But Gatsby has.
- Oh, my God. - What?
Oh, I... I knew it. I knew it, I knew it!
- Are you okay? - Oh, God!
You, um, you turned all white.
I knew it! She was lying!
- Who? - Connie, my wife!
- She's seeing Lipshitz! - Who's Lipshitz?
She said she was going shopping with her sister
in Connecticut, but...
she's walking into Lipshitz's building!
Oh, is Lipshitz a spy?
What? No, Larry Lipshitz!
- My friend, my best friend! - Mm.
My best friend! I can't believe it.
She must... I mean, they're having an affair.
Oh, God.
Are... are you okay?
You're clutching your heart.
Okay, here's what we do.
We sit here,
w... uh, we wait until she comes out,
and then I'll confront her.
Uh... I hope there's not a gun
in your glove compartment like in your movies.
You'd better go. You go.
No, I can't leave you alone! You're all white and shaky.
Breathe.
Deeply. Breathe.
Deeply. Doctor Ross said breathe.
Deeply.
Breathe deeply.
Breathe. Breathe.
No, not you. Me.
Oh, God.
Taxi!
Oh...
- Oh, hey! - Oh, my God, Chan! What are you doing here?
- Hey, I'm just... - What the hell? You were shoot...
- Hey, you take it. I'll get the next one! - No, no, get in.
- I'll... Let's go. - Are you sure?
- I'll drop you. - Hey, where you goin'?
Oh, you remember. The same Fifth Avenue joint.
I remember your apartment well from my days with Amy.
Yeah, I remember you calling for her.
My parents kept warning her about you.
Warning? Why the hell would they be warning her?
Because on a first date you took her walking in the rain
and she got bronchial pneumonia.
For Chrissake, I'm never gonna get over this.
You can't get it from being wet!
Don't yell at me, I thought it was romantic.
That's because it is romantic. It's a romantic gesture.
That's what I'm saying.
I always tell that to Ashleigh.
She thinks I'm nuts.
Who's Ashleigh?
The rodeo queen you're dating?
She's not a cowgirl.
She comes from one of the biggest banking families
in Tucson.
She, she was a debutante, actually.
- She came out. - She came out? Is she gay?
No, she's not gay.
She's charming and beautiful,
and we're supposed to have this...
goddamn weekend in the city together,
and suddenly she's bogged down
with all these interviews for the school paper.
She's ambitious.
You should find that admirable.
It's one, it was supposed to be one little,
one... tiny little lousy hour interview.
Instead... you know...
lost the whole goddamn weekend.
Will you just relax? I don't really know why...
Look, I, I'm havin' a hard time relaxing, Chan,
'cause this was gonna be a... a special weekend.
Instead I'm out here in the... you know,
wandering the streets like Hagar
in the goddamn desert or something!
Well, don't tell me, tell her.
Tell her to get her priorities straight.
You want to drink some wine, walk in the rain
- and give her bronchitis. - Mm.
Okay, look.
She's apparently onto a very big story.
She takes her job very seriously, all right?
Fine, then get over it.
I, I, um...
I'm in the process of getting over it.
Unless you're worried somebody's hitting on her.
What the hell does that mean?
I don't know.
Is she interviewing attractive men?
I, I haven't really thought about it.
I don't know.
Some might say they're interesting?
Well... then maybe you'd better step in
and assert yourself.
- Oh, you think I gotta be more demanding? - I would.
These are like movie big shots she's hangin' out with.
- Like... - Suits?
Yeah, it's a director and a screenwriter.
Artists.
They're usually passionate.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Okay, you're right, I gotta call her now.
Tsk. I mean, the sooner the better. I...
- You think there's that much of a rush? - I don't know.
Aw, Christ, all right.
All right, it's your idea.
What do, so, what, what, uh...
what do you think I should say?
Well, there's nothing you can say.
- What do you mean? - Without sounding possessive, it's, ugh...
Christ, Chan, you just encouraged me to call her!
Now I'm asking for your help and you're just,
you're tellin' me there's nothin' I can say?
You're so wishy-washy!
I mean, now that I see your M.O.,
I know exactly why Amy eighty-sixed you.
Oh, no, no, no.
Amy didn't dump me. Eh, I got sick o' seein' her.
Yeah. Because every time you'd call
and I'd say it was you on the phone...
she'd wave her arms and say,
"I'm not in, not in."
Hey, Gatsby?
Hey, Ashleigh.
Listen, um... look, I know you're very busy.
That's why we came to New York, right?
And no one has more respect for honest ambitions than I do.
Do I have to listen to this without an airsick bag?
Uh, I can't talk to you right now.
I'm, I'm kind of involved in a situation.
We had a number of things planned for today.
I-I'm just, I-I'm very busy right now, but I-I...
I really, I can't explain it over the phone.
Ashleigh, we were talkin' about one movie interview.
What could possibly be so secretive about that?
Eh, wh-what's so C.I.A.?
Unless there's some funny business going on.
Unless there's some funny business goin' on.
I-I'll talk to you later. Uh... bye, Gatsby.
All these goddamn cell phones are...!
I don't know.
To me, it sounds dubious to the max.
Yeah, it sounds dubious to you
because you have a sinister mind.
You must really love her.
I do, she's a breath of fresh air.
She's charming and delightful.
She's pretty.
She's sexy somehow, at the same time.
She's witty.
She sings very nicely, she plays the flute.
Hey, I don't know how to break this to you...
but I'm sick of hearing about her, okay?
Was that your boyfriend?
Gatsby? Yeah.
- Are you still dizzy? - Nah, I'm okay.
What's... Gatsby do?
He goes to Yardley, too.
Which he refers to as Forest Lawn University.
