1 00:00:30,958 --> 00:00:32,833 [romantic instrumental music playing] 2 00:01:01,083 --> 00:01:03,333 [The Oracle] A wise person once said about love, 3 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,541 "We live in a universe that's ruled by chaos and chance, 4 00:01:07,833 --> 00:01:11,041 where all it takes is just one moment of ill fortune 5 00:01:11,458 --> 00:01:15,208 for all our hopes and dreams to go right down the shitter." 6 00:01:20,375 --> 00:01:22,916 You can do it. You can do it. You can-- Just kiss her. 7 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,000 Just... 8 00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:25,500 She likes you, all right? 9 00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:27,250 Yeah, I think-- I think-- Yeah, she does. 10 00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:28,916 No, she doesn't. She does. She does. 11 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,125 You've spent the whole weekend putting off this moment, 12 00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:34,000 and now you're actually out of time. 13 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,500 Literally, out of time. 14 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,750 Right, this is it, this is it. This is your moment. This is... 15 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,958 -[knocking] -[man, in Italian] How long does it take? 16 00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:45,000 One second! 17 00:01:47,666 --> 00:01:48,750 [exhales] Okay. 18 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:50,833 Yeah. 19 00:01:52,041 --> 00:01:52,916 -Hey. -Hey. 20 00:01:53,166 --> 00:01:55,750 -Everything okay? -Yeah, just a bit of tummy trouble. 21 00:01:56,625 --> 00:01:59,875 -I was worried you might miss your flight. -No, I've got a few minutes. 22 00:02:01,958 --> 00:02:04,000 Can you believe how lucky your sister got? 23 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:07,458 She gets sent off to Rome for work, and I get sent off to war-torn hellholes. 24 00:02:07,541 --> 00:02:09,541 Well, I suppose if you're gonna be a war journalist, 25 00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:11,500 that might, more or less, be what you'd expect. 26 00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:12,750 Okay, smartass. 27 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,416 [chuckles] 28 00:02:16,416 --> 00:02:17,291 This has, uh... 29 00:02:19,375 --> 00:02:21,791 This has been a pretty special weekend. 30 00:02:23,958 --> 00:02:24,791 Yeah. 31 00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:28,416 I have to admit that when Hayley told me her older brother 32 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:31,958 was coming to visit the same weekend that I was coming, I was pretty bummed, 33 00:02:32,041 --> 00:02:35,625 but it turns out you're not as irritating as I thought you'd be. 34 00:02:35,916 --> 00:02:36,833 Wow. 35 00:02:36,916 --> 00:02:39,750 Uh, I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 36 00:02:39,833 --> 00:02:42,333 Well, that's the nicest thing I've ever said to anyone, so... 37 00:02:42,416 --> 00:02:45,333 -Well, then I'm doubly honored. Thank you. -[laughs] You're welcome. 38 00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:46,750 [both laugh] 39 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,583 But, seriously, thanks for... 40 00:02:50,708 --> 00:02:51,958 an amazing time. 41 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,458 I don't think I've met anyone quite like you. 42 00:02:55,416 --> 00:02:56,791 You're just a charmer, huh? 43 00:02:56,875 --> 00:03:01,166 No, I promise you I'm not. I'm a terrible, terrible charmer. 44 00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:02,125 [chuckles] 45 00:03:02,208 --> 00:03:03,875 Uh, I'm just being honest. 46 00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:05,916 [chuckles softly] 47 00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:11,625 [gentle romantic music playing] 48 00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:14,125 Ah, um... [chuckles] 49 00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:15,750 So... 50 00:03:16,125 --> 00:03:18,125 So, so... [chuckles] 51 00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:26,250 -[music stops] -[man] Jack? Mate! 52 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:29,000 [laughs] What are the chances? What are you doing here? 53 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,000 Uh... 54 00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:32,208 -Greg! -[Jack] Yeah, no, Greg! 55 00:03:32,291 --> 00:03:33,583 [stammers] Yeah, I remember. 56 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:34,916 Sorry. 57 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,291 -Hi. Dina. -Nice to meet you. 58 00:03:36,375 --> 00:03:37,250 Nice to meet you, too. 59 00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:39,875 -We used to share a dorm at university. -Oh. [chuckles] 60 00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:41,083 We used to call him Mr. Wank. 61 00:03:43,416 --> 00:03:44,666 Because he used to wank a lot. 62 00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:48,000 -I don't think that was me. -No, that was definitely you! 63 00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:49,166 Anyway... 64 00:03:49,541 --> 00:03:51,333 I've actually got to get back to London. 65 00:03:51,416 --> 00:03:53,083 -I'm going to the airport. -No way. Me too. 66 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:55,291 -Shut up. -I'm literally going right now. 67 00:03:55,375 --> 00:03:57,250 -Yeah, I've got a car. I could drive us. -Really? 68 00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:58,333 [Greg] Yeah. 69 00:03:58,416 --> 00:03:59,583 [Jack] It's not a problem. 70 00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,458 Oh, so you're gonna go now? 71 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,083 Yeah. 72 00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:12,916 I guess I am... 73 00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:14,625 going now. 74 00:04:14,708 --> 00:04:15,708 Um... 75 00:04:16,041 --> 00:04:17,041 Oh, okay. 76 00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:19,250 Can I-- I just have to say goodbye... 77 00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:21,041 Um, you know, uh... 78 00:04:21,791 --> 00:04:23,666 Don't know when we'll see each other again, so... 79 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:25,041 Sure, yeah. Go ahead. 80 00:04:29,250 --> 00:04:30,083 Uh... 81 00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:31,583 So, thank you... 82 00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:33,625 again for an amazing... 83 00:04:35,458 --> 00:04:37,000 -weekend. -Yeah, it was-- 84 00:04:37,291 --> 00:04:39,250 -Oh, sorry. I thought-- -Oh, okay. Uh... 85 00:04:40,083 --> 00:04:40,916 Yeah. 86 00:04:41,541 --> 00:04:43,375 -Nice to meet you. -Oh, nice to meet you, too. 87 00:04:43,458 --> 00:04:44,625 This is happening. 88 00:04:44,708 --> 00:04:46,166 -Come on, Wank. -Yup. 89 00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:51,000 -Mate, can you believe what luck this is? -No, no, I actually can't. 90 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,041 [The Oracle] And so, 91 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,833 with the coincidental appearance of just one twat from the past, 92 00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:59,916 chance comes along and gives love a massive kick in the ballsack. 93 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:02,125 As the wise person would say, 94 00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:04,458 "Chance can be a real bastard." 95 00:05:04,541 --> 00:05:08,125 ["La nostra favola" playing] 96 00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:27,083 [church bells tolling] 97 00:06:32,375 --> 00:06:34,500 [romantic instrumental music playing] 98 00:06:34,583 --> 00:06:35,791 [woman, in Italian] Done. 99 00:06:36,291 --> 00:06:37,250 Be careful. 100 00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:49,083 [woman, in Italian] It's okay for me. That's fine. 101 00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:51,791 -You're beautiful. -[woman 2, in Italian] She's perfect. 102 00:06:52,458 --> 00:06:53,291 Are you excited? 103 00:06:53,375 --> 00:06:54,208 [laughs] 104 00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:00,750 -[woman 2] It's okay? Here we are. -[man, in Italian] She's perfect. 105 00:07:00,833 --> 00:07:02,500 -[Haley, in Italian] Thank you. -You're welcome. 106 00:07:02,583 --> 00:07:03,708 [in Italian] Congratulations! 107 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:04,708 Bye. 108 00:07:10,416 --> 00:07:11,291 [door closes] 109 00:07:11,375 --> 00:07:12,958 [exhales nervously] 110 00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:28,250 It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. 111 00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:29,500 Absolutely fine! 112 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:34,250 -Good morning. -[woman] Good morning. 113 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,041 [knocking] 114 00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:42,083 Hayles? 115 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:43,333 Hayley? 116 00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:44,916 [Hayley] Yeah, just a second. 117 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:47,708 You okay? 118 00:07:47,791 --> 00:07:49,750 -Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. -What's going on? 119 00:07:50,666 --> 00:07:52,208 Getting married is stressful, isn't it? 120 00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:56,208 The only reason I slept at all is because I'm taking these... 121 00:07:56,291 --> 00:07:59,708 these sleep drops that are literally strong enough to knock out a horse. 122 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,125 Oh, my God. Do I look okay? 123 00:08:01,666 --> 00:08:02,791 You look stunning. 124 00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:06,250 [sighs] Life's random, isn't it? 125 00:08:06,583 --> 00:08:10,583 I mean, one minute I'm exchanging obscenities with a stranger in a car park, 126 00:08:10,666 --> 00:08:14,500 and the next, we're six months on, totally in love and getting married. 127 00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:15,750 [growls playfully] 128 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,416 I wish Mum and Dad were here. 129 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:23,166 I know. 130 00:08:23,541 --> 00:08:24,458 Yeah. 131 00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:26,416 -[clears throat] -It's all right. 132 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:27,416 -[knock at door] -Yeah. 133 00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,583 [man] Is there a bride in the fuckin' house?! 134 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:34,791 Oh, my God, Hayley-cakes! 135 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,875 You look absolutely amazing. 136 00:08:37,958 --> 00:08:41,166 Thanks, Bryan. Everything okay? You know your role? You're all right? 137 00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:42,541 -Yeah. I'm great. -Yeah? 138 00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:44,291 Um, couple of questions, though. 139 00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:47,250 Can we stop calling it "maid of honor" and call it "man of honor" instead? 140 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,583 No. Second question? 141 00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:50,458 Only because I'm a man, obviously, but... 142 00:08:50,541 --> 00:08:51,375 Secondly, 143 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,750 am I sitting next to Vitelli? 144 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,500 -No. -Okay. 145 00:08:55,875 --> 00:08:56,791 Uh... 146 00:08:57,208 --> 00:08:58,458 Uh, why not? 147 00:08:58,541 --> 00:09:01,166 I mean, you know, he's casting for a new film right now. 148 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,541 Do you have any idea what that could do for my career? 149 00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,041 -Give you one? -Exactly. 150 00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:07,458 I had to put all the English people on the same table, but don't worry. 151 00:09:07,541 --> 00:09:09,250 -I will introduce you. I promise. -All right. Sorry. 152 00:09:09,333 --> 00:09:11,875 It's your day anyway. As long as I'm not sitting next to Rebecca. 153 00:09:11,958 --> 00:09:14,541 'Cause I can't handle her holding onto me all night, 'cause she'll-- 154 00:09:15,125 --> 00:09:16,833 -Sorry. I'll shut up. -Yeah, good. 155 00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:18,166 Um... [laughs] 156 00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,333 I think I'm ready. 157 00:09:20,583 --> 00:09:22,625 [Bryan] Oh, my God! [imitates a trumpet fanfare] 158 00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:25,708 This is happening! My sister's getting married! 159 00:09:25,791 --> 00:09:26,750 [Bryan] Yes, she is! 160 00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:29,083 I'm gonna see you there. Just got to have a quick haircut. 161 00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:31,375 What, now? You'll be late for the ceremony. 162 00:09:31,458 --> 00:09:32,375 Yeah, Bryan? 163 00:09:32,458 --> 00:09:34,166 Wow! How long have we known each other? 164 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:36,250 And you still have absolutely no faith in me, do you? 165 00:09:36,625 --> 00:09:37,750 -No. -None whatsoever. 166 00:09:38,041 --> 00:09:40,791 I'm meeting Federico Vitelli. I can't do it with shit hair. 167 00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:43,500 It's fine. Just go. Don't be late, okay? It's my wedding day! 168 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,583 -[Jack] Please don't be late, Bryan. -It's my wedding day, Bryan. 169 00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:48,500 -He's gonna be late. -Let's go. 170 00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:52,666 -Uh, Hayley, just... small thing. -Yeah? 171 00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,916 This English table. Amanda's not on that, right? 172 00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:56,666 Ah. 173 00:09:57,083 --> 00:09:58,208 -She is. Okay. -Listen. 174 00:09:58,291 --> 00:10:00,000 I'm really sorry. I had no choice. 175 00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:01,000 Is that cool? 176 00:10:01,208 --> 00:10:06,791 Is it cool to be sat next to my nightmare of an ex-girlfriend for a whole day? 177 00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:09,250 Look, no, it's-- it's fine. It's gonna be fine, okay? 178 00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:12,541 [door opens] 179 00:10:14,166 --> 00:10:16,166 [Italian pop music playing] 180 00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:20,166 I'll tell you what, 181 00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:22,291 I'm not having us having a foreign wedding. 182 00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:24,416 Well, I haven't said yes to us getting married yet. 183 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,541 Yes, I'm well aware of that, believe me. 184 00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:28,833 My friends think it's mental you haven't jumped at the chance. 185 00:10:28,916 --> 00:10:31,208 To spend the rest of your life with someone is a big deal. 186 00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:33,125 It's not a decision I'm just gonna jump into. 187 00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:34,500 I asked you six months ago. 188 00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:36,375 Ugh, here we go. 189 00:10:36,458 --> 00:10:37,500 Amanda! 190 00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:38,541 That's... 191 00:10:40,625 --> 00:10:41,583 Here you go, mate. 192 00:10:41,666 --> 00:10:44,875 You know, I actually thought "penne" was the Italian for "penis," 193 00:10:44,958 --> 00:10:47,541 because of their kind of small, like, tube-like... 194 00:10:47,791 --> 00:10:50,666 But it's actually just "penne" is just the Italian for "penne." 195 00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,750 Did you just buy that to piss me off? 196 00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:54,333 No, I wore it 'cause it looks cool. 197 00:10:55,541 --> 00:10:57,125 You look like a fucking magician. 198 00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:58,125 How the-- 199 00:10:58,625 --> 00:10:59,875 It cost me three grand. 200 00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,083 Oh, my God! Amanda, hi! 201 00:11:03,166 --> 00:11:05,750 -Oh, wow! You look gorgeous. -Thank you, love. 202 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,083 Have they booked a cabaret act? 203 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:10,250 -No. I'm Amanda's boyfriend. -And you're in the cabaret! 