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q‰Ú@{Ô¾A ò ò 9 Only.Fools.And.Horses.S08E01.iNTERNAL.DVDRip.XviD-aAF.srt0
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1
00:02:13,028 --> 00:02:17,092
Our jetcopter has arrived, Raquel.
I'll summon the maid.
2
00:02:17,769 --> 00:02:22,901
I'll say bye-bye to Damien first, darling.
How long's he going to be in there?
3
00:02:24,462 --> 00:02:27,740
You can't rush him, sweetheart,
he's putting a very important deal.
4
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,361
He's talking to President
Reeves in Washington.
5
00:02:30,998 --> 00:02:33,920
President Reeves! Really?
6
00:02:40,921 --> 00:02:44,729
There you are Rodney, where you been?
Damien phoned for you an hour ago.
7
00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:48,609
I know, but the state transportation workers
have gone on strike.
8
00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:52,257
On strike? I thought Damien
had made strikes illegal.
9
00:02:52,432 --> 00:02:59,102
Yes, the police were shooting them as I left.
Damien said he wanted to see me urgently.
10
00:03:00,851 --> 00:03:02,262
I'll take you through.
11
00:03:04,155 --> 00:03:08,058
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've heard it all before.
12
00:03:08,246 --> 00:03:10,019
Bonnet Dedut.
13
00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:15,027
All I'm saying Mr.President ...
14
00:03:15,825 --> 00:03:18,734
Oh, shut up you tart!
15
00:03:19,285 --> 00:03:22,668
Listen to me, Keanu. You just sit there
in the White House all day …
16
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,144
…twiddling your thumbs and just
playing at leadership!
17
00:03:25,179 --> 00:03:27,164
People are beginning to see through you.
18
00:03:27,804 --> 00:03:31,705
What's wrong with going to war with China?
War is good!
19
00:03:32,334 --> 00:03:35,220
What a boy, eh?
Good boy!
20
00:03:35,408 --> 00:03:37,833
Well, of course, millions will be killed.
21
00:03:38,004 --> 00:03:41,814
A war without death is like
a salad without water-cress!
22
00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:43,860
You worry too much...
23
00:03:44,030 --> 00:03:47,624
I've got a busy night
so make the declaration tomorrow.
24
00:03:49,088 --> 00:03:52,905
What's going on here?
I ordered a messanger over an hour ago!
25
00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:56,852
He's here, Damie!
Damie, he's here. Look, there.
26
00:03:58,122 --> 00:04:00,397
Uncle Rodney.
27
00:04:08,336 --> 00:04:12,717
I want you in Beijing for the war –
you report back to me.
28
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:18,923
- War! I don't wanna go to war!
- War is good.
29
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:24,457
- I don't wanna go to war!
- What would your Uncle Albert say?
30
00:04:24,913 --> 00:04:29,369
- I don't know!
- We'll ask him then, won't we?
31
00:04:32,366 --> 00:04:37,209
During the war... During the war.
During the war...
32
00:04:47,071 --> 00:04:52,530
- You rang, your Lordship?
- Cassandra! What are you doing here?
33
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:58,474
Damien took over my bank and fired me.
Now I'm the maid.
34
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:05,597
- It's a job, Rodney.
- No, this isn't fair!
35
00:05:06,009 --> 00:05:10,985
- Rodney!
- It's not right, you shouldn't be doing this!
36
00:05:12,142 --> 00:05:15,484
Everything was nice
and now you've messed it all up!
37
00:05:16,832 --> 00:05:19,531
I wanna go back to how it used to be!
38
00:05:29,268 --> 00:05:32,380
Rodney, wake up you dipstick!
39
00:05:34,469 --> 00:05:36,333
Oh God, it was a dream.
40
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:40,124
Have you been smoking
that Rastafarian Old Holborn again?
41
00:05:41,682 --> 00:05:47,007
No, no, I just drifted off there for a while.
Oh man, I had the wildest dream!
42
00:05:47,225 --> 00:05:52,358
What was it all about? Was it about sunshine
and little birdies going tweet tweet tweet?
43
00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:55,927
Alright, sorry! So what's happening?
44
00:05:56,102 --> 00:05:59,381
What's happening?
I'll tell you what's happening.
45
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:07,268
We have bought 150 Latvian radio alarm
clocks that go off whenever they bloody well like.
46
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,974
We also got 200 aerodynamic cycling helmets
47
00:06:11,009 --> 00:06:16,276
that turn out to be horse-riders' crash hats
that some git has sprayed red.
48
00:06:16,574 --> 00:06:21,089
We've got a box of baseball caps
that even E17 fans wouldn't wear.
49
00:06:22,139 --> 00:06:25,816
And also my home-improvement grant
has been rejected.
50
00:06:25,851 --> 00:06:28,390
Apart from that,
everything is fine!
51
00:06:28,611 --> 00:06:31,115
Thank God! Everything normal.
52
00:06:31,284 --> 00:06:33,683
Raquel, darling,
there's a letter out here for you.
53
00:06:33,718 --> 00:06:36,703
What's the matter with you anyway, falling asleep
at quarter to eight in the morning?
54
00:06:36,861 --> 00:06:38,775
Don't you get enough sleep at home
or what?
55
00:06:38,810 --> 00:06:40,551
You know my situation!
56
00:06:40,707 --> 00:06:43,173
It's Cassandra and this baby thing, innit?
57
00:06:43,343 --> 00:06:46,065
The hospital's worked out
another schedule for us.
58
00:06:46,302 --> 00:06:49,063
I'm at it like a rattlesnake!
It's horrible.
59
00:06:49,592 --> 00:06:51,450
I always thought that was your ambition!
60
00:06:51,589 --> 00:06:56,187
Well, some people dream of singing La Traviata
at the Royal Opera House, don't they?
61
00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:59,477
It don't mean they wanna sing it
three bloody times a night.
62
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:03,078
No, enought to make your throat sore,
wouldn't it?
63
00:07:08,201 --> 00:07:10,823
They've put her on a
special diet and all that.
64
00:07:12,494 --> 00:07:16,165
The gynecologist, he reckons
it's only a matter of time
65
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:20,436
but Cass keeps getting all broody...
I've got her a rabbit.
66
00:07:22,029 --> 00:07:24,328
A rabbit, what's that?
Part of her diet, is it?
67
00:07:24,806 --> 00:07:28,108
No, a pet rabbit!
Something she can make a fuss over.
68
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,833
I know it was a stupid idea.
I wish I hadn't bothered now...
69
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:33,389
So the hospital has passed all
the tests and that, have they?
70
00:07:34,550 --> 00:07:37,899
This is personal.
I don't want this being broadcast!
71
00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:42,611
Of course not. Who's gonna listen?
I suppose you've had your tubes looked at?
72
00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:47,524
Yes! God! Everything's fine
we just can't crack the case...
73
00:07:47,776 --> 00:07:52,165
Every day I'm taking specimens down to the clinic
and God knows what else.
74
00:07:52,444 --> 00:07:57,007
'Cause t's all got to do with ovum’s
and... things.
75
00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:01,800
The hospital keeps showing me
this film of inside the human body.
76
00:08:02,512 --> 00:08:05,029
Cor, it don't half put you off, Del.
77
00:08:05,803 --> 00:08:10,473
Yeah, I should think so.
Give me Debbie Does Dallas any day of the week.
78
00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:14,033
Anyway, listen, we'll have a spot of
breakfast and then get down the market.
79
00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:17,457
- What do you fancy. Boiled egg?
- No!
80
00:08:22,098 --> 00:08:26,351
Can I ask a favour?
Can I have this afternoon off?
81
00:08:27,385 --> 00:08:29,965
Why? She hasn't booked you in
for another seeing to, has she?
82
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:35,436
No! We're having a celebrating lunch.
'Cause it's my birthday.
83
00:08:35,638 --> 00:08:44,205
It's your birthday? Oh, ala Bruchette!
It's your birthday, I forgot all about it, didn't I?
84
00:08:45,130 --> 00:08:49,518
Well, since it's your birthday
in that case Rodney, the answer is no.
85
00:08:49,689 --> 00:08:52,899
You wouldn't expect Richard Branson
to want the afternoon off?
86
00:08:53,687 --> 00:08:56,213
Doubt it, he don't even
know it's my birthday.
87
00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:01,304
Not your birthday,
I mean, if it was his birthday!
88
00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:05,497
No, because he would be too busy down the
old financial fast lane.
89
00:09:05,658 --> 00:09:09,073
He wouldn't be going that
jollying it up just 'cos it's his birthday.
90
00:09:09,274 --> 00:09:10,633
Alright then.
91
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,478
Of course you can have the afternoon off.
It's your birthday!
92
00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:20,090
I bet you thought I forgot!
93
00:09:20,404 --> 00:09:23,246
There you go,
there's your cards, birthday boy.
94
00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:27,557
That one's from Damien.
95
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,882
Oh... Bless him.
96
00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:35,736
No, don't worry about those for a minute.
Take a look at that.
97
00:09:36,022 --> 00:09:40,154
That is a present from me...
and Raquel of course.
98
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:50,086
- It's a chunky, gold identity bracelet.
- Yeah, I can see that.
99
00:09:51,075 --> 00:09:56,424
It's just like mine Rodney, look at that,
24 carat gold, no old rubbish.
100
00:09:56,459 --> 00:09:59,115
See, it's got your name on it, look.
101
00:09:59,976 --> 00:10:06,138
- 'Rooney'?
- No, that says, look, 'Rodney'.
102
00:10:06,546 --> 00:10:10,388
No, it says 'Rooney'.
There's an 'O' where the 'D' should be.
103
00:10:10,756 --> 00:10:14,950
No, that is a D. It's like copperplate writing.
104
00:10:15,965 --> 00:10:18,470
- Come on, put it on, put it on.
- Ah, right.
105
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:26,313
- I don't want you getting all over-emotional on me.
- No, alright then.
106
00:10:29,912 --> 00:10:31,802
- Morning, Rodney.
- Hi, Raquel.
107
00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:37,940
- What's that?
- It's a chunky gold identity bracelet.
108
00:10:39,733 --> 00:10:43,606
- 'Rooney'?
- No, that's 'Rodney'.
109
00:10:43,641 --> 00:10:49,461
- Looks like 'Rooney.' That's an 'O' isn't it?
- No it's a 'D'. It's copperplate writing.
110
00:10:49,496 --> 00:10:52,941
Well, it looks like 'Rooney' from where I'm standing.
Where d'you get it from?
111
00:10:52,976 --> 00:10:55,766
It's your birthday present to me.
112
00:10:56,538 --> 00:11:00,148
Oh! It's your birthday!
Sorry. Happy birthday, Rodney.
113
00:11:00,239 --> 00:11:01,149
Thanks.
114
00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:05,052
Del chose the present.
I didn't even know what he'd got you. Where is he?
115
00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:07,750
In the kitchen. He's a bit disappointed actually,
116
00:11:07,785 --> 00:11:11,419
the council have just turned down
his application for a home improvement grant.
117
00:11:11,454 --> 00:11:13,501
I suppose they didn't have
half a million pounds handy.
118
00:11:14,624 --> 00:11:16,042
What did he want to do then?
119
00:11:16,077 --> 00:11:19,984
Who knows! Put an extension on the balcony
and build a double garage, knowing him.
120
00:11:20,536 --> 00:11:22,477
No, au contraire.
121
00:11:22,634 --> 00:11:26,274
I just wanted 5,000 pounds
so I can improve the kitchen units, that's all.
122
00:11:26,579 --> 00:11:28,316
Well that sounds fair enough.
123
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:33,449
Oh get real, Rodney. There was no way
he was gonna put new units in. He just wanted the 5 grand.
124
00:11:35,052 --> 00:11:37,699
No, 'cause the council would have checked
to see if you had the work carried out.
125
00:11:37,734 --> 00:11:42,865
Cor blimey, all you gotta do is to give 'em an
'18 months sob story' and they forget all about it.
126
00:11:43,088 --> 00:11:46,033
'Cause they're too busy organising carnivals
and things.
127
00:11:46,448 --> 00:11:49,468
Anyway, they've turned me down,
I don't want to discuss it,
128
00:11:49,503 --> 00:11:52,033
'cause now it's epidemic, innit?
129
00:11:53,856 --> 00:11:57,256
Who's the letter from, sweetheart?
- I don't know yet.
130
00:12:00,434 --> 00:12:02,948
Look at this! Gits!
131
00:12:06,297 --> 00:12:10,373
- Morning, Damien.
- I got a new hat. Dad got it for me.
132
00:12:10,408 --> 00:12:12,682
Yeah, I know, and it's a cracker and all,
ain't it son, eh?
133
00:12:13,264 --> 00:12:15,168
My Dad gets me everything...
134
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:18,534
D'you wanna play war?
135
00:12:19,368 --> 00:12:22,105
No! Bit busy.
136
00:12:22,294 --> 00:12:26,970
- Come on Rodney, you've got time for a little battle.
- No. I'm alright, honest.
137
00:12:27,233 --> 00:12:30,885
Alright, you stay there, champ.
I'll get you your cereal.
138
00:12:31,724 --> 00:12:35,108
When I'm older will people
still wear baseball caps?
139
00:12:35,328 --> 00:12:38,830
When you're older, Damien,
people will wear whatever you tell them to wear.
140
00:12:38,865 --> 00:12:40,343
Oh cool!
141
00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:47,013
Little git!
142
00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:51,211
I fought for this country, shot and shell,
and how do they treat ya?
143
00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:54,683
That ain't it bloody fair, eh?
144
00:12:56,622 --> 00:13:00,729
Oh God, Albert! Your socks look like
the bomb-squads been having a go at 'em!
145
00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:04,033
All I need now is that hospital to get you
and Cassandra pregnant,
146
00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:07,062
and I'd have two of the little
sods bouncing things off me head.
147
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:09,864
Oi! What do you know about me
and Cassandra and the hospital?
148
00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:12,112
Nothing, son, nothing at all...
149
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,843
What's an ovum?
150
00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:21,251
I don't believe you... Were you listening
to me and Del's conversation?
151
00:13:21,286 --> 00:13:27,465
I wasn't listening, I just heard.
Don't worry, you know me, son, I'm saying nothing.
152
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:32,611
Squad, attention!
153
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:37,636
Morning, Albert. Listen, you be careful when you
collect your pension down at the post office today.
154
00:13:37,671 --> 00:13:40,305
There's a gang of muggers
hanging about this area.
155
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:44,111
They don't worry me, son.
I boxed for the navy.
156
00:13:44,304 --> 00:13:47,486
They use to calle my left hand
'Trotter's Trembler'.
157
00:13:48,948 --> 00:13:51,553
I wonder what they
called your right hand.
158
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,826
Rodney, come on, quick.
Let's go.
159
00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:59,849
- What's the hurry?