Is he a journalist, too?
No. He's not really focused professionally.
I think, uh, in his wildest dreams
he'd like to be Sky Masterson.
- A Broadway bookie? - Yeah.
- Ha-ha. - He's a little eccentric.
In what way... eccentric?
Well...
I think it has to do with the fact that he
and his mom never really hit it off, you know?
Uh, she was always forcing him to read everything
and learn piano and...
I mean, he is really smart.
Yeah, he's one of those students who
he doesn't have to study for a test and then he just,
you know, aces it.
Sounds like me.
To tell you the truth, I'm...
Don't tell anybody, but...
I think he has a touch of Asperger's.
- Whoo! - Hey, you know what, Chan?
- Yeah? - I'm gonna get out here, too.
Argh.
- What are you doing now? - Why?
Uh, why?
Because I got a little bit of time to kill
and I thought about goin' to the Modern Museum,
at the Weegee exhibit.
Oh, I see.
You've got nothing better to do,
so you want me to keep you company?
You know what? Forget it.
I dated your older sister.
You always had a little bit of an attitude.
Okay, I'm not looking for any trouble.
I've got to check out some paintings
at the Met for fashion class,
if you want to keep me company.
I don't know why you couldn'ta just, uh...
Fine. It'll be fun.
We can get on each other's nerves.
All right, let me change. I'm soaked.
Are you hungry?
I'd give you an Arizona lunch,
- but we're all out of beef jerky. - Ah.
Oh, boy.
This brings back a lotta memories.
Oh, my folks are in East Hampton for the weekend.
Yeah? How come you didn't go?
I've got a date tonight.
- You? - Don't be so startled.
It turns out I'm desirable.
Oh, yeah? Who's the unfortunate victim?
You wouldn't know him. He's a girlfriend's...
dermatologist.
Tsk, that's romantic. Hm.
Don't forget to show him those three irregular
black moles on your back.
I'm... sure they're nothing.
I really hope I don't regret not going to the Hamptons.
- Yeah, but then you'd... - The beach is so pretty in the rain, too.
Would you have to be with your parents?
So what? I... love my parents.
You, you know them. Yeah, they're fun.
Don't you have fun with your parents?
Nah, fun's not the word I would use.
All right, I'll be right back.
Hey, listen, can I play your piano?
Yeah, go ahead. It's a family heirloom.
♪ I make a date for golf ♪
♪ And you can bet your life it rains ♪
♪ I try to give a party and the guy upstairs complains ♪
♪ I guess I'll go through life just catching colds ♪
♪ And missing trains ♪
♪ Everything happens to me ♪
♪ I never miss a thing ♪
♪ I've had the measles and the mumps ♪
♪ And every time I lay an ace my partner always trumps ♪
♪ I guess I'm just a fool ♪
♪ Who never looks before he jumps ♪
♪ Whoa-oa-oa, everything happens to me ♪
♪ At first, I thought that you ♪
♪ Could break this jinx for me ♪
♪ And that love would turn the trick ♪
♪ To end despair ♪
♪ But now I just can't fool ♪
♪ This head that thinks for me ♪
♪ So I've mortgaged all my castles in the air ♪
♪ Whoaaa, I've telegraphed and phoned ♪
♪ Sent an Air Mail special, too ♪
♪ Your answer was goodbye, ♪
♪ There was even postage due ♪
♪ I fell in love just once and then it had to be with you ♪
♪ Everything happens to me ♪
That's pretty.
I love a cocktail lounge piano...
outside, a drizzle... grey...
New York City enveloped in a light mist.
Two lovers have a date to meet at six o'clock.
At Grand Central Station.
Under the clock, like in the movie.
I love that movie, but... I see it outside.
Mm-uh... at the East River?
Where the tugboats are on the water.
I love tugboats.
Almost. You're in the right ballpark.
I know!
I know. Under the clock.
Which clock?
The Delacorte Clock,
where all the animals go around in Central Park.
Ahh. I love it. It's very old movie.
My mom and I used to watch
old movies together all the time.
She would study the decor.
I don't know, they're so fabulously escapist.
In my version, he's waiting...
the music plays...
and she never comes.
Or she's waiting...
and he chooses the other woman.
Can't they just kiss in the rain?
That sounds pretty good to me,
even if it is commercial.
- Picture yourself. - Okay.
It's one minute to six...
you're pacing up and down...
raindrops are just startin' to fall...
you're at your Delacorte Clock in Central Park...
expecting your dermatologist!
But he's just diagnosed a carcinoma on his own lip.
It's metastasizing as you wait.
All right, will you give me a break?
In my version, everything's fine.
He... meets me and holds me... kisses me.
It's lovely. Nobody needs a biopsy.
Connie!
- Connie! - Ted.
Is this... how you're shopping with Judy in...
- in Connecticut? - What are you doing here?
Oh, I happened to see you out the window...
- from the car... - Uh-huh.
- by sheer chance. - Oh-h-h, really?
- Well, that's awkward, isn't it? - Awkward?
Awkward?
You've been sleeping with him for months... haven't you?
- Look, we were gonna tell you. - When?
- When, when, when, when we moved to London? - No.
Your dream... that we'd move to London?
- Look, it just happened, Ted. - Oh.
- We, we both fought it. - Yeah, I'm sure you fought it.
In every hotel room, on every mattress.
- In the backseat of ev... - You know, this isn't about sex.
It's... always about sex.
- Everything's about sex. - All right.
- The economy's about sex. - Okay, you know what?
- I can't have this outburst with you on the street. - You... with my best friend...
...is such a cliché. I can't believe it.
Don't get down on Larry. He adores you.
He identifies with you.
I know.