204 00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:11,333 -That's amazing! -No. 205 00:11:11,416 --> 00:11:13,625 I didn't know you had a new boyfriend. That's good. 206 00:11:13,708 --> 00:11:16,291 I'm so glad you've moved on from that last guy you were seeing. 207 00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:18,666 What was his name? Chaz? Last time I saw her she was like, 208 00:11:18,750 --> 00:11:20,416 "I'm seeing this dickhead." 209 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,958 No, I'm Chaz. 210 00:11:22,041 --> 00:11:23,916 -What? -I'm Chaz, so... 211 00:11:25,041 --> 00:11:26,833 Oh, my God. 212 00:11:27,708 --> 00:11:29,666 Have you gone out with two Chazes in a row? 213 00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:31,916 That is such a unique name. That's nuts. 214 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,125 Sidney? Sidney, is that you? Sidney! 215 00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:35,541 Oh, my God, I didn't know-- 216 00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:37,250 I'm coming. Excuse me. 217 00:11:37,625 --> 00:11:39,666 Chaz, darling, this is Sidney. 218 00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:41,833 -Hello, Amanda, how are you? -Our old flatmate. 219 00:11:41,916 --> 00:11:43,541 Who, for some reason, is wearing a kilt, 220 00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:46,041 even though he isn't remotely Scottish. 221 00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:47,416 Yes, I've gone there. 222 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,333 Already regretting it slightly. 223 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,250 It's quite a heavy plaid, 224 00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:53,083 and it's already starting to, um... 225 00:11:54,166 --> 00:11:55,875 chafe a little bit in the old groinal... 226 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:57,916 area. 227 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,041 The testicles. Hm. 228 00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:04,500 -Shall we go in? -Yeah. 229 00:12:04,583 --> 00:12:05,958 Yes, let's go in. Let's go in. 230 00:12:06,041 --> 00:12:07,833 How long have you been in the cabaret business? 231 00:12:07,916 --> 00:12:09,541 I'm not. I'm a music producer. 232 00:12:09,625 --> 00:12:12,083 -Who the hell's this other Chaz guy? -Don't worry about it. 233 00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:15,125 My balls. My dear, old balls. I think they'll be fine. 234 00:12:15,208 --> 00:12:17,541 It's just sort of working out a way of managing them. 235 00:12:17,625 --> 00:12:19,666 [romantic instrumental music playing] 236 00:12:37,541 --> 00:12:38,666 All right, you ready? 237 00:12:40,583 --> 00:12:41,625 Yeah. [laughs] 238 00:12:41,708 --> 00:12:42,791 Yeah, I think so. 239 00:12:43,833 --> 00:12:44,666 Come on. 240 00:12:45,458 --> 00:12:46,500 Wait, Jack, um... 241 00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:48,625 -Look, I-- -What's up? 242 00:12:49,666 --> 00:12:51,208 You know that I would've... 243 00:12:52,541 --> 00:12:54,750 I would've given anything for Dad to be here today. 244 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:58,125 But having you walk me down the aisle is... 245 00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,666 -Oh... -...is the next best thing 246 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:01,625 that I could ask for, so... 247 00:13:04,291 --> 00:13:05,375 [Hayley clicks her tongue] 248 00:13:08,541 --> 00:13:11,375 Also, can you look after my bag of pills, please? 249 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:12,791 Thanks. 250 00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:14,000 Sure. 251 00:13:18,125 --> 00:13:19,416 Let's get you hitched. 252 00:13:19,708 --> 00:13:20,583 Getting hitched! 253 00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:22,083 -Aah! -[laughs] 254 00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:23,416 -Come on. -Okay. 255 00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:25,125 [kids laughing] 256 00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:28,083 [indistinct chatter] 257 00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:30,041 ["Canon in D" by Pachelbel playing] 258 00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:35,083 [laughter] 259 00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:47,666 -[Hayley] Where the fuck is Bryan? -[Jack] He'll be here. 260 00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:49,833 [Hayley] Why is he getting a fucking haircut now? 261 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:50,958 What's wrong with him? 262 00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:53,666 Oh, God! Why did I decide to do this? 263 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,666 Because you love him. 264 00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:58,250 [Jack] All right? 265 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,500 [Hayley chuckles] 266 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:03,708 Yeah. 267 00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:08,125 Okay. Let's do this. 268 00:14:09,041 --> 00:14:10,583 Oh, no. I nearly forgot to tell you. 269 00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:13,250 You remember Dina, my American friend that you met in Rome? 270 00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:14,541 -Yeah. -She's here. 271 00:14:16,208 --> 00:14:17,791 Uh... [stammers] 272 00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:18,958 -What? -Yeah. 273 00:14:19,583 --> 00:14:21,250 Sorry, wait, wait, wait... 274 00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,166 You said she definitely couldn't come, 275 00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,333 and besides that, she had a boyfriend anyway, right? 276 00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:28,833 Yeah, well, it turns out she can come, and she's broken up with her boyfriend. 277 00:14:28,916 --> 00:14:31,125 -Yeah. Come on, let's go. -W-Wait. 278 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:33,250 Okay. 279 00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:35,250 Okay. 280 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:37,291 [exhales sharply] 281 00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:38,750 [Hayley laughs] 282 00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:40,291 -[Jack] Mm-hmm? -[Hayley] Yeah. 283 00:14:46,541 --> 00:14:47,541 [Hayley] Oh, my God. 284 00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:09,416 [priest, in Italian] Welcome to all. 285 00:15:09,625 --> 00:15:12,708 [in English] We are gathered here today to bring together 286 00:15:12,916 --> 00:15:15,041 Roberto and Hayley. 287 00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:16,791 Ladies and gentlemen... 288 00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,375 [Bryan panting loudly] 289 00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:22,375 Sorry. Told you I'd make it. 290 00:15:22,958 --> 00:15:23,875 [clears throat] 291 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:28,208 Andrea, this is my brother, Jack. And this is my maid of honor, Bryan. 292 00:15:28,291 --> 00:15:29,416 Ciao, ciao. 293 00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,125 [Hayley] This is Sophia, Roberto's mother. 294 00:15:31,541 --> 00:15:32,500 [Jack] Hello. 295 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:33,541 Hi. 296 00:15:35,458 --> 00:15:36,666 Hello. Um... 297 00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:39,083 Okay! 298 00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:41,166 Nice to meet you all. 299 00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:44,125 [Hayley laughs] 300 00:15:44,875 --> 00:15:46,625 -He just kissed me full on the mouth. -Me too. 301 00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:48,125 I think I got some tongue, actually. 302 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,625 Oh, you're not in the cabaret. 303 00:15:49,708 --> 00:15:51,000 I love your suit, though. 304 00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,458 -Good, innit? Thank you. -Yeah. 305 00:15:52,541 --> 00:15:55,291 My six-year-old nephew has one just exactly like that. 306 00:15:55,625 --> 00:15:57,833 -Six-year-old nephew. -Sounds like a pretty cool kid. 307 00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,958 Yeah, except his trousers are attached to the top half, 308 00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:02,666 and he's just got this little flap to let his little [blows raspberry] out. 309 00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:05,083 -No, this has got the classic zip. -[zips fly] 310 00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:08,708 Look, I suppose I should go mingle with my new relatives. 311 00:16:08,791 --> 00:16:09,916 Go, go, go. 312 00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:14,000 -Don't get emotional. -No, I won't, I won't, I won't. 313 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:15,875 Oh, man. 314 00:16:15,958 --> 00:16:17,708 -She looks so happy. -Yeah. 315 00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:20,250 Did you even get your hair cut? 316 00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:22,166 -It looks exactly the same. -No, it doesn't. 317 00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,166 -It does. -It's rounder. 318 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:24,625 -Mate-- -It's rounder, Jack. 319 00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:38,458 [sighs deeply] 320 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:40,541 Hot. 321 00:16:41,541 --> 00:16:43,291 -Yeah, it's really hot today. -Very hot. 322 00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:44,416 It's pretty, though. 323 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:45,625 Oh, what a dress! 324 00:16:45,708 --> 00:16:46,958 -Thank you very much. -Beautiful. 325 00:16:47,041 --> 00:16:49,666 Appreciate that. You as well. I mean, it's not-- It's not a dress. 326 00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:51,041 This is a kilt. 327 00:16:51,708 --> 00:16:53,375 [chuckles] Yeah, I know. Yeah. 328 00:16:53,916 --> 00:16:56,458 Traditional Scottish... dress. 329 00:16:56,541 --> 00:16:58,166 -Right. I knew that. -Yes. 330 00:16:58,250 --> 00:16:59,125 I'm not Scottish. 331 00:16:59,208 --> 00:17:00,333 -You're not? -No. 332 00:17:00,416 --> 00:17:01,875 Then why are you wearing a kilt? 333 00:17:10,166 --> 00:17:12,166 [exhales] The old Italian sun. 334 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,000 Huh. 335 00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:17,791 Lichen. [clears throat] 336 00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:19,958 Um... Oh. 337 00:17:20,041 --> 00:17:20,875 Deary me. 338 00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,625 I don't think you-- 339 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:23,916 I don't think you should... 340 00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:25,708 So, where's your other half? 341 00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:27,458 Oh, no other half. 342 00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:29,333 Just, you know, half a person today. 343 00:17:29,625 --> 00:17:31,291 -I'm half a person. -You are? 344 00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:32,625 Oh, well... 345 00:17:33,166 --> 00:17:34,791 -Deal? -Deal. 346 00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:36,416 -Wedding buddies. -Oh. 347 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,166 Is that-- That was the deal we made? 348 00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:39,791 -We shook on it. -We shook. 349 00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:41,666 What do wedding buddies do? 350 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,708 We hang out a little bit. 351 00:17:46,208 --> 00:17:48,416 [Sidney clears throat, grunts] 352 00:17:49,916 --> 00:17:51,416 -Would you like a drink? -I'm good-- 353 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,500 They're free. 354 00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:54,000 -Two champagnes? -Yeah. 355 00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:56,000 -It is, uh, free, but-- -I'll be right back. 356 00:17:56,083 --> 00:17:57,833 -No, I'm okay. -You don't go anywhere. 357 00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:00,541 [sighs] 358 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,041 -[Bryan] God, there he is. -[Jack] Who? 359 00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:06,000 Vitelli. 360 00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:08,583 -Oh, wow. -Yeah. He makes movie stars, Jack. 361 00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:09,541 Movie stars. 362 00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:11,458 I've got one chance to impress him. 363 00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:13,375 Maybe you can do it with your speech later on. 364 00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:14,333 Yeah. 365 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:15,875 What speech? 366 00:18:15,958 --> 00:18:17,291 Your maid of honor speech. 367 00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:19,250 No one told me I've got a maid of honor speech. 368 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,875 -Yeah, it's in the program. -No, I don't think I do. 369 00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:23,875 Oh, no! 370 00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:26,416 -I've got nothing prepared! -[Jack] It's gonna be fine. 371 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,583 -It's not gonna be fine. -Just riff one out, man! 372 00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:30,125 -Shit, there's Rebecca. -Just vibe it. 373 00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:32,250 Don't leave me alone with her, please. She clings on. 374 00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:33,541 -I can't shake her. -Oi, boys! 375 00:18:33,625 --> 00:18:36,333 -Yoo! Hiya! -Wahey! Here we are! 376 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,333 [imitates car horn] You know what that is! 377 00:18:38,416 --> 00:18:40,666 That's the fun car, ready to pick you all up. 378 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:41,916 [Bryan] Thank you. 379 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,875 [imitates train engine] Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! 380 00:18:43,958 --> 00:18:45,958 -[chuckles] The fun train. Get aboard. -[Jack] Ho! 381 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,333 -There it is. -[Rebecca laughs] 382 00:18:47,416 --> 00:18:49,291 -Wow, you look amazing. -Thanks. 383 00:18:49,375 --> 00:18:51,208 -You do. You look fantastic. -You too. 384 00:18:51,291 --> 00:18:52,500 It's so nice to see you. 385 00:18:52,791 --> 00:18:54,125 [chuckles] 386 00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:56,750 -[Rebecca] You look really great. -[Bryan] Oh, thank you. 387 00:18:56,833 --> 00:18:59,416 ["Ideale" by Paolo Tosti playing] 388 00:19:12,875 --> 00:19:14,875 -I'm gonna-- -Did you get taller? 389 00:19:14,958 --> 00:19:17,250 -Are you wearing a Cuban heel? -I'll be... Yeah... 390 00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:18,583 -Jack? -[Jack] One sec. 391 00:19:18,666 --> 00:19:20,083 -Jack? Jack! -Yeah? 392 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:22,250 -Hey, I-- -You look brilliant. 393 00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:23,666 -Thanks. -I love your suit. 394 00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:24,916 Thanks a lot, yeah. I just... 395 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,875 I'm going to find a drink or something, I think. 396 00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,166 Oh, yes, please. 397 00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:29,875 Jack? Oh, my God. 398 00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:32,500 -Jack. -Hi. 399 00:19:32,958 --> 00:19:33,791 Hi. 400 00:19:34,375 --> 00:19:35,958 -Hi. -It's nice to see-- 401 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:37,000 Hi. 402 00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:38,875 -[laughs] -Nice to see you, too. 403 00:19:38,958 --> 00:19:40,000 God. Uh... 404 00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:41,291 Yeah, I... 405 00:19:41,625 --> 00:19:42,458 Good? You're good? 406 00:19:42,541 --> 00:19:44,500 -Yeah, I'm good. -[stammers] Good. Yeah. 407 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,041 You look great. 408 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,333 Thanks. 409 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,791 Still can't believe you made me come all the way out here 410 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:51,958 just to stare at the guy you were shagging for two years. 411 00:19:52,041 --> 00:19:53,291 Stop staring at him, then. 412 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:55,416 At least you got an upgrade. 413 00:19:55,791 --> 00:19:58,291 -Pfft! What upgrade? -What do you mean, "what upgrade"? 