- Come on, just let's go, Rodney.
160
00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:03,348
- Would you want me to load the van up?
- No, we haven't got time for that.
161
00:14:03,506 --> 00:14:07,915
I've got to get the Capri Ghia into tuning up
and I gotta meet a bloke down the market.
162
00:14:08,109 --> 00:14:11,069
And you get youw coat on
and get out of here. Go on!
163
00:14:11,209 --> 00:14:12,947
See you later, sweetheart!
Bye Unc!
164
00:14:15,657 --> 00:14:18,768
- What's he in such a hurry for.
- I don't know.
165
00:14:21,019 --> 00:14:23,120
Oh no, not again!
166
00:14:31,628 --> 00:14:35,263
Did I tell you what Councillor Murray
said to me when she gave me this medal?
167
00:14:35,298 --> 00:14:41,133
Yes! Trigger, you are boring
the pants off me with this bloody medal!
168
00:14:41,349 --> 00:14:49,444
No. She said, 'I thank you on behalf
of the council and the people of Peckham!'
169
00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:57,607
- Morning, Sid. What d'you fancy, Rodders?
- I'll have a cheese roll.
170
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,177
I still find it hard to believe!
171
00:15:01,212 --> 00:15:04,683
So do I! Medals for road sweepers!
172
00:15:04,718 --> 00:15:09,341
Good God, they'll be giving Del Boy
an award for good taste next!
173
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:13,072
- Morning all.
- Thank God you've arrived!
174
00:15:13,627 --> 00:15:15,906
He can bore you two with it now!
175
00:15:16,072 --> 00:15:19,344
- What's that then?
- Trigger's got a medal.
176
00:15:20,651 --> 00:15:25,427
- Oh yeah. Where'd you find that then, Trig?
- I was awarded it. Look.
177
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:30,019
It's a picture of me receiving my medal
from Councillor Murray.
178
00:15:30,193 --> 00:15:32,001
See, that's me.
179
00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:38,098
Oh that's you, is it?
I'm glad you cleared that up.
180
00:15:38,511 --> 00:15:41,105
Let me have a look at that, Trig, will you?
181
00:15:43,852 --> 00:15:46,616
So that's that Councillor Murray, is it?
182
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:51,073
She's the old cow that refused
my application for a council grant.
183
00:15:51,548 --> 00:15:53,899
I've never been so humiliated
in my life.
184
00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:57,483
Derek, when you have the time
you must tell me all about it.
185
00:15:58,202 --> 00:16:03,306
Hey, has any of your friends down at the masonic lodge
have got influence at the town hall?
186
00:16:03,341 --> 00:16:09,550
No. it's just that I've often wondered
what it must be like to apply for a council grant.
187
00:16:11,773 --> 00:16:13,860
And the day started out
so well, didn't it?
188
00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:18,944
It's Councillor Murray's idea. She's head
of Finance and Facilities at the Town Hall
189
00:16:19,139 --> 00:16:23,523
and she says the local people should be
rewarded for services to the community.
190
00:16:24,397 --> 00:16:26,588
A proud moment
in my family's history.
191
00:16:26,878 --> 00:16:29,913
Trigger, you haven't got a family history.
192
00:16:30,182 --> 00:16:32,914
You were created
by a chemical spillage
193
00:16:32,949 --> 00:16:36,655
…at a germ warfare factory
somewhere off Deptford High Street.
194
00:16:36,690 --> 00:16:39,451
Maybe. But I still feel proud.
195
00:16:43,205 --> 00:16:45,209
So what exactly is the
award for?
196
00:16:45,244 --> 00:16:48,821
For saving the council money.
I happened to mention to her one day
197
00:16:48,856 --> 00:16:52,244
that I've had the same broom
for the last twenty years.
198
00:16:52,585 --> 00:16:58,641
She was very impressed and said
have a medal. 20 years. That's a long time, Dave.
199
00:16:58,676 --> 00:17:04,721
- Yeah, I know. It's two decades innit?
- I wouldn't go that far, but it's a long time.
200
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:08,858
Trig, just a second.
201
00:17:09,870 --> 00:17:15,557
If you've had that broom for 20 years
have you actually swpt any roads with it?
202
00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:18,605
Well of course!
But I look after it well.
203
00:17:18,806 --> 00:17:22,759
We have an old saying that's been handed down
by generations of road sweepers:
204
00:17:22,952 --> 00:17:27,309
- 'Look after your broom...'
- And your broom will look after you.
205
00:17:27,462 --> 00:17:31,383
No Dave. It's just:
'Look after your broom'.
206
00:17:34,913 --> 00:17:36,304
Oh, that old saying!
207
00:17:36,339 --> 00:17:40,559
Yeah. And that's what I've done.
I've maintained it for 20 years.
208
00:17:41,848 --> 00:17:49,266
This old broom has had 17 new heads
and 14 new handles in its time.
209
00:17:54,597 --> 00:17:57,857
How the hell can it be
the same bloody broom then?
210
00:17:57,996 --> 00:18:01,232
There's a picture of it!
What more proof do you need?
211
00:18:03,698 --> 00:18:05,919
This has come
as a bit of a shock to me.
212
00:18:06,917 --> 00:18:09,012
I haven't heard from you for years.
213
00:18:09,325 --> 00:18:13,091
Last time we met I got the impression
that I wasn't important in your life any more.
214
00:18:14,506 --> 00:18:19,009
Yeah, I understand.
OK, let's meet...
215
00:18:19,296 --> 00:18:25,149
No! I’ll come to you...
This weekend? I'm not sure...
216
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:30,462
Del? I don't know really.
I suppose I'll have to tell him the truth.
217
00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:37,427
I'll give you a call... OK...
I know you do...
218
00:18:38,972 --> 00:18:41,169
Of course I still love you.
219
00:18:43,208 --> 00:18:44,625
Bye.
220
00:18:54,382 --> 00:18:58,075
- Alright, sweetheart?
- Yeah. What you been up to?
221
00:18:58,648 --> 00:19:05,504
I've down the market. I met a bloke.
Done a deal about some electric doughnut makers.
222
00:19:05,539 --> 00:19:08,207
While I was down there I bumped into Boycie.
223
00:19:08,242 --> 00:19:13,009
He told me that Mike down the Nag's Head
is selling tickets for a party on Saturday night.
224
00:19:13,799 --> 00:19:18,659
- You know. Would you like to go?
- This weekend? No, not really.
225
00:19:20,235 --> 00:19:24,391
- OK... Any phone calls?
- No...
226
00:19:24,426 --> 00:19:30,509
- Del, can we talk?
- Of course we can.
227
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:34,751
There's something I've got to tell you.
I'd like to sit down.
228
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:40,432
- Go on then.
- I mean both of us.
229
00:19:52,529 --> 00:19:57,014
That letter I got this morning.
It was from my Mum and Dad.
230
00:19:57,185 --> 00:19:59,191
I've just got off the phone to them.
231
00:19:59,518 --> 00:20:04,404
- Ah, was from your mum and...
- You OK?
232
00:20:07,283 --> 00:20:10,917
Of course I am, I'm teriffic.
Oh dear.
233
00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:13,905
I didn't know you had a Mum and Dad.
234
00:20:15,231 --> 00:20:18,523
What I meant was that
you've never mentioned them before.
235
00:20:18,666 --> 00:20:22,490
Years ago we had a big bust up when I told them
I wanted to go into show business.
236
00:20:22,808 --> 00:20:26,479
I said I wanted to be a dancer
and act and everything.
237
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:31,901
My Dad, he's a bit old fashioned,
he said some nasty things - you can imagine.
238
00:20:32,592 --> 00:20:38,532
So I stormed out, went into digs and
that was the last contact I had with them - until now.
239
00:20:38,690 --> 00:20:41,151
They got my address from the landlord
at my old flat.
240
00:20:41,186 --> 00:20:44,460
They've been phoning for the last couple of weeks
but just kept getting the answer-machine.
241
00:20:44,495 --> 00:20:49,785
Yeah, I know darling, but a lot of people get nervous
about leaving messages on answer-machines, don't they?
242
00:20:49,820 --> 00:20:53,502
No, they left lots of messages
but the rotten machine wouldn't record them.
243
00:20:54,308 --> 00:20:56,209
Oh dear!
244
00:20:56,748 --> 00:20:58,790
I don't know
what's wrong with this machine.
245
00:20:59,232 --> 00:21:04,071
I reckon that some of the electronic circuitry
needs adjusting, that's all.
246
00:21:04,644 --> 00:21:06,300
You know, like that!
247
00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:13,843
So I phoned 'em. We had a nice chat...
They seemed different - sort of, understanding.
248
00:21:15,419 --> 00:21:17,068
I cried.
249
00:21:20,296 --> 00:21:23,401
That's alright.
Come on, sweetheart!
250
00:21:23,892 --> 00:21:28,599
My Mum said they'd missed me.
And my dad said he loved me!
251
00:21:28,828 --> 00:21:33,250
Oh well, come on.
That is lovely jubbly, innit?
252
00:21:34,072 --> 00:21:37,423
- I told them about Damien.
- Yeah.
253
00:21:37,458 --> 00:21:42,009
They were pleased. They seemed really
excited they had a grandson.
254
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:45,055
I told them all about him.
All the little things he does.
255
00:21:48,018 --> 00:21:55,596
- D'you tell 'em about me?
- I mentioned you.
256
00:21:57,167 --> 00:22:02,955
- D'you tell them what I did?
- No. There wasn't time.
257
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:08,380
- They just wanted to know about Damie.
- Of course they would. That's alright.
258
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:12,208
They mentioned going up there at the weekend…
they want to meet him.
259
00:22:12,709 --> 00:22:15,823
That'll be nice. Well, we'll pop up there then
shall we?
260
00:22:16,583 --> 00:22:20,025
Yeah... The thing is…
261
00:22:20,293 --> 00:22:26,721
Well, see, my Dad's a bit of an old fuddy-duddy
and he hasn't been well recently...
262
00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:28,695
This bloody thing!
263
00:22:28,859 --> 00:22:34,119
And I think meeting you
might be a bit too much for him.
264
00:22:34,154 --> 00:22:35,928
So, I don't want to offend you...
265
00:22:36,615 --> 00:22:41,255
That's the last time I buy
anything off that Ronnie Nelson!
266
00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:44,214
Right ten, the weekend!
267
00:22:44,469 --> 00:22:47,842
Oh, Mont Blanc!
268
00:22:48,019 --> 00:22:50,935
Darling, no, I can't go on Saturday!
269
00:22:51,087 --> 00:22:54,329
'Cause I've gotta to go up to Covent Garden
and pick up a van load of ober-jeans.
270
00:22:57,867 --> 00:23:03,094
And they were really looking forward
to meeting you as well. Never mind.
271
00:23:04,215 --> 00:23:07,804
Alright sweetheart, tell you what.
Why don't you and Damien go and have a nice time.
272
00:23:08,212 --> 00:23:14,182
Hey, why don't you take the Capri Ghia, and let 'em see
that their little girl has done alright for herself.
273
00:23:14,356 --> 00:23:16,378
OK. Thanks, Del.
274
00:23:17,060 --> 00:23:18,603
I do love you.
275
00:23:19,735 --> 00:23:24,621
Yeah, I know, well...
I'm that sort of bloke really, ain't I?
276
00:23:24,989 --> 00:23:27,280
Anyway. What does your dad do?
277
00:23:27,421 --> 00:23:30,492
- He's an antique dealer.
- Is he really?
278
00:23:30,636 --> 00:23:33,038
That's interesting, you see,
because in the garage...
279
00:23:33,073 --> 00:23:35,723
I'm not taking anything with me!
280
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:43,127
Alright then, that's fair enough, just a thought.
Now go on, you go darling, build a few bridges.
281
00:23:43,487 --> 00:23:47,611
- I'll try. I'll make you a coffee.
- Yeah, that'll be lovely.
282
00:23:59,025 --> 00:24:02,079
- Mum was crying.
- What's that, champ?
283
00:24:02,114 --> 00:24:06,011
- Mum was crying.
- Was she? Oh, dear, nevermind.
284
00:24:06,046 --> 00:24:11,805
Come and sit here. Women do that, you know.
You'll learn that when you get a bit older.
285
00:24:11,962 --> 00:24:17,052
Anyway. You know where you're going on Saturday?
Your're gonna go and see your Nan and your Grandad.
286
00:24:17,087 --> 00:24:19,426
- Have I got a Nan and Grandad?
- Yes, you have now.
287
00:24:19,461 --> 00:24:24,502
- Did you get 'em for me?
- No, they belong to your Mum.
288
00:24:25,615 --> 00:24:27,880
They're gonna make a right fuss of you,
they are.
289
00:24:27,915 --> 00:24:32,029
- They'll love you, 'cause they're lovely people.
- What are they called?
290
00:24:32,251 --> 00:24:35,504
What are they called?
I know, they're called...
291
00:24:38,068 --> 00:24:40,355
Nan and Grandad.
292
00:24:41,985 --> 00:24:45,583
- Did you feed Roger?
- Yeah, I chucked a carrot in earlier.
293
00:24:45,618 --> 00:24:47,192
Good.
294
00:24:50,718 --> 00:24:53,430
- Don't worry.
- I'm not.
295
00:24:53,768 --> 00:24:57,150
- It's only once tonight.
- Right.
296
00:24:58,174 --> 00:24:59,774
At least I think it is.
297
00:25:07,174 --> 00:25:11,433
- Just the once.
- Look at Tuesday.
298
00:25:13,747 --> 00:25:16,745
- Happy birthday again.
- Thank you.
299
00:25:19,375 --> 00:25:23,522
- Oh leave off, Cass.
- Sorry, Rooney.
300
00:25:24,103 --> 00:25:26,896
Del's gotta be the only bloke
who can buy a gold identity bracelet
301
00:25:26,931 --> 00:25:29,710
and take it to a dyslexic engraver.
302
00:25:31,186 --> 00:25:34,828
- You got lots of nice presents as well.
- Yes, I did.
303
00:25:35,537 --> 00:25:39,616
And I spoke to Mummy today and she said,
as a special birthday present to you,
304
00:25:39,651 --> 00:25:41,774
why don't we fly over to the villa next week?
305
00:25:41,809 --> 00:25:45,460
I'm owed some time off
and Del hasn't given you a holiday since...
306
00:25:45,631 --> 00:25:49,984
well, he hasn't given you a holiday!
I thought it might help.
307
00:25:50,316 --> 00:25:55,329
- Sangria and warm evenings...
- Yeah, sounds good, don't it?
308
00:25:55,927 --> 00:25:57,731
Hold on.
What about the rabbit?
309
00:25:57,766 --> 00:26:01,224
- Couldn't we give it to Del?
- No, he'd eat it!
310
00:26:01,741 --> 00:26:05,597
Aren't there any sort of kennels?