He uses my aftershave... and my wife.
- Who is she? - Ted!
- Is everything okay? - Oh, what's that got to do with anything?
- Who is she? - No, no... everything's fine.
Stay there, Ashleigh. Keep dry.
- Um... I'm with the, uh, Yardley Argus. - The what?
- No, she... - The Yardley Argus.
She's a reporter doing a piece on Rollie.
On Rollie?
Well, then what is she doing with you following me?
Don't try and turn this around.
- I'm not turning... - Don't try and turn this around...
you've been caught.
- You were caught. - When?
You, you who make a fool of yourself
over every young ambitious starlet and,
- and model and... - No, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
You've been having an affair with Larry Lipshitz.
Yeah, and you were spying on me with who...
- your fifteen-year-old concubine? - She's a journalist.
- Tsk, oh, I'm twenty-one. - She's twenty-one.
- Oh, she's twenty-one. - She's a journalist.
- I have proof of age, actually. - No, you don't need to show...
- Oh, really? - You don't need to do that.
- This always happens in bars. - Aww.
- You've been caught. - Do you know what?
As long as you're a reporter, I would like to, uh,
make a press release about my husband.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- Oh, can I, uh, write this down? - Oh, rea...
- Sure. Go ahead. - Ashleigh, please.
Ask him how many times he has been unfaithful to me.
No, you're demented. She's demented.
- You're demented. - His secretary.
- Wrong. - The actresses.
Wrong.
- Oh! The poetess? - The poetess?
- Uh, were all these women for pleasure? - Taxi!
She... Stop filling her head with lies.
Ashleigh, come here.
Take this...
address to the studio, okay?
Find Rollie. Come on. Find Rollie.
Oh, I-I-I, I don't know my way around New York.
It's okay.
Tell the cab driver. Find Rollie.
- Ask him if he ever slept with Samantha Leroy. - Stop.
You know, the Argus is not a tabloid.
Yeah, there are no papers that are not tabloids.
Encourage him about the movie
so he doesn't mangle it and ruin it, okay?
Please, don't print any of this!
Oh, don't worry.
- We always protect everybody. - I'm, I'm sure.
Connie!
You know, the first time I kissed your sister
was in this museum.
I know, she told me.
She said that you were looking at a Hieronymus Bosch
and it made you feel romantic, so then you kissed her.
That's when she knew your shrink wasn't helping you.
Yeah, well, don't tell me she thought the kiss was a four.
If she quoted you a figure higher,
I'd have her audited.
There's something charming about that elegance.
My mother would have liked Sargent
to have painted her in just that pose.
They dressed so beautifully in Paris back then.
I could see movin' to Paris.
Mm, I never really asked you...
what are your future plans, Gatsby?
I don't know, I'm floundering.
What does that mean?
I don't know what I want to be.
I just... know what I don't want to be.
Is that terrible?
So you've got no game plan.
Well, I know I don't want to be a, a-a test pilot,
or a clergyman, or a proctologist,
so I ruled those out.
I get it. You don't fit in.
That's why I always had a crush on you
when you dated Amy.
You had a crush on me?
I did. Isn't that weird?
I don't know, maybe it's because you
took her to do oddball things...
like you took her to those divey piano bars
where no one else ever took her.
I did take her to her first crap game.
I know, and I loved that. I loved hearing every detail.
I was hoping she would get serious with you,
because you were not like all the other
idiots she dated.
I thought you were a special idiot.
Well, I'm glad I impressed you, Chan.
I remember Amy came home and she told me
that you took her to the boat basin in Central Park
and made love to her.
She told you about that?
Every moist detail.
Well, now I'm embarrassed.
Don't be. That night she gave you a six.
She gave me a six. Amy.
With an asterisk.
She said you were a little... tense.
Yeah, well, Central Park can be a little dangerous
at two A.M.
- But very romantic. - Okay.
And then it started to rain.
Yeah, that was the best part.
Her, her hair got wet, her...
clothes started to cling to her body.
She started sneezing.
Yeah, I don't really remember that part.
Now that I think of it, Chan, you, you...
you always were around givin' me the fish-eye.
You're just realizing this now?
Mm-hm.
"Mm-hm?"
That's all you got to say?
You didn't... think I was cute or attractive, anything?
Yeah, you seemed fine.
You mean I had no physical deformities.
I didn't have acromegaly or a hunchback.
You know what, Chan,
I wasn't really paying attention,
'cause I was a little tense in front of your parents and,
I, I mean, Amy, Amy would make her entrance
lookin' like goddamn Miss America.
I'm sure Ashleigh's a beauty queen type.
Sh-, she is ac...
well, she was an actual first-place winner
at her high school in Tucson.
Four-H, right?
Yeah. How'd you, how'd you guess?
Ink it in. Let's get outta here.
Look at these crazy Egyptians.
They put all their money on an afterlife.
Listen, Gatsby.
Let me tell you, you only live once.
But once is enough if you find the right person.
Hey, listen, you think she's givin' me the runaround today?
I'm, uh...
yeah, I'm strugglin' to keep my spirits up.
Boy, you really are hooked on her, aren't you?
Oh, my God!
That's my aunt and uncle.
They're here for my mother's party.
- What party? - They're here for my mother,
they, my mother's party tonight!
- They're gonna tell her I'm here! - Okay.
I can't discuss this, I've gotta hide. I've, I, uh...
Why don't you duck into the mummy case?
I'll get some white tape.
Hello?
Gatsby!
Yeah, I finally got alone.
Um, where are you?
Let me put it this way. Have you heard o' King Tut?
You're where? Wait, what are you doing?
Hello?
Gatsby, hello?
Gatsby!