414 00:19:58,375 --> 00:19:59,791 I'm better looking than him, 415 00:19:59,875 --> 00:20:01,833 I'm taller, and I'm definitely better in bed. 416 00:20:01,916 --> 00:20:03,666 How do you know? Have you slept with him? 417 00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,750 Well, no. It's obvious, look at him. He's just... 418 00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:07,083 What do you mean? 419 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:08,791 Are you saying that he's better in bed than me? 420 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,958 You know what? I haven't had time for a full analysis. 421 00:20:11,041 --> 00:20:13,000 Really? Well, I have. I've literally asked people, 422 00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:14,583 and they've all pretty much said, 423 00:20:14,666 --> 00:20:16,083 "Yeah, you're great. Cheers, mate." 424 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,750 -Go and stand over there, please. -What? 425 00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:25,000 Further. 426 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:29,166 This good? 427 00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:30,625 Perfect. 428 00:20:31,166 --> 00:20:32,000 [sighs] 429 00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:37,458 [laughter] 430 00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:46,833 -Are you okay? -[camera shutter clicks] 431 00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:48,333 It's a bit overwhelming. 432 00:20:48,416 --> 00:20:50,208 No, I'm fine. We're fine. 433 00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:51,875 I love you so much. 434 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,416 I just want you to have the best day ever. 435 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,458 Oh. 436 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,666 Nothing could spoil this day. 437 00:21:00,375 --> 00:21:01,916 [sniffing loudly] 438 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,125 [Overture from The Barber of Seville playing] 439 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,750 So, I was in my car in this empty parking. 440 00:21:34,833 --> 00:21:36,125 Believe me, there was nobody. 441 00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:39,083 And Hayley come up to me and say... 442 00:21:39,166 --> 00:21:40,083 Fuck me. 443 00:21:44,458 --> 00:21:45,916 [woman, in Italian] What did she say? 444 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,125 Sorry. Sorry. Just, um... 445 00:21:48,208 --> 00:21:50,291 -[stammers] I'll be back in one second. -Yeah, yeah. 446 00:21:50,708 --> 00:21:51,916 [in Italian] I understood that. 447 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,541 [in Italian] No, that's not what she was trying to say. 448 00:21:54,625 --> 00:21:57,583 [indistinct chatter] 449 00:22:01,625 --> 00:22:02,666 [Hayley chuckles] 450 00:22:06,416 --> 00:22:08,250 -Hey. -Marc. 451 00:22:08,333 --> 00:22:10,250 What the fuck are you doing here? 452 00:22:10,708 --> 00:22:11,791 You're surprised to see me? 453 00:22:11,875 --> 00:22:14,541 Yeah, I am a bit. I mean, everyone else was invited. 454 00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:15,708 What do you want? 455 00:22:15,791 --> 00:22:17,041 I know! I know! 456 00:22:17,125 --> 00:22:19,458 You felt like you had to go through with this facade. 457 00:22:19,666 --> 00:22:21,458 But, uh... But I'm here now. 458 00:22:21,791 --> 00:22:25,250 And I'm ready for us to be a happy couple. 459 00:22:26,250 --> 00:22:27,083 What? 460 00:22:28,458 --> 00:22:32,083 Uh, I am already in a happy couple with my husband, 461 00:22:32,166 --> 00:22:33,583 who's just in that next room. 462 00:22:33,666 --> 00:22:35,041 -Hello! -[woman] Beautiful wedding. 463 00:22:35,125 --> 00:22:37,125 So nice of you. I'll come and find you in a moment. 464 00:22:37,208 --> 00:22:38,208 I'll come and find you. 465 00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:39,875 I've told you several times, I am not-- 466 00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:41,583 -[in Italian] Congratulations. -Thank you. 467 00:22:41,666 --> 00:22:44,166 -I am not interested. -No, I know, I know, I know. 468 00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:46,791 Because-- Because you thought I didn't really love you, 469 00:22:46,875 --> 00:22:49,666 but now I'm proving that I do by doing something properly romantic. 470 00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:52,208 This is not properly romantic, this is psychopathic! 471 00:22:52,291 --> 00:22:53,541 Please, Marc, just leave. 472 00:22:53,625 --> 00:22:55,416 -Just leave now, please. -I just got here. 473 00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:57,583 If you don't leave, I will have security throw you out. 474 00:22:57,666 --> 00:22:59,541 Uh, why-- why don't you try that? 475 00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:00,708 See what happens. 476 00:23:01,250 --> 00:23:02,875 -Listen, you tosser-- -Hayley. 477 00:23:03,375 --> 00:23:05,250 -Hey. -Oh, Roberto. [laughs nervously] 478 00:23:05,333 --> 00:23:07,791 Is this one of your English friends I'm always hearing about? 479 00:23:07,875 --> 00:23:09,375 Hi, I'm Roberto. 480 00:23:09,458 --> 00:23:11,125 -[Marc chuckles] -Yes, yes, this is, uh... 481 00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:13,750 [stammers] This is Marc. 482 00:23:13,833 --> 00:23:16,666 Um, but he just popped in and, sadly, can't stay. 483 00:23:16,750 --> 00:23:19,291 -Yes, I can. -No. No, you can't, because... 484 00:23:19,375 --> 00:23:21,875 well, there's, um... there's nowhere for you to sit, for a start. 485 00:23:21,958 --> 00:23:23,791 Oh, no, no, it's no problem. 486 00:23:23,958 --> 00:23:27,166 Your cousin, Laura, couldn't make it, so we can put him on the English table. 487 00:23:27,250 --> 00:23:28,458 Oh! 488 00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:30,166 There you go. Perfect. 489 00:23:30,250 --> 00:23:31,583 -Come. I'll organize. -Brilliant. 490 00:23:31,666 --> 00:23:33,166 -Roberto, just... -[Roberto] Come on. 491 00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:34,166 Um... 492 00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:35,458 Yes... 493 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:37,833 [quietly] Fuck! 494 00:23:38,541 --> 00:23:39,416 [Jack] What about you? 495 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:41,500 -You had a boyfriend. -[Dina] Yeah. No more, though. 496 00:23:41,583 --> 00:23:44,291 He thought it was a good idea to sleep with almost all of his staff. 497 00:23:44,375 --> 00:23:45,583 -[Jack] Ouch. -So, yeah. 498 00:23:45,666 --> 00:23:48,958 So it was either fly out for Hayley's beautiful wedding in Rome, 499 00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:51,250 or go home and kick the living fuck out of him. 500 00:23:51,333 --> 00:23:52,333 [Jack] It's not too late. 501 00:23:52,416 --> 00:23:55,875 You know, you could always kick the fuck out of him when you get back. 502 00:23:55,958 --> 00:23:56,833 Best of both worlds. 503 00:23:56,916 --> 00:23:59,125 [Dina] I get back on Tuesday. I can fuck him up then. 504 00:23:59,416 --> 00:24:00,458 [Jack stammers] 505 00:24:00,875 --> 00:24:01,875 Just before we... 506 00:24:02,666 --> 00:24:03,500 Yeah? 507 00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:06,333 Uh... 508 00:24:08,208 --> 00:24:10,416 I... I used to ask about you... 509 00:24:11,375 --> 00:24:12,291 all the time. 510 00:24:12,541 --> 00:24:13,583 [chuckles softly] 511 00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:16,583 I used to ask about you, too. 512 00:24:20,833 --> 00:24:22,000 [Jack] There she is! 513 00:24:22,083 --> 00:24:25,583 -Hi! You look so beautiful! -So do you. It's so great to see you. 514 00:24:25,916 --> 00:24:28,000 -I'm just gonna borrow him. One second. -Yeah. 515 00:24:28,083 --> 00:24:29,375 We'll be right back. Sorry. 516 00:24:29,458 --> 00:24:31,458 Hold that thought, please. Hold it. 517 00:24:31,791 --> 00:24:34,083 [Overture from The Thieving Magpie playing] 518 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,958 [inaudible] 519 00:24:50,208 --> 00:24:51,833 Oh, my God, Hayles. 520 00:24:52,333 --> 00:24:54,458 She's even more gorgeous than I remember. 521 00:24:54,708 --> 00:24:56,375 Look, I know you're busy, 522 00:24:56,458 --> 00:24:58,291 but you said there was an English table. 523 00:24:58,375 --> 00:24:59,333 Is she on that table? 524 00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:01,625 Can you just-- Can you shut up for a second? 525 00:25:01,916 --> 00:25:04,083 Just listen to me 'cause I've got a bit of a problem. 526 00:25:04,166 --> 00:25:06,458 -Fine. What is it? -Marc Fisher is here. 527 00:25:06,666 --> 00:25:08,250 -What, the creep from school? -Yes. 528 00:25:08,333 --> 00:25:09,958 Why the hell did you invite him? 529 00:25:10,041 --> 00:25:11,833 I didn't invite him, he just came. 530 00:25:11,916 --> 00:25:13,083 Well, just tell him to leave. 531 00:25:13,166 --> 00:25:15,208 You can't just turn up to a wedding uninvited. 532 00:25:15,291 --> 00:25:16,375 Jack, you don't understand. 533 00:25:16,458 --> 00:25:18,375 He's saying that he's in love with me, 534 00:25:18,458 --> 00:25:21,333 and he's threatening to go full-on psycho and ruin my wedding! 535 00:25:21,958 --> 00:25:24,166 -He's what? -I know. He's fucking nuts. 536 00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:26,333 And he's fucking coked up to his eyeballs! 537 00:25:26,666 --> 00:25:28,958 All right. Okay. Don't worry. I'll-- I'll get him out. 538 00:25:29,041 --> 00:25:31,375 You can't! He's too volatile. God knows how he'll react. 539 00:25:31,458 --> 00:25:34,583 -All right. So what, then? -I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! 540 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,458 Oh, God. Have you got my pills? 541 00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:39,958 Come on. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 542 00:25:40,041 --> 00:25:43,083 -You're not gonna vom', are you? -God, you better have a bucket. 543 00:25:43,166 --> 00:25:44,458 Fuck! 544 00:25:44,958 --> 00:25:45,791 Just don't vom-- 545 00:25:45,875 --> 00:25:47,208 -Oh, my God. -What? 546 00:25:47,291 --> 00:25:48,333 What? What? What? 547 00:25:49,666 --> 00:25:50,875 Yes. Yes. 548 00:25:51,541 --> 00:25:53,625 This is the sleep medicine that I've been taking. 549 00:25:53,708 --> 00:25:55,708 Couple of drops of this, it would knock him out for hours. 550 00:25:55,791 --> 00:25:57,041 It's seriously strong. 551 00:25:57,625 --> 00:25:59,416 -Sorry, what? -[laughs] 552 00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:03,083 And Roberto has put him on your table. Oh, my God, it's perfect. 553 00:26:03,166 --> 00:26:06,000 Just put a couple of drops of that in his champagne glass. 554 00:26:06,083 --> 00:26:06,958 It'll be brilliant. 555 00:26:07,041 --> 00:26:09,666 But just use it sparingly 'cause it's the last that I have, okay? 556 00:26:09,750 --> 00:26:10,666 Put it in your pocket. 557 00:26:10,750 --> 00:26:12,250 -Just a quick question. -Yes? 558 00:26:12,916 --> 00:26:14,125 Are you fucking mental? 559 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,791 I'm not gonna roofie Marc Fisher. 560 00:26:16,875 --> 00:26:18,083 Listen, Jack. 561 00:26:18,166 --> 00:26:20,875 Marc is just about mad enough to ruin this whole wedding 562 00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:23,500 and humiliate me in front of my new family, 563 00:26:23,583 --> 00:26:26,291 many of whom already think I'm a bit of a dick. 564 00:26:26,375 --> 00:26:28,458 -There has to be another way. -There is no other way. 565 00:26:28,541 --> 00:26:30,291 -There isn't. Please. -There has to be. 566 00:26:30,375 --> 00:26:32,625 -No, there is no other way. -There has to be another way! 567 00:26:32,708 --> 00:26:33,541 Jack-- 568 00:26:33,625 --> 00:26:36,625 Hayley! Why do you keep disappearing, my beautiful? 569 00:26:36,708 --> 00:26:37,625 [laughs nervously] 570 00:26:37,708 --> 00:26:39,083 -We need to do the photos. -Oh! 571 00:26:39,166 --> 00:26:40,583 -Hey. -Hey. [chuckles] 572 00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:42,375 Your sister is an angel, isn't she? 573 00:26:42,458 --> 00:26:43,416 [Hayley laughs] 574 00:26:44,666 --> 00:26:45,708 -Yeah! -Yes. 575 00:26:45,791 --> 00:26:46,666 Come. 576 00:26:47,833 --> 00:26:48,666 Hayley... 577 00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:52,083 Hayles? Hayles? 578 00:26:52,458 --> 00:26:53,416 Hayles? 579 00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:54,416 Hayley! 580 00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:00,666 She's your sister. She's your sister. She's your sister. 581 00:27:02,916 --> 00:27:03,916 Okay. 582 00:27:10,041 --> 00:27:10,875 Ciao. 583 00:27:37,916 --> 00:27:39,750 [whispers] You fucking owe me, Hayley. 584 00:27:49,875 --> 00:27:52,250 [The Oracle] Do you know how many different ways eight people 585 00:27:52,333 --> 00:27:53,416 can sit around a table? 586 00:27:54,208 --> 00:27:56,916 No, don't try to work it out. It's really complicated math. 587 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:57,958 You won't be able to. 588 00:27:58,458 --> 00:27:59,541 But there are thousands. 589 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:00,916 Trust me. 590 00:28:01,208 --> 00:28:02,458 Look it up later. 591 00:28:03,041 --> 00:28:04,375 Anyway, the point is, 592 00:28:04,458 --> 00:28:08,250 something as seemingly insignificant as where we're sitting at a table 593 00:28:09,041 --> 00:28:10,583 is actually chance 594 00:28:11,208 --> 00:28:13,750 dictating whether love will succeed 595 00:28:14,166 --> 00:28:15,041 or fail. 596 00:28:17,375 --> 00:28:20,291 [The Thieving Magpie overture crescendos] 597 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,375 [wedding host] Signore e signori, ladies and gentlemen... 598 00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:32,333 [host speaking Italian] 599 00:28:33,583 --> 00:28:35,791 [in English] Please be seated. Lunch will be served. 600 00:28:37,666 --> 00:28:39,666 ["La donna è mobile" by Verdi playing] 601 00:28:48,625 --> 00:28:50,583 [Bryan] Come on. Come on. Come on. 602 00:28:50,666 --> 00:28:52,666 He's just a man. No different to anyone. 603 00:28:53,583 --> 00:28:57,000 [Bryan] A handsome, imposing, successful man. 604 00:28:57,083 --> 00:28:59,458 But it's fine. Just go over and say hello for God's sake. 605 00:28:59,541 --> 00:29:00,625 "Hi, I'm Bryan." 606 00:29:00,708 --> 00:29:01,666 See, it's easy. 607 00:29:02,458 --> 00:29:03,750 He's only human. 608 00:29:03,833 --> 00:29:05,541 He goes to the toilet just like anyone else. 609 00:29:06,166 --> 00:29:07,208 Just imagine him naked. 610 00:29:07,750 --> 00:29:08,958 Yeah, a naked man. 611 00:29:09,041 --> 00:29:11,125 Just a naked man shitting on a toilet. 612 00:29:27,208 --> 00:29:29,375 Oh, we're sat beside each other. How fun is that? 613 00:29:29,458 --> 00:29:30,791 -Brilliant. -[Rebecca chuckles] 614 00:29:32,791 --> 00:29:34,208 [music stops] 615 00:29:34,291 --> 00:29:36,708 [guests applaud] 616 00:29:37,166 --> 00:29:38,083 Thanks. 617 00:29:41,458 --> 00:29:42,291 Mm. 618 00:29:42,375 --> 00:29:43,208 Thank you. 619 00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:46,583 More, please. Thanks. 620 00:29:48,666 --> 00:29:50,166 Ahh! 621 00:29:50,666 --> 00:29:51,708 [Rebecca chuckles] 622 00:29:51,833 --> 00:29:52,708 Hi. 623 00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:54,000 [Rebecca] Hi. 624 00:29:54,208 --> 00:29:56,041 [Dina] I'm here. And you are... 625 00:29:56,625 --> 00:29:57,833 -There. Right. -Not quite... 626 00:29:58,291 --> 00:29:59,458 Okay. 627 00:29:59,541 --> 00:30:01,125 We can just, you know, wave at each other. 628 00:30:03,375 --> 00:30:04,541 -Hi. -[Rebecca] Hi. 629 00:30:04,666 --> 00:30:05,916 -Hello, I'm Bryan. -Dina. 630 00:30:06,333 --> 00:30:07,166 Wait... 631 00:30:07,750 --> 00:30:08,708 Wait a second... 632 00:30:10,541 --> 00:30:11,833 Hey, man. Hey. 633 00:30:14,375 --> 00:30:15,791 Look, can I just, uh... 634 00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:19,333 Cheers. 635 00:30:20,250 --> 00:30:21,666 -[Jack murmurs] -[Dina laughs] 636 00:30:21,750 --> 00:30:22,625 Uh... 637 00:30:23,375 --> 00:30:25,083 There's no way his cock's bigger than mine. 638 00:30:25,166 --> 00:30:27,250 It might be thicker, but it's definitely not longer. 639 00:30:27,333 --> 00:30:29,166 Are you seriously still going on about this? 640 00:30:29,458 --> 00:30:30,500 Well, yeah. 641 00:30:31,208 --> 00:30:34,041 For you information, thicker is just as important. 642 00:30:34,125 --> 00:30:36,541 You don't want a long, thin pencil dick going up there. 643 00:30:37,208 --> 00:30:39,333 -Have I got a pencil dick? -Can you please stop? 644 00:30:39,416 --> 00:30:41,875 -You're like a 12-year-old. -I haven't got the equipment of one. 645 00:30:41,958 --> 00:30:43,833 No, you don't. You have the brain of one, though. 646 00:30:43,916 --> 00:30:44,875 Okay, well... 647 00:30:46,625 --> 00:30:48,500 -[Bryan] Hey. -[Rebecca] Oh, hello. 648 00:30:51,625 --> 00:30:53,250 You have got to be kidding me. 649 00:30:53,583 --> 00:30:55,791 Oh, great. I'm not even sitting with you. 650 00:30:55,875 --> 00:30:57,916 [Chaz] I've got to sit with people I don't know. 651 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,500 What was your sister thinking, Jack? 652 00:30:59,583 --> 00:31:01,583 You know, I have really no idea. 653 00:31:01,916 --> 00:31:03,541 -All right? [sighs] -[Dina] Hi. 654 00:31:03,875 --> 00:31:05,000 This is brilliant, innit? 