You know a place that looks after rabbits.
311
00:26:05,753 --> 00:26:11,762
- Like a cattery but, well a rabbitry.
- A rabbitry? That's a Chinese toilet!
312
00:26:13,139 --> 00:26:17,313
- Hang on, can your Mum and Dad could look after it?
- Hardly, they'll be at the villa with us.
313
00:26:17,348 --> 00:26:19,065
They'll be there as well?
314
00:26:19,231 --> 00:26:24,647
Where are we supposed to relax
and stick to the schedule with your Mum and Dad there?
315
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,717
I've figured it out, Rodney.
We won't do it in front of them!
316
00:26:30,810 --> 00:26:37,351
When we want to, you know, relax,
we'll go to our bedroom! What d'you think?
317
00:26:38,069 --> 00:26:40,377
But they'll be in the room next to us!
318
00:26:40,785 --> 00:26:46,166
I mean, what about all the panting
and the screaming and all the 'Yes, yes, yes!'
319
00:26:46,201 --> 00:26:51,726
- You'll just have to control yourself.
- No, it'll never work.
320
00:26:52,134 --> 00:26:55,207
Besides I can't leave Del,
business ain't going too well.
321
00:26:55,232 --> 00:27:00,245
- Oh, come on Rodney.
- I can't Cass, Del needs me here.
322
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,330
- You go.
- You don't mind?
323
00:27:03,365 --> 00:27:08,230
But of course I don't.
A rest'll do you good.
324
00:27:09,902 --> 00:27:12,789
It means we'll have to put our schedule on ice
for a week.
325
00:27:12,942 --> 00:27:15,009
Well, I'm afraid so.
326
00:27:22,022 --> 00:27:24,615
You both got tickets for
Saturday's party?
327
00:27:27,038 --> 00:27:29,177
I can tell you're looking
forward to it!
328
00:27:30,935 --> 00:27:34,224
Hey, Boycie! You and Marlene
fancy something nice to eat?
329
00:27:34,489 --> 00:27:36,525
Yeah, I do as it happens, Mike.
330
00:27:36,685 --> 00:27:39,696
Shall we pop down
The Harvester in a minute?
331
00:27:44,552 --> 00:27:48,964
I don't get much trade
but I do have a good laugh! Bloody 'ell.
332
00:27:49,174 --> 00:27:53,649
- Here, Trig! Do you fancy a ticket? Tenner each.
- Righto, Mike.
333
00:27:54,773 --> 00:27:57,812
What d'you mean, 'Righto, Mike?'
You don't even know what they're for.
334
00:27:58,864 --> 00:28:01,555
It's bound to tell you
on the ticket, innit?
335
00:28:04,716 --> 00:28:06,056
I didn't think of that.
336
00:28:06,217 --> 00:28:12,150
D'you know Trig? Every year us publicans
we hold a fancy dress ball. Prizes, the lot.
337
00:28:12,185 --> 00:28:16,443
This year it's old Harry Malcolm's turn.
He's the guv'nor down at the Crown and Anchor.
338
00:28:16,478 --> 00:28:20,655
He's holding the party at his house.
He's got a great barn of place over on the Common.
339
00:28:20,806 --> 00:28:25,952
Hey, the first prize is a brand new stereo system
worth over a thousand pound.
340
00:28:25,987 --> 00:28:29,497
Fancy dress! I've only got
my mohair suit and my best jumper.
341
00:28:29,532 --> 00:28:31,186
Perfect!
342
00:28:31,791 --> 00:28:33,415
Did I tell you about my medal?
343
00:28:33,591 --> 00:28:37,507
Yeay. Three times yesterday
and twice this morning.
344
00:28:37,670 --> 00:28:42,174
- Did I tell you, Marlene?
- Yes, love. You sent us a fax last night.
345
00:28:47,654 --> 00:28:49,003
Alright, Mike?
346
00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:50,638
Wotchyer, sweetheart.
347
00:28:52,236 --> 00:28:56,300
Stop it! Honestly.
Cassandra get off alright then, did she?
348
00:28:56,335 --> 00:29:01,225
- Yeah, I've just come back from the airport.
- And Raquel's away too, ain't she?
349
00:29:01,260 --> 00:29:04,157
I bet you two'll be out
gallivanting Saturday night.
350
00:29:04,192 --> 00:29:05,419
No, not at all sweetheart.
351
00:29:05,576 --> 00:29:09,082
A mug of Bournvita, plate of toast
and Match Of The Day for us Rodders, isn't it, eh?
352
00:29:09,117 --> 00:29:10,311
Heaven!
353
00:29:10,346 --> 00:29:12,098
That's nice...
354
00:29:13,367 --> 00:29:18,428
- 'Rooney?'
- No, that is 'Rodney'.
355
00:29:18,688 --> 00:29:24,698
You see, it's not an O - it looks like an O
but it's not! 'Cause it's copperplate writing.
356
00:29:26,936 --> 00:29:28,117
It's quiet today, innit?
357
00:29:28,264 --> 00:29:32,056
Yeah, got more life
in one of his meat pies over there.
358
00:29:32,285 --> 00:29:37,077
Come on Michael, give us a drink, will ya?
Lager-top for Rodney and I'll have...
359
00:29:37,566 --> 00:29:40,242
A Baileys and cherryaide.
360
00:29:41,829 --> 00:29:46,001
Del, d'you fancy something to eat?
How about a nice plate of beef stew?
361
00:29:46,156 --> 00:29:48,709
Go on, I'll have some of that then,
that'll keep the cold out, won't it?
362
00:29:48,744 --> 00:29:51,064
You be careful with the old beef, Del.
363
00:29:51,126 --> 00:29:54,036
- Oh shut up, you brass.
- I don't know what you are worried about.
364
00:29:54,071 --> 00:29:57,389
I've been eating British beef all my life.
365
00:30:05,208 --> 00:30:07,408
Egg and chips, please, Mike.
366
00:30:08,022 --> 00:30:11,048
- What do you want, Rodney?
- Something that was fresh this morning.
367
00:30:11,083 --> 00:30:13,429
Alright, give him the Daily Mirror, will you?
368
00:30:16,629 --> 00:30:21,966
- Alright, Del Boy? Any luck?
- Yeas, loads of it, Denzil, all bad!
369
00:30:22,309 --> 00:30:26,268
I bumped into Paddy the Greek.
You remember those 9 carat...
370
00:30:26,303 --> 00:30:29,473
...24 carat gold bracelets I was selling?
371
00:30:29,636 --> 00:30:34,953
Well, apparently they've all been
deported along with Ugandan Maurice.
372
00:30:35,414 --> 00:30:37,875
Why did you trust him with
all that gold in the first place?
373
00:30:37,910 --> 00:30:40,366
Because he told me he was
an exporter.
374
00:30:40,401 --> 00:30:43,885
Yeah, an exporter,
he just got the sack from British Rail.
375
00:30:48,830 --> 00:30:51,204
Life's one long struggle, innit, eh?
376
00:30:51,865 --> 00:30:56,125
I feel a bit like that King Farouk
trying to hold back the tide.
377
00:30:57,786 --> 00:30:59,393
I've got a kid to think to look after now.
378
00:30:59,428 --> 00:31:03,606
- It's Canute.
- Yeah, you can say that again!
379
00:31:03,852 --> 00:31:06,637
Hey Del, d'you wanna buy a ticket
for a publican’s ball?
380
00:31:06,672 --> 00:31:09,441
Yeah, certainly.
Which one, left or right?
381
00:31:11,598 --> 00:31:13,037
Your loss.
382
00:31:13,072 --> 00:31:20,021
Well, I've got to go, the host is a fellow mason.
And mind you, last year's do was a good laugh.
383
00:31:20,056 --> 00:31:23,135
- I heard it all ended in a big punch up.
- Yes it did.
384
00:31:23,170 --> 00:31:27,466
But during the struggle
Marlene got a whack on the nose.
385
00:31:27,501 --> 00:31:29,832
And you did nothing about it, did you?
386
00:31:29,867 --> 00:31:32,592
What could I do?
You threw the first punch.
387
00:31:33,136 --> 00:31:34,303
Were you injured?
388
00:31:34,338 --> 00:31:38,415
No, fortunately her make-up
cushioned the blow.
389
00:31:40,511 --> 00:31:42,131
I have just remembered!
390
00:31:42,166 --> 00:31:45,321
I was supposed to take Cassie's specimen
to the clinic this morning!
391
00:31:48,221 --> 00:31:50,368
I've left it in the kitchen on your work top.
392
00:31:50,403 --> 00:31:52,455
That's alright, don't worry,
you can take it in tomorrow, can't yer?
393
00:31:52,490 --> 00:31:56,585
No you don't understand.
It mustn't be left in direct sunlight.
394
00:31:56,620 --> 00:31:59,479
You've got to find a cool,
dark spot where it won't be disturbed.
395
00:31:59,514 --> 00:32:02,482
How about Boycie's pants?
396
00:32:09,166 --> 00:32:14,013
Yes, everything's fine, Raquel,
although there's no food in the fridge.
397
00:32:14,232 --> 00:32:17,898
No I'm not complaining.
You just have a nice time, gel, alright?
398
00:32:18,271 --> 00:32:21,094
Hold on, I think Del's back.
399
00:32:21,274 --> 00:32:25,346
Del Boy - sorry!
Raquel on the phone.
400
00:32:25,544 --> 00:32:28,469
Right, OK.
Tell her I'll take it in the bedroom.
401
00:32:29,218 --> 00:32:32,930
He's gonna take it in the bedroom, love.
See you soon, bye.
402
00:32:34,774 --> 00:32:37,132
I suppose your Cassandra
will be there by now.
403
00:32:37,285 --> 00:32:42,207
Yeah. She'd have landed about an hour ago.
Bloody 'Rooney'!
404
00:32:42,792 --> 00:32:47,385
I don't know why you wear an ID bracelet.
Men - real men - didn't wear them in my day.
405
00:32:47,570 --> 00:32:49,787
You used to wear them dog-tags
round your neck.
406
00:32:49,822 --> 00:32:52,795
That was an ID necklace.
Completely different.
407
00:32:53,667 --> 00:32:58,122
To be honest with you, Unc, I don't really wanna wear
this thing but I don't wanna hurt Del's feelings.
408
00:32:58,157 --> 00:33:02,824
- I understand, boy... During the war.
- Oh, God!
409
00:33:04,049 --> 00:33:06,960
I had a mate who had
exactly the same problem.
410
00:33:07,235 --> 00:33:10,140
His Mum had bought him a
gold watch and he hated it.
411
00:33:10,297 --> 00:33:13,281
- But he didn’t wanna hurt her feelings.
- So what did he do?
412
00:33:13,445 --> 00:33:17,738
One night he went round all the pubs
in Portsmouth flashing his gold watch about.
413
00:33:18,156 --> 00:33:22,001
On the way back to the ship
he got mugged... Problem solved.
414
00:33:22,346 --> 00:33:24,445
That was a good idea, weren't it?
415
00:33:25,230 --> 00:33:27,610
There's a lot of mugging
going on round here, Rodney.
416
00:33:27,645 --> 00:33:31,953
Albert, I'm not seriously considering it
as a viable option! God Almighty!
417
00:33:32,745 --> 00:33:36,762
- I'll just have to tell him.
- Be gentle though.
418
00:33:41,179 --> 00:33:45,827
Look, Del, about this thing you
gave me for me birthday.
419
00:33:46,220 --> 00:33:48,129
It's a beauty, innit, eh?
420
00:33:48,863 --> 00:33:51,395
Well, yeah but...
Well, the thing is...
421
00:33:51,430 --> 00:33:55,221
I tell you what. Raquel and Damien
are having a nice time.
422
00:33:55,221 --> 00:33:58,565
They're getting on really well
with her Mum and Dad.
423
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,753
Oh, well that's good, innit?
424
00:34:01,048 --> 00:34:04,410
You didn't fancy to go
and meet your common-law in-laws then?
425
00:34:04,721 --> 00:34:11,158
Well, to be honest Rodney, yes I did,
but Raquel didn't want me to go.
426
00:34:11,535 --> 00:34:13,184
What, she told you?
427
00:34:14,995 --> 00:34:23,526
No, she was having a difficult time telling me,
and I made up an excuse to let her off the hook.
428
00:34:24,616 --> 00:34:28,301
I think that she thought
I might embarrass her.
429
00:34:32,589 --> 00:34:38,362
What d'you mean? That's silly!
How could you possibly embarrass her?
430
00:34:38,397 --> 00:34:40,234
Well, that's what I thought!
431
00:34:40,927 --> 00:34:45,403
I tell you what. Did you know that her old man
is an antiques dealer?
432
00:34:46,099 --> 00:34:50,893
I thought I might let him have a look
at the Jacobean cine-camera we got in the garage.
433
00:34:52,143 --> 00:34:54,864
I'm sorry, you were saying
about the bracelet?
434
00:34:55,029 --> 00:34:59,025
- No, nothing. I'm well pleased with it.
- Yeah, that's it.
435
00:34:59,060 --> 00:35:02,016
You'll never forget
your name now, will you?
436
00:35:04,049 --> 00:35:07,268
Raquel goes away for a few days
and this flat becomes a shambles.
437
00:35:07,303 --> 00:35:09,945
There's nothing in the fridge,
the veg is on the turn
438
00:35:09,980 --> 00:35:12,683
and that apple-juice is horrible.
439
00:35:18,354 --> 00:35:21,219
He's a moaning old git,
ain't he, eh?
440
00:35:31,644 --> 00:35:33,973
Cassandra's specimen is gone!
441
00:35:46,677 --> 00:35:48,804
I don't believe him!
442
00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,278
What am I gonna tell
Cassandra?
443
00:35:51,836 --> 00:35:57,688
You tell her that you spilt it in the van
when you went round a corner.
444
00:35:58,208 --> 00:36:01,674
- I can't lie to her, Del.
- Alright, tell her uncle Albert drunk it.
445
00:36:02,125 --> 00:36:08,556
I can't tell her that, can I?
It's just one thing after another, innit?
446
00:36:09,966 --> 00:36:13,253
- Rodney, listen, we've got to get out of here.
- How d'you mean?
447
00:36:13,402 --> 00:36:15,087
Well listen, I've been thinking.
448
00:36:15,122 --> 00:36:21,335
Now that Cassandra's away in foreign climes
and Raquel's had it away on her toes to Milton Keynes.
449
00:36:21,518 --> 00:36:25,347
You know what tomorrow is, don't ya?
It's the big party, innit? The publican's ball.
450
00:36:25,382 --> 00:36:31,260
So I was thinking, while the mice are away
the cats could go out and play.
451
00:36:33,058 --> 00:36:37,544
- It'll be like the old days, Rodders.
- We're not gonna be pulling birds, are we?