Gatsby, what a surprise!
I was about to call your mother.
Hi. Uh, can I help you?
I'm looking for Roland Pollard.
Right, right.
He was here earlier.
Uh, I'm not sure if he's still back there.
Mom, it was all planned, okay?
Ashleigh and I wanted to surprise you tonight.
I happened to run into Uncle Tyler
and Aunt Grace, okay?
But don't worry, we're gonna be there for dinner.
It's gonna be a great time.
I just, I thought it would be a, a, a fun... surprise.
Oh, and we spoiled your surprise.
Mister Pollard?
Rollie?
Hello. Can I help you?
Have you seen Mister Pollard?
Ah, Rollie's gone.
He left an hour ago.
Oh. Well, did he seem okay?
Well, to... to be honest,
he... he, he seemed a little drunk to me.
Are you two friends?
Oh, my God.
You're Francisco Vega.
Is that good or bad?
If my roommate was here, she'd hemorrhage.
I mea... I... I mean,
she thinks you're the greatest thing to come along
since the morning-after pill.
Um... me, too.
I... Oh, I...
Oh, I can't believe I'm talking to Francisco Vega.
Oh! I mean, look at me.
I'm... I'm a journalist
and I'm reduced to total adolescence.
It's, uh, just you're... you're Francisco Vega!
I know that.
I guess the key question here is, who are you?
Who, who am I?
Is what, that what you're asking, who I am?
- I'm, uh, my identity? - Yeah.
Is it coming to you?
Oh, I, um... Oh, uh...
I can't believe I'm blank...
I can't believe I'm blanking on it.
Check your driver's license.
Right. Yeah, okay. Right.
Okay, um, oh, mm...
I'm Ash... I'm Ashleigh Enright.
I knew it would be on there.
Yeah. I, um...
...well, I'm, I work for the Yardley Argus.
- I write for them. - Mm.
And I'm here in New York
because I'm interviewing Mister Pollard.
Wow.
You look exactly the same, but better.
Uh, let me tell you something.
You look more beautiful than any journalist I've ever met.
- Francisco! - You would make a very sexy anchorwoman.
How can you say that
when you're in the papers every week
with those to-die models and actresses?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah! Get in. - Where are we going?
Not now, guys. Not now, come on!
Give us a break! Come on!
No.
Should I be in here?
Make yourself at home.
- Would you like to sit down? - Oh, no, no, no.
- Would you like a drink? - Oh, no, thanks.
Would you like to have dinner with me?
Would I like to have what with you?
- Yeah. I have no plans but to... - Oh.
get an early bite and then...
you and I can go to a party together.
Oh, a party.
Oh, dinner. Um.
Oh... Um...
Well, um, w-what about Tiffany Griffin?
- I... I mean, I thought you... - Ah, don't worry, don't worry.
- you two were a twosome. - No, we just broke up.
- I'm gonna change into my street clothes... - Okay.
while you think about it, okay?
Uh-huh.
Oh...
Oh, gosh.
Great, now I gotta take Ashleigh to my mom's...
goddamn party.
Why is that so bad?
Why is that so bad, Chan?
Because I wanted to spend the night
with Ashleigh alone in New York,
not with a farrago of WASP plutocrats.
"A farrago of WASP plutocrats"?
Sounds like something on the menu
at a fusion restaurant.
I'm not interested in the euro
or how many Basquiats somebody owns
or whether they prefer a Falcon to a Gulfstream.
I mean, these things have no meaning to me.
I notice you haven't renounced your family's money.
What does that mean?
That means you could move out... get a job
put yourself through college.
Oh, yeah? As a what?
Piano player in a dive.
Or... maybe a poker player? Dice hustler?
You're bad, Chan.
You're goin' straight to hell.
There's something romantic about gamblers and...
old songs...
meeting under a clock.
Yeah, maybe in movies, but this is real life.
Real life is fine for people who can't do any better.
It was fun killing time with you.
Have fun with the blue nevus tonight.
Who?
Your skin doctor.
Well, at least he knows enough not to wind up
in an Egyptian tomb.
Vega!
Okay... here we go.
Francisco!
Thank you for being here.
Is it always like this?
Francisco!
- This is nothing. - Vega.
- I'm just signing one, thank you. - I love you!
Francisco! Vega!
Sorry, we gotta go. Sorry.
- Francisco! - All right.
Francisco, who's the young lady?
- Oh, I'm no one. - Yeah, what do you do?
Oh, I'm no one really.
I mean... I was Miss Amiability in Scottsdale,
but, you know... not really a big deal.
And where'd you guys meet?
Let's go. Let's go, come on.
Who's the girl? Come on!
There's no story here.
Come on, Vega! Come on, Vega!
Thank you for being here.
- One picture, one picture! - Ciao. Ciao, ciao.
- Oh, please? Come on. - That's it, that's it!
All right. Thank you for coming.
There's so much the public wants to know about you.
Is it true that you were born on the Orient Express
right outside of Budapest?
Are your two sisters as beautiful as you are?
And, uh... please be, be honest.
Don't be modest.
Well, um... uh... they are.
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Um, yeah, they, uh, they're actually even prettier.
Yeah. Taylor, especially.
She looks a little bit like your girlfriend, Tiffany Griffin.
Hm. Could do worse.
Yeah.
Um... so, umm... tsk,
are you... are you seriously considering,
uh, making a remake of "White Heat"?
Do you have a boyfriend?
Me?
Uh... yeah. I mean, no, sorry.
I should, I sh-, I shouldn't ask that.
Um, sorry, I've been drinking and...
it's just that the, the...
the candlelights are coloring your face in...
quite an amazing way.
I'm, I'm sorry, you have a... a very effective smile.