655 00:31:05,083 --> 00:31:06,083 [Sidney] Ah! 656 00:31:08,125 --> 00:31:09,791 -We're meant to be together. -Mm. 657 00:31:09,875 --> 00:31:10,833 Apparently. 658 00:31:13,125 --> 00:31:14,833 [sighs deeply] 659 00:31:16,125 --> 00:31:17,625 -Hi, everyone. -[Chaz] All right, mate? 660 00:31:21,083 --> 00:31:22,333 What's Marc Fisher doing here? 661 00:31:22,791 --> 00:31:23,833 Uh, I'll explain later. 662 00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:26,458 [wedding host] Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Carboni. 663 00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:31,833 [audience cheering in Italian] 664 00:31:32,125 --> 00:31:34,000 [glasses clinking] 665 00:31:37,791 --> 00:31:39,625 Cheers. Cheers, guys. Marc. 666 00:31:40,083 --> 00:31:42,791 [Jack] Welcome to table four. Yeah, to table four. 667 00:31:42,875 --> 00:31:44,500 -Cheers. -Cheers. 668 00:31:45,208 --> 00:31:46,500 [Sidney] Cheers. 669 00:31:48,875 --> 00:31:50,416 -To us. -Cheers. [chuckles] 670 00:31:50,500 --> 00:31:51,458 Could be. 671 00:31:53,333 --> 00:31:54,250 [Sidney murmurs] 672 00:31:55,125 --> 00:31:55,958 [Dina] Thank you. 673 00:31:56,833 --> 00:31:59,583 [Rebecca] So how long have you and Amanda been seeing each other? 674 00:31:59,666 --> 00:32:01,916 -I've been with her for about a year. -Whoa! 675 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,166 Yeah, and she's chose to sit next to her ex-boyfriend 676 00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:06,000 over her actual boyfriend, so... 677 00:32:06,083 --> 00:32:07,250 [Rebecca] It is pretty rude. 678 00:32:07,333 --> 00:32:11,041 Especially when you consider what sort of, um, relationship they had. 679 00:32:11,125 --> 00:32:13,416 -What do you mean? -It was all very physical, you know? 680 00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:14,791 I personally don't believe 681 00:32:14,875 --> 00:32:18,166 that any sort of meaningful relationship is ever built on that much sex, 682 00:32:18,250 --> 00:32:20,208 so it is kind of weird that they'd sit together. 683 00:32:20,291 --> 00:32:22,000 It's just like more... [blows raspberry] 684 00:32:22,083 --> 00:32:22,958 And less, like... 685 00:32:23,041 --> 00:32:24,666 -Do you know what I mean? -Yes. Yeah. 686 00:32:24,750 --> 00:32:26,500 Lots of banging, but very little chat. 687 00:32:26,583 --> 00:32:29,666 And, you know, where does that sort of thing end up, you know? 688 00:32:29,750 --> 00:32:32,125 Sorry, mate, can we get a proper drink? 689 00:32:32,208 --> 00:32:33,541 All about the... [blows raspberry] 690 00:32:33,625 --> 00:32:35,583 And not about the... [claps] Know what I mean? 691 00:32:35,666 --> 00:32:36,500 [Chaz] Yeah. Yeah. 692 00:32:36,875 --> 00:32:39,500 I see you're wearing the cuff links I bought you. 693 00:32:40,791 --> 00:32:42,000 Oh, yeah. [chuckles] 694 00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:44,166 Well, they were the only ones I had, so... 695 00:32:46,125 --> 00:32:46,958 Fuck you. 696 00:32:48,250 --> 00:32:50,833 So, um, I hear you're a journalist. 697 00:32:51,833 --> 00:32:53,000 -Yeah. -In journalism. 698 00:32:53,750 --> 00:32:54,791 Yes, that's right. 699 00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:56,333 Yes, got it in one. 700 00:32:56,541 --> 00:32:57,625 [both chuckle] 701 00:32:57,708 --> 00:32:59,333 So, what is that? Fashion stuff? 702 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,291 No, I'm a war journalist. 703 00:33:01,375 --> 00:33:02,750 I think someone said-- Hang on. 704 00:33:02,833 --> 00:33:03,875 Did you get kidnapped? 705 00:33:04,208 --> 00:33:05,166 Yes. Yeah. 706 00:33:05,875 --> 00:33:06,708 Whoops. 707 00:33:06,791 --> 00:33:08,958 -Yeah, whoops. -Big whoops. No, not whoops. 708 00:33:09,041 --> 00:33:11,375 But you know what I mean, like, careless. Well, not careless. 709 00:33:11,458 --> 00:33:13,416 -No, not careless. -So what happened there? 710 00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:15,750 We were on a report in Afghanistan and-- 711 00:33:15,833 --> 00:33:17,750 Oh, there's your first mistake. 712 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:20,708 Afghanistan, if you please. 713 00:33:22,041 --> 00:33:23,458 And what happened? Don't tell me. 714 00:33:23,583 --> 00:33:25,375 Um, well, the Taliban-- 715 00:33:25,458 --> 00:33:27,750 -The Taliban, quelle suprise. Yeah. -Right. 716 00:33:27,833 --> 00:33:31,125 Yeah, there were Taliban forces who came into our space-- 717 00:33:31,208 --> 00:33:32,166 Uninvited? 718 00:33:33,541 --> 00:33:34,958 -Yeah. -Of course they were. 719 00:33:35,041 --> 00:33:37,250 -Of course. -Why are you inviting the Taliban? 720 00:33:38,333 --> 00:33:40,291 Doing a report in Afghanistan, 721 00:33:40,375 --> 00:33:42,916 and the Taliban forces came in and took us outside, 722 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,000 -lined us up, held guns to our heads-- -What were you wearing? 723 00:33:45,083 --> 00:33:47,041 -What? -What were you wearing? 724 00:33:47,125 --> 00:33:48,791 Because, obviously, this would be, um... 725 00:33:49,708 --> 00:33:50,541 not for them. 726 00:33:50,625 --> 00:33:53,291 Out there they don't like the, um, exposed... 727 00:33:55,291 --> 00:33:56,166 breast. 728 00:33:57,208 --> 00:33:58,875 Not that this is exposed. This is... 729 00:33:59,583 --> 00:34:00,958 This is... Yeah. 730 00:34:01,041 --> 00:34:03,000 Absolutely... very well judged. 731 00:34:03,083 --> 00:34:04,250 I'd kidnap you. 732 00:34:04,333 --> 00:34:05,250 -Oh. -Mm-hmm. 733 00:34:06,625 --> 00:34:09,125 [Rebecca] The proof was in the pudding. They ended up breaking up. 734 00:34:09,208 --> 00:34:11,708 Well, no, because she keeps talking about his massive dick, so... 735 00:34:11,791 --> 00:34:15,291 -Really? -Yeah, well, mine's big anyway, so... 736 00:34:15,375 --> 00:34:17,708 -How big? -Bigger than his, probably. 737 00:34:17,791 --> 00:34:19,458 What you talking about? A spoon or a fork? 738 00:34:19,541 --> 00:34:21,500 -Both. -Can you point out on the table what size? 739 00:34:21,625 --> 00:34:23,250 Both. Stuck together. 740 00:34:23,333 --> 00:34:24,916 -Those two stuck together? -Yes. 741 00:34:26,166 --> 00:34:28,750 ["Non più andrai" by Mozart playing] 742 00:34:32,583 --> 00:34:36,083 -Who's the American? -Oh, that's Hayley's friend, Dina. 743 00:34:36,166 --> 00:34:39,166 God, yeah, the lady you met in Rome and wouldn't stop going on about. 744 00:34:39,250 --> 00:34:40,291 I don't go on about her. 745 00:34:40,375 --> 00:34:43,458 Oh, come on, you found every excuse in the world to talk about her. 746 00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:46,416 We'd been there for, uh, many days. 747 00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:50,291 We actually had no idea if it was, you know, day or night at that point and-- 748 00:34:50,375 --> 00:34:51,666 I'm in car insurance. 749 00:34:53,458 --> 00:34:55,375 -What? -I'm in car insurance. 750 00:34:58,166 --> 00:34:59,375 -Okay. -It is okay. 751 00:34:59,708 --> 00:35:00,666 Oh, okay. 752 00:35:00,750 --> 00:35:02,916 It's not as boring as it sounds, thank you. 753 00:35:04,125 --> 00:35:06,875 -I'm sorry. Go ahead. -That's fine. So, yes, um... 754 00:35:06,958 --> 00:35:10,958 I work with a couple of guys called Jim and, um, Jeff. 755 00:35:11,166 --> 00:35:13,458 Well, I call him Jeff. Jim calls him Jeffrey. 756 00:35:13,916 --> 00:35:16,041 Jim started in 2001. 757 00:35:16,583 --> 00:35:18,041 And then Jeff started... 758 00:35:18,125 --> 00:35:19,375 -Lovely. -Thanks. 759 00:35:19,458 --> 00:35:20,291 Grazie. 760 00:35:20,750 --> 00:35:21,916 -Grazie. -That's it. 761 00:35:22,291 --> 00:35:25,416 And then Jeff started a couple of years after that... 762 00:35:25,500 --> 00:35:27,083 [Bryan] I thought she had a boyfriend. 763 00:35:27,166 --> 00:35:28,541 Well, not anymore. 764 00:35:28,916 --> 00:35:31,000 Turns out he cheated on her really horrifically. 765 00:35:31,083 --> 00:35:32,500 Oh, that's great, man. 766 00:35:32,583 --> 00:35:34,833 That's great. You should really take your chance this time. 767 00:35:34,916 --> 00:35:36,416 Well, now I intend to. 768 00:35:36,500 --> 00:35:40,375 [Sidney] So, yes, Jim and Jeff are hilarious. 769 00:35:40,458 --> 00:35:42,541 God, you're slinging 'em back, aren't you? 770 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,458 -You know, if the situation calls for it. -Oh, sure. 771 00:35:45,541 --> 00:35:46,375 Which it does. 772 00:35:46,458 --> 00:35:48,375 Were you allowed to drink when you were kidnapped? 773 00:35:48,458 --> 00:35:51,083 ["The Blue Danube Waltz" playing] 774 00:36:09,333 --> 00:36:11,041 [Sidney] Another time. I must tell you this. 775 00:36:11,125 --> 00:36:13,416 I've parked my bike and outside it's spring, 776 00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:15,375 and locked her up, and I go in, 777 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:16,958 open the door, 778 00:36:17,041 --> 00:36:18,041 and, um, syrup. 779 00:36:18,791 --> 00:36:19,791 -What? -Syrup. 780 00:36:19,875 --> 00:36:21,833 -Syrup? -Syrup all on the door handle. 781 00:36:21,916 --> 00:36:24,541 To the extent that there's syrup actually on the floor underneath it. 782 00:36:24,625 --> 00:36:26,333 -On the carpet. -Another Jeff bit? 783 00:36:26,416 --> 00:36:27,750 Jim. What, Jeff? 784 00:36:28,333 --> 00:36:29,833 I said, "Jeff bit," like Jeff-- 785 00:36:29,916 --> 00:36:31,916 No, this is not Jeff. This is before Jeff. 786 00:36:32,458 --> 00:36:33,458 Oh, I'm sorry, I-- 787 00:36:33,833 --> 00:36:35,041 Yeah, you're right, it's... 788 00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:38,750 This is Jim. Am I talking to myself? 789 00:36:38,833 --> 00:36:39,666 [laughs] No. 790 00:36:39,958 --> 00:36:41,916 Jeff didn't start until 2008. 791 00:36:42,666 --> 00:36:43,625 No, hang on a minute. 792 00:36:43,708 --> 00:36:44,916 I'd got rid of the bike, 793 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,666 so he would've started in the spring... 794 00:36:47,750 --> 00:36:48,583 of... 795 00:36:48,791 --> 00:36:51,166 two thousand and... 796 00:36:51,708 --> 00:36:52,708 wait for it... 797 00:36:53,458 --> 00:36:55,708 -You know what? Don't worry about it. -May as well get it. 798 00:36:55,791 --> 00:36:56,625 [whispers] Bryan. 799 00:36:57,750 --> 00:36:59,458 Bryan, can you do me a favor, mate? 800 00:36:59,958 --> 00:37:02,791 Could you keep an eye on Marc? If he moves, just come and grab me. 801 00:37:04,166 --> 00:37:05,958 I'm gonna make my move. [clicks tongue] 802 00:37:06,041 --> 00:37:06,875 Wish me luck. 803 00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:09,666 [Sidney] It was 2006, back on in-- 804 00:37:09,750 --> 00:37:11,583 Yes, 2008. Yes, here he his. 805 00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:13,208 -Sorry to interrupt. -Hello. 806 00:37:13,291 --> 00:37:16,750 Good, man. Um, just wondering if you want to grab a drink at the bar. 807 00:37:16,833 --> 00:37:19,500 -I would love to. Excuse us. -That sounds fantastic! 808 00:37:23,958 --> 00:37:24,791 Okay. 809 00:37:25,041 --> 00:37:27,625 -[Sidney] You coming, Jack? -Yeah. Of course. 810 00:37:41,750 --> 00:37:43,625 [guests applauding] 811 00:37:44,541 --> 00:37:45,875 Oh, Vitelli. 812 00:37:46,333 --> 00:37:48,375 -What? Where are you going? -Vitelli. 813 00:37:48,625 --> 00:37:50,958 -Oh, do you want me to come with you? -God, no. 814 00:37:51,875 --> 00:37:52,708 Cool. 815 00:37:54,750 --> 00:37:56,666 [in Italian] Oh... I told you... 816 00:37:56,750 --> 00:37:57,583 [laughs] 817 00:37:58,708 --> 00:38:00,500 Mr... Mr. Vitelli. 818 00:38:01,416 --> 00:38:02,833 -Yeah? -My name is Bryan. 819 00:38:02,958 --> 00:38:04,500 [Vitelli] Oh, nice to meet you. 820 00:38:05,291 --> 00:38:06,125 Bryan? 821 00:38:09,541 --> 00:38:11,458 Mm. Sorry. Um... 822 00:38:11,541 --> 00:38:13,250 Would you mind if I sit down? 823 00:38:14,875 --> 00:38:16,166 I just want to sit down. 824 00:38:17,875 --> 00:38:19,166 It's okay, Bryan. Can I help you? 825 00:38:19,250 --> 00:38:20,541 -Oh, yes. -Yeah? 826 00:38:20,625 --> 00:38:24,916 Mr. Vitelli, I just wanted to say that I am such a huge fan. 827 00:38:25,458 --> 00:38:27,958 -Thank you. Thank you very much. -No, really, I am. 828 00:38:28,208 --> 00:38:33,833 And I would just be fascinated to understand where you get the... 829 00:38:35,125 --> 00:38:36,500 [slurring] ...idea for your films. 830 00:38:36,833 --> 00:38:38,250 -The ideas? -The ideas. 831 00:38:38,333 --> 00:38:39,458 Oh, well... [chuckles] 832 00:38:39,541 --> 00:38:40,458 Uh... 833 00:38:40,916 --> 00:38:43,416 Well, you know, the thing about ideas is that... 834 00:38:43,750 --> 00:38:44,750 Hmm. 835 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,500 ...they're not created. 836 00:38:46,583 --> 00:38:48,500 They come to you just like... 837 00:38:49,083 --> 00:38:51,041 um, happy accidents. 838 00:38:51,583 --> 00:38:54,208 You know what I mean? Inside you. Just really... 839 00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:57,625 from somewhere inside you. Some secret, dark... 840 00:38:58,333 --> 00:39:00,708 -Dark place. -...blind place inside of you. 841 00:39:00,791 --> 00:39:01,916 That's brilliant. 842 00:39:02,833 --> 00:39:04,000 [murmuring] 843 00:39:07,833 --> 00:39:08,708 Hey, man? 844 00:39:16,166 --> 00:39:17,041 Mm. 845 00:39:17,916 --> 00:39:18,750 Vitelli. 846 00:39:19,916 --> 00:39:20,750 [sighs] 847 00:39:20,833 --> 00:39:23,166 -Okay, thank you for coming. -Thank you. 848 00:39:23,250 --> 00:39:24,083 Thank you. 849 00:39:27,208 --> 00:39:29,125 -It's been nice to talk with you. -Thank you. 850 00:39:29,208 --> 00:39:30,125 Yeah. 851 00:39:30,416 --> 00:39:31,250 Thank you. 852 00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:35,375 [chuckles] 853 00:39:35,458 --> 00:39:36,291 How'd it go? 854 00:39:36,750 --> 00:39:37,583 Hm? 855 00:39:37,666 --> 00:39:40,166 -Vitelli? How did it go? -Yeah, all right. 856 00:39:40,250 --> 00:39:41,666 Oh, my God, I knew it. 857 00:39:41,750 --> 00:39:43,333 What a story. What a night. 858 00:39:43,416 --> 00:39:45,833 That is nuts. I can see that you're buzzin'. 859 00:39:56,041 --> 00:39:58,458 Jeff's stood there, laughing. He's still got the glove on. 860 00:39:58,541 --> 00:40:00,208 -Laughing behind the glove. -Oh. 861 00:40:00,291 --> 00:40:02,375 Still, also with the purple track suit. 862 00:40:02,458 --> 00:40:05,708 And I'm like, "Yeah, that worked. That worked. As planned." 863 00:40:05,791 --> 00:40:07,166 -Sidney, sorry. -Mm. 864 00:40:07,833 --> 00:40:09,958 I'd hate to sound rude, but, um... 865 00:40:11,083 --> 00:40:12,541 I was just kind of hoping 866 00:40:12,625 --> 00:40:15,458 to have kind of a private chat. 867 00:40:15,541 --> 00:40:17,291 As in... 868 00:40:17,375 --> 00:40:18,583 just the two of us. 869 00:40:19,041 --> 00:40:19,958 Man to man. 870 00:40:21,791 --> 00:40:23,166 Would you mind just, um...? 871 00:40:26,708 --> 00:40:28,000 Okay, Sidney? 872 00:40:28,083 --> 00:40:30,916 -Yes, Jack? -What I meant, uh... 873 00:40:31,666 --> 00:40:32,958 I meant Dina and me. 874 00:40:35,041 --> 00:40:36,041 [stammers] 875 00:40:36,250 --> 00:40:37,250 So, where do I go? 876 00:40:37,333 --> 00:40:38,666 I mean, I don't know, man. 877 00:40:39,041 --> 00:40:40,166 Uh, over there? 878 00:40:40,583 --> 00:40:42,000 -Over there? -Yeah. 879 00:40:46,416 --> 00:40:47,291 I'll pop off. 880 00:40:47,958 --> 00:40:50,291 Yeah, you're cool. I'll see you in a minute. 881 00:40:50,375 --> 00:40:51,583 -You're cool, too. -Okay. 882 00:40:53,125 --> 00:40:54,291 -Oh! -I feel awful. 883 00:40:54,666 --> 00:40:56,250 That felt horrible. 884 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,125 Look at you, you're such a baller. 885 00:41:06,208 --> 00:41:09,291 You're so chilled out about it. I love it. I think you're amazing. 886 00:41:09,375 --> 00:41:11,333 I actually do think you're amazing. 887 00:41:11,416 --> 00:41:12,416 But whatever, you know? 888 00:41:12,500 --> 00:41:14,041 [Marc imitates a revving engine] 889 00:41:14,125 --> 00:41:15,333 [panting, sniffing] 890 00:41:15,958 --> 00:41:17,375 [Marc] She loves you. She loves you! 891 00:41:17,458 --> 00:41:18,291 [babbling] 892 00:41:19,166 --> 00:41:20,125 [whispers] She's yours. 893 00:41:21,083 --> 00:41:21,916 You got this. 894 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,208 Yeah, yeah, yeah. She definitely loves you. 895 00:41:27,833 --> 00:41:31,333 Quickly, before Sidney gets back. Just tell me what you've been up to. 896 00:41:31,416 --> 00:41:32,458 Quickly? Just tell you-- 897 00:41:32,541 --> 00:41:35,083 Tell me everything you've done in three years in ten seconds. 898 00:41:35,166 --> 00:41:36,291 -Just... -Sid can do that. 899 00:41:36,375 --> 00:41:39,791 Since the last time I saw you, I've had a failed relationship. 900 00:41:39,875 --> 00:41:41,750 Amanda, who's sat right next to me. 901 00:41:41,833 --> 00:41:43,125 Um... [stammers] 902 00:41:43,208 --> 00:41:45,166 Then I went to Asia, traveled around, 903 00:41:45,250 --> 00:41:47,791 got a horrible disease, um, came back, 904 00:41:47,875 --> 00:41:50,750 and then I just recently qualified as a structural engineer... 905 00:41:51,041 --> 00:41:52,666 at last. [chuckles] 906 00:41:52,750 --> 00:41:54,000 Hey! That was eight seconds! 907 00:41:54,083 --> 00:41:55,750 -You were actually counting? -Mm-hmm. 908 00:41:55,833 --> 00:41:59,583 I mean, you have two seconds left, but you don't have anything to fill. 909 00:41:59,666 --> 00:42:02,291 No, I really don't. It's a sad, sad, sad admission. 