452
00:36:37,759 --> 00:36:44,718
We never pulled any birds in the old days, Rodders.
What chance have we got now?
453
00:36:45,305 --> 00:36:49,971
- Come on, what d'you say?
- Well, it's just a bit of harmless fun, innit?
454
00:36:50,006 --> 00:36:54,366
We'll of course it is! A couple of hours.
You know, a sausage roll and a grin.
455
00:36:55,232 --> 00:37:03,005
I'll tell you what. The first prize
is only a stereo system worth 1,000 pounds.
456
00:37:03,370 --> 00:37:07,065
- What do they give prizes for?
- For the best fancy dress.
457
00:37:07,259 --> 00:37:11,756
Fancy dress! I'm not going
dressed up like some zoom!
458
00:37:12,236 --> 00:37:14,957
Come on Rodney, it's only a laugh, innit?
459
00:37:15,114 --> 00:37:18,936
We'll just pop down the High Street
and get ourselves a couple of costumes.
460
00:37:19,331 --> 00:37:22,845
Rodney, I need your help
to win this prize.
461
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:28,363
'Cause you're the one with the GCE's in art.
You got the flare and imagination.
462
00:37:29,109 --> 00:37:32,130
Shall I tell you
what I'm imagining right now?
463
00:37:32,347 --> 00:37:35,622
I'm imagining that since you knew
Raquel was going away,
464
00:37:35,657 --> 00:37:40,435
you've been planning to go to that party
and try and win that stereo all along.
465
00:37:41,668 --> 00:37:44,025
How dare you?
466
00:37:45,003 --> 00:37:50,058
If only your mother could hear you now!
Is that what you really think of me?
467
00:37:50,448 --> 00:37:55,371
Here I am and my child and my wife
have gone away for what is obviously
468
00:37:55,531 --> 00:37:58,763
a demanding and draining weekend
and all you can think of is
469
00:37:58,798 --> 00:38:01,421
'That's alright, Del Boy can go out
for a jolly-up'!
470
00:38:01,770 --> 00:38:07,956
That's it, is it? That's what you think of Del Boy?
Shallow as a worm's grave.
471
00:38:13,805 --> 00:38:17,363
No, I just thought it was...
472
00:38:18,997 --> 00:38:22,045
- Well, it just seemed a bit...
- No, don't!
473
00:38:24,158 --> 00:38:28,865
- I'm bleeding!
- Alright.
474
00:38:30,947 --> 00:38:32,729
I'm sorry, then.
475
00:38:34,772 --> 00:38:38,788
Alright. Your apology is accepted.
476
00:38:40,209 --> 00:38:43,084
Hold on, I've just remembered.
This do is an all-ticket affair.
477
00:38:43,119 --> 00:38:46,734
- I know, I got us a couple as we were leaving.
- Oh, stinking...
478
00:38:50,691 --> 00:38:55,685
I feel stupid! I don't know how we got
out of the estate without being seen.
479
00:38:55,896 --> 00:38:58,336
Don't worry, we'll be
there in a minute.
480
00:38:58,512 --> 00:39:00,892
Yes, but then we've got to
get home dressed like this!
481
00:39:01,052 --> 00:39:03,418
Who's gonna see us at five o' clock
in the morning?
482
00:39:03,780 --> 00:39:08,920
Yeah, I suppose so. Five in the morning?
You said we was only going for a couple of hours.
483
00:39:09,115 --> 00:39:12,621
Yeah I know, but you get involved,
don't you?
484
00:39:15,108 --> 00:39:19,552
- What's happening?
- There must be something wrong.
485
00:39:19,587 --> 00:39:24,134
- I wish I was mechanically minded like you.
- Very funny!
486
00:39:24,538 --> 00:39:27,631
Alright, I'll open the bonnet,
you go an' have a look at the engine.
487
00:39:27,666 --> 00:39:30,585
Go an' have a look at the...
I'm not gettin out dressed like this!
488
00:39:30,620 --> 00:39:32,721
You have a look, it's your van!
489
00:39:32,756 --> 00:39:35,349
You tart, Rodney.
490
00:40:01,246 --> 00:40:05,355
- Do you see anything?
- No. It's right dark in here.
491
00:40:17,093 --> 00:40:18,561
What you looking for?
492
00:40:19,482 --> 00:40:23,110
Just tryin' to see if there's any petrol
coming through to the carburetor.
493
00:40:26,647 --> 00:40:29,999
- You idiot!
- What's the matter?
494
00:40:30,034 --> 00:40:32,764
You'll blow us to kingdom come!
495
00:40:32,932 --> 00:40:36,253
Don't be daft! There's no petrol coming through,
is there?
496
00:40:36,412 --> 00:40:40,244
Must be some sort of a blockage.
I mean, that's why we've broken down.
497
00:40:44,883 --> 00:40:47,238
Will you get back inside that van.
498
00:40:47,273 --> 00:40:52,233
I don't want people seeing you
dressed like that, you look like a right wally!
499
00:41:05,351 --> 00:41:07,995
What are we gonna do now then, eh?
500
00:41:08,273 --> 00:41:10,067
I don't know, Derek!
501
00:41:10,586 --> 00:41:15,403
We are sat in the middle of Peckham at 10.30
dressed up as Batman and Robin!
502
00:41:15,438 --> 00:41:20,329
And it was you who chose these costumes!
I wanted to go as The Blues Brothers!
503
00:41:20,625 --> 00:41:26,479
We'd have still broken down
and been in this embarrassing situation, wouldn't we?
504
00:41:26,630 --> 00:41:32,241
Oh yeah! We'd have been wearing suits and ties,
right couple of zooms we'd have looked.
505
00:41:33,814 --> 00:41:38,246
But we'd never have won first prize
as The Blues Brothers!
506
00:41:38,281 --> 00:41:41,214
No, but at least we could have walked home!
507
00:41:41,425 --> 00:41:46,516
Look, just shut up
and try to think of a way out of this.
508
00:41:46,551 --> 00:41:49,173
Alright, let's just think about it.
509
00:41:56,675 --> 00:41:59,573
We phone the RAC.
510
00:41:59,847 --> 00:42:03,468
Yes, and we ask to get put through
511
00:42:03,629 --> 00:42:08,949
to the 'Broken Down Whilst Dressed
As A Couple Of Prats' department.
512
00:42:12,642 --> 00:42:14,320
Alright then, the police.
513
00:42:14,473 --> 00:42:17,172
Oh, leave it out, Rodney.
We'd never live it down.
514
00:42:17,319 --> 00:42:22,034
Our lives would be hell!
We would have to 'hemigrate'.
515
00:42:22,174 --> 00:42:25,863
At this particular moment, Del,
that doesn't sound like a bad alternative.
516
00:42:29,028 --> 00:42:32,925
The pubs are gonna be chucking out soon.
They'll tear us to shreds.
517
00:42:33,087 --> 00:42:39,601
Know what... Harry's place
is nearer than our place is.
518
00:42:40,079 --> 00:42:43,776
You know, we could be there
in five minutes... if we ran.
519
00:42:43,927 --> 00:42:47,226
- We'll be seen!
- No we won't. What do you mean 'be seen'.
520
00:42:47,396 --> 00:42:49,628
Look, all the streets are empty, ain't they?
521
00:42:49,794 --> 00:42:51,361
At the moment!
522
00:42:51,534 --> 00:42:56,855
But I guarantee, the second I step out of this van
a thousand people are gonna pour out out the...
523
00:42:58,077 --> 00:43:00,769
out of a place where a thousand people are!
524
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:07,764
No. Not if we go through the back streets
and the back alleys.
525
00:43:08,084 --> 00:43:10,590
'Cause the only people there
are the winos and the crackheads
526
00:43:10,785 --> 00:43:14,486
and let's face it, they see Batman and Robin
every night of the week.
527
00:43:16,922 --> 00:43:21,836
- Five minutes?
- Five minutes, that's all, if we run.
528
00:43:33,364 --> 00:43:36,924
- I'm going now Tom.
- I'll see you out.
529
00:43:39,236 --> 00:43:41,991
- Goodnight, Councillor Murray.
- Goodnight, Tom.
530
00:44:00,097 --> 00:44:03,355
- Sorry, Miss, you seen a policeman round here?
- No, I haven't!
531
00:44:03,943 --> 00:44:07,898
- Good! Then giss your money!
- What are you doing? Tom!
532
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:10,725
Help!
533
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,178
- Someone shut her up!
- Get her briefcase.
534
00:44:14,980 --> 00:44:16,277
Gary!
535
00:44:21,005 --> 00:44:24,275
- What's happening?
- I haven't the faintest idea!
536
00:44:32,670 --> 00:44:34,334
Go!
537
00:44:54,021 --> 00:44:56,195
- Councillor Murray?
- Yes.
538
00:44:56,352 --> 00:45:00,067
I recognise you from your photograph.
Derek Trotter.
539
00:45:00,406 --> 00:45:04,113
You may remember me.
I wrote to you sometime ago about a...
540
00:45:04,148 --> 00:45:08,530
Del, let's go!
541
00:45:09,856 --> 00:45:13,323
Sorry, I must dash.
Duty calls.
542
00:45:30,791 --> 00:45:33,264
Oh Boycie, let us in, will you?
543
00:45:38,276 --> 00:45:40,703
What have you two come as then?
544
00:45:41,164 --> 00:45:42,528
Batman and Robin.
545
00:45:43,062 --> 00:45:46,925
Ignore him, Rodney, will you?
Just ignore him.
546
00:45:48,247 --> 00:45:53,249
- Where is everyone?
- Straight through there, Caped Crusader.
547
00:45:53,549 --> 00:45:56,070
You ain't gonna win nothing
dressed like that.
548
00:45:56,604 --> 00:45:58,119
Did you see that Rodders?
549
00:45:58,267 --> 00:46:03,931
We've come as Batman and Robin
and Boycie's come as the Penguin.
550
00:46:06,007 --> 00:46:12,268
Oh no, Del Boy, not the Penguin.
More like the Joker.
551
00:46:15,095 --> 00:46:17,710
Kenny. Mike from the Nag's Head.
552
00:46:18,266 --> 00:46:22,725
Listen, I was really cut-up yesterday
when I heard about your Dad. Your husband.
553
00:46:23,374 --> 00:46:26,174
Still, at least he didn't suffer.
554
00:46:26,439 --> 00:46:28,874
No. He had a good innings and...
555
00:46:30,034 --> 00:46:32,759
he'd have been well chuffed to see all his family
and friends turn up for his wake like this.
556
00:46:41,906 --> 00:46:46,038
Derek. Harry died yesterday.
557
00:46:47,051 --> 00:46:49,265
Harry... Harry die...?
558
00:46:55,595 --> 00:47:00,856
Why didn't you tell us that out there
instead of letting us come in here like that?
559
00:47:00,891 --> 00:47:04,099
Yeah. We were going da na na na na
and everything.
560
00:47:04,134 --> 00:47:09,652
It completely slipped my mind.
Strange what grief can do.
561
00:47:15,217 --> 00:47:19,264
Del. I don't know if you remember me.
I'm Kenny, Harry's son.
562
00:47:20,300 --> 00:47:23,033
Yes, of course I remember you.
563
00:47:23,599 --> 00:47:26,244
I phoned round everyone
to tell 'em the party was off.
564
00:47:26,404 --> 00:47:28,825
I must have left four or five messages
on your answer machine.
565
00:47:28,860 --> 00:47:30,669
Obviously you didn't get 'em.
566
00:47:30,704 --> 00:47:33,424
No, the machine’s playing up a bit.
567
00:47:33,603 --> 00:47:36,956
I'm gonna throw that bloody machine away
when we get home.
568
00:47:37,323 --> 00:47:41,338
- Kenny, look, I am really sorry about this.
- Don't be silly.
569
00:47:41,557 --> 00:47:44,554
The old man's most probably up there now
having a bloody good laugh at you all.
570
00:47:45,122 --> 00:47:51,272
- You'll stay, won't you?
- Oh yeah, of course we're gonna stay.
571
00:47:51,661 --> 00:47:55,905
- Go and grab yourself a drink and something to eat.
- Alright, cheers.
572
00:48:09,476 --> 00:48:11,498
A beer here, Denz.
573
00:48:13,409 --> 00:48:15,294
Didn't you know Harry had died?
574
00:48:17,796 --> 00:48:23,822
Of course we knew Harry had died!
That's why we came dressed as Batman and Thingy!
575
00:48:23,857 --> 00:48:25,923
- Robin.
- Yes.
576
00:48:28,335 --> 00:48:32,928
- I suppose the prize-giving's off now then, is it?
-I love him. Bloody love him.
577
00:48:34,490 --> 00:48:40,690
Alright Del, Dave.
Bit of a choker old Harry popping off like that, innit?
578
00:48:40,725 --> 00:48:44,649
Yeah. We didn't even know
the fancy dress party had been cancelled.
579
00:48:44,684 --> 00:48:46,101
Me neither.
580
00:48:48,408 --> 00:48:51,296
You mean, that's your costume?
581
00:48:51,453 --> 00:48:58,907
Yeah, I come as a chauffer.
I feel a bit stupid now.
582
00:49:00,034 --> 00:49:03,464
Come to mention it, you do stand out a bit.
583
00:49:04,250 --> 00:49:06,955
I'm gonna cheer up the widow.
584
00:49:10,069 --> 00:49:12,647
I don't think you and Del
would have won first prize.
585
00:49:12,909 --> 00:49:14,492
- No?
- No.
586
00:49:14,660 --> 00:49:18,481
You're alright,
but Del don't look nothing like Tonto.
587
00:49:25,286 --> 00:49:27,766
Aerodynamic designed cycling helmets.
588
00:49:27,801 --> 00:49:34,059
As worn by Chris Boardman and his cousin Stan.
Look at that, beautiful.
589
00:49:34,226 --> 00:49:37,577
OK then, what else we got here.
I tell you what we've got, look at this.
590
00:49:37,849 --> 00:49:42,725
Baseball caps!
Straight from LA, as worn by MC Hammer.
591
00:49:44,456 --> 00:49:46,715
Here you are madam,
buy one for you kid for Christmas.
592
00:49:46,716 --> 00:49:49,744
They'll look lovely in his stocking,
I tell you that. No?
593
00:49:50,061 --> 00:49:53,842
Right, what else have we got.
Oh, yes, what have we got here! Look at this!
594
00:49:54,017 --> 00:49:57,364
We've got the unisex baseball caps.
Look at that.
595
00:49:58,010 --> 00:50:02,587
There you are, buy one for your son,
buy one for your daughter! Well done!
596
00:50:05,188 --> 00:50:08,183
- Del!
- Yeah! What's up?
597
00:50:08,536 --> 00:50:09,938
Have a look.
598
00:50:11,031 --> 00:50:13,371
- Give us your bag!
- Oi! What's your game?