You know?
I, I, I couldn't help but ask if you have a boyfriend...
or not.
Do I have a boyfriend?
- Is that what you're asking? - Yeah.
Well, um...
yes and... technically, no.
I mean, there... there is this boy at Yardley...
who's, um, I mean...
but he's just a boy, you know?
He's a mere youth.
Um, we've, uh, we've dated a few times.
Well... you must be crazy about him.
Is he... captain of the football team?
Football? Gatsby?
No! No.
He doesn't play football. Yeah.
He likes to figure out the point spread.
Mm, so a mathematician.
Mmm... uh, not ex... not exactly.
No, Gatsby's, um...
Gatsby's very dear.
He's, uh, he's very... amusing.
He's unusual, um... quaint, you know?
That's the word I would use to describe Gatsby.
Quaint.
He's, uh, he's exotic, eh,
searching, shall, shall we say, for, um...
this romantic dream from a vanished age.
Um...
What is this wine?
It's Château Meyney.
Oh.
I shouldn't imbibe so copiously.
Alcohol plays havoc on my cerebral neurons.
And how?
Oh, I... I lose my censor.
Yeah, I become... loose, uninhibited,
passionate, aggressive, um,
wicked... absurd!
I just...
Hello.
Is this where the poker game is?
- And who are you? - My name's Gatsby Welles.
Who?
Hey, he's okay. That's Hunter's brother.
Excuse me.
- I was gonna take Hunter's chair, if that's all right. - Oh, yeah!
Hunter called and said you might... sit in.
You sure you want to play in this game?
Ha-ha, he's all right.
Hunter says he's a shark, right?
- Yeah... yeah. A shark? - Better watch out for him.
- More like a guppy. - Yes.
- But if you guys are worried, uh... - Oh!
- I got a little somethin' somethin'. - Oh, this kid's loaded!
Have a seat then, my friend.
All right. Sam?
I will call that.
All right.
This is crazy.
Maybe something's happened to her.
Maybe she's in some kinda trouble.
Raise, two thousand.
Maybe the story led her into danger.
Maybe she was kidnapped or murdered.
Should I call the police?
Of course, then it would be so embarrassing
if she turned up alive.
Hey, kid.
You gonna call or not?
The bet's two thousand dollars.
Um....
Tsk.
I'll raise you.
And I re-raise you. All in.
With temperatures in the sixties.
Rain is predicted this evening.
It will be heavy at times and more of it tomorrow.
Mostly cloudy with a chance of showers
in the late afternoon.
On a brighter note, Francisco Vega is in town
with his new main squeeze on his arm.
All our spies could find out
is that she's Ashleigh Enright,
a beauty queen from Tucson Arizona.
Uh, though they were spotted later having drinks
over candlelight and...
apparently exchanging sweet nothings.
I was Miss Amiability in Scottsdale,
but, you know... not really a big deal.
- And where'd you guys meet? - Who's the girl? Come on!
So, good luck, Francisco. We're all rooting for you.
A gorgeous couple. As if they need our help.
Ciao. Ciao, ciao.
Jesus, I need a drink.
I need a drink, I need a cigarette.
What I really need is a Berlin ballad.
May I get you another?
Yeah, why don't you make it a double.
You want a double?
It's okay, I won't be operating any farm machinery.
Hello?
Mom, you gotta give me a chance.
I said I was gonna be there tonight.
Ashleigh's fine.
Yes, I'll wear a tie
and I will be there on time, okay?
I can't really talk right now.
Francisco Vega.
A bullshit actor.
This guy is incapable of a real moment.
All those mannered gestures
and all that phony self-promoting liberal politics.
When he offered to set himself on fire
to protest climate change,
they shoulda let him.
If that's Ashleigh's taste...
the world is full of beautiful women.
Sorry, are you talking to me?
Sorry, I was actually talkin' to myself.
I know the feeling.
You ever see the movie "Out of the Past"?
Excuse me?
Jane Greer and Robert Mitchum.
- No. - She was bad news.
Well, it's the luck of the draw.
- You alone? - I am.
Unless you want some company.
Sure.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm Terry Ford.
My name's Gatsby Welles.
What's the matter, Gatsby? You seem blue.
My girlfriend dumped me for a movie star.
Ooh.
Well, you know what they say.
Can't fight charisma.
I didn't want to drink in my room alone.
Oh, are you staying here?
No, I've been coming here since they used to only
serve me ginger ales by law.
I love the piano players.
And now I'm old enough to order gin and vermouth.
Tsk, time flies.
Yeah, unfortunately it flies coach.
What's that supposed to mean?
It's not always a comfortable trip.
Tell me about it.
So, what are you doin' here all alone?
Working.
Mm, what do you do?
I make dreams come true.
How do you do that?
Use your imagination.
Tsk... ooh, wow.
Shall we go someplace where we can be more alone?
Yeah. Sure.
Yeah, why not?
Okay. I get five hundred, sweetie.
Five hundred.
Right.
I know what you're thinking.
Five hundred seems pretty steep,
but it's New York.
How'd you like to make five thousand?
- Five thousand? - Mm-hm.
To do what?
Just to be my date for a few hours at a party.
Clothes stay on, no fondling, no exchange of fluids.
Just a little role playing.
What kinda party?
Just my mom's big fall... bullshit blowout.
I won fifteen G's in a poker game
and I need a date with me.
Classy item who answers to the name of Ashleigh Enright.
I hope I'm dressed okay.
- You look beautiful. - It looks real fancy.
Don't worry, you're perfect.
Okay.
Now, these things can be a little boring, all right?
Thank you, thank you for coming.
- Hey! Vega. - How are ya? Nice to see you.