910 00:42:02,375 --> 00:42:04,583 I mean, that's a lot of just... blah. 911 00:42:04,666 --> 00:42:07,083 [speaking in Italian] 912 00:42:09,875 --> 00:42:11,750 -Hey. -Sorry, just one second. 913 00:42:13,333 --> 00:42:14,541 You're-- You're awake. 914 00:42:14,625 --> 00:42:16,041 I'm awake. Of course I'm awake. 915 00:42:16,125 --> 00:42:18,458 Why wouldn't I be awake? Anyway, we need to talk. 916 00:42:20,083 --> 00:42:21,458 Right. Um, yes. 917 00:42:21,541 --> 00:42:24,291 Just as long as you're not going to say that we're meant to be together. 918 00:42:24,583 --> 00:42:25,708 Oh, uh... 919 00:42:26,750 --> 00:42:27,833 We are meant to be together. 920 00:42:28,333 --> 00:42:30,041 What planet are you on, Marc? 921 00:42:30,750 --> 00:42:32,583 Do you want me to just tattoo it on my forehead? 922 00:42:32,666 --> 00:42:34,291 I love Roberto. 923 00:42:34,583 --> 00:42:36,041 Uh, no. 924 00:42:37,666 --> 00:42:38,666 What do you mean, "no"? 925 00:42:38,750 --> 00:42:40,916 The connection between us is undeniable. 926 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,583 You're just scared of telling Roberto, but it's okay, it's okay. 927 00:42:43,666 --> 00:42:46,583 He does need to know, so you tell him, or I'll do it for you. 928 00:42:46,666 --> 00:42:48,791 [host] Signore e signori, ladies and gentlemen... 929 00:42:49,166 --> 00:42:52,541 [host speaking Italian] 930 00:42:52,625 --> 00:42:54,708 [host, in English] We'll now have our first dance 931 00:42:54,791 --> 00:42:56,083 with Hayley and Roberto. 932 00:42:56,166 --> 00:42:57,250 [guests applauding] 933 00:42:58,666 --> 00:42:59,791 Please stay here. 934 00:43:00,416 --> 00:43:02,416 [cheers and applause] 935 00:43:02,500 --> 00:43:05,500 [Op. 75 from Romantic Pieces by Dvořák playing] 936 00:43:32,958 --> 00:43:34,625 So, come on. Your turn. 937 00:43:35,041 --> 00:43:37,333 I was a foreign correspondent, as you might remember. 938 00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:40,500 I went off to some very horrific places. 939 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,291 I saw a lot of people get shot. I was kidnapped. 940 00:43:43,375 --> 00:43:44,291 Came back home. 941 00:43:44,375 --> 00:43:46,416 My mom got sick and died. 942 00:43:46,500 --> 00:43:48,208 And I found out that my boyfriend 943 00:43:48,291 --> 00:43:51,916 loves having sex with anything with an available orifice, so... 944 00:43:54,416 --> 00:43:55,250 That's... 945 00:43:55,625 --> 00:43:56,833 -Wow. -That's it. 946 00:43:57,833 --> 00:43:59,708 -Um... -Yeah. [chuckles] 947 00:44:00,166 --> 00:44:01,125 I'm sorry. 948 00:44:01,458 --> 00:44:03,750 Oh, yeah, it's okay. It's just-- You know, it's life. 949 00:44:03,833 --> 00:44:06,125 No, I mean I'm sorry that it was 12 seconds. 950 00:44:06,208 --> 00:44:07,208 [laughs] 951 00:44:07,291 --> 00:44:08,208 So, that's... 952 00:44:08,625 --> 00:44:10,458 Oh, it means you lose. 953 00:44:11,083 --> 00:44:11,958 Wow. 954 00:44:12,041 --> 00:44:12,916 Well, let's... 955 00:44:13,625 --> 00:44:14,583 Hey, let's just hope... 956 00:44:15,375 --> 00:44:17,541 it's only good luck from now, right? 957 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:19,416 Yeah, fingers crossed. 958 00:44:23,833 --> 00:44:25,833 [guests applauding] 959 00:44:31,625 --> 00:44:33,125 -Your dress! -Sorry! 960 00:44:33,208 --> 00:44:35,791 -Where are we going? -Just here is fine. Just here. 961 00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:38,541 -You okay? -No, not really. 962 00:44:38,625 --> 00:44:40,875 -Marc is still totally fucking wide awake! -What? How? 963 00:44:40,958 --> 00:44:42,666 Jesus, Jack. It was a simple plan. 964 00:44:42,750 --> 00:44:44,291 How did you mess this up? 965 00:44:44,375 --> 00:44:45,375 [stammers] Hey! 966 00:44:45,458 --> 00:44:47,791 You do know this is my first time spiking someone's drink. 967 00:44:47,875 --> 00:44:48,750 Shush! 968 00:44:48,833 --> 00:44:51,500 -I already feel awful about it, and now-- -Yeah, I know. 969 00:44:51,583 --> 00:44:55,125 Look, please, will you just make sure he doesn't go anywhere near Roberto? 970 00:44:55,208 --> 00:44:56,458 I have to go and do something. 971 00:44:56,541 --> 00:44:58,916 -What do you have to go do? -Just more fucking photos! 972 00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:00,791 How's it going with Dina? 973 00:45:01,250 --> 00:45:03,041 Yeah, no, it's good, it's good, it's good. 974 00:45:03,125 --> 00:45:04,333 -It's good. -That's great. 975 00:45:04,416 --> 00:45:06,291 You know what, though? It's like Mum used to say. 976 00:45:06,375 --> 00:45:08,416 You expect the worst, but hope for the best, 977 00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:10,208 and I feel like this is our moment. 978 00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:12,458 -This is-- This is-- -Yeah, that's great. Great. 979 00:45:18,166 --> 00:45:19,291 [sighs] 980 00:45:21,291 --> 00:45:22,208 Hello, nads. 981 00:45:23,041 --> 00:45:23,875 Hello. 982 00:45:24,083 --> 00:45:25,125 -Hi. -Hi. 983 00:45:25,208 --> 00:45:27,875 -I'm Cristina. -Would you mind holding that, Cristina? 984 00:45:28,833 --> 00:45:30,125 I need to do a bit of, um... 985 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:32,833 a bit of admin. 986 00:45:34,375 --> 00:45:36,000 Kilt... Hang on. 987 00:45:36,125 --> 00:45:37,083 [Cristina clears throat] 988 00:45:37,166 --> 00:45:38,000 Sorry. 989 00:45:39,041 --> 00:45:40,125 Under the, uh... 990 00:45:41,208 --> 00:45:42,916 How do they bloody do this? 991 00:45:44,083 --> 00:45:46,541 That's wrapped 'round like nunchucks. 992 00:45:47,625 --> 00:45:48,541 Ah. 993 00:45:48,958 --> 00:45:49,833 Just unwrapping. 994 00:45:54,250 --> 00:45:55,416 Hm. Hey presto. 995 00:45:56,208 --> 00:45:58,083 Thank you. I'm Sidney. 996 00:45:58,166 --> 00:45:59,000 Okay. 997 00:45:59,625 --> 00:46:00,500 Okay. 998 00:46:01,208 --> 00:46:02,083 That's okay. 999 00:46:02,833 --> 00:46:03,750 [Sidney] Off she goes. 1000 00:46:05,083 --> 00:46:06,000 [sighs] 1001 00:46:11,666 --> 00:46:12,541 [Chaz] Mm! 1002 00:46:12,958 --> 00:46:14,458 Hey, man. Uh... 1003 00:46:14,583 --> 00:46:15,416 All right? 1004 00:46:15,500 --> 00:46:17,208 I was gonna say, well done back there. 1005 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:18,833 Excuse me? 1006 00:46:18,916 --> 00:46:20,291 No, it's the way you orchestrated 1007 00:46:20,375 --> 00:46:22,791 that you'd be sitting next to Amanda at the wedding. [chuckles] 1008 00:46:23,750 --> 00:46:27,125 What, you think I wanted to sit next to my ex-girlfriend at my sister's wedding? 1009 00:46:27,208 --> 00:46:28,708 But I'm not a masochist. 1010 00:46:28,791 --> 00:46:31,291 -Bit of a coincidence, though, isn't it? -Is it, though? 1011 00:46:31,375 --> 00:46:32,833 Yeah, it is. You know, yeah. 1012 00:46:32,916 --> 00:46:35,666 Look, uh, mate, um... 1013 00:46:35,750 --> 00:46:38,875 Amanda and I are totally, totally done. 1014 00:46:38,958 --> 00:46:40,416 I mean, we went out for two years, 1015 00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:42,708 but by the end of which, we pretty much hated each other. 1016 00:46:42,791 --> 00:46:44,208 So you're saying you hate her now, eh? 1017 00:46:44,750 --> 00:46:47,083 -"Hate" is a strong word. -You just said it. 1018 00:46:47,166 --> 00:46:49,083 But definitely dislike. 1019 00:46:49,666 --> 00:46:50,583 You be careful, mate. 1020 00:46:50,666 --> 00:46:53,000 'Cause that's my future fiancée you're talking about. 1021 00:46:53,125 --> 00:46:55,083 -Really? -What do you mean, "really?" 1022 00:46:56,041 --> 00:46:58,708 Oh, what? Because I haven't got that? Yeah? 1023 00:46:59,083 --> 00:47:02,375 I couldn't fill those boots? Huh? What? What went through your mind just then? 1024 00:47:02,458 --> 00:47:04,000 "Oh, this guy in front of me 1025 00:47:04,083 --> 00:47:06,541 has got a really tiny, weird penis that everyone's laughing at." 1026 00:47:06,625 --> 00:47:08,041 No, they're not. They're laughing at you. 1027 00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:10,625 'Cause you're the weirdo who's walking around with your big penis. 1028 00:47:10,708 --> 00:47:13,625 "Oh, look at me! I'm at a wedding with a big dick! 1029 00:47:13,708 --> 00:47:15,875 Everyone respect me because of my big penis! 1030 00:47:15,958 --> 00:47:18,333 Ooh! Oh, it's really girthy! It's really girthy! 1031 00:47:18,416 --> 00:47:20,125 Please like it! Please like it!" 1032 00:47:23,041 --> 00:47:25,416 -I'm sorry, you completely lost me. -Exactly. 1033 00:47:25,750 --> 00:47:27,125 Stay away from her. 1034 00:47:28,333 --> 00:47:29,500 -Okay. -Good. 1035 00:47:29,583 --> 00:47:30,666 -I will. -Okay. 1036 00:47:31,416 --> 00:47:32,500 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1037 00:47:32,583 --> 00:47:34,500 -Good chat. -Yeah, great chat. 1038 00:47:34,583 --> 00:47:36,333 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1039 00:47:37,041 --> 00:47:38,416 -All right. -Yeah. 1040 00:47:40,916 --> 00:47:42,041 Hey. 1041 00:47:43,125 --> 00:47:45,458 -Hey, you. -Is everything okay? 1042 00:47:45,541 --> 00:47:46,500 [chuckles] 1043 00:47:46,833 --> 00:47:48,083 Uh, yeah, yeah. 1044 00:47:49,333 --> 00:47:51,833 -[Dina] Do you want a drink? -[Jack] Yeah, no, I really do. 1045 00:47:51,916 --> 00:47:54,333 I think I might change out the wine and go for a gin and... 1046 00:47:54,583 --> 00:47:55,458 [Jack] Fuck. 1047 00:47:56,041 --> 00:47:56,916 One sec. 1048 00:48:00,041 --> 00:48:02,083 He wants a Gin and Fuck, please. Thanks. 1049 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,125 I'm kidding. [chuckles] 1050 00:48:13,166 --> 00:48:14,458 [Marc] What are you doing? 1051 00:48:14,541 --> 00:48:15,583 -[Jack] Just here. -Ow! 1052 00:48:15,666 --> 00:48:16,833 I'm so sorry. 1053 00:48:16,916 --> 00:48:18,125 Sorry. Sorry. 1054 00:48:18,375 --> 00:48:20,958 Um... Why... No, okay. 1055 00:48:21,041 --> 00:48:23,375 Just hold on one sec. 1056 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,041 Sorry. 1057 00:48:25,125 --> 00:48:27,083 I know you have this thing for Hayley, right, 1058 00:48:27,166 --> 00:48:29,958 but she doesn't feel the same, so you need to accept that. 1059 00:48:30,041 --> 00:48:31,666 Oh, oh, oh. Is that right? 1060 00:48:31,750 --> 00:48:33,208 Then, um... hmm... 1061 00:48:33,291 --> 00:48:36,125 how come we shagged three weeks ago? 1062 00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:42,875 -What? -That's right. 1063 00:48:43,625 --> 00:48:45,916 Shagged. 1064 00:48:46,291 --> 00:48:47,541 Just... [laughs] 1065 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,708 Okay, I really-- I really don't know what's happening here, 1066 00:48:50,791 --> 00:48:52,166 but I do know that she's happy. 1067 00:48:52,375 --> 00:48:53,250 [Jack sighs] 1068 00:48:53,333 --> 00:48:55,416 Please, please don't ruin that. 1069 00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:56,625 Okay, okay. 1070 00:48:56,708 --> 00:48:58,875 But I'm gonna make her happy! Idiot! 1071 00:48:58,958 --> 00:49:01,041 [Jack grunts] No, okay... 1072 00:49:01,666 --> 00:49:02,791 Okay, okay... 1073 00:49:03,291 --> 00:49:04,458 Oh, God, this is happening! 1074 00:49:04,541 --> 00:49:07,041 -[Jack] I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! -[muffled yelling] 1075 00:49:08,291 --> 00:49:11,000 -Ah, now, Jack... -Sidney! 1076 00:49:11,083 --> 00:49:13,625 I'm gonna nip back to the hotel, put some trousers on. 1077 00:49:13,708 --> 00:49:15,291 -The kilt's too much. -Brilliant! Great! 1078 00:49:15,375 --> 00:49:17,875 Could you just give me a hand for just one second? Sidney! 1079 00:49:17,958 --> 00:49:19,708 -Sidney! -Yes. Yes, Jack. 1080 00:49:19,791 --> 00:49:21,333 -Sidney! -Yes, I'm coming. 1081 00:49:22,041 --> 00:49:24,041 -I need to find a room. -Yeah, what's going on? 1082 00:49:24,125 --> 00:49:25,458 I'll explain it later. 1083 00:49:26,208 --> 00:49:28,583 -I'm Federico Vitelli. -Dina. 1084 00:49:28,666 --> 00:49:30,500 -Dina, nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. 1085 00:49:31,125 --> 00:49:32,000 I love your work. 1086 00:49:32,375 --> 00:49:33,291 [Sidney] Ah! 1087 00:49:33,375 --> 00:49:35,416 We're in! Okay. 1088 00:49:36,083 --> 00:49:37,000 -Sidney? -Yes? 1089 00:49:37,083 --> 00:49:37,916 -That cupboard! -Yes. 1090 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,708 -The other door, Sidney! -Both doors? 1091 00:49:39,791 --> 00:49:41,291 There we go. Okay. 1092 00:49:42,208 --> 00:49:43,166 Wowzers! 1093 00:49:43,250 --> 00:49:45,333 -Please don't put me in the cupboard! -Bye-bye! 1094 00:49:45,416 --> 00:49:47,125 -[straining] -I think Jim has that painting. 1095 00:49:47,208 --> 00:49:49,250 -Yeah! -Lovely stuff. 1096 00:49:49,875 --> 00:49:52,333 [Marc] Please! Help! 1097 00:49:52,416 --> 00:49:54,416 [Marc yells and pounds on cupboard door] 1098 00:49:57,541 --> 00:49:58,416 [in Italian] Hello. 1099 00:49:59,083 --> 00:50:00,625 [in English] Can I borrow you for a sec? 1100 00:50:00,708 --> 00:50:02,041 Uh, yeah, sure. 1101 00:50:02,208 --> 00:50:03,708 Um, sorry. 1102 00:50:04,250 --> 00:50:05,166 [in Italian] Sorry. 1103 00:50:06,166 --> 00:50:07,083 Jack? 1104 00:50:09,125 --> 00:50:10,083 All right. 1105 00:50:10,375 --> 00:50:11,875 I want an answer, and I want it now. 1106 00:50:12,125 --> 00:50:13,541 About what, Chaz? 1107 00:50:13,625 --> 00:50:15,083 Just the whole marriage thing. 1108 00:50:15,166 --> 00:50:17,666 Look, is it because of your ex-boyfriend? Is that the issue? 1109 00:50:17,750 --> 00:50:19,500 Oh, God! Don't be ridiculous! 1110 00:50:20,166 --> 00:50:21,583 All right, good, 'cause, um... 1111 00:50:21,958 --> 00:50:23,208 he said he hated you, so... 1112 00:50:24,583 --> 00:50:25,500 [Chaz] Mmm. 1113 00:50:27,458 --> 00:50:28,375 That's good stuff. 1114 00:50:31,333 --> 00:50:32,166 He what? 1115 00:50:36,333 --> 00:50:37,416 [muffled yelling] 1116 00:50:37,500 --> 00:50:38,375 [Marc] Help me! 1117 00:50:38,458 --> 00:50:39,833 I'm in the cupboard! 1118 00:50:40,125 --> 00:50:41,125 Hello! 1119 00:50:41,208 --> 00:50:42,291 [pounding on cupboard door] 1120 00:50:45,458 --> 00:50:46,833 [coughing] 1121 00:50:52,083 --> 00:50:52,916 What? 1122 00:50:53,583 --> 00:50:56,041 So, I just heard something a little bit weird. 1123 00:50:56,375 --> 00:50:59,583 Apparently, you shagged Marc Fisher three weeks ago. 1124 00:51:01,208 --> 00:51:02,125 Did he say that? 1125 00:51:02,791 --> 00:51:05,250 You know, that really is unbelievable. I mean, the nerve! 1126 00:51:05,333 --> 00:51:08,083 My God! You are the worst liar in the entire world! 1127 00:51:08,166 --> 00:51:09,375 What were you thinking? 1128 00:51:09,458 --> 00:51:12,208 I know, I really fucked up. It was an accident. 1129 00:51:12,916 --> 00:51:14,333 -[woman] Hello! -Hello. 1130 00:51:15,166 --> 00:51:16,291 [Hayley and Jack chuckle] 1131 00:51:17,708 --> 00:51:19,958 How the hell do you have sex with someone by accident? 1132 00:51:20,041 --> 00:51:20,916 How does that happen? 1133 00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,541 Shh. Please. Let me explain. 1134 00:51:22,625 --> 00:51:24,583 You know when I came to London a couple weeks ago, 1135 00:51:24,666 --> 00:51:26,291 and I was really fucking stressed about the wedding? 1136 00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:28,375 I went to the pub, and I had a couple of drinks, 1137 00:51:28,458 --> 00:51:30,125 and who walks in but Marc Fisher. 1138 00:51:30,208 --> 00:51:32,041 We start chatting, we had a couple of shots, 1139 00:51:32,125 --> 00:51:34,458 and before we know it, one thing leads to another, all right? 1140 00:51:34,541 --> 00:51:36,291 But it didn't mean anything, Jack. 1141 00:51:36,750 --> 00:51:40,458 Of course, it turns out that he's been obsessed with me since we were 15. 1142 00:51:40,541 --> 00:51:43,125 Fifteen, Jack, and nothing ever happened. 1143 00:51:43,208 --> 00:51:45,958 Yeah, we snogged a couple of times. Maybe he felt my tits. I don't know. 1144 00:51:46,041 --> 00:51:48,791 -Maybe I rubbed him up against his jeans. -I don't need the details. 1145 00:51:48,875 --> 00:51:49,708 Sorry. 1146 00:51:50,625 --> 00:51:52,708 Jesus, Hayley. I thought you loved Roberto. 1147 00:51:52,791 --> 00:51:54,791 Oh, my God. I do. 1148 00:51:55,208 --> 00:51:57,000 I do. More than anything. 1149 00:51:57,958 --> 00:51:59,500 He can never find out. 1150 00:52:00,041 --> 00:52:01,208 It would kill him. 1151 00:52:01,875 --> 00:52:03,208 [host] Ladies and gentlemen, 1152 00:52:03,291 --> 00:52:07,375 now we'll have the speech of the maid of honor, Bryan. 1153 00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:09,375 [guests applauding] 1154 00:52:10,333 --> 00:52:11,375 Where is Bryan? 1155 00:52:17,625 --> 00:52:18,458 Bryan. 1156 00:52:19,833 --> 00:52:22,375 Oh! Hey, hey. How you doing, man? 1157 00:52:22,791 --> 00:52:23,666 Okay. 1158 00:52:23,875 --> 00:52:24,833 Um... 1159 00:52:25,333 --> 00:52:27,916 -They're calling to do your speech. -Speech? 1160 00:52:28,541 --> 00:52:30,791 The speech you have to do for the wedding, remember? 1161 00:52:30,875 --> 00:52:32,000 -What wedding? -This one. 1162 00:52:32,083 --> 00:52:34,375 The one we're at. Hayley's wedding. You're maid of honor. 1163 00:52:34,458 --> 00:52:36,375 -Man of honor, yeah. -Yeah, right, right, right. 1164 00:52:36,458 --> 00:52:39,750 -You wanted to impress Vitelli, remember? -Oh, yeah, Vitelli. 