599
00:50:15,335 --> 00:50:17,277
Rodney, get after him! Go on!
600
00:50:22,189 --> 00:50:24,309
Are you alright?
You alright, darling?
601
00:50:24,623 --> 00:50:30,556
Little buggers have nicked me handbag, son.
My bloody arse is hurting as well.
602
00:50:31,601 --> 00:50:36,306
You just take it easy, will ya? Just take it easy.
Someone call an ambulance for her, will ya?
603
00:50:36,475 --> 00:50:38,039
Also, call the police.
604
00:50:38,101 --> 00:50:39,999
Hey, you! Oi!
605
00:52:45,617 --> 00:52:47,819
Whoops-a-daisy.
606
00:52:48,770 --> 00:52:52,192
We read and we hear about
so-called have-a-go-heroes,
607
00:52:52,227 --> 00:52:55,188
but we very rarely have the honour
of meeting one.
608
00:52:55,223 --> 00:53:00,598
Well, I'm proud to say that here, in Peckham,
we have our very own have-ago-hero.
609
00:53:00,891 --> 00:53:08,581
And so it's my great honour and privilege
to present this medal for bravery to Derek Trotter.
610
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:20,707
That's Batman!
611
00:53:21,671 --> 00:53:27,139
- Mr Trotter, could I have a couple of pictures?
- Mange-tout, mange-tout.
612
00:53:27,491 --> 00:53:29,715
How come you got a medal?
I did all the running.
613
00:53:29,877 --> 00:53:33,037
Yes I know, but you were running
away from him!
614
00:53:38,026 --> 00:53:43,636
I was not running away from him actually.
I was just luring him.
615
00:53:43,671 --> 00:53:47,678
Well you weren't half luring him fast then!
You shot past me like Linford Christie.
616
00:53:50,031 --> 00:53:52,780
Minus that poodle that he keeps
down his shorts, of course.
617
00:53:54,190 --> 00:53:56,151
Could you mind out of
the way please, sir...
618
00:53:56,341 --> 00:53:59,925
Yes, could you mind out of the way, please, Rodney
You're casting a shadow on the hero.
619
00:54:06,805 --> 00:54:08,844
Why didn't you get a medal, Rodney?
620
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:14,979
No, they offered me one
but I said I wanted to remain anonymous.
621
00:54:21,976 --> 00:54:27,847
Mr Trotter. Councillor Murray.
We met, the night you were dressed as Batman.
622
00:54:29,958 --> 00:54:31,417
Oh yes, of course.
623
00:54:32,079 --> 00:54:36,740
- I've never been so frightened in my life.
- It was only a costume.
624
00:54:37,630 --> 00:54:40,595
No, I mean terrified
of that awful gang of muggers.
625
00:54:40,766 --> 00:54:41,986
Oh, I see, yes.
626
00:54:42,021 --> 00:54:45,087
- Still, they're behind bars now, thanks to you.
- Oh, don't mention it.
627
00:54:45,264 --> 00:54:48,160
If ever there's anything I can do for you,
please don't hesitate to call.
628
00:54:48,195 --> 00:54:51,030
Well, thank you very much indeed.
Thank you.
629
00:54:51,681 --> 00:54:52,906
Councillor Murray.
630
00:54:55,374 --> 00:55:00,560
As a matter of fact there is a little something
that you might be able to help me out with.
631
00:55:00,897 --> 00:55:05,166
- Do you think we could have a little chat?
- Of course. Come this way.
632
00:55:06,431 --> 00:55:07,830
Cushty!
633
00:55:10,187 --> 00:55:13,041
We're gonna have to cut this one out
for the family album.
634
00:55:13,196 --> 00:55:15,218
A Trotter's never won a medal before.
635
00:55:16,011 --> 00:55:18,485
Well, Albert's won three of four dozen.
636
00:55:19,176 --> 00:55:22,735
Why'd they use the word 'man'?
They could have mentioned Rodney.
637
00:55:23,567 --> 00:55:28,181
- I mean, why didn't they say 'men'?
- Yeah, Rodney was there as well.
638
00:55:28,382 --> 00:55:30,183
They do mention him,
here you are.
639
00:55:30,506 --> 00:55:38,304
'Mr Trotter was aided in the capture
of the muggers by his younger brother, Rooney.'
640
00:55:38,782 --> 00:55:41,108
You see, it's bloody Rooney!
641
00:55:42,452 --> 00:55:46,519
Come on then, ladies and gentlemen,
charge your glasses.
642
00:55:46,554 --> 00:55:52,131
Because I have got something to say,
on this auspicious occasion.
643
00:55:52,337 --> 00:55:58,619
And that is, not only am I the only Trotter
to win a medal... without getting wet.
644
00:55:59,175 --> 00:56:01,996
But this is a double celebration.
645
00:56:02,397 --> 00:56:04,882
- You told them!
- No, I never! I swear!
646
00:56:05,087 --> 00:56:07,360
- How d'you lot find out?
- Find out what?
647
00:56:07,395 --> 00:56:09,879
- You mean you don't know?
- No.
648
00:56:11,588 --> 00:56:15,437
Well, in that case, let me just say that if,
in the near future,
649
00:56:15,472 --> 00:56:19,997
anybody wants to buy Cassandra and I
some Mothercare vouchers,
650
00:56:20,409 --> 00:56:22,535
they will come in bloody handy!
651
00:56:23,679 --> 00:56:29,092
- Yes my son, we have scored!
- And it was a beauty!
652
00:56:30,026 --> 00:56:36,347
It's coming home, it's coming home,
it's coming, football's coming home!
653
00:56:38,488 --> 00:56:40,130
Well done my son!
654
00:56:40,165 --> 00:56:44,938
I'm pleased for you, son.
I know you've been through hell to get there.
655
00:56:48,254 --> 00:56:52,567
How about that then, eh?
A little cousin for Damien to play with.
656
00:56:55,064 --> 00:56:57,587
Wait a minute. You said this was
a double celebration
657
00:56:57,622 --> 00:57:01,405
before you found out about Cassandra
being pregnant. So what else are we celebrating?
658
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:05,032
That's right.Then it's a treble celebration.
659
00:57:05,349 --> 00:57:09,906
'Cause you know I was turned down
for my home improvement grant by the council.
660
00:57:10,159 --> 00:57:14,465
Well, they have changed their minds
and send me a cheque for 5,000 pounds.
661
00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:19,067
- They gave you 5,000 pounds?
- Yes, what can't speak can't lie.
662
00:57:20,028 --> 00:57:22,659
Signed by Councillor Murray.
663
00:57:23,713 --> 00:57:29,130
- It's not a bad old world is it, bruv?
- It's getting better all the time, Del.
664
00:57:29,308 --> 00:57:31,902
Lovely jubbly.
665
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:41,080
Subtitles by
NVL
666
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:52,080
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
PK
“‰Ú@ìB³;u u 9 Only.Fools.And.Horses.S08E02.iNTERNAL.DVDRip.XviD-aAF.srt0
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
1
00:00:42,111 --> 00:00:44,188
You alright, son?
Looking forward to tonight down the pub?
2
00:00:44,402 --> 00:00:48,288
Yeah. I don't want a big thing made of it,
you know.
3
00:00:48,459 --> 00:00:51,057
I mean, me and Cassandra
are having a baby, that's all.
4
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,353
Yeah, but you know what Del's like.
Any excuse for a celebration.
5
00:00:55,918 --> 00:00:58,768
You don't think Del'd mind
if I borrowed some of his after-shave, do you?
6
00:00:58,943 --> 00:01:00,436
What do you want to use after-shave for?
7
00:01:00,471 --> 00:01:03,599
You've got Epping bloody Forest
growing round your chops!
8
00:01:05,473 --> 00:01:07,775
I just wanted to smell nice,
that's all.
9
00:01:07,931 --> 00:01:10,504
Well in that case,
don't use Del's after-shave!
10
00:01:12,215 --> 00:01:16,272
Oh, there you are Rodders, I didn't hear you arrive.
Go on, help yourself to a dry roasted.
11
00:01:16,307 --> 00:01:18,083
Where's Cassandra then?
12
00:01:18,118 --> 00:01:20,074
Raquel wanted to show her
something in the bedroom.
13
00:01:20,109 --> 00:01:22,153
It's them baby clothes
she's got for you.
14
00:01:22,188 --> 00:01:23,767
Oh, she shouldn't have done that.
15
00:01:23,802 --> 00:01:26,361
No, it's aright,
they're some of Damien's old clothes.
16
00:01:29,169 --> 00:01:34,135
- Suit your nipper a treat they will.
- Yeah... I'm just gonna get myself a beer.
17
00:01:34,341 --> 00:01:36,687
If it's a boy d'you reckon
it'll look like Rodney?
18
00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:39,335
It don't matter as long as
it's healthy.
19
00:01:42,648 --> 00:01:44,833
No, I know what Raquel's doing,
20
00:01:45,014 --> 00:01:47,939
she's showing Cassandra
some of them new clothes I bought her.
21
00:01:48,113 --> 00:01:52,573
- New clothes? It's not her birthday, is it?
- No, it's not her birthday.
22
00:01:52,957 --> 00:01:57,210
Well, they're not 'new' clothes,
they're as good as.
23
00:01:58,187 --> 00:02:00,634
And it means I done me bit for charity.
24
00:02:02,409 --> 00:02:07,833
Ah, Rodders there you are, you seen this?
It’s my book, ‘Modern Man’. It’s brilliant, it is.
25
00:02:08,093 --> 00:02:13,209
It says here: 'you shouldn't wait for a special occasion
to give your loved one a present.
26
00:02:13,254 --> 00:02:16,430
Arrive home with a little surprise
any day of the week,
27
00:02:16,465 --> 00:02:19,278
and help keep your relationship exciting'.
28
00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:21,203
I done that, you know.
29
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,687
It says: 'Your partner should never have
to seek attention from you.
30
00:02:25,722 --> 00:02:29,644
A compliment is the easiest thing
to give and the nicest thing to receive.'
31
00:02:30,433 --> 00:02:31,895
It's obvious
when you come to think about it.
32
00:02:31,930 --> 00:02:35,496
I mean, it's far easier to say something nice
than to say something nasty, innit?
33
00:02:36,996 --> 00:02:40,194
- Well?
- Yes, very well, thank you darling!
34
00:02:41,822 --> 00:02:43,129
Oh! Good.
35
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:46,805
- You look lovely, Raquel.
- Thank you very much, Albert.
36
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,936
Yes, you look very nice, Raquel.
37
00:02:50,502 --> 00:02:53,681
Thank you. Wait till you see this.
38
00:02:54,601 --> 00:02:57,431
- And you look lovely, Cassandra.
- Thank you, Albert.
39
00:02:57,638 --> 00:03:01,161
Oh, there you are, sweetheart.
How's my little nephew?
40
00:03:01,196 --> 00:03:02,760
Get off!
41
00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:08,806
- Well. What d'you think?
- Well, it’s a bit difficult, Raquel.
42
00:03:09,004 --> 00:03:12,058
You see, Rodney and I
are both opposed to the fur trade.
43
00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:17,293
I think, what Cass is trying to say is,
we both think it looked better on the animal.
44
00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,092
Whatever that was.
45
00:03:21,232 --> 00:03:25,430
Innit marvelous? Del buys Raquel a coat
and you two have a pop at her!
46
00:03:25,587 --> 00:03:30,336
Del bought it? Oh, I'm sorry, Raquel,
I thought it was real!
47
00:03:33,056 --> 00:03:39,341
No no, no, dopey, no,
that’s stimulated fur!
48
00:03:40,532 --> 00:03:42,970
- Sorry, didn't realise.
- Well, there you go!
49
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:44,853
I tell you what we are going to do then.
50
00:03:45,721 --> 00:03:48,706
‘Cause little Damien's downstairs
with the babysitter,
51
00:03:48,741 --> 00:03:51,517
we’re gonna have a couple of glasses
of the old champagne here
52
00:03:51,552 --> 00:03:55,709
then it’s down the Nag's Head
for some decent celebrations. Alright?
53
00:03:57,029 --> 00:04:00,576
- You are on the orange juice, alright?
- Yes, thank you, doctor.
54
00:04:00,611 --> 00:04:02,667
That’s alright.
All part of the service.
55
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:13,162
- Del. I feel a bit embarrassed.
- You don't need to.
56
00:04:13,197 --> 00:04:15,886
I mean you got a tie,
and suit, the full Monty.
57
00:04:16,052 --> 00:04:20,940
I didn't mean that, I mean…
I've only got 20 quid on me.
58
00:04:21,147 --> 00:04:24,951
- Cor, what have you done with your wages?
- This is me wages.
59
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,326
Oh that’s right. I remember
we’ve had a bit of a hard week, bruv.
60
00:04:28,361 --> 00:04:30,013
I know. I was there!
61
00:04:37,479 --> 00:04:41,699
Well, I'm even worse off than you.
I spent all my money on Raquel's dress.
62
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:45,548
Still, don’t matter.
Tonight's festivities we can put on the slate.
63
00:04:45,736 --> 00:04:47,983
- Would you reckon Mike'll stand it?
- Yeah, of course he will.
64
00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:51,291
- He's a diamond that boy, absolute diamond.
- Well I hope you're right...
65
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:54,753
And oi, when are you gonna say
something nice to Raquel?
66
00:04:54,908 --> 00:04:57,153
She's got herself all done up
and you ain't said a word.
67
00:04:57,188 --> 00:04:59,480
Well, I was reading me book, weren't I?
68
00:04:59,836 --> 00:05:02,997
Alright, alright, don’t worry.
I'll think of something nice to say.
69
00:05:03,032 --> 00:05:04,629
You’re quite right.
Come on, let's go.
70
00:05:04,664 --> 00:05:09,312
Come on then girls,
ladies and gentlemen, time to celebrate.
71
00:05:09,347 --> 00:05:12,816
Go on Rodney, you got the girls,
Here you are Albert, this is yours.
72
00:05:12,851 --> 00:05:14,836
- I don't believe it!
- What's that?
73
00:05:15,009 --> 00:05:19,327
You see this girl here. I worked with her years ago
when I was in show business.
74
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:24,272
She was just a kid then! Look at her now,
she's about to appear in the new James Bond film!
75
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:25,958
Pierce Brosnan.
76
00:05:26,145 --> 00:05:29,689
You don't need Pierce Brosnan dear,
you've got me.
77
00:05:29,724 --> 00:05:32,416
Yes, haven't I just?
78
00:05:33,639 --> 00:05:37,842
I tell you what, Raquel.
If she can be in a James Bond film, so could you.
79
00:05:38,169 --> 00:05:40,767
- Oh shut up.
- No, you could.
80
00:05:40,802 --> 00:05:46,944
- Don't be silly.
- I'm serious. Look at her, she's a dog.