- You know Harry. - Hey, yeah, how are you?
This guy is the best cook.
- You, you have to do one of those paellas again. - Vega!
- Hi, doll. - Yeah, hey.
- Mwah! - Hey.
- Mwah! - How are you?
I wonder if I can steal you away for two minutes
- to talk about your fall schedule. - Now?
I've got a project with your name on it.
- Yes, now. - Oh, okay. Okay.
- Do you mind? - No.
- Just two minutes. Are you gonna be okay? - Yeah.
Yeah? Sure?
- Just this way. - I'll be fast.
- Hey, how are you? - Oh. Uh, thank you.
- Oh. You're Gabriella Summers. - Yes.
- Oh, I have so many questions for you! - Oh, well.
- You know... for my article, um... - Okay.
It's not that much further. It's just at the corner here.
Great. love to walk.
It's actually the same house I grew up in.
Oh, so I bet you went to one of those
fancy schools, huh?
Yeah, I did.
Is it true that all the kids there
have charge accounts at Bergdorf's or Prada?
They spend lots of money,
and do lots of drugs and... blah-dee-blah.
I wouldn't know, I didn't hang out with most of the kids.
I just liked to watch old movies and play my vinyl.
That's kinda weird.
Eh.
So, I bet you were a bookworm.
Not really.
My mother is this... culture vulture.
According to her, I must visit this museum,
or I must attend this piano recital,
or see this opera.
I must read my Henry James, even if Henry James,
it puts me to sleep, you know?
- Oh. - I like Charlie Parker.
Who's that?
Forget it, that's all right.
God, you really are in a bad mood.
There you are.
- Excuse me for the interruption. - You're here.
Yes, I am.
We've been looking everywhere for you.
I... had to get my thoughts in order.
Well, I mean, you vanished off the planet...
Mister Tortured Artist.
Can I speak to you alone for a minute?
- Yeah. - Right here.
I mean, I've actually been dying to talk to you.
Your movie was so much better than you led me to believe.
- Yes? - Mm-hm.
Yeah, the climax was, it was so moving.
It was very vintage Roland Pollard.
Please.
I was afraid I, um, wasn't going to see you again.
Oh.
Forgive me, I'm, uh... I'm a little drunk.
We were very worried about you.
I spent the day... thinking,
re-reflecting about my work, my life.
Uh... uhh,
I want for us to get to know each other, Ashleigh.
You do?
Would you consider coming with me
to the South of France?
The where of what?!
Your voice is, is the only voice that's,
that's, that's had any clarity for me in ages.
The only voice that encouraged me where...
where I actually... believed it.
Oh.
Like a muse.
I... mean, I...
I-I think you've had too much to drink today.
I know I have!
Come with me.
You can wake up every morning and smell the orange trees.
I'll talk to you about my new movie and,
and I can learn from your unspoiled honesty...
and, and y... and you, you can...
smell the orange trees.
I, I think you're c-confusing me with this,
like, total other Ashley.
The L-E-Y spelling.
Hey, I thought that was you!
Oh, Ashleigh. Did...
Hey!
You're here!
I'm here! Everybody's here.
- Roland's here! - Oh, yeah.
- I, I, I, I came with him. - Mm!
I was try... I was trying to figure out a way
- to contact you. - Oh.
I have... I apologize for [chuckling] today.
- Oh, that's okay. - You were very, very understanding.
- I know, I've... - Thank you.
- I felt really bad for you. - No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
- Uh, I-I'm, I'm as, I'm about as well as could be expected. - Yeah.
Well, I mean, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, for a guy that, you know,
just discovered that, mmm...
- his wife was with his best friend, you know. - Yeah.
- I mean, you are at a party! - I'm at a party.
- Yeah. - I got home, I got to my apartment,
and I was wondering why Connie's infidelity,
it w-, i-it w-, it didn't wound me
as deeply as it should... you know?
A-a-all I could keep, I-I kept thinking about,
I remembered what you said about my movies.
And I thought, my God, why is Ashleigh's...
- approbation so meaningful to me? - Oh...
It, it really, it was. And I, i-it struck me.
It struck me. You and I were thrown together.
We, we, we were tryin' to f..., w...,
find a wandering rogue Roland Pollard,
we had an adventure together, and in the movie version,
in my movie version the guy... looks up and he realizes he,
he's, he's fallen in love with the girl.
I've played that role so many times.
- Writing like this does not come along every day. - Okay...
- Hi! - Hey. Hey. Hey, y...
- I'm gonna call Sammy - Yes, you call Sammy.
- if I don't hear from you by Friday. - All right. Ciao.
- Ciao. - I'm sorry it took me so long.
it's so funny.
'Cause my father would always say, you know,
when drinking you should never mix
grain and grape together, but...
nah, I think they go really good!
Yeah.
Hey, you know what? I think we should split.
Mm. We should split?
Gatsby!
If you always intended to come, you should have told us.
You know I am not fond of surprises.
Mother... Dad...
this is my girlfriend, Ashleigh Enright.
Hi, how are you?
How lovely to meet you, Ashleigh.
You too.
- Hello, it's a pleasure. - Hi, how are you?
- I'm well, thanks. - Nice to meet you.
I've done business with your father.
- Yes, he speaks very highly of you. - Aha!
Actually, I've never met him. It's his bank.
Yeah, he's got so many banks.
So, how are things at Yardley?
Aah, it's very quiet, you know.
- We get a lotta snow in the winter, that sorta thing. - Right.
Very rural, but...
I chose it because they have a great
Kurdish Studies program, yes, yes...
Have you thought more about a career?
Your father was bemoaning the fact
that you were still undecided.
Well, you know, I have, Leonard and, um...
I want to go into nuclear physics...
uh, maybe open a little store, sell dark matter.
Oh, now, Gatsby. He's kidding you.
No, um, he likes to sit at the piano and sing.
- And play blackjack. - Aw.
And when you were a boy,
your mother wanted you to be a concert pianist.
Mm, ah, yes, well, she always had big plans for me.
How 'bout you, Ashleigh? What are your plans?
Well, eh, she wants to be a journalist, actually.
- T.V. or print? - T.V.
- Yeah, political stuff. She'll report from all the... - I'd like to do the weather.
trouble spots.
On the weather.
- Mm-hm. - Great.
You've been... staring at Ashleigh all night.
Is there something wrong?
There is something about that girl.
She's quite pretty.
Mm, sophisticated for a young girl.
Come on in.
- Wow. Look at this place. - Nice, isn't it?
What was that all about with...
Ted Davidoff and, and Rollie Pollard?
We were just talking.
Yeah? All right.
Well, don't worry.
I'm sure they were very interested
- in that story you're writing. - Mm, yeah,
today's been quite a story.
And... that's just the beginning.
Please... sit down.
Relax.
This is really amazing.
She's very charming.
And hot!
You didn't say Ashleigh was hot.
I told you she was sexy.
She older than you?
- Huh? - She looks older.
Hey. Mm.
That's what you want, a little experience.
You'd better grow up and get a profession.
You think a girl like that wants to live hand to mouth?
Funny you should put it that way.
Keep your hand on the wheel, Ashleigh.
I mean... God, he obviously wants to go to bed with you.
I mean, how do you feel about this?
You have a boyfriend.
Yes, but... I mean, this is Francisco Vega!
I mean, apart from him being so sexy, it's...
I mean, he's... an international icon.
À la Mahatma Gandhi.
How can you say no?
This is a story you can tell your grandchildren.
May I show you upstairs?
Oh, um... sure.
If you like it here, you're gonna love it over there.
Okay.
Look. I got us some whiskey.
Is this where you sleep?
Yeah.
When I sleep.
Look. You, you can see the whole apartment from here.
- Oh. - It's quite special.
- It's nice. - Yeah, I know.
I know.
Oh. Yeah.
Let me help you.
Ho-ho! Look at you!
Oh, who the hell is that?
Give me a sec.
Yes?
- It's Tiffany. I'm home! - Oh, Tiff...!
But I thought you two weren't together anymore.
- Eh, no, we... Oh, no, no, no! Um.... - But you said...
Oh. Wait a sec.
- Well... well... It's gonna be fine. - ...you think it's okay?
I mean, you said that you weren't together anymore.
- Yeah, no, no, but we, yes, we... - I hope it's okay, I...
Wait, you know what? You have to hide there.
- But... Oh, okay. - Go, go behind that door.
Go, go, go. She can't see you.
Go! Go, go, go!
Surprise! Hi!
- What are you doing here? - We wrapped two days early.
- I'm so glad you're home, - Oh, really?
- it's starting to pour! - Yeah.
I just got off the plane.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
I bet you weren't expecting me.
I, I, I, I, I'm loving this, yeah, but....
Francisco, why are you...
What are you doing running around?
Just, uh, getting ready for you!
- Welcome back. - Ah...
- Hey. - I just got off the plane.
- Yeah. - We wrapped two days early!
- Wow! - I came right from Teterboro.
I know you find being surprised arousing.
Yeah, yeah. Did...
Ooh...
- Mm, baby. - Mmm!
- Oh, I missed you, too. - Yeah, me too.
I missed you, too.
What was that?
I didn't hear anything.
No, I'm sure I heard something.
- Cou... Hey. - One sec.
Hey...
Come back, that was nothing!
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, do you know which way the Waldorf Hotel is?
What's on your mind, Mother?
I want to have a word with you.
Oh, no.
No, please don't do this to me tonight, Mom.
I'm not, I'm not really in the mood
for one of your tête-à-têtes
where I come out on the short end as always.
I, I really couldn't take it tonight, okay?
Where's Ashleigh?
I asked her to leave.
What?! Why?!
Don't give me that Ashleigh bullshit.
I smelled hooker the second she walked through the door.
Mother, do you hear yourself?
Damn right I hear myself.
I'm shocked. I, uh...
Okay, I apologize. Um... tsk,
I met her in the bar at the Carlyle
and I gave her five thousand bucks
to pretend she was Ashleigh, who has dumped me.
Five thousand?!
It was worth that much for you to make a fool
of your father and me?
I was in a bad mood. It was my idea of a joke.
So it was a bad joke, okay?
I won a lot in a card game, so,
uh, it was an act of rebellion.
It was an act of hostility.
Hostility and rebellion.
Rebellion against what?
Private schools, a nice home,
summers in Europe?
Against a life of pretentious appropriateness.
Appropriate friends, appropriate schools,
appropriate women that you may or may not approve of.
Tsk, you resent me because I set a high bar.
Mother, I don't resent you because you set a high bar.
I just want you to see me.
I'm never gonna be like Hunter.
I'm not gonna roll off the assembly line
and make you proud.
You lied to me when you said
that you were too busy to come to my party,
that you were too busy at work,
snowed under at Yardley.
You know what, Mom? I did lie to you.
Because I didn't want to come to your party, all right?
I wanted to spend the day with Ashleigh
in the city... and have a great time.
- Where is Ashleigh? - I told you.
She dumped me. We became separated.
This city has its own agenda.
And your rage with me is so great
that you express it by bringing home a whore?
An escort, Mother.
Oh, let's not split pubic hairs.
Anything to shake up that collection
of appropriate snobs.
So you, you bring her to my gala as your girlfriend...
to make a fool of me?
You know what, Mom? I'm sorry.
I don't know why I'm like this.
I don't know where I get this perverse streak
in my system from.
I don't know.
You get it from me.
Oh, yeah, I get it from you?
Oh, yeah, the queen of good taste.
All right.
You're a big enough boy to hear the whole
inappropriate story.
I met your father...
in the exact same line of work...
an escort service...
or more to the point, hooking...
as that working girl you tried to slip past us
as Ashleigh Enright.
What?
Lower your eyebrows.
I knocked on your father's hotel room door
because that's how I made my living.
Fresh from Gary, Indiana.
Providing the... lonely male of the species
with a little casual recreation.
For a fee.
Except in your father's case, we fell in love.
And not only did we marry,
Winston used my hard-earned nest egg
to start the company
that has enabled us to live a, a pretty privileged life.
You followin'?
Am I goin' too fast?
And I put myself through school so my brilliant young son
can laugh at my pretensions.
What I'm, what I'm saying is that...
if I have bent over too far
in my pursuit of the finer things
and of cultivating an image, and...
if I have caused you some discomfort...
it's only an overzealous ex-professional hustler
from the Midwest trying to eradicate
unsavory remnants of many hotel rooms
I still wake up screaming over.
And if you can't understand where you get your
mysterious urge to consort with the demimonde...
you have my genes.
And I'm sorry to lay this X-rated tale
on my sweet college boy,
but something tells me that the time is right.
Uh, just put up the chairs and then... you're done.
All right?
Oh, hey, Gatsby.
Hey, Johnny.
I saw you on television.
Well... nothing happened.
I'm really exhausted. I've been walking forever.
And then I got lost on the train.
Ashleigh, you were with a famous movie star.
Well, but nothing happened.
I'd love to believe you.
Just... too many drinks.
Too much weed.
I'm, I'm just a little too tired to explain. I...
Tomorrow, I promise.
But really, Gatsby, nothing happened.
Well, then take off your raincoat, okay?
And I'll get you some black coffee.
Oh. Oh, I can't. I have no clothes underneath.
So, to Roland Pollard, it was...
like a... a spiritual thing.
You know, I was a muse.
Some inspiration, 'cause he's really going through
a rough creative period.
And also, my name's totally the same as his first wife's...
who also went to Yardley!
Who he's never really gotten over.
And then Ted Davidoff...
I mean, he was just...
absolutely traumatized by this affair that his wife
was having with his best friend.
And there I was, you know,
just a person there to talk to, to...
to hold his hand during a crisis, you know?
What about Francisco Vega?
Uh, James Dean, minus the acting chops.
Aah, Francisco Vega was just after my body.
But I was onto him.
And I got terrific material for a hot story:
- "I Dated a Hunk". - Hm.
So what about you?
How was going to your mom's soiree?
It was pretty nice, actually.
Yeah, we got into sort of a crazy conversation and...
for the first time in my life,
she surprised me in a good way.
And now I feel closer to her.
Mmm, must've been a big talk.
What'd you discuss?
The oldest profession.
- Journalism? - Mm-mn.
Ah. No, that's the second oldest.
Tsk, let's put it this way,
she's a lot more than I gave her credit for.
I've sold her short.
What a shame we never got to take that carriage ride.
We can still do it.
Yeah, we have plenty of time... we can get it in.
Said the john to my mom.
- What? - Nothing.
Look, we should probably leave our luggage downstairs.
As you know, I'd hate to miss our bus back to Yardley.
New York on a misty day.
Can't tell why it means somethin' to me,
but it means everything.
Hm.
It's my one carriage ride and the weather's gloomy.
I couldn't really sleep last night.
You hear all those fire engines?
I did.
"The roaring traffic's boom...
the silence of my lonely room...."
I know that!
That's from Shakespeare, right?
Sir, could you stop for a second?
- Whoa! - Why are we stopping?
Ashleigh, you go back to Yardley. Okay?
- I'm gonna stay in New York. - What?
I need the carbon monoxide to survive.
- Well... what are you talking about? - I don't, I don't know.
We're two different creatures, right?
Yeah, you like the sound of crickets
and I like the rattle of the taxis.
You blossom in the sun and me,
- eh, I come into my own under grey skies. - Well, yeah...
And look, you were a big hit here.
You, you were a crackerjack reporter.
You were loved spiritually,
- emotionally and physically by three gifted men, right? - Yeah, b...
Yeah-yeah, you don't want to be with me.
You deserve better than me.
Right, but I, eh... you're dropping out of Yardley?
Mmmmm...
If I don't sound too pretentious,
I want to review my other options.
Excuse me, sir, do you think it's possible
- to take her to the Pierre Hotel? - Wait. Wait, I don't...
- Look, you take this, right? Right? You take this... - Gatsby, I don't understand.
- and you get your luggage, - I don't really understand.
and then just make your way safely back to Yardley, okay?
But you're not coming back to Yardley?
I, I... I don't know, Ashleigh.
I, I gotta figure some stuff out in my life.
But look, have a great trip,
and you tell everybody at, uh, Yardley,
- I said goodbye, all right? - So you're not coming back to Yardley?
Gatsby. Um... wait, sir, I'm....
Gatsby, I don't understand! I...
Um, I...
But we're...
Oh...
Oh, eh... God, um, could you hurry?
I think it's starting to rain.
How did I know you'd be here?
You didn't think I was gonna blow this moment, did you?
What about the skin doctor?
Very handsome.
Very rich and very clever, but I'm here.
For a kisser who is a maximum of an eight?
It's fall.
By spring I'll have you up to ten.
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