1165 00:52:40,958 --> 00:52:41,916 [chuckles nervously] 1166 00:52:42,708 --> 00:52:43,958 [in Italian] Where is he? 1167 00:52:45,708 --> 00:52:46,750 Oh! 1168 00:52:53,625 --> 00:52:54,833 [Jack] Whoa, whoa, hey. 1169 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:58,208 [applause stops] 1170 00:53:03,666 --> 00:53:04,666 [inhales] 1171 00:53:04,750 --> 00:53:05,625 [murmurs] 1172 00:53:14,375 --> 00:53:15,208 Mm. 1173 00:53:19,041 --> 00:53:21,458 [slurring] Why are all these people looking at me? 1174 00:53:26,625 --> 00:53:27,458 Oh. 1175 00:53:28,125 --> 00:53:30,083 This dream just gets weirder and weirder. 1176 00:53:33,500 --> 00:53:34,750 [murmurs] 1177 00:53:35,875 --> 00:53:37,250 Even Vitelli. 1178 00:53:38,625 --> 00:53:40,083 The Italian film director. 1179 00:53:41,458 --> 00:53:43,125 Yeah, he's good-looking, isn't he? 1180 00:53:44,625 --> 00:53:45,750 I fancy him a bit, but... 1181 00:53:45,833 --> 00:53:47,166 [groaning gently] 1182 00:53:47,250 --> 00:53:48,625 I'm not even gay, but... 1183 00:53:48,708 --> 00:53:49,958 [groaning gently] 1184 00:53:50,041 --> 00:53:51,083 I'd do it anyway. 1185 00:53:51,666 --> 00:53:52,541 [Bryan] Mm. 1186 00:53:53,416 --> 00:53:55,750 I wish he'd give me a part in one of his films, though. 1187 00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:58,000 Just a part. 1188 00:53:58,416 --> 00:53:59,541 Just a little part. 1189 00:54:01,291 --> 00:54:02,208 I'd do it good. 1190 00:54:02,791 --> 00:54:03,875 I'd do it good for you. 1191 00:54:07,416 --> 00:54:09,458 [Bryan] Just give me a part, you bastard! 1192 00:54:09,541 --> 00:54:11,666 [indistinct whispering from guests] 1193 00:54:11,750 --> 00:54:13,958 -[blows into mic] -[feedback whines gently] 1194 00:54:14,458 --> 00:54:17,666 [Bryan hums] 1195 00:54:19,166 --> 00:54:20,000 [Bryan] That's cake. 1196 00:54:23,125 --> 00:54:24,000 [Bryan] Dream cake. 1197 00:54:26,958 --> 00:54:28,083 [Roberto] Bryan, Bryan... 1198 00:54:28,916 --> 00:54:30,583 [audience gasps and yells] 1199 00:54:37,833 --> 00:54:39,375 -I'll just... -No! 1200 00:54:39,458 --> 00:54:41,458 I'm just gonna take you to the toilet, okay? 1201 00:54:41,541 --> 00:54:43,916 [host] An applause for the maid of honor. 1202 00:54:44,291 --> 00:54:45,708 [scattered applause] 1203 00:54:45,791 --> 00:54:47,583 [host speaking Italian] 1204 00:54:48,375 --> 00:54:49,208 Yeah. Hm. 1205 00:54:51,833 --> 00:54:53,416 [muffled yelling] 1206 00:54:53,833 --> 00:54:54,916 [Marc] Help! 1207 00:54:55,541 --> 00:54:56,958 Help! 1208 00:54:57,041 --> 00:54:58,083 [pounding on cupboard door] 1209 00:54:58,166 --> 00:54:59,500 Help! 1210 00:55:00,083 --> 00:55:01,041 [Marc continues yelling] 1211 00:55:01,125 --> 00:55:02,916 Help! Help! Help! 1212 00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,291 Help! Help! Help! 1213 00:55:05,666 --> 00:55:06,625 Anybody! 1214 00:55:07,833 --> 00:55:09,083 -[Marc yells] -[woman gasps] 1215 00:55:09,208 --> 00:55:10,708 [panting] Oh. 1216 00:55:14,208 --> 00:55:15,041 Thanks. 1217 00:55:15,916 --> 00:55:17,083 [host] That beautiful cake. 1218 00:55:17,166 --> 00:55:18,041 [clears throat] 1219 00:55:19,041 --> 00:55:20,000 [chuckles nervously] 1220 00:55:20,291 --> 00:55:21,875 -[cell phone buzzing] -What? What's wrong? 1221 00:55:22,541 --> 00:55:25,375 Oh, my God. I've got a crisis at work. I have to leave. 1222 00:55:25,916 --> 00:55:28,875 -We can take my car if you want. -Oh, my God, that would be amazing. 1223 00:55:28,958 --> 00:55:31,500 -Thank you so much. -Yeah. Let's go. [chuckles] 1224 00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:33,375 [Vitelli] I'll see you out there. 1225 00:55:40,916 --> 00:55:42,625 Hayley, hi. Scusi. 1226 00:55:42,708 --> 00:55:44,000 I have to leave. I'm so sorry. 1227 00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:45,250 -Oh, no! -Something at my work. 1228 00:55:45,333 --> 00:55:46,708 Oh, okay. Look, don't worry. 1229 00:55:47,166 --> 00:55:49,000 Dina's leaving. Come on, go. 1230 00:55:49,291 --> 00:55:50,125 [Bryan groans] 1231 00:55:50,208 --> 00:55:51,208 -Okay. -Oh, God! 1232 00:55:51,291 --> 00:55:52,250 Um... 1233 00:55:53,333 --> 00:55:55,333 Yeah, uh, sit down. Sit down, Bryan. 1234 00:55:55,416 --> 00:55:56,541 [groans] 1235 00:55:56,625 --> 00:55:57,791 Oh, my God. 1236 00:55:59,500 --> 00:56:00,333 Okay. 1237 00:56:00,750 --> 00:56:01,666 Bye, Bryan. 1238 00:56:02,500 --> 00:56:03,458 Bye. 1239 00:56:08,333 --> 00:56:09,333 Dina? 1240 00:56:09,875 --> 00:56:11,958 Jack. Hi. I was looking for you. 1241 00:56:12,041 --> 00:56:13,916 -You're not going, are you? -I know. I'm so sorry. 1242 00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,583 I was trying to say goodbye. There's been this hurricane in Mexico. 1243 00:56:16,666 --> 00:56:18,583 I gotta get back 'cause my editor has food poisoning. 1244 00:56:18,666 --> 00:56:20,333 It's a long story, but I'm so sorry. 1245 00:56:20,416 --> 00:56:23,458 But maybe we can get together another time or... 1246 00:56:23,541 --> 00:56:26,916 Will you be in Mexico or Guadalajara anytime soon? 1247 00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,250 Look, I just have to say something. Um... 1248 00:56:29,666 --> 00:56:30,583 Yeah. 1249 00:56:31,125 --> 00:56:32,333 Listen. I-- 1250 00:56:32,416 --> 00:56:33,791 [Amanda] Ha! There he is! 1251 00:56:33,875 --> 00:56:36,708 -So, you hate me, huh? -What? 1252 00:56:36,791 --> 00:56:39,041 -Chaz just told me you hate me. -I didn't say "hate." 1253 00:56:39,125 --> 00:56:40,166 Well, you did say, so... 1254 00:56:40,250 --> 00:56:43,541 [stammers] Okay, no, I did say "hate," 1255 00:56:43,625 --> 00:56:44,916 but then I changed it. 1256 00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:46,083 Yeah, to "dislike." 1257 00:56:46,166 --> 00:56:49,708 -Aww, that's so sweet of you, Jack. -You don't like me either! 1258 00:56:49,791 --> 00:56:53,291 Why do we have to pretend our relationship was anything other than the misery it was? 1259 00:56:57,375 --> 00:57:00,000 -Right? -Okay. Yeah, okay. 1260 00:57:00,125 --> 00:57:02,458 -I guess you make a fair point. -[cell phone buzzing] 1261 00:57:03,250 --> 00:57:04,583 -Thank you. -Yeah. 1262 00:57:05,041 --> 00:57:06,208 Just one more thing. 1263 00:57:06,291 --> 00:57:08,708 -What? -Oh my God! Jack! 1264 00:57:08,791 --> 00:57:10,625 You are a piece of shit! 1265 00:57:10,708 --> 00:57:12,208 -Jack, are you okay? -[Jack wails] 1266 00:57:12,291 --> 00:57:13,541 Oh, my God. Jack, wait. 1267 00:57:13,625 --> 00:57:15,083 Yes, I will marry you, Chaz. 1268 00:57:15,166 --> 00:57:16,833 Yeah, I don't know if I... 1269 00:57:17,125 --> 00:57:17,958 Um... 1270 00:57:18,041 --> 00:57:19,083 Let me just-- 1271 00:57:19,583 --> 00:57:21,166 -Woo! -[Jack] My nose bleeds all the time! 1272 00:57:21,250 --> 00:57:23,458 [indistinct chatter] 1273 00:57:23,541 --> 00:57:25,541 [classical chamber music playing] 1274 00:57:28,625 --> 00:57:29,666 Hayley and I shagged! 1275 00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:30,583 [music stops] 1276 00:57:30,666 --> 00:57:32,875 -[woman, in Italian] What did he say? -[woman 2, in Italian] No! 1277 00:57:32,958 --> 00:57:34,833 But what is he doing? 1278 00:57:35,458 --> 00:57:37,958 Sorry, but it's true, Hayley and I shagged, and we love each other. 1279 00:57:38,041 --> 00:57:39,916 Hayley, come on. Tell them. 1280 00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,458 Get the hell off the stage. 1281 00:57:41,541 --> 00:57:44,333 [audience gasps, yells] 1282 00:57:45,541 --> 00:57:47,750 [Roberto] Hayley! Hayley! Hayley! 1283 00:57:48,875 --> 00:57:51,041 -No, you go. You go save the world. -I'm so sorry. 1284 00:57:51,333 --> 00:57:52,416 It always bleeds. 1285 00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:53,458 [cell phone buzzing] 1286 00:57:53,541 --> 00:57:54,416 It's fine. 1287 00:57:55,166 --> 00:57:56,416 Go. [laughs] 1288 00:57:56,500 --> 00:57:57,666 -I'll text you. -Yeah. 1289 00:57:58,083 --> 00:57:59,500 [sighs] Damn it. 1290 00:57:59,583 --> 00:58:01,500 Go. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. 1291 00:58:01,750 --> 00:58:02,666 Pfft! 1292 00:58:06,375 --> 00:58:08,208 -[woman] Hayley! -[Hayley yells] 1293 00:58:08,291 --> 00:58:09,541 [Roberto] Hayley! 1294 00:58:09,625 --> 00:58:12,166 [Hayley panting] 1295 00:58:14,250 --> 00:58:15,166 Is it true? 1296 00:58:16,833 --> 00:58:18,291 [Hayley breathing rapidly] 1297 00:58:21,166 --> 00:58:23,291 [Hayley weeps] 1298 00:58:25,541 --> 00:58:26,583 Listen... 1299 00:58:26,666 --> 00:58:27,500 No... 1300 00:58:32,541 --> 00:58:34,916 ["Clair de Lune" by Debussy playing] 1301 00:58:35,416 --> 00:58:37,666 [man, in Italian] Come on, take a seat. 1302 00:58:46,708 --> 00:58:47,833 [Bryan] Vitelli... 1303 00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:49,458 Vitelli... 1304 00:58:50,208 --> 00:58:51,333 Vitelli... 1305 00:58:52,208 --> 00:58:53,833 Give us a part, you bastard. 1306 00:58:57,791 --> 00:58:59,416 [birds chirping] 1307 00:59:01,750 --> 00:59:02,833 [groaning] 1308 00:59:02,916 --> 00:59:04,125 Oh, shit. 1309 00:59:09,458 --> 00:59:10,750 Roberto, please. 1310 00:59:11,291 --> 00:59:12,625 Please just talk to me. 1311 00:59:12,708 --> 00:59:14,125 [Roberto mutters in Italian] 1312 00:59:14,208 --> 00:59:15,875 I can't believe it. How could you do it? 1313 00:59:16,333 --> 00:59:18,541 -It's a fucking nightmare, Hayley. -I know. 1314 00:59:18,625 --> 00:59:21,375 It was such a mistake, and I'm so sorry, and I love you more than-- 1315 00:59:21,458 --> 00:59:22,791 No, it's over. 1316 00:59:22,875 --> 00:59:26,083 -Please, let me just explain it to you. -No, no, no. I don't want to talk to you. 1317 00:59:26,166 --> 00:59:28,166 Never. Never again. It's over. 1318 00:59:28,625 --> 00:59:30,375 -This wedding is over! -Roberto! 1319 00:59:30,458 --> 00:59:31,541 Oh, my God! 1320 00:59:31,958 --> 00:59:33,125 [music stops] 1321 00:59:37,250 --> 00:59:38,500 [The Oracle] And there we go. 1322 00:59:39,416 --> 00:59:42,541 One bit of bad luck and it all goes tits up. 1323 00:59:43,666 --> 00:59:45,750 But what if things had gone differently? 1324 00:59:46,958 --> 00:59:50,000 Remember what I was saying about the thousands of ways 1325 00:59:50,083 --> 00:59:52,250 eight people can sit around a table? 1326 00:59:52,333 --> 00:59:54,333 [dramatic orchestral music playing] 1327 01:00:51,125 --> 01:00:52,000 Cheers. 1328 01:00:52,708 --> 01:00:53,625 Cheers. 1329 01:00:54,125 --> 01:00:55,375 And then, finally, 1330 01:00:55,791 --> 01:00:59,291 there's just one last hope that it might all go right. 1331 01:01:00,750 --> 01:01:02,041 Hey, uh, everyone. 1332 01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:04,291 [indistinct chatter] 1333 01:01:11,958 --> 01:01:12,916 Oh, fuck. 1334 01:01:15,166 --> 01:01:16,916 -What's the matter? -Oh, fuck! 1335 01:01:17,291 --> 01:01:18,125 Jack? 1336 01:01:18,208 --> 01:01:20,833 Oh, shit! 1337 01:01:21,291 --> 01:01:23,416 -[Dina] Jack, what's-- -I'm not supposed to be here. 1338 01:01:23,500 --> 01:01:24,750 What? Jack. 1339 01:01:28,250 --> 01:01:29,375 [in Italian] Sorry, sorry... 1340 01:01:29,458 --> 01:01:30,541 [in English] Sorry. 1341 01:01:31,041 --> 01:01:31,875 [Jack] Fuck! 1342 01:01:32,750 --> 01:01:34,166 Excuse us. Scusi. 1343 01:01:46,416 --> 01:01:47,750 [groaning] 1344 01:01:49,083 --> 01:01:50,791 What on earth are you doing? 1345 01:01:50,875 --> 01:01:52,750 I've just taken a really strong sedative. 1346 01:01:52,833 --> 01:01:55,708 That's a really weird thing to do at your sister's wedding. 1347 01:01:55,791 --> 01:01:57,958 Well, I didn't do it on purpose, you tit! 1348 01:01:58,041 --> 01:01:59,166 [retching] 1349 01:01:59,250 --> 01:02:00,791 Stop it, Jack. You're making me sick. 1350 01:02:00,875 --> 01:02:03,416 Jesus! How do you make this fingers-down-the-throat thing work? 1351 01:02:03,500 --> 01:02:05,500 Oh, I can't-- I can't do it. 1352 01:02:06,041 --> 01:02:08,625 Look, you have to help me. Put your fingers down my throat. 1353 01:02:09,458 --> 01:02:12,041 -What? -I can't do it myself. I just-- 1354 01:02:12,125 --> 01:02:13,625 I need you to do it for me, all right? 1355 01:02:13,708 --> 01:02:16,375 You've got those big, long, weird, gangly fingers. 1356 01:02:16,458 --> 01:02:18,291 They'll go further down my throat. 1357 01:02:18,375 --> 01:02:21,166 I've got to go impress Vitelli. I can't be getting involved in this. 1358 01:02:21,250 --> 01:02:23,166 What's Dina gonna think if I start falling asleep at the table? 1359 01:02:23,250 --> 01:02:26,250 -She's gonna think I'm a total fuck-wit! -Yeah. 1360 01:02:26,333 --> 01:02:27,916 Please, Bryan, for me. 1361 01:02:28,375 --> 01:02:30,791 -I don't want to. -I really need you to do this for me. 1362 01:02:30,875 --> 01:02:32,333 I really don't want to. 1363 01:02:32,458 --> 01:02:33,916 Please, it's Hayley's wedding. 1364 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,041 [sighs] 1365 01:02:36,708 --> 01:02:38,500 [whimpers] 1366 01:02:38,583 --> 01:02:40,583 -Okay, okay. -Okay. 1367 01:02:40,666 --> 01:02:42,791 But I want you to remember what a good friend I am. 1368 01:02:42,875 --> 01:02:44,583 Okay, yeah. Great friend. 1369 01:02:44,666 --> 01:02:47,166 -Best friend. -Best friend. You're my best friend. 1370 01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:54,958 [wedding host] Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Carboni. 1371 01:02:59,208 --> 01:03:00,916 [cheering in Italian] 1372 01:03:02,833 --> 01:03:05,125 How do you-- How do you want to-- 1373 01:03:05,208 --> 01:03:07,208 -No! -Just give me your fucking fingers. 1374 01:03:07,291 --> 01:03:08,916 -Okay, okay, okay! -Just keep 'em straight. 1375 01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:09,916 I am. 1376 01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,291 No! 1377 01:03:12,375 --> 01:03:14,208 -No, no, no! -[Jack coughs] 1378 01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:17,458 Oh, God! This is the worst moment of my life. 1379 01:03:18,083 --> 01:03:19,000 [Bryan] Oh, no! 1380 01:03:19,083 --> 01:03:21,416 [Bryan groaning] 1381 01:03:21,500 --> 01:03:23,125 -[Jack groans] -Oh. 1382 01:03:23,916 --> 01:03:24,875 [gasps] 1383 01:03:25,500 --> 01:03:26,625 [Dina] Uh... 1384 01:03:26,708 --> 01:03:28,541 Uh, sorry-- No, I was just-- 1385 01:03:28,625 --> 01:03:31,250 I just wanted to check to see if you guys were good. You good? 1386 01:03:31,750 --> 01:03:32,708 Good? Uh... 1387 01:03:33,500 --> 01:03:35,583 Yeah, I can-- I'm gonna find-- I'm just gonna-- 1388 01:03:35,666 --> 01:03:37,500 I'm gonna-- I'm gonna find something... 1389 01:03:37,583 --> 01:03:40,166 ["Non più andrai" by Mozart playing] 1390 01:04:00,375 --> 01:04:01,291 [utensils clinking] 1391 01:04:04,708 --> 01:04:05,708 [Dina] Um... 1392 01:04:05,833 --> 01:04:06,916 Great. Thank you. Could I-- 1393 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:08,666 Could I also grab, um... 1394 01:04:09,291 --> 01:04:10,416 some coffees? 1395 01:04:10,875 --> 01:04:12,166 -[Jack] Thanks. -I have no idea. 1396 01:04:17,958 --> 01:04:19,458 Look, I'd wish you'd never... 1397 01:04:19,541 --> 01:04:21,041 Can we just pretend that, 1398 01:04:21,125 --> 01:04:23,166 you know, whatever you saw back there never happened? 1399 01:04:23,916 --> 01:04:25,541 It's a pretty enduring image. 1400 01:04:25,625 --> 01:04:27,166 Kind of hard to forget. 1401 01:04:27,250 --> 01:04:28,083 [Dina chuckles] 1402 01:04:28,166 --> 01:04:29,916 Right. Uh, no. 1403 01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:31,583 There's-- There's a totally... 1404 01:04:32,333 --> 01:04:34,291 totally reasonable explanation for that. 1405 01:04:34,375 --> 01:04:35,333 It's a funny story. 1406 01:04:35,625 --> 01:04:37,291 Really. Very funny. 1407 01:04:38,041 --> 01:04:41,416 And I will tell you about it, just not today. 1408 01:04:41,750 --> 01:04:43,875 Could we just try to forget it? 1409 01:04:48,125 --> 01:04:49,250 Yeah, I can try. 1410 01:04:49,333 --> 01:04:50,500 -Good, good. -Okay. 1411 01:04:50,833 --> 01:04:52,333 That was-- It was weird. It was weird. 1412 01:04:52,708 --> 01:04:54,208 Yeah. I know. 1413 01:04:54,291 --> 01:04:55,833 -But... -I'm sorry. So, come on. 1414 01:04:55,916 --> 01:04:58,625 [stammers] You were about to tell me... 1415 01:04:59,416 --> 01:05:01,625 what you've been up to since I last saw you. 1416 01:05:01,708 --> 01:05:04,875 Okay, well, I guess the main thing has been work. Uh... 1417 01:05:04,958 --> 01:05:06,833 You know, it's taken everything. 1418 01:05:07,291 --> 01:05:10,958 Honestly. I mean, I only really stopped and looked up 1419 01:05:11,041 --> 01:05:12,208 when my mom got sick. 1420 01:05:16,458 --> 01:05:18,708 Is my mom's terminal cancer boring you? 1421 01:05:18,791 --> 01:05:21,000 No. No, it's not. 1422 01:05:22,083 --> 01:05:22,916 Carry on. 1423 01:05:23,541 --> 01:05:24,583 -You sure? -Yeah. 1424 01:05:24,708 --> 01:05:25,583 [chuckles] 1425 01:05:25,833 --> 01:05:26,666 Okay. 1426 01:05:27,750 --> 01:05:28,583 Um... 1427 01:05:32,583 --> 01:05:33,416 You know, I... 1428 01:05:33,500 --> 01:05:37,875 I had-- I know told you how she and I were really close, and, um... 1429 01:05:38,083 --> 01:05:39,000 Hm. 1430 01:05:39,416 --> 01:05:40,583 Well, you know, it just... 1431 01:05:42,375 --> 01:05:44,458 You know, the whole thing was just 1432 01:05:44,541 --> 01:05:47,083 a really huge punch to the gut, honestly. 1433 01:05:49,541 --> 01:05:50,916 -[Jack yawns] -[Dina] Uh... 1434 01:05:54,416 --> 01:05:57,750 The truth is, I just can't get over the randomness of it, you know? 1435 01:05:59,916 --> 01:06:00,791 Like, why her? 1436 01:06:02,708 --> 01:06:03,625 Yeah, why? 1437 01:06:03,708 --> 01:06:04,750 You know, I don't, um... 1438 01:06:05,791 --> 01:06:07,208 [voice breaking] I don't normally... 