81
00:06:08,054 --> 00:06:14,711
So that's a G&T for Raquel, Tequila Slammer
for Rodney, orange juice for Cassandra.
82
00:06:14,746 --> 00:06:19,658
Oh by the way, that Indian bloke,
Doctor Singh was in earlier, wanted to talk to you.
83
00:06:19,693 --> 00:06:22,787
- Something about some paint you sold him.
- Oh really, was he really?
84
00:06:23,018 --> 00:06:25,863
He seemed very anxious to speak to you, Del.
Have you gpt problems, mate?
85
00:06:25,898 --> 00:06:31,252
No, no! Just a minor misunderstanding.
Nothing that can't be sorted out with a civilized chat.
86
00:06:31,436 --> 00:06:35,674
If he calls in again, Mike,
would you tell him I've gone to live in New Zealand?
87
00:06:36,164 --> 00:06:37,728
I think I can remember that.
88
00:06:37,763 --> 00:06:40,733
Here, have Rodney and Cassandra
thought of a name for the baby yet?
89
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:46,965
No, not yet, Mike. It's early days, she's only just
a little bit pregnant. She’s got a long way to go.
90
00:06:47,435 --> 00:06:50,096
Still, shows Rodney got
the hang of it in the end.
91
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:55,543
Oh yes! He's a Trotter alright.
We don't stop till the job's finished.
92
00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:00,991
Right, now then, what have we got here?
We’ve got a Harvey Wall Banger for me…
93
00:07:01,026 --> 00:07:05,166
that’s a cognac for Boycie,
vodka and lime, that’s for Marlene…
94
00:07:05,201 --> 00:07:07,568
Cubre Libre, that’s for Denzil...
95
00:07:07,603 --> 00:07:10,948
rum and blackcurrant
for Bobby Crush over there,
96
00:07:11,412 --> 00:07:14,833
scotches for the market lads,
pint of diesel for Trigger...
97
00:07:15,449 --> 00:07:19,819
- Mickey, what you and your boys want?
- Canadian Clubs all round, Del. Cheers.
98
00:07:19,854 --> 00:07:23,754
Canadian Clubs all around over there
and have one yourself, Michael.
99
00:07:23,789 --> 00:07:28,697
- Cheers, Del. Call it 25 quid for cash.
- OK, right. Put it on the slate.
100
00:07:29,054 --> 00:07:32,748
No slate, mate.
I've had a visit from the brewery.
101
00:07:34,434 --> 00:07:35,630
Alright.
102
00:07:35,665 --> 00:07:38,404
OK, look. There's a fiver, and…
103
00:07:38,794 --> 00:07:43,589
Would you Adam and Eve it?
I've only gone and left me wallet at home.
104
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,523
I remember now Damien was playing
with it.
105
00:07:45,558 --> 00:07:47,967
I was teaching him on financial management,
you know,
106
00:07:48,002 --> 00:07:50,919
how to avoid expensive pubs,
that sort of thing.
107
00:07:50,954 --> 00:07:52,798
I'll sell them to someone else then, Del.
108
00:07:52,961 --> 00:07:55,942
- No you can’t, these are second-hand.
- I'll sell them cheap then!
109
00:07:55,977 --> 00:07:57,824
Alright, I'll give you a fiver for them now.
110
00:07:57,859 --> 00:08:00,886
Look Del, it's not my fault,
it's the brewery!
111
00:08:00,921 --> 00:08:03,032
They've brought in
this revolutionary new rule.
112
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:06,967
From now on
customers have to pay for their drinks.
113
00:08:07,147 --> 00:08:11,615
I hate all these newfangled ideas!
Hang about. Don’t go away.
114
00:08:15,339 --> 00:08:20,165
I have managed to lay my hands
on these radically new designed hair-dryers.
115
00:08:20,432 --> 00:08:24,605
Normally they retail at £69.99
up in Regents Street,
116
00:08:25,556 --> 00:08:28,235
but for you, 15 nicker.
117
00:08:28,457 --> 00:08:32,686
Del, look at my hair.
What do I need with one of them?
118
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:36,582
I've only gotta stick me head out the window
for ten seconds and it's bone dry!
119
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,369
But you see, this is different,
‘cause this, you see that?
120
00:08:39,404 --> 00:08:41,925
That has got what they call a volumiser on it.
121
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:45,195
You see, that gives all your hair
a body and everything.
122
00:08:45,961 --> 00:08:50,408
So I could end up looking like Lilly Savage?
Very tempting, Del.
123
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:57,980
I'm giving it to you Michael, ain’t I, eh?
15 nicker, come on, Mick!
124
00:08:58,368 --> 00:09:01,719
Go on then, give us it here.
But you still owe me a tenner!
125
00:09:03,123 --> 00:09:06,057
I tell you what.
You are a bit of a gambling man, ain't ya?
126
00:09:06,222 --> 00:09:10,217
I’ll tell you what. I’ll have a little bet with ya.
Double or quits.
127
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,481
Now, the thing is…
128
00:09:13,121 --> 00:09:19,599
If I win I give you this fiver for this round of drinks.
But if you win, I owe you a tenner.
129
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:23,688
- You already owe me a tenner!
- You've got nothing to lose then, have you?
130
00:09:24,659 --> 00:09:27,910
Trig! Just a minute!
You'll like this, Trig, watch this.
131
00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:30,893
A little bet we’re having here.
OK then, Michael.
132
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:37,352
I bet if you put your hands out, in front of you
I can make you turn them over without touching you.
133
00:09:37,387 --> 00:09:39,581
You can make me turn me hands over
without touching me?
134
00:09:39,616 --> 00:09:42,595
Exactly.
It's called 'The Power of Positive Thought'.
135
00:09:43,201 --> 00:09:45,494
Alright, off you go.
Put your hands out in front of you.
136
00:09:46,283 --> 00:09:47,629
No, the other way...
137
00:09:50,145 --> 00:09:52,702
There you go. That’s it, thank you.
138
00:09:55,993 --> 00:09:59,218
Alright, there you go.
Help yourselves, you can.
139
00:09:59,253 --> 00:10:02,452
I have been in the motor-trade
for many years now,
140
00:10:02,515 --> 00:10:07,069
and until recently I never thought
of the damage fumes did to our world.
141
00:10:07,104 --> 00:10:11,167
- Now let me explain to you my theory.
- Right, Mike, same again please, will ya?
142
00:10:11,202 --> 00:10:20,741
Just allow me to continue. This is my theory:
The future holds the key to all our success.
143
00:10:20,919 --> 00:10:24,840
You better not tell Raquel's Dad that,
he's an antiques dealer.
144
00:10:25,722 --> 00:10:30,998
Now recently I have invested
a lot of money in electric cars.
145
00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:34,032
Yeah, he bought Tyler a Scalectrix set.
146
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:39,377
I'm not talking about model bloody racing cars,
for Gawd's sake!
147
00:10:39,569 --> 00:10:41,982
Oi, Rodney, come on!
Get up, it's your round.
148
00:10:44,951 --> 00:10:48,050
If it's the same as the last round
it'll be 25 quid.
149
00:10:48,085 --> 00:10:51,809
- 25 qu… Mike?
- No!
150
00:10:53,061 --> 00:10:56,298
- Alright, Dave?
- Hello Trig.
151
00:10:57,374 --> 00:11:00,523
I can make you turn your hands over
without touching you.
152
00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:05,345
I can make you turn your hands over
without touching you.
153
00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:07,063
Come on, hold 'em out.
154
00:11:10,496 --> 00:11:11,942
No, the other way.
155
00:11:13,053 --> 00:11:14,379
See?
156
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:16,589
There you go, Dave.
157
00:11:26,766 --> 00:11:28,442
Well done, Albert, very nice.
158
00:11:29,296 --> 00:11:34,346
Congratulations Albert, it reminded me
of the theme track from Noddy, the Movie.
159
00:11:38,863 --> 00:11:40,684
Boycie's right about one thing, Del.
160
00:11:40,719 --> 00:11:43,427
I mean, you and Rodney should be thinking
about your children's future.
161
00:11:43,462 --> 00:11:46,743
- You know what I'm saying?
- You gotta send 'em to private school.
162
00:11:46,778 --> 00:11:50,874
Leave it out Boycie,
we can’t afford to send our kids private!
163
00:11:50,909 --> 00:11:54,399
Anyway, another round please, Mike.
Come on Boycie, your turn.
164
00:11:54,434 --> 00:12:00,974
Our Tyler's been private since he was three.
He's 7 now and he can almost write his name.
165
00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:03,998
Can he really?
166
00:12:04,863 --> 00:12:08,966
Here, darling. Perhaps we ought to scrimp
and save and send little Damien private.
167
00:12:09,141 --> 00:12:12,348
Well, I ain't sending my child private.
There's nothing wrong with state education.
168
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:17,168
I'm not sending Damien to our old school,
Dockside Secondary Modern.
169
00:12:17,646 --> 00:12:19,498
Ooh, that was a tough old place.
170
00:12:19,676 --> 00:12:23,970
See, Rodney, we didn't stand a chance of
a decent education because of the size of the classes.
171
00:12:24,005 --> 00:12:26,772
Fifty, sixty to a class.
172
00:12:27,118 --> 00:12:30,526
You're exaggerating,
your classes weren't that big!
173
00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:33,460
By the time the teacher had finished reading
the register it was dinner time.
174
00:12:35,007 --> 00:12:37,961
You could tell the calibre of our school too,
by the head boy.
175
00:12:37,996 --> 00:12:40,254
- Who was it?
- Trigger.
176
00:12:42,475 --> 00:12:44,664
- Did you call, Del?
- Ah, there you are, Trig.
177
00:12:44,968 --> 00:12:49,490
- We was just talking about our old school.
- Alright, come on, let's ask Trig.
178
00:12:49,525 --> 00:12:51,867
And you lot stay quiet, no prompting!
179
00:12:51,902 --> 00:12:55,082
Trigger, did you have big classes
at your old school?
180
00:12:55,289 --> 00:12:57,800
- No, not very big.
- See?
181
00:12:57,975 --> 00:13:00,222
High ceilings though.
182
00:13:02,079 --> 00:13:06,004
And a few low ones.
Remember your accident?
183
00:13:06,039 --> 00:13:07,302
Oh yeah.
184
00:13:07,337 --> 00:13:12,130
Trig was walking through one of the corridors
and he smacked right into a Mind Your Head sign.
185
00:13:12,435 --> 00:13:17,544
Gave him a right clout. His family sued
the education authorities for brain-damage.
186
00:13:17,726 --> 00:13:20,620
The judge awarded him £7.50.
187
00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:25,402
How d'you walk into a 'Mind Your Head' sign?
Didn't you see it?
188
00:13:25,635 --> 00:13:29,483
Of course I saw it, but in those days
I couldn't read.
189
00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:36,624
- Anybody gonna collect these drinks or what?
- Yeah, I'll get 'em. Come on Boycie, cough up!
190
00:13:36,803 --> 00:13:38,829
There you are. I want change.
191
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,404
- Rodney, congratulations mate.
- Thanks, Mickey.
192
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:48,901
Here, I was down Sid's Caff yesterday
and that Doctor Singh came in looking for Del Boy.
193
00:13:49,117 --> 00:13:51,816
- Did he?
- He struck me as an angry man.
194
00:13:51,851 --> 00:13:53,614
What's it all about?
195
00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:56,856
It’s something to do with some paint
and his surgery.
196
00:13:56,891 --> 00:14:00,470
I mean, at the end of the day
it's not my problem, is it? I just work for Del.
197
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:04,929
Yeah. That's just it. You're just an employee.
You just follow orders.
198
00:14:04,964 --> 00:14:08,948
You pick things up, you put things down,
you pick things up again.
199
00:14:09,297 --> 00:14:11,232
Yeah. But I do think for myself.
200
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:16,279
It's hardly a job requirement, is it?
I mean, I started a new job last month.
201
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:21,148
Good money, company car, the lot.
And it’s not a fly-by-night firm.
202
00:14:21,345 --> 00:14:23,631
They're soon in Panorama.
203
00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:27,305
What are you then?
A double-glazing salesman?
204
00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:32,219
- No I am not! Although it is to do with glass.
- What, windows?
205
00:14:32,254 --> 00:14:35,279
Not windows. Solar windows!
206
00:14:35,314 --> 00:14:38,950
I mean, it’s a whole new concept
in user-friendly heating.
207
00:14:38,985 --> 00:14:43,723
- You're a salesman.
- No, I'm more like a scientist!
208
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,909
It's double-glazing, innit?
209
00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:52,286
No, no, no. I mean, fair enough, it does involve
two panes of glass, but it's not double-glazing.
210
00:14:52,909 --> 00:14:56,295
This company is very profile-conscious
and customer-driven.
211
00:14:56,462 --> 00:15:02,332
I'm executive of area perspective and overview,
and I’m recruiting new staff.
212
00:15:02,506 --> 00:15:06,762
I'm doing interviews
every Monday at Burger King’s.
213
00:15:07,193 --> 00:15:09,357
You're a double-glazing
salesman, ain't you?
214
00:15:09,884 --> 00:15:11,354
Yeah.
215
00:15:11,636 --> 00:15:16,365
It's gotta be better than working for Del, innit?
I mean, you're like a 34 year old paperboy.
216
00:15:16,703 --> 00:15:20,638
I might not be working for him much longer.
I got me eye out for something...
217
00:15:20,885 --> 00:15:21,975
Raquel!
218
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:23,697
I just came up to give you
a hand with the drinks.
219
00:15:23,732 --> 00:15:25,623
Oh, yeah. That’s yours.
220
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,704
Now, you listen. There is a few young
up ad coming firms who are after me.
221
00:15:30,739 --> 00:15:34,676
Oh yeah, I bet you're being
head-hunted by Ian Beale.
222
00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:38,533
Well, you'd better do some-thing quick,
you've got a kid on the way.
223
00:15:40,381 --> 00:15:43,423
Ladies and Gentlemen,
will you please raise your glasses
224
00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:47,332
to our future Mum and Dad,
Cassandra and Rodney.
225
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:50,934
- Cassandra and Rodney!
- Dave!
226
00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:09,321
Goodnight, champ.
Dream us some luck.
227
00:16:16,622 --> 00:16:18,694
It’s alright. He’s Sound Dough.
228
00:16:29,079 --> 00:16:30,670
Oh my God!
229
00:16:38,239 --> 00:16:44,819
- Well what do you think, eh?
- They’re very nice, Del. They're very... nice.
230
00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:50,372
Yes, I got ‘em off Monkey Harris,
£7.50, can't be bad, can it?
231
00:16:50,794 --> 00:16:52,076
Lovely.
232
00:16:53,224 --> 00:16:56,369
There we go. Lovely Jubbly.
233
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:08,531
D’you know, It says here a bloke's supposed
to make contact with his feminine side.