1439 01:06:08,125 --> 01:06:11,375 talk to people about this because it just feels really weird, but... 1440 01:06:11,458 --> 01:06:12,333 Mm-hmm? 1441 01:06:14,083 --> 01:06:16,041 [Dina] You know, I'm really devastated by it. 1442 01:06:19,291 --> 01:06:21,375 I don't really think I'm over it, and I... 1443 01:06:24,125 --> 01:06:27,500 The truth is, I don't think I'll ever really be over it, you know? 1444 01:06:27,583 --> 01:06:28,875 [snoring] 1445 01:06:30,958 --> 01:06:32,666 Are you fucking kidding me? 1446 01:06:32,875 --> 01:06:35,375 ["Piano Concerto No. 20" by Mozart playing] 1447 01:06:44,916 --> 01:06:46,166 Sorry. One second. 1448 01:06:46,250 --> 01:06:49,166 -Why are you awake? -Why am I awake? Why wouldn't I be awake? 1449 01:06:53,041 --> 01:06:53,916 [Sidney] Ah. 1450 01:06:54,875 --> 01:06:55,916 Shots! 1451 01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:57,791 -[Sidney] Shots? -Shots, shots, shots, shots! 1452 01:06:57,875 --> 01:06:59,833 -She's saying shots. -Shots! Shots! Shots! 1453 01:06:59,916 --> 01:07:01,125 Get this lady a shot. 1454 01:07:03,041 --> 01:07:04,291 All right. 1455 01:07:05,125 --> 01:07:06,916 -Maddie Richards. -What? 1456 01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:09,583 Maddie Richards never had any complaints about me in the bedroom. 1457 01:07:09,666 --> 01:07:12,625 She always said I was a solid 7,5 out of 10. 1458 01:07:13,125 --> 01:07:15,500 And most of the time, I didn't even have a full erection, 1459 01:07:15,583 --> 01:07:17,208 so imagine what you're getting. 1460 01:07:20,791 --> 01:07:22,125 I'm so lucky, right? 1461 01:07:22,583 --> 01:07:24,250 Well done. Well done. 1462 01:07:24,333 --> 01:07:25,666 Yeah, well, you are lucky, and... 1463 01:07:26,666 --> 01:07:27,791 you should feel lucky. 1464 01:07:29,458 --> 01:07:31,250 [Bryan] Come on, come on, come on. 1465 01:07:31,333 --> 01:07:33,375 Just go over and say hello for God's sake. 1466 01:07:49,291 --> 01:07:50,458 Bryan, fuck off. 1467 01:07:54,541 --> 01:07:55,375 Jack. 1468 01:07:56,541 --> 01:07:57,916 Jack. Jack. 1469 01:07:58,458 --> 01:07:59,291 Hm? 1470 01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:01,833 Jack! 1471 01:08:03,250 --> 01:08:04,791 [groggily] Wassup? 1472 01:08:05,250 --> 01:08:07,166 So, Chaz asked me to marry him. 1473 01:08:13,791 --> 01:08:16,083 I said, Chaz asked me to marry him. 1474 01:08:17,083 --> 01:08:18,083 [hoarsely] Oh, congrats. 1475 01:08:21,250 --> 01:08:23,041 [Jack inhales sharply] 1476 01:08:33,208 --> 01:08:34,125 [Jack] Oh, fuck. 1477 01:08:44,583 --> 01:08:45,625 [sighs heavily] 1478 01:08:45,916 --> 01:08:48,083 Uh... what d'you want? 1479 01:08:49,916 --> 01:08:50,875 Dude. 1480 01:08:51,791 --> 01:08:53,625 Don't ruin my sister's wedding, all right? 1481 01:08:53,708 --> 01:08:55,000 It's out of order. 1482 01:08:55,333 --> 01:08:57,500 I'm not ruining anything. 1483 01:08:57,625 --> 01:08:59,583 [Jack groans] 1484 01:08:59,666 --> 01:09:01,125 I'm saving her. 1485 01:09:02,250 --> 01:09:04,791 [wedding host] Signore e signori, ladies and gentlemen... 1486 01:09:05,208 --> 01:09:06,208 No, Marc. 1487 01:09:08,250 --> 01:09:12,083 [host] We'll now have our first dance with Hayley and Roberto. 1488 01:09:12,833 --> 01:09:13,833 [guests applauding] 1489 01:09:13,916 --> 01:09:14,875 [groans] 1490 01:09:14,958 --> 01:09:17,958 [Op. 75 from Romantic Pieces by Dvořák playing] 1491 01:09:34,708 --> 01:09:35,666 Jack. 1492 01:09:36,750 --> 01:09:37,750 Jack. 1493 01:09:39,291 --> 01:09:41,333 -Come on. -Hey, Bryan. 1494 01:09:41,416 --> 01:09:43,041 Get up, Jack. 1495 01:09:44,708 --> 01:09:45,916 [Bryan strains] 1496 01:09:46,291 --> 01:09:47,583 Oh, my God. 1497 01:09:47,958 --> 01:09:49,458 Jack, come on. 1498 01:09:52,458 --> 01:09:53,375 [Bryan grunts] 1499 01:09:54,125 --> 01:09:55,166 [Bryan sighs] 1500 01:09:55,833 --> 01:09:56,791 Jack. 1501 01:09:58,375 --> 01:09:59,333 Jack. 1502 01:10:01,125 --> 01:10:02,083 Jack! 1503 01:10:02,375 --> 01:10:04,166 Ow! What are you doing? 1504 01:10:04,250 --> 01:10:05,375 I'm trying to help you. 1505 01:10:05,458 --> 01:10:07,125 By whacking me in the face? 1506 01:10:07,208 --> 01:10:09,125 Fine. Go to sleep, then. I'm just-- 1507 01:10:09,208 --> 01:10:11,625 No, look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1508 01:10:11,708 --> 01:10:13,000 I know you're trying to help. 1509 01:10:13,083 --> 01:10:14,666 I'm just really stressed. 1510 01:10:14,750 --> 01:10:16,666 Hayley's in a really big mess. 1511 01:10:16,750 --> 01:10:19,541 Look, you're always getting Hayley out some mess or other. 1512 01:10:19,625 --> 01:10:22,166 Well, yeah, she's my sister. She needs me. 1513 01:10:24,833 --> 01:10:27,375 [sighs] Also, I think Dina hates me. 1514 01:10:27,875 --> 01:10:28,750 Why? 1515 01:10:30,916 --> 01:10:34,166 I was falling asleep as she was telling me about her mum dying. 1516 01:10:34,500 --> 01:10:35,583 Oh, man. 1517 01:10:36,416 --> 01:10:38,166 -Yeesh. -Yeah. 1518 01:10:38,250 --> 01:10:39,583 -[music stops] -[guests applaud] 1519 01:10:39,666 --> 01:10:40,833 I'm such an arsehole. 1520 01:10:40,916 --> 01:10:42,583 No, you're not an arsehole, Jack. 1521 01:10:43,416 --> 01:10:44,375 -I am. -You're not. 1522 01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:47,000 I think you might be the best person I know. 1523 01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:50,416 But you can't keep putting everybody else first. 1524 01:10:51,333 --> 01:10:52,708 I'm worried about you, man. 1525 01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:54,958 [chuckles] 1526 01:10:55,916 --> 01:10:56,791 Yeah. 1527 01:10:59,041 --> 01:11:00,166 [exhales] 1528 01:11:00,333 --> 01:11:01,666 I love you, man. 1529 01:11:03,250 --> 01:11:05,916 -Yeah, all right. -No, I mean-- No, no. 1530 01:11:07,250 --> 01:11:08,375 [mumbles incoherently] 1531 01:11:10,041 --> 01:11:11,416 I properly love you. 1532 01:11:12,375 --> 01:11:14,000 More than just a mate, you know? 1533 01:11:15,958 --> 01:11:17,583 Yeah... All right-- 1534 01:11:17,666 --> 01:11:19,666 [snoring loudly] 1535 01:11:20,458 --> 01:11:22,375 [spitting] 1536 01:11:24,666 --> 01:11:26,250 Hey! [chuckles] 1537 01:11:26,333 --> 01:11:27,291 You told Roberto yet? 1538 01:11:27,375 --> 01:11:30,291 -I haven't. Piss off. -I'll give you till the cake comes out. 1539 01:11:30,708 --> 01:11:31,666 [sniffles] 1540 01:11:33,416 --> 01:11:34,833 [Jack sighs] 1541 01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:36,541 [Hayley scoffs] 1542 01:11:36,958 --> 01:11:38,041 [exhales] 1543 01:11:38,333 --> 01:11:39,166 Oh, my God. 1544 01:11:40,083 --> 01:11:41,833 Jack, come with me. 1545 01:11:41,916 --> 01:11:43,708 -Come on. -Oh, come on. I'm too tired. 1546 01:11:43,791 --> 01:11:44,875 Up you get. Come on. 1547 01:11:45,541 --> 01:11:47,500 [Hayley] You've taken the sleep drops, haven't you? 1548 01:11:47,583 --> 01:11:48,666 -[Jack] Hmm? -Jack! 1549 01:11:48,750 --> 01:11:50,333 -[Jack mumbles] -[Hayley laughs nervously] 1550 01:11:50,416 --> 01:11:51,791 You total bell end. 1551 01:11:51,875 --> 01:11:54,000 -Please wake up. -I'm so awake. 1552 01:11:54,083 --> 01:11:55,916 -Walking! -I am walking. 1553 01:11:57,500 --> 01:11:58,791 -Honestly. -I am walking. 1554 01:11:59,833 --> 01:12:03,750 -[Jack] Where are you taking me? -Just somewhere private. 1555 01:12:04,791 --> 01:12:06,166 [Jack] This is so private. 1556 01:12:07,458 --> 01:12:08,291 [Jack sighs] 1557 01:12:08,375 --> 01:12:10,000 Jack, please. 1558 01:12:10,083 --> 01:12:12,666 -Ow! Why does everyone keep hitting me? -I need you. 1559 01:12:12,750 --> 01:12:13,583 Why? 1560 01:12:13,666 --> 01:12:16,541 I mean, look, is this really such a big deal? 1561 01:12:16,625 --> 01:12:18,541 Like, can't we just relax and go to sleep? 1562 01:12:18,875 --> 01:12:20,583 Marc is gonna tell Roberto... 1563 01:12:21,500 --> 01:12:23,000 that I had sex with him. 1564 01:12:23,541 --> 01:12:26,250 But, like, from when you were younger? 1565 01:12:26,916 --> 01:12:28,000 [inhales sharply] 1566 01:12:31,500 --> 01:12:33,541 -How recently? -A few weeks ago. 1567 01:12:33,625 --> 01:12:34,583 Oh, Jesus. 1568 01:12:35,291 --> 01:12:37,333 And Roberto is gonna leave me! And I deserve it! 1569 01:12:37,416 --> 01:12:39,583 Because I fuck everything up! 1570 01:12:39,666 --> 01:12:41,458 -No, you don't. -Yes, I do! Yes! 1571 01:12:41,541 --> 01:12:43,708 I'm a colossal loser! 1572 01:12:43,791 --> 01:12:45,958 You are not a loser. 1573 01:12:47,625 --> 01:12:48,458 All right? 1574 01:12:49,041 --> 01:12:50,666 You are my sister. 1575 01:12:52,750 --> 01:12:56,125 And you're the funniest, most brilliant, most caring person in the world. 1576 01:12:56,208 --> 01:13:00,583 And if it turns out that Roberto can't forgive you for a really stupid mistake-- 1577 01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:03,125 -Oh, Jack! -But-- No, listen, listen, listen. 1578 01:13:03,208 --> 01:13:05,625 If he can't-- Look, if he can't forgive you... 1579 01:13:08,750 --> 01:13:09,750 I'll still be here. 1580 01:13:13,708 --> 01:13:15,000 I'll always be around. 1581 01:13:17,541 --> 01:13:18,625 We can be losers together. 1582 01:13:18,916 --> 01:13:20,000 [laughs] 1583 01:13:21,041 --> 01:13:23,916 ["Clair de Lune" by Debussy playing] 1584 01:13:28,416 --> 01:13:29,250 [Jack] Hey. 1585 01:13:29,708 --> 01:13:30,666 [Hayley sighs] 1586 01:13:31,041 --> 01:13:33,166 I think you and I have the same problem. 1587 01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:34,833 Do we? 1588 01:13:34,916 --> 01:13:35,875 [Jack] Mm-hmm. 1589 01:13:36,500 --> 01:13:40,250 We're just afraid to let a real relationship happen 'cause... 1590 01:13:42,541 --> 01:13:45,000 we know how easy it is to lose the ones we love. 1591 01:13:57,750 --> 01:13:59,250 -Jack. Jack! -I'm awake. 1592 01:13:59,958 --> 01:14:02,416 -I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm awake. -Please. 1593 01:14:02,833 --> 01:14:04,458 -Please. -I'm so here. 1594 01:14:07,625 --> 01:14:08,541 Coffee? 1595 01:14:09,125 --> 01:14:10,083 -Yeah. -Okay. 1596 01:14:11,958 --> 01:14:15,791 [Sidney] So, I arrived back at my desk to find... 1597 01:14:15,875 --> 01:14:17,875 [Sidney laughs] 1598 01:14:19,250 --> 01:14:20,708 They've smashed my laptop. 1599 01:14:20,791 --> 01:14:21,750 Jim and Jeff? 1600 01:14:21,833 --> 01:14:23,750 An old laptop. It's not my main laptop. 1601 01:14:25,416 --> 01:14:27,166 Jim and Jeff sound like assholes. 1602 01:14:28,541 --> 01:14:29,625 An old laptop. 1603 01:14:30,333 --> 01:14:32,416 -Oh, my God, I have to tell you something. -Mm-hmm? 1604 01:14:32,500 --> 01:14:34,625 -They're not your friends. Cheers. -Cheers. 1605 01:14:38,083 --> 01:14:39,916 -You drink that? -I am drinking this. 1606 01:14:41,708 --> 01:14:43,125 Oh, God, I need bread. 1607 01:15:01,541 --> 01:15:02,375 [Rebecca] Hello! 1608 01:15:03,416 --> 01:15:05,541 A vision in navy. [chuckles] 1609 01:15:05,625 --> 01:15:07,875 [lounge music playing in background] 1610 01:15:07,958 --> 01:15:08,791 [clears throat] 1611 01:15:08,875 --> 01:15:10,041 -Rebecca? -Yes? 1612 01:15:10,750 --> 01:15:11,750 Why do you like me? 1613 01:15:12,375 --> 01:15:13,291 I... 1614 01:15:13,458 --> 01:15:17,250 I mean, I'm a totally self-obsessed, neurotic mess. 1615 01:15:18,250 --> 01:15:21,041 Yeah. Yeah. But I'm... I'm... 1616 01:15:21,625 --> 01:15:24,583 I suppose I don't really mind those-- those things about you. 1617 01:15:25,583 --> 01:15:27,416 But don't you think I'm a bit of an idiot? 1618 01:15:28,333 --> 01:15:29,458 Oh, yeah. 1619 01:15:29,541 --> 01:15:30,375 Yeah. 1620 01:15:30,458 --> 01:15:32,333 I mean, you're a massive idiot. Yeah. 1621 01:15:33,000 --> 01:15:34,625 -Yeah. -Well, yeah. 1622 01:15:36,541 --> 01:15:38,666 But I suppose there's one or two people 1623 01:15:38,750 --> 01:15:42,458 who would say that I am a bit of a massive idiot. 1624 01:15:44,250 --> 01:15:46,958 And so you being a massive idiot is sort of 1625 01:15:47,041 --> 01:15:50,625 what I actually like the best about you. 1626 01:15:53,250 --> 01:15:56,458 I suppose what I'm saying is that I just like you for being you. 1627 01:15:57,416 --> 01:15:58,291 [chuckles] 1628 01:15:58,708 --> 01:15:59,583 Oh, wow. 1629 01:16:00,916 --> 01:16:01,750 That's... 1630 01:16:02,166 --> 01:16:03,166 It's... 1631 01:16:03,958 --> 01:16:07,000 I don't think anybody's ever liked me for being me before. 1632 01:16:07,083 --> 01:16:09,500 They usually like me for who I pretend to be. 1633 01:16:10,083 --> 01:16:11,083 Like, occasionally. 1634 01:16:13,666 --> 01:16:14,500 Well... 1635 01:16:16,166 --> 01:16:18,125 with me you don't have to pretend. 1636 01:16:37,208 --> 01:16:38,041 Oh. 1637 01:16:42,583 --> 01:16:43,500 Um... 1638 01:16:44,208 --> 01:16:45,041 Thank you. 1639 01:16:45,125 --> 01:16:46,333 No, thank you. 1640 01:16:48,125 --> 01:16:50,041 -Sorry, that was-- I didn't know this-- -No. 1641 01:16:50,125 --> 01:16:51,750 -No, I don't-- -I just, I-- 1642 01:16:51,833 --> 01:16:53,125 I-- I definitely didn't. 1643 01:16:54,208 --> 01:16:55,375 'Cause it's, uh... 1644 01:16:56,583 --> 01:16:57,833 I'm-- Would you mind if-- 1645 01:16:57,916 --> 01:16:59,541 -If we did just one more? -That'd be good. 1646 01:16:59,625 --> 01:17:00,833 -Yeah? [laughs] -Yeah. 1647 01:17:13,666 --> 01:17:14,500 She's yours. 1648 01:17:15,666 --> 01:17:16,500 [exhales sharply] 1649 01:17:20,250 --> 01:17:21,375 -Marc! -What do you want? 1650 01:17:21,458 --> 01:17:24,166 -I just want to talk to you. -Well, there's nothing to talk about. 1651 01:17:24,250 --> 01:17:26,208 Marc, please, please, please, please. 1652 01:17:26,291 --> 01:17:28,375 Just... Just-- Just listen. 1653 01:17:28,458 --> 01:17:30,833 I know how you feel about Hayley. 1654 01:17:31,750 --> 01:17:34,958 But maybe some things just aren't meant to be. 1655 01:17:35,041 --> 01:17:36,375 -Not this. -Just... 1656 01:17:38,333 --> 01:17:40,833 What I do know is that Hayley deserves to be happy. 1657 01:17:40,916 --> 01:17:41,750 Yeah. 1658 01:17:44,083 --> 01:17:46,041 But she's happy with Roberto. 1659 01:17:48,125 --> 01:17:49,166 [sighs] If you... 1660 01:17:50,333 --> 01:17:54,541 If you really, truly care about her, please let her go. 1661 01:18:02,708 --> 01:18:04,458 [sighs] 1662 01:18:10,791 --> 01:18:12,541 Okay. Okay. 1663 01:18:12,625 --> 01:18:14,583 [chamber music playing] 1664 01:18:19,041 --> 01:18:20,208 [groans] 1665 01:18:22,666 --> 01:18:24,458 [footsteps approaching] 1666 01:18:25,458 --> 01:18:26,291 Jack. 1667 01:18:26,375 --> 01:18:27,333 Jack. 1668 01:18:27,416 --> 01:18:28,250 Sidney... 1669 01:18:29,208 --> 01:18:32,416 -I'm really not on my best right now. -You see, Jack, you're good with ladies, 1670 01:18:32,500 --> 01:18:34,666 and I was wondering if you had any pointers. 1671 01:18:35,333 --> 01:18:41,458 Believe me, I'm not the best person to ask for advice about anything. 1672 01:18:41,541 --> 01:18:43,125 -Yes, you are, Jack. -Not right now. 1673 01:18:43,541 --> 01:18:46,250 Now, I know I'm not as sexy as... 1674 01:18:47,125 --> 01:18:47,958 Brad Pitt. 1675 01:18:53,625 --> 01:18:55,833 But now I'm starting to worry that I might be... 1676 01:18:57,166 --> 01:18:59,041 I'm probably overthinking it, but... 1677 01:19:00,583 --> 01:19:01,666 Well, am I boring? 1678 01:19:02,666 --> 01:19:03,791 [snoring] 1679 01:19:03,875 --> 01:19:04,708 Jack? 1680 01:19:10,250 --> 01:19:11,083 Jack? 1681 01:19:15,041 --> 01:19:16,208 [snoring] 1682 01:19:21,958 --> 01:19:24,208 -Sidney? Sidney, Sidney. -Yes? Sorry, Jack. 1683 01:19:24,875 --> 01:19:25,750 Go on. 1684 01:19:26,458 --> 01:19:27,416 Look. 1685 01:19:27,833 --> 01:19:31,208 -Try to listen more-- -Yes. Because you're good at that. 1686 01:19:31,291 --> 01:19:32,333 -No. -You're-- 1687 01:19:32,416 --> 01:19:33,375 Yes. 1688 01:19:33,458 --> 01:19:35,333 -Try to-- -You let people have their say. 1689 01:19:36,166 --> 01:19:37,583 -Sidney-- -You create a vibe. 1690 01:19:37,666 --> 01:19:38,916 You create a vibe. 1691 01:19:41,833 --> 01:19:44,958 Just listen more to people. 1692 01:19:45,375 --> 01:19:47,458 And I know they're your friends, all right, but... 1693 01:19:49,250 --> 01:19:50,708 stop going on about Jim and Jeff. 1694 01:19:50,791 --> 01:19:51,750 [chuckles] 1695 01:19:53,250 --> 01:19:54,708 I don't know them that well. 1696 01:19:58,416 --> 01:20:00,083 Then why do you go on about them? 1697 01:20:01,416 --> 01:20:03,791 I suppose to make myself sound more popular. 1698 01:20:04,708 --> 01:20:05,708 It's not working. 1699 01:20:07,750 --> 01:20:08,625 No. 1700 01:20:11,875 --> 01:20:13,500 -No? -[whispers] No. 1701 01:20:14,291 --> 01:20:16,000 -Definitely not? -It's-- 1702 01:20:16,083 --> 01:20:17,583 Stop talking about Jim and Jeff. 1703 01:20:18,083 --> 01:20:19,041 And for heaven's sake... 1704 01:20:20,166 --> 01:20:21,000 listen. 1705 01:20:22,333 --> 01:20:23,166 Good luck. 1706 01:20:24,416 --> 01:20:25,541 -Onwards. -Yeah. 1707 01:20:43,916 --> 01:20:45,875 Signore e signori, ladies and gentlemen, 1708 01:20:45,958 --> 01:20:49,041 now we'll have the speech of the maid of honor, Bryan. 1709 01:20:49,125 --> 01:20:50,250 [guests applaud] 1710 01:20:50,333 --> 01:20:52,041 -Where are you going? -Shit, that's me. 1711 01:20:52,125 --> 01:20:53,166 That's you. That's you. 1712 01:20:53,583 --> 01:20:54,416 Hey! [laughs] 1713 01:20:59,083 --> 01:21:00,916 [audience cheers] 1714 01:21:08,250 --> 01:21:09,250 [glass clinking] 1715 01:21:13,916 --> 01:21:14,791 Hello, everyone. 1716 01:21:15,500 --> 01:21:16,416 Uh... 1717 01:21:16,958 --> 01:21:19,125 Apologies for my lack of Italian. 1718 01:21:19,250 --> 01:21:20,166 Um... 1719 01:21:22,500 --> 01:21:23,583 [Bryan sighs] 1720 01:21:25,291 --> 01:21:26,125 [Bryan exhales] 1721 01:21:27,375 --> 01:21:28,208 [Bryan] Um... 1722 01:21:31,333 --> 01:21:33,000 Love is a weird thing, isn't it? 1723 01:21:34,333 --> 01:21:36,291 It's unpredictable sometimes... 1724 01:21:37,625 --> 01:21:38,541 confusing. 1725 01:21:40,583 --> 01:21:41,625 But I think... 1726 01:21:42,416 --> 01:21:43,958 the most important thing... 1727 01:21:46,166 --> 01:21:47,708 is that the person you're with... 1728 01:21:48,750 --> 01:21:50,500 loves you for being you. 1729 01:21:51,541 --> 01:21:52,583 [Bryan] You are enough. 1730 01:21:53,541 --> 01:21:55,458 And you love them just for being them. 1731 01:21:55,875 --> 01:21:57,958 And that's what Hayley and Roberto have. 1732 01:22:01,958 --> 01:22:03,583 And that's what I have with Rebecca. 1733 01:22:04,208 --> 01:22:05,041 [yelps] 1734 01:22:05,458 --> 01:22:06,291 [in Italian] Animal! 1735 01:22:06,375 --> 01:22:08,125 I am-- I am so sorry. My God. 1736 01:22:12,291 --> 01:22:14,708 I love you to bits, Hayles, and... 1737 01:22:15,041 --> 01:22:18,416 I'm so glad you're happy. 1738 01:22:19,500 --> 01:22:22,125 And I hope it lasts forever. 1739 01:22:22,208 --> 01:22:24,041 [laughs softly] 1740 01:22:24,750 --> 01:22:25,916 Hayley and Roberto. 1741 01:22:26,875 --> 01:22:28,875 [all] Hayley and Roberto! 1742 01:22:28,958 --> 01:22:30,291 [guests applauding] 1743 01:22:30,375 --> 01:22:31,208 [Bryan] Thank you. 1744 01:22:42,375 --> 01:22:43,625 [stammers] Was that okay? 1745 01:22:43,708 --> 01:22:44,583 Mm. 1746 01:22:44,958 --> 01:22:46,958 I thought it was brilliant. You were very good. 1747 01:22:48,166 --> 01:22:50,916 -Um, I'll just get another drink. -Yeah, yeah. 1748 01:22:54,916 --> 01:22:55,916 [sighs] 1749 01:22:59,416 --> 01:23:01,416 [romantic string music playing] 1750 01:23:02,416 --> 01:23:03,833 [inaudible] 1751 01:23:19,750 --> 01:23:20,791 Hayley and I... 1752 01:23:21,791 --> 01:23:23,041 [audience quietens] 1753 01:23:27,500 --> 01:23:28,541 Hayley and... 1754 01:23:32,041 --> 01:23:32,875 Hayley... 1755 01:23:34,000 --> 01:23:35,500 Hayley... uh... 1756 01:23:38,708 --> 01:23:40,541 Hay... Hayley... 1757 01:23:56,041 --> 01:23:56,958 Hayley... 1758 01:23:57,750 --> 01:23:58,583 and... 1759 01:24:00,208 --> 01:24:01,083 Roberto... 1760 01:24:09,166 --> 01:24:10,000 I hope you'll... 1761 01:24:11,583 --> 01:24:13,583 both be very happy together. 1762 01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:21,541 [guests applaud] 1763 01:24:23,833 --> 01:24:24,791 Thank you. 1764 01:24:26,500 --> 01:24:27,708 [indistinct chatter] 1765 01:24:27,791 --> 01:24:28,666 Chin-chin. 1766 01:24:31,875 --> 01:24:33,333 I'll be-- I'll be right back, okay? 1767 01:24:37,333 --> 01:24:38,166 Just-- 1768 01:24:38,250 --> 01:24:40,041 -I'm gonna go and talk to him. -Okay, okay. 1769 01:24:41,625 --> 01:24:42,875 -Here you go. -Oh, thank you. 1770 01:24:46,458 --> 01:24:47,375 [Bryan murmurs] 1771 01:24:50,375 --> 01:24:51,208 Marc. 1772 01:25:07,791 --> 01:25:11,333 ["Clair de Lune" by Debussy playing] 1773 01:25:25,166 --> 01:25:26,125 All right? 1774 01:25:26,958 --> 01:25:27,791 Hey. 1775 01:25:27,875 --> 01:25:28,750 Um... 1776 01:25:28,875 --> 01:25:29,833 I've been thinking. 1777 01:25:31,416 --> 01:25:32,333 We... 1778 01:25:33,208 --> 01:25:34,541 Maybe we shouldn't get married. 1779 01:25:36,500 --> 01:25:38,291 'Cause, I mean... 1780 01:25:38,375 --> 01:25:40,458 you're clearly not in love with me, and... 1781 01:25:41,875 --> 01:25:44,000 that wouldn't really work, would it? 1782 01:25:47,875 --> 01:25:48,708 Would it? 1783 01:25:50,916 --> 01:25:54,375 Someone somewhere is going to be so lucky to have you. 1784 01:25:55,750 --> 01:25:56,750 [voice breaking] Yeah. 1785 01:25:57,833 --> 01:26:00,125 Especially with those awesome genitals. 1786 01:26:00,625 --> 01:26:01,458 Ah... 1787 01:26:02,041 --> 01:26:02,875 I knew it. 1788 01:26:03,666 --> 01:26:06,708 It's-- But it's nice of you to confirm it 'cause... 1789 01:26:06,791 --> 01:26:09,583 [sniffles] ...it's been playing on my mind. 1790 01:26:09,708 --> 01:26:11,833 So, yeah. 1791 01:26:13,750 --> 01:26:14,750 [sighs] 1792 01:26:28,250 --> 01:26:29,208 [sighs] 1793 01:26:29,500 --> 01:26:32,000 No, here your watermelons have way too many seeds. 1794 01:26:32,083 --> 01:26:33,458 That's where you're wrong. 1795 01:26:33,541 --> 01:26:34,458 You're wrong. 1796 01:26:34,541 --> 01:26:36,250 Okay, in America, we don't do seeds. 1797 01:26:36,333 --> 01:26:38,083 You know, we just make 'em without the seeds. 1798 01:26:38,166 --> 01:26:39,166 I don't even know how... 1799 01:26:41,833 --> 01:26:42,750 [Sidney sighs] 1800 01:26:45,625 --> 01:26:46,500 -Hi. -Hello. 1801 01:26:47,333 --> 01:26:49,250 -My name is Cristina. -Cristina? 1802 01:26:49,333 --> 01:26:51,333 -Cristina, yeah. -My name's Sidney. 1803 01:26:51,541 --> 01:26:53,041 -Oh, Sidney. -Hello. 1804 01:26:53,666 --> 01:26:56,666 -Ah, so what do you do, Sidney? -I'm in car insurance. 1805 01:26:56,750 --> 01:26:57,666 Oh. 1806 01:26:58,416 --> 01:26:59,916 Not as dry as it sounds. 1807 01:27:00,625 --> 01:27:02,000 I work with a couple of, um... 1808 01:27:04,750 --> 01:27:06,541 Tell me about yourself. What do you do? 1809 01:27:06,958 --> 01:27:08,458 -Myself? -What do you do? Yeah. 1810 01:27:08,541 --> 01:27:09,416 [both chuckle] 1811 01:27:09,500 --> 01:27:12,291 -I work in a post office. -In the post office? 1812 01:27:12,375 --> 01:27:14,583 -Yeah, in Rome. -You're joking me. Wow. In Rome? 1813 01:27:15,208 --> 01:27:17,041 -And I have one friend. -Very exotic. Go on. 1814 01:27:17,125 --> 01:27:19,458 -She works with me. Julia. -Julia? 1815 01:27:19,541 --> 01:27:20,625 -Julia. -Keep talking. 1816 01:27:20,708 --> 01:27:23,166 -Yeah, she's a very crazy woman. -Mad lady. 1817 01:27:23,250 --> 01:27:25,125 -Funny. -Yeah, fantastic. 1818 01:27:25,208 --> 01:27:27,125 -Yeah. -She sounds incredible. [chuckles] 1819 01:27:28,541 --> 01:27:29,375 Oh. 1820 01:27:30,041 --> 01:27:32,208 -I love your kilt. -Ooh, careful! 1821 01:27:32,833 --> 01:27:34,750 Buy me dinner first. [chuckles] 1822 01:27:35,333 --> 01:27:36,916 [Cristina] Are you here alone? 1823 01:27:37,000 --> 01:27:38,958 I am here alone, yes. 1824 01:27:40,333 --> 01:27:41,625 Are you here alone? 1825 01:27:41,875 --> 01:27:43,500 Yes, I'm alone. 1826 01:27:43,958 --> 01:27:44,916 Oh. 1827 01:27:45,208 --> 01:27:47,791 [romantic orchestral music playing] 1828 01:27:58,541 --> 01:27:59,625 What time is it? 1829 01:28:00,666 --> 01:28:02,458 Um, I don't know. I don't know. 1830 01:28:02,541 --> 01:28:04,166 [laughs] I don't know, no. 1831 01:28:05,708 --> 01:28:06,750 I don't know. 1832 01:28:06,833 --> 01:28:08,833 -[Rebecca] What, do you live in a box? -[Bryan] Yeah. 1833 01:28:09,333 --> 01:28:11,791 'Cause it's, like, seedless, kind of thing. 1834 01:28:13,166 --> 01:28:14,041 Shit. 1835 01:28:14,500 --> 01:28:15,833 Oh, God, I have to go. 1836 01:28:17,500 --> 01:28:19,166 Ciao. All right. 1837 01:28:19,250 --> 01:28:20,875 [indistinct chatter] 1838 01:28:20,958 --> 01:28:21,791 [Dina] Hayley! 1839 01:28:21,958 --> 01:28:23,333 -Hi. Sorry. -Hey, Dina. 1840 01:28:24,000 --> 01:28:25,958 [Dina] You look so beautiful. I'm so happy for you. 1841 01:28:26,291 --> 01:28:28,875 I'll call you 'cause I've just got to go to some work thing. 1842 01:28:28,958 --> 01:28:30,250 -[Hayley] Right now? -Yeah, sorry. 1843 01:28:30,333 --> 01:28:32,708 [Hayley] I love you, babe. Bye! Bye! 1844 01:28:38,583 --> 01:28:39,458 Dina? 1845 01:28:41,041 --> 01:28:42,666 Oh, look who's woken up. 1846 01:28:45,583 --> 01:28:46,958 Uh, hi. 1847 01:28:47,708 --> 01:28:50,791 Yeah, I am so sorry about what happened earlier. I... 1848 01:28:52,041 --> 01:28:55,416 Tonight didn't quite turn out as I'd planned. 1849 01:28:55,500 --> 01:28:56,625 [chuckles] Yeah? Well... 1850 01:28:57,041 --> 01:28:58,708 what in life really turns out as planned? 1851 01:28:59,583 --> 01:29:01,250 Yeah, I suppose. [chuckles] 1852 01:29:01,791 --> 01:29:02,791 -[cell phone buzzes] -Um... 1853 01:29:03,000 --> 01:29:04,083 [chuckles] 1854 01:29:04,583 --> 01:29:06,000 -Shit. -So you're going? 1855 01:29:06,083 --> 01:29:07,166 Oh, yeah, I have to. 1856 01:29:07,250 --> 01:29:10,791 I've had, like, 16 missed calls from work, and I was just too drunk to notice. 1857 01:29:11,416 --> 01:29:12,416 [sighs] 1858 01:29:13,416 --> 01:29:14,291 I, uh... 1859 01:29:14,375 --> 01:29:15,333 Huh? 1860 01:29:15,416 --> 01:29:16,833 [stammers] I was, um... 1861 01:29:17,125 --> 01:29:18,166 I was about to kiss you... 1862 01:29:19,333 --> 01:29:20,166 that night. 1863 01:29:20,625 --> 01:29:21,458 I... 1864 01:29:22,375 --> 01:29:25,083 I just felt that there was something special between us. 1865 01:29:25,958 --> 01:29:28,125 And, um, I know this seems nuts 1866 01:29:28,208 --> 01:29:31,500 'cause we'd only known each other a couple of days, but I... 1867 01:29:33,208 --> 01:29:36,041 I've never felt a connection like that before. 1868 01:29:38,166 --> 01:29:39,125 Or since. 1869 01:29:41,250 --> 01:29:43,750 And I had a feeling you felt the same. 1870 01:29:48,125 --> 01:29:49,083 So I just want to-- 1871 01:29:49,166 --> 01:29:51,000 I just need to know, uh... 1872 01:29:51,916 --> 01:29:53,041 if I was imagining it. 1873 01:29:59,375 --> 01:30:00,666 You weren't imagining it. 1874 01:30:02,083 --> 01:30:03,875 I guess we just missed our moment. 1875 01:30:05,375 --> 01:30:06,666 -God. -Right. 1876 01:30:08,250 --> 01:30:09,083 Right. Uh... 1877 01:30:10,000 --> 01:30:10,833 I... 1878 01:30:11,625 --> 01:30:12,458 Yeah. 1879 01:30:20,666 --> 01:30:22,666 [romantic music echoes from inside] 1880 01:30:28,333 --> 01:30:29,166 Right. 1881 01:30:49,833 --> 01:30:51,000 Yeah. Thank you. 1882 01:30:53,083 --> 01:30:53,916 Grazie. 1883 01:30:54,875 --> 01:30:55,875 Hey. 1884 01:30:55,958 --> 01:30:56,833 Hey. 1885 01:30:57,541 --> 01:30:59,666 Oh, so you and Rebecca, eh? 1886 01:30:59,750 --> 01:31:00,791 I mean, I don't... 1887 01:31:01,458 --> 01:31:03,791 I just-- I don't know. I don't know how that happened. 1888 01:31:06,208 --> 01:31:07,541 Where's the American? 1889 01:31:07,625 --> 01:31:08,750 Ah, she's gone. 1890 01:31:10,791 --> 01:31:11,791 I'm sorry, man. 1891 01:31:13,541 --> 01:31:15,500 Some things just aren't meant to work out. 1892 01:31:15,583 --> 01:31:16,416 True. 1893 01:31:16,791 --> 01:31:18,125 Like me and acting. 1894 01:31:19,666 --> 01:31:20,666 -Really? -Yeah. 1895 01:31:21,583 --> 01:31:25,083 I've realized that I don't need to act. I'm fine just being me. 1896 01:31:27,291 --> 01:31:28,625 So that's it. Just... 1897 01:31:28,708 --> 01:31:29,583 That's it. 1898 01:31:30,625 --> 01:31:32,208 Done. No more. 1899 01:31:32,875 --> 01:31:35,041 You've got to change at some point, don't you? 1900 01:31:35,458 --> 01:31:37,166 -You can't keep-- -[Vitelli] Oh, you're here. 1901 01:31:38,041 --> 01:31:39,125 -Hi. -Hey. 1902 01:31:40,208 --> 01:31:41,541 I was really moved by your speech. 1903 01:31:42,000 --> 01:31:43,250 -Really? -Yeah, really. 1904 01:31:43,333 --> 01:31:44,583 [Bryan] Thank you very much. 1905 01:31:45,000 --> 01:31:47,000 -You're Hayley's actor friend? -Yes, I am. 1906 01:31:47,458 --> 01:31:49,083 I'm doing my new film. 1907 01:31:49,166 --> 01:31:50,416 Why don't you take my card 1908 01:31:50,500 --> 01:31:52,916 and give my assistant a call tomorrow? 1909 01:31:53,000 --> 01:31:54,208 -Yeah. -We'll have a coffee. 1910 01:31:54,291 --> 01:31:55,875 -Yeah, brilliant. I will. -Okay. 1911 01:31:55,958 --> 01:31:58,041 -I love coffee. -See you. Bye. Yeah. 1912 01:31:58,375 --> 01:32:00,041 [laughs] Oh, my God! 1913 01:32:00,125 --> 01:32:03,583 -That was incredible. What just happened? -I don't know. 1914 01:32:04,125 --> 01:32:06,666 I thought you were quitting acting. 1915 01:32:06,750 --> 01:32:08,916 No, that's bullshit. I'm all about acting. 1916 01:32:09,583 --> 01:32:10,500 [chuckles] 1917 01:32:11,625 --> 01:32:13,333 At least one of us has had some luck. 1918 01:32:13,958 --> 01:32:15,666 What are you talking about? We're all lucky. 1919 01:32:16,083 --> 01:32:17,166 Are we really? 1920 01:32:20,041 --> 01:32:23,916 Have you ever thought about how small the chances are 1921 01:32:24,000 --> 01:32:25,166 that you would be born? 1922 01:32:26,541 --> 01:32:28,708 If just one thing in history had changed, 1923 01:32:29,458 --> 01:32:31,750 just one of your millions of ancestors 1924 01:32:31,833 --> 01:32:34,583 hadn't crossed paths at the exact moment they did, 1925 01:32:35,416 --> 01:32:36,666 then you wouldn't exist. 1926 01:32:39,250 --> 01:32:41,291 You'd never have even lived a single day. 1927 01:32:43,333 --> 01:32:44,625 -Did you just make that up? -No. 1928 01:32:44,708 --> 01:32:47,625 It's a quote from one of Vitelli's films. But it's true, though, right? 1929 01:32:47,708 --> 01:32:48,541 Yeah. 1930 01:32:49,291 --> 01:32:51,375 I mean, it's pretty scary, 1931 01:32:52,041 --> 01:32:53,666 but if we're honest with ourselves, 1932 01:32:53,750 --> 01:32:55,416 then it all comes down to chance. 1933 01:32:56,041 --> 01:33:00,000 And I guess life is about grabbing those chances when they come 'round. 1934 01:33:00,083 --> 01:33:03,083 [romantic string music playing] 1935 01:33:21,250 --> 01:33:23,250 [romantic music swells] 1936 01:33:51,958 --> 01:33:53,416 Can I call you right back? 1937 01:33:53,500 --> 01:33:54,333 Thanks. 1938 01:33:56,750 --> 01:33:58,083 [music fades out] 1939 01:34:03,166 --> 01:34:04,083 [Dina chuckles] 1940 01:34:05,583 --> 01:34:06,416 Hi. 1941 01:34:08,416 --> 01:34:09,250 Hi. 1942 01:34:13,875 --> 01:34:15,250 Just going for run? [chuckles] 1943 01:34:15,333 --> 01:34:17,333 [romantic music playing] 1944 01:34:22,291 --> 01:34:23,291 -Dina? -[music stops] 1945 01:34:24,416 --> 01:34:25,583 -Hi. -Oh, my God! 1946 01:34:25,666 --> 01:34:27,541 -Do I know you? -Do you remember we met at that-- 1947 01:34:27,625 --> 01:34:28,625 Fuck off. 1948 01:34:30,958 --> 01:34:32,291 Seriously, fuck off. 1949 01:34:36,375 --> 01:34:37,250 Yeah. 1950 01:34:38,000 --> 01:34:38,916 Okay. 1951 01:34:39,625 --> 01:34:40,666 -Okay. -[Dina laughs] 1952 01:34:41,583 --> 01:34:43,583 [romantic music resumes] 1953 01:34:53,083 --> 01:34:55,541 ["On an Evening in Roma" by Dean Martin playing] 1954 01:34:59,625 --> 01:35:00,750 Hey, everyone. 1955 01:35:00,875 --> 01:35:03,208 Hang on. You're not supposed to be sat there, are you? 1956 01:35:03,333 --> 01:35:04,625 I think I am. 1957 01:35:08,375 --> 01:35:11,416 What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck was that about? 1958 01:35:13,833 --> 01:35:15,375 He's the most amazing actor you've ever seen. 1959 01:35:15,458 --> 01:35:17,708 -I don't know about that. -No, he is. He's brilliant. 1960 01:35:18,250 --> 01:35:19,375 -Yeah. -Thank you. 1961 01:35:19,458 --> 01:35:20,666 And you'd be, uh... 1962 01:35:20,750 --> 01:35:24,791 You'd be "amoron" not to put him into one of your movies. 1963 01:35:24,875 --> 01:35:26,708 -Like, an actual fucking moron. -Calm it down. 1964 01:35:26,791 --> 01:35:28,833 If he was any more obsessed with you, he'd be a stalker. 1965 01:35:28,916 --> 01:35:30,541 -I'm not a stalker. -He's not a stalker. 1966 01:35:30,625 --> 01:35:32,583 -I'm a watcher. -But he's a bit like a crazy fan. 1967 01:35:32,958 --> 01:35:35,458 Expect him in your shower being like, "I wanna watch your films." 1968 01:35:35,541 --> 01:35:36,791 -No! -Thank you. 1969 01:35:38,083 --> 01:35:40,041 I'm sorry, sir. Oh, my goodness! 1970 01:35:40,125 --> 01:35:42,666 -It was an accident! -There you go! Whoa! 1971 01:35:42,750 --> 01:35:45,166 I thought it'd be cold on top of hot! 1972 01:35:48,083 --> 01:35:50,125 I hope he didn't burn his penis. 1973 01:35:53,708 --> 01:35:56,333 -[Jack grunts] -[Marc yells] 1974 01:35:58,666 --> 01:35:59,791 -Hello. -Hi. 1975 01:36:09,291 --> 01:36:10,166 -Thanks! -[woman gasps] 1976 01:36:12,333 --> 01:36:13,791 [Bryan retches loudly] 1977 01:36:13,875 --> 01:36:15,458 Nothing's coming up. It's just air. 1978 01:36:15,541 --> 01:36:17,458 Bryan! 1979 01:36:18,500 --> 01:36:19,416 Oh. [chuckles] 1980 01:36:19,833 --> 01:36:21,875 There's a wolf licking a baby's arsehole! 1981 01:36:22,916 --> 01:36:24,083 I don't like that. 1982 01:36:24,958 --> 01:36:26,916 [Bryan yells incoherently] 1983 01:36:27,458 --> 01:36:29,833 It's formed-- A rash is forming because of the kilt. 1984 01:36:30,041 --> 01:36:31,750 Ah, here he is! 1985 01:36:32,458 --> 01:36:33,541 You cock! 1986 01:36:33,625 --> 01:36:35,166 -Get it out, then. -Excuse me? 1987 01:36:35,250 --> 01:36:37,666 Look, everyone! Jack's about to get his dick out! 1988 01:36:37,750 --> 01:36:38,791 Take off your-- 1989 01:36:39,208 --> 01:36:41,583 [Chaz yells angrily] 1990 01:36:42,791 --> 01:36:44,625 -What are you doing?! -[woman screams] 1991 01:36:45,875 --> 01:36:48,625 [Jack yells in pain] 1992 01:36:50,250 --> 01:36:52,541 [in Italian] These British folk are mad! 1993 01:36:52,625 --> 01:36:55,083 ♪ But in Rome do as the Romans do ♪ 1994 01:36:55,416 --> 01:36:57,208 ♪ With you ♪ 1995 01:36:57,916 --> 01:37:00,500 ♪ On an evening in Roma ♪ 1996 01:37:01,166 --> 01:37:03,166 [singing in Italian] 1997 01:37:04,541 --> 01:37:07,708 ♪ On an evening in Roma ♪ 1998 01:37:12,750 --> 01:37:14,166 [song ends] 1999 01:37:15,041 --> 01:37:17,041 [instrumental score playing]