234
00:17:09,189 --> 00:17:11,885
Did you know that geezers
had feminine sides?
235
00:17:12,057 --> 00:17:15,038
Well, I've read about it. Look, I wouldn't worry,
I don't think it applies to you.
236
00:17:16,249 --> 00:17:19,523
Thank God for that.
I thought I had to wear a blouse or something.
237
00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:22,455
Del, can we talk for a minute?
238
00:17:23,711 --> 00:17:27,776
I heard Rodney and his mate, Mickey Pearce
talking tonight. He's started a new job.
239
00:17:27,811 --> 00:17:29,932
Mickey Pearce, you must be joking!
240
00:17:30,569 --> 00:17:34,332
That bloke's been on the dole for so long,
they invite him to the staff dance.
241
00:17:35,364 --> 00:17:39,086
- Del, will you do something for me?
- Yes, of course.
242
00:17:39,121 --> 00:17:42,703
- Let me finish the bottom of this page.
- No!
243
00:17:46,006 --> 00:17:48,046
Give Rodney a proper job.
244
00:17:48,096 --> 00:17:50,826
- What do you mean? He's got a proper job.
- No he hasn't, he works for you.
245
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,962
- Well that is a proper job.
- Alright, what does he do?
246
00:17:56,196 --> 00:17:59,687
He lifts things,
he keeps his eye open, he drives the van.
247
00:17:59,985 --> 00:18:03,082
And how would you describe his job?
Give it a name, a title.
248
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,527
He's a Rodney.
249
00:18:10,501 --> 00:18:15,064
Give him a job and a title he can be proud of.
In seven months he'll be a father.
250
00:18:15,099 --> 00:18:23,160
Listen Raquel, you do not know Rodney like I do.
I mean, he’s not really very astute.
251
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:27,682
If he was left in charge
we wouldn't be where we are today.
252
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:32,271
- No?
- No. He’s got no business sense.
253
00:18:32,306 --> 00:18:38,325
He’s the sort of bloke, if he had a flower shop
he'd close on St. Valentines Day.
254
00:18:39,001 --> 00:18:42,794
Make him feel important.
Do something to help him.
255
00:18:43,670 --> 00:18:46,694
If you must know,
I am doing that very same thing.
256
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,797
I'm trying to find some help for Rodney.
257
00:18:49,966 --> 00:18:55,017
What with Cassandra being in the situation she is,
he might have to dash off at any time,
258
00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:58,927
so I’ve put the word about,
I'm looking for some part time help
259
00:18:58,962 --> 00:19:01,330
to take the weight off Rodney’s shoulders.
260
00:19:01,505 --> 00:19:05,169
- That's nice of you.
- Well, I'm that sort of bloke, aren’t I?
261
00:19:18,368 --> 00:19:24,706
- You know this thing with Cassandra.
- You mean her pregnancy?
262
00:19:26,122 --> 00:19:31,014
- Not making you broody, is it?
- No!
263
00:19:34,957 --> 00:19:37,512
I never want to go
through a pregnancy again.
264
00:19:37,708 --> 00:19:39,637
- Why, it hurt, did it?
- Stung a bit.
265
00:19:39,672 --> 00:19:43,674
- Yeah, I could tell.
- What gave it away? All that screaming?
266
00:19:43,709 --> 00:19:47,510
Yeah, that was a clue.
Still, he was worth it in the end, weren't he?
267
00:19:47,772 --> 00:19:52,128
Yeah, of course he was. It's not just that.
There's the financial side as well.
268
00:19:52,163 --> 00:19:55,739
I mean, we can barely afford to pay the mortgage
on this place let alone feed another mouth.
269
00:19:55,950 --> 00:19:58,353
And then there's the age thing
to be taken into account.
270
00:19:58,515 --> 00:20:01,614
Yeah, I know. You ain't getting any younger,
are you?
271
00:20:06,786 --> 00:20:12,680
I've been thinking. One day they might make
a musical about the history of the Trotter family.
272
00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:16,941
Then as a sequel they could do
Schindler’s List On Ice.
273
00:20:18,003 --> 00:20:22,454
Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you feeling
slightly under-motivated tonight?
274
00:20:23,224 --> 00:20:26,476
There are people on death row
with more motivation than me.
275
00:20:27,345 --> 00:20:33,743
I've got to get another job, Cass!
I get so frustrated working for Del.
276
00:20:34,491 --> 00:20:38,144
I just wish he'd present me
with a challenge every now and then, like...
277
00:20:38,335 --> 00:20:41,782
I don't know... giving someone their change.
278
00:20:43,484 --> 00:20:47,140
Tomorrow we are trying to flog a lot of
Mickey Mouse hair-dryers
279
00:20:47,175 --> 00:20:49,875
and a lot of aerodynamic cycling hats
280
00:20:49,910 --> 00:20:52,832
which are really horse riding helmets
sprayed red.
281
00:20:52,867 --> 00:20:58,793
And we've got a very angry Sikh after our blood.
This is not what I call job satisfaction.
282
00:20:59,055 --> 00:21:02,130
Rodney, you're the only one
who can change Del's attitude.
283
00:21:02,317 --> 00:21:05,768
Just going out in the morning
and hoping for the best is not good enough.
284
00:21:06,081 --> 00:21:09,782
At the bank we always advise
small businesses to target specifics
285
00:21:09,817 --> 00:21:12,502
to achieve maximum market penetration.
286
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:15,364
Cassandra, we're talking about Derek Trotter!
287
00:21:15,518 --> 00:21:19,581
To Del, 'Market Penetration'
means sex under a barrow!
288
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,830
But at least you can try to influence him.
289
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,753
I mean, you're involved
in decision-making now, aren't you?
290
00:21:25,908 --> 00:21:30,764
Oh yeah, sometimes he lets me toss the coin.
Decision-making!
291
00:21:31,632 --> 00:21:34,807
- He's just bought himself a book.
- Del has?
292
00:21:34,842 --> 00:21:38,080
Yeah. And it’s all words, no pictures.
293
00:21:38,947 --> 00:21:42,723
It's called Modern Man,
and according to the author,
294
00:21:42,758 --> 00:21:46,476
modern men are decisive,
positive decision-makers
295
00:21:46,790 --> 00:21:49,810
so Del has been making decisions
all over the shop!
296
00:21:50,665 --> 00:21:54,560
In fact, it's thanks to some of Del's
decisive, positive decision-making
297
00:21:54,595 --> 00:21:57,147
that we have got the consignment
of Mickey Mouse hair-dryers
298
00:21:57,182 --> 00:22:00,795
and a load of cycling hats
that are really horse riding helmets sprayed red!
299
00:22:01,397 --> 00:22:03,210
Look, try and talk to him.
300
00:22:03,245 --> 00:22:06,614
I know he jumps the gun a lot,
but he does listen to you.
301
00:22:07,222 --> 00:22:09,503
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
302
00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:12,422
Actually I had a word with him this morning
303
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:16,405
and told him he’s got to stop making
all these on the spot decisions.
304
00:22:16,786 --> 00:22:20,437
I said to him
‘think things through, consider it,
305
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:23,652
look at all the angles
and weigh up the pros and cons.
306
00:22:23,869 --> 00:22:25,759
And I think it hit home.
307
00:22:28,883 --> 00:22:31,367
Yeah, I'm sure he took my words on board.
308
00:22:32,264 --> 00:22:34,727
I'm gonna have a vasectomy!
309
00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:43,465
- Did I say something?
- What's brought this on?
310
00:22:43,666 --> 00:22:49,489
It says in my book here, that modern men
take the responsibility when it comes to family planning.
311
00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:54,324
Millions of men all over the world have had the snip.
They can do it while you wait.
312
00:22:55,068 --> 00:22:56,760
Del, why don't you think
about it for a while?
313
00:22:56,795 --> 00:22:59,392
Look, there’s nothing to think about,
sweetheart.
314
00:22:59,427 --> 00:23:05,619
We can't afford to have another chavvie
and I am a modern man making a positive decision.
315
00:23:05,871 --> 00:23:07,551
But you've got to consider the future.
316
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:11,017
I mean, I don't want to be the prophet of doom,
but what would happen if say in ten years time
317
00:23:11,052 --> 00:23:13,193
things didn't work out between us
and we broke up.
318
00:23:13,228 --> 00:23:15,925
Then you met someone else
and you wanted to raise another family?
319
00:23:18,989 --> 00:23:21,991
Come on, don't be silly, sweetheart.
320
00:23:22,814 --> 00:23:27,207
Ten years from now I won't be able
to raise a smile let alone anything else!
321
00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:35,948
I can remember when we set off
on the road to our horizon!
322
00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:38,280
It was bloody years ago!
323
00:23:39,064 --> 00:23:44,697
We had a labour government, you could eat beef.
Des O'Connor was white.
324
00:23:48,108 --> 00:23:51,801
- Just look at us now!
- Rodney, how can I put this?
325
00:23:52,317 --> 00:23:53,991
Shut up!
326
00:24:03,503 --> 00:24:04,956
Morning Damien.
327
00:24:05,132 --> 00:24:08,664
I can make you turn your hands
over without touching you.
328
00:24:10,122 --> 00:24:12,716
- Yeah?
- Hold your hands out.
329
00:24:16,986 --> 00:24:18,821
Turn them over.
330
00:24:24,114 --> 00:24:25,491
See?
331
00:24:26,172 --> 00:24:29,864
Mummy. I made Uncle Rodney
turn his hands over.
332
00:24:32,955 --> 00:24:35,869
Alright, I grant you things
are a bit bleak at the moment.
333
00:24:36,283 --> 00:24:38,933
That's like saying the
Antarctic's a bit nippy.
334
00:24:39,727 --> 00:24:42,777
Well, I think that our fortune lies
just around the corner.
335
00:24:42,956 --> 00:24:48,273
We're here where the big opportunities happen.
We are at the forefront of the enterprise-culture.
336
00:24:48,308 --> 00:24:54,373
Enterpri... You're so enterprising
you bought a load of horse-riding crash helmets!
337
00:24:54,750 --> 00:25:00,167
Didn't you stop to think for one moment
that Peckham is not big show-jumping country?
338
00:25:02,590 --> 00:25:08,439
Don’t you worry about that. We'll sell 'em.
I don't know what's happened to you lately.
339
00:25:08,725 --> 00:25:14,408
You seem to have stopped believing.
D’you know what mum said to me on her deathbed?
340
00:25:14,443 --> 00:25:16,103
Oh no!
341
00:25:16,273 --> 00:25:20,090
She said, 'Del Boy, never stop believing.
342
00:25:20,337 --> 00:25:23,980
‘Cause if you stop believing
you've nothing left to hope for.'
343
00:25:24,176 --> 00:25:25,827
You've got to have a dream.
344
00:25:26,136 --> 00:25:30,407
If you don't have a dream,
then how you gonna have a dream come true?
345
00:25:34,736 --> 00:25:37,121
That is exactly what she said.
346
00:25:39,034 --> 00:25:42,902
See, mum, she never stopped believing.
Even after you was born.
347
00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:46,877
It’s all very well for you to say Del, innit
But at the end of the day...
348
00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:49,488
What's that supposed to mean?
'Even after I was born'?
349
00:25:49,667 --> 00:25:51,841
Alright, it wasn’t your fault
we didn’t blame you.
350
00:25:52,003 --> 00:25:55,052
- What wasn't my fault?
- You being a problem child.
351
00:25:57,054 --> 00:25:59,980
I weren't a problem child!
I was a good boy.
352
00:26:01,070 --> 00:26:06,547
Yes, I know, but you did have a problem,
you kept getting taller.
353
00:26:07,592 --> 00:26:10,952
What did you want me to do,
stay at two foot four for the rest of me life?
354
00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:14,782
No, it wasn’t that. It’s just that
when all the other little kids…
355
00:26:14,817 --> 00:26:19,079
you see, they could wear their trousers
for a year and a half, and be no problem.
356
00:26:19,114 --> 00:26:22,281
But you, after a couple of months
they'd look like hotpants.
357
00:26:26,238 --> 00:26:30,087
Well most of the pictures I've got of me as a schoolboy
I was wearing short trousers anyway.
358
00:26:30,284 --> 00:26:36,069
No, no. They weren’t short trousers.
They looked like short trousers,
359
00:26:36,809 --> 00:26:41,071
but if you look very carefully at the bottoms of the legs
you'll find that they are all fraying.
360
00:26:41,255 --> 00:26:45,273
That is where a couple of months before
they was rubbing at the tops of your shoes.
361
00:26:46,916 --> 00:26:49,996
Anyway, listen.
I am going to make a phone call.
362
00:26:50,498 --> 00:26:53,795
And just remember, Rodney.
Never stop believing.
363
00:26:57,037 --> 00:26:59,847
- This is difficult.
- What's wrong?
364
00:27:00,008 --> 00:27:03,107
Well, I've got a bit of good news
and a bit of bad news for Del...
365
00:27:04,019 --> 00:27:08,409
- I'm applying for another job.
- Yeah? What's the bad news?
366
00:27:10,436 --> 00:27:12,622
That is the bad news!
367
00:27:13,304 --> 00:27:18,093
The good news is I’m gonna stay on with Del
until he can find someone suitable to replace me.
368
00:27:18,128 --> 00:27:20,737
Well, that should take him
about half hour.
369
00:27:21,396 --> 00:27:24,824
You won't be saying that when I'm
the managing director of something, will you?
370
00:27:24,859 --> 00:27:26,713
You got something lined up then?
371
00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:32,919
This is job-advertising paper.
Listen.
372
00:27:33,239 --> 00:27:37,897
'Local company seeks ambitious,
energetic and creative young person
373
00:27:37,932 --> 00:27:43,084
to join its successful sales force.'
Well, who are they describing?
374
00:27:43,325 --> 00:27:47,011
- No, go on.
- It's me!
375
00:27:47,173 --> 00:27:49,209
- Is it?
- Yes!
376
00:27:51,347 --> 00:27:55,891
'Experience with computers an advantage
but not essential.
377
00:27:55,926 --> 00:28:01,287
Successful applicant will receive full training,
good salary and company vehicle.'
378
00:28:01,493 --> 00:28:04,409
- Well, I'm experienced with computers.
- Yeah.
379
00:28:04,444 --> 00:28:09,324
- But you've never got one to work yet, have ya?
- Piss off!
380
00:28:11,535 --> 00:28:14,812
Yes... I could call in this afternoon
and sign the papers.
381
00:28:16,897 --> 00:28:20,096
Alright. OK then, you’ll call back.
382
00:28:20,427 --> 00:28:22,387
OK. Bonjour.
383
00:28:24,562 --> 00:28:27,657
Look at that, it’s a new digital phone, sweetheart.
As clear as a bell.
384
00:28:27,831 --> 00:28:29,928
- Was that the clinic you were talking to?
- Yes.
385
00:28:30,218 --> 00:28:33,698
I’ll get doctored on Tuesday.
They’re gonna call back and confirm.
386
00:28:33,733 --> 00:28:37,435
- You're serious about this, aren't you?
- Oh yeah, never been more serious.
387
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:42,077
Look, Del, volunteering for this vasectomy
is very brave and thoughtful of you,
388
00:28:42,112 --> 00:28:45,136
and I'm flattered that you're doing it for me.
But you don't have to do it.
389
00:28:45,171 --> 00:28:47,169
No, it’s alright.
I think it's for the best, sweetheart.
390
00:28:47,204 --> 00:28:49,486
Alright. But I don't want you coming back to me
and saying,
391
00:28:49,521 --> 00:28:54,181
'It's all your fault, Raquel!' if you get a bit…
you know… sore.
392
00:28:58,060 --> 00:28:59,775
As if I would!
393
00:29:01,268 --> 00:29:04,654
That will be them. Answer the phone, sweetheart,
and be posh, will you?
394
00:29:04,689 --> 00:29:06,615
- What?
- Be posh.
395
00:29:06,650 --> 00:29:10,053
- I don’t want everything for a couple of hippidy-oi’s!
- Yes, sir!
396
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,979
Hello, how may I help you?
397
00:29:14,014 --> 00:29:18,250
Oh hello, I'm phoning about the job
advertised in the Peckham Echo.
398
00:29:21,016 --> 00:29:23,184
Hold the line, caller.
399
00:29:24,404 --> 00:29:26,627
Have you put an ad in the Peckham Echo?
400
00:29:26,662 --> 00:29:30,063
Yeah, for some help for Rodney.
Who's that?
401
00:29:30,799 --> 00:29:32,646
Rodney.
402
00:29:35,646 --> 00:29:38,746
What's he phoning me for?
He's only in the bloody living room.
403
00:29:39,875 --> 00:29:42,336
No, he's applying for the job.
404
00:29:44,858 --> 00:29:48,040
What do you mean?
He's applying to assist himself?
405
00:29:50,150 --> 00:29:55,421
Wait a minute. I gotta think about this.
Press hold, it plays a tune.
406
00:29:56,422 --> 00:30:00,068
I'll put you on hold whilst I connect you
to our marketing department.
407
00:30:00,103 --> 00:30:01,789
Thank you.
408
00:30:10,171 --> 00:30:15,038
Treacherous little git!
I'm gonna wind him right up.
409
00:30:15,302 --> 00:30:19,263
- No, Del, don't. He'll feel embarrassed.
- With any luck.
410
00:30:23,486 --> 00:30:28,627
Hallo, this is the Marketing Manager, yes!
Sorry I’ve kept you.
411
00:30:29,757 --> 00:30:32,328
My name is Ivor Hardy...
412
00:30:35,937 --> 00:30:37,623
Hello Mr Hardy.
413
00:30:38,839 --> 00:30:42,850
- And you are?
- My name's Rodney Trotter.
414
00:30:43,019 --> 00:30:47,620
Oh, Rodney Tro… You're not
one of the Trotter brothers, are you?
415
00:30:48,889 --> 00:30:51,577
No, I haven’t got a brother.
416
00:30:57,188 --> 00:31:01,752
That’s alright then.
Because I've heard some rumours about them.
417
00:31:02,317 --> 00:31:05,282
Right couple of scallywags so I’m told!
418
00:31:05,780 --> 00:31:11,809
Mind you the elder one's alright, he’s intelligent.
Quite a brilliant businessman, I’ve heard.
419
00:31:12,055 --> 00:31:17,283
No, no, it’s the other one.
It's his dippy younger brother that’s the problem.
420
00:31:22,754 --> 00:31:26,505
Oh well, like I say I haven’t got a brother.
421
00:31:26,943 --> 00:31:32,649
Now, you mention
a good salary and a company vehicle.
422
00:31:32,851 --> 00:31:35,083
Could you tell me a little bit more
about that, please?
423
00:31:37,990 --> 00:31:40,215
Yes, I can ride a bike.
424
00:31:51,036 --> 00:31:53,342
- Alright, Rodders?
- Just one moment.
425
00:31:53,775 --> 00:31:55,541
Yeah, yeah, fine.
426
00:31:55,729 --> 00:31:58,908
- Just on the phone to Cassandra.
- Oh, yeah? Alright is she?
427
00:31:59,065 --> 00:32:00,742
Yeah, terrific.
428
00:32:01,962 --> 00:32:04,355
- Give her my love.
- Yeah, I will do.
429
00:32:04,390 --> 00:32:07,012
- And give her yours.
- Eh?
430
00:32:07,406 --> 00:32:09,030
Give her your love!
431
00:32:09,241 --> 00:32:14,937
You see, in my book it says that
a man must give the lady in his life
432
00:32:14,972 --> 00:32:18,660
his love every so often,
especially if she is pregnant.
433
00:32:19,181 --> 00:32:27,182
- So go on, you tell her you love her.
- No, I feel embarrassed.
434
00:32:28,141 --> 00:32:31,079
You don’t have to be embarrassed, do ya?
I mean, I am the only one here,
435
00:32:31,114 --> 00:32:36,296
and I'm the one who suggested to do it!
Go on, tell her.
436
00:32:37,780 --> 00:32:42,821
- Later.
- No, no, you tell her now, Rodney!
437
00:32:48,238 --> 00:32:49,842
I love you.
438
00:32:59,838 --> 00:33:05,408
- Sorry, what did you say?
- Nothing. I just coughed.
439
00:33:06,610 --> 00:33:09,956
Oh, that’s alright. For a minute
I thought you said you loved me.
440
00:33:10,651 --> 00:33:13,917
No, I just coughed, honest.
441
00:33:15,715 --> 00:33:21,289
So what exactly do you sell and what would
the successful applicants duties be, please?
442
00:33:21,485 --> 00:33:25,865
Well we sell anything
we can lay our hands on, isn't it?
443
00:33:26,616 --> 00:33:31,410
And your duties would be, you see,
to take all this crap down to the market
444
00:33:32,743 --> 00:33:35,485
and you sell it from a suitcase.
445
00:33:36,991 --> 00:33:41,700
I think that you’re just the man
that we’ve been looking for, Mr Trotter.
446
00:33:43,911 --> 00:33:49,113
‘Cause we're always on the lookout for
dirty little plonkers like you!
447
00:34:05,930 --> 00:34:08,616
Did you put this ad in the paper, Derek?
448
00:34:11,281 --> 00:34:13,236
Yes I did, Rodney!
449
00:34:14,286 --> 00:34:15,687
Goodbye.
450
00:34:17,963 --> 00:34:23,087
I don't believe this! The one job in the paper
I really fancied and it’s mine!
451
00:34:24,820 --> 00:34:28,906
So what's going on then? You were gonna find
someone else and then get rid of me?
452
00:34:29,261 --> 00:34:32,324
I was gonna get rid....
You were trying to get rid of me! Weren't you?
453
00:34:32,359 --> 00:34:35,665
What was that?
‘No, I haven’t got a brother.’
454
00:34:38,407 --> 00:34:41,724
If you must know, Rodney,
I was trying to get you some help.
455
00:34:41,759 --> 00:34:43,504
Right? That was all.
456
00:34:44,155 --> 00:34:46,751
What with Cassandra being in the situation
that she is,
457
00:34:46,786 --> 00:34:49,522
I thought that any time now
you might have to dash off
458
00:34:49,557 --> 00:34:54,281
so I thought that you could do with a little bit of help.
Take some weight off your shoulders.
459
00:34:54,316 --> 00:34:58,497
I didn't realise.
Thanks, Del and I'm sorry.
460
00:34:58,532 --> 00:35:03,874
That’s alright. Anyway, what’s all this
about you wanting to get another job?
461
00:35:04,057 --> 00:35:09,750
I really hit home the other day. When the baby's born
we gotta fill in the birth certificate, right?
462
00:35:09,785 --> 00:35:16,661
There's a section there that says: 'Father's Occupation'.
And I thought, what am I gonna put? A gofer!
463
00:35:18,068 --> 00:35:23,619
No. You are gonna put 'Sales Director.'
464
00:35:24,289 --> 00:35:27,433
‘Cause, you know what I'm gonna do
with the business? I'm going to expand.
465
00:35:27,820 --> 00:35:31,793
Rodney, you are gonna be in charge
of selling and I'm gonna be in charge of purchasing.
466
00:35:32,883 --> 00:35:37,265
So what will happen is, that you will be
in the marketplace, you'll be selling.
467
00:35:37,300 --> 00:35:40,615
I'll be up there in the factories
and the warehouses and I will be buying.
468
00:35:40,650 --> 00:35:46,062
And if you find a line is going particularly well,
all you gotta do is you get on the blower to me and say,
469
00:35:46,097 --> 00:35:50,499
- …’Del Boy, buy, buy, buy’.
- Yeah!
470
00:35:50,705 --> 00:35:54,786
And then you could get on the blower to me
and go ‘sell, sell, sell!’
471
00:36:02,361 --> 00:36:07,033
- Yeah, that’s a good idea, that!
- We should have done this ages ago.
472
00:36:08,721 --> 00:36:13,019
- Exactly. It's called ‘expansion’.
- And then we will streamline the business.
473
00:36:13,054 --> 00:36:17,217
That’s alright. That’s what we’ll do.
We will expand by streamlining!
474
00:36:17,678 --> 00:36:19,488
Come on. Let's go down to Sid's caff.
475
00:36:20,222 --> 00:36:25,350
Whenever we reach historic moments like this
I feel like a fry-up!
476
00:36:33,815 --> 00:36:36,075
Rodders! Get down!
477
00:36:37,551 --> 00:36:40,506
- What's happening?
- It's that Doctor Singh!
478
00:36:44,254 --> 00:36:50,018
- It’s alright, he’s gone now. That was a close one.
- He's gonna catch us eventually.
479
00:36:50,053 --> 00:36:52,473
Yeah, well we'll cross that bridge
when we come to it...
480
00:36:54,264 --> 00:36:57,910
Rodney, I've been thinking.
481
00:36:58,724 --> 00:37:01,979
- What about?
- I’m gonna have a vasectomy.
482
00:37:05,447 --> 00:37:07,519
What’s the matter?
Has it gone down the wrong hole, or what?
483
00:37:09,387 --> 00:37:10,746
A vasectomy?
484
00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:14,220
Keep your voice down, will ya?
485
00:37:15,883 --> 00:37:17,885
How does Raquel feel about it?
486
00:37:18,701 --> 00:37:22,109
No, I'm having it done!
487
00:37:22,993 --> 00:37:28,834
I know that! Bloody hell!
I meant, have you discussed it with Raquel?
488
00:37:28,869 --> 00:37:33,484
Yes of course I have! Last night in bed, I said
'Sweetheart, I'm gonna have a vasectomy.'
489
00:37:33,730 --> 00:37:38,040
- So it was quite an in-depth discussion?
- You can't make these decisions lightly, can you?
490
00:37:39,518 --> 00:37:43,019
I’ve thought about it
and I can’t really afford another kid.
491
00:37:43,207 --> 00:37:44,893
And we haven’t got room in the flat.
492
00:37:45,158 --> 00:37:48,762
Anyway, we both agreed.
What do we want with another kid for?
493
00:37:49,173 --> 00:37:53,343
We've got Damien and he's like two kids
rolled into one, ain't he?
494
00:37:55,371 --> 00:38:00,952
Me and Raquel have only gotta look
at each other and she's three months gone.
495
00:38:01,968 --> 00:38:04,569
I think I got a lot of them...
496
00:38:08,082 --> 00:38:11,049
You know, tadpoles.
497
00:38:13,157 --> 00:38:14,624
Tadpoles?
498
00:38:16,301 --> 00:38:20,804
Yeah, you know. You see them on the telly
under the microscope.
499
00:38:23,235 --> 00:38:26,169
I got a lot of them as well!
Doctor said.
500
00:38:26,204 --> 00:38:29,161
Yeah I know, but the doctor reckons
that I have got probably more tadpoles
501
00:38:29,196 --> 00:38:31,902
than they got on the Serpentine!
502
00:38:35,140 --> 00:38:37,158
You gonna have it done at the hospital?
503
00:38:37,845 --> 00:38:41,775
I'm not gonna let Trigger do it
with his Black and Decker, am I?
504
00:38:44,033 --> 00:38:47,326
I meant, are you going to the hospital
or the local clinic?
505
00:38:49,220 --> 00:38:51,058
I’ll probably go to the clinic.
506
00:38:53,148 --> 00:38:55,732
Rodney, I want your advice.
507
00:38:58,157 --> 00:39:01,898
You know when a lot of rich
and successful people
508
00:39:01,933 --> 00:39:04,829
when they have this thing done
509
00:39:06,325 --> 00:39:11,425
they leave a lot of their tadpoles in this bank.
510
00:39:13,297 --> 00:39:14,569
Do they?
511
00:39:14,604 --> 00:39:18,543
The thing is,
do you think that I ought do that?
512
00:39:21,212 --> 00:39:27,418
You could do. I don't know what
Nat West will think about it.
513
00:39:33,899 --> 00:39:40,181
No, not Nat West! Not that sort of Bank.
It’s a special bank where they freeze it all.
514
00:39:40,216 --> 00:39:41,419
Oh, the...
515
00:39:42,668 --> 00:39:47,840
‘Cause the thing is, when I'm rich and famous,
then they’ll be able to use it, won’t they?
516
00:39:47,875 --> 00:39:50,723
‘Cause then they’ll be lots of
little Damiens running about.
517
00:39:50,996 --> 00:39:52,434
No!
518
00:39:53,407 --> 00:39:57,116
I mean, you could upset Raquel.
519
00:39:57,757 --> 00:40:01,916
‘Cause psychologically, she might think
that you were being unfaithful to her.
520
00:40:02,614 --> 00:40:04,557
‘Cause you know how a woman's
mind works.
521
00:40:08,660 --> 00:40:14,734
I never thought of that, Rodders.
You’re right. Good thinking.
522
00:40:16,613 --> 00:40:18,815
Well, come on, onwards and upwards.
523
00:40:21,668 --> 00:40:24,449
Don’t you say nothing to nobody about this,
alright?
524
00:40:24,484 --> 00:40:26,480
Of course not.
525
00:40:29,013 --> 00:40:32,951
Thank you, Sid,
that was horrible as usual.
526
00:40:33,147 --> 00:40:34,530
Cheers, Del.
527
00:40:37,256 --> 00:40:41,532
- Sid. Del's having a vasectomy.
- A vasectomy?
528
00:40:43,449 --> 00:40:46,185
Del Boy's having a vasectomy.
529
00:40:56,118 --> 00:41:00,505
- The doctor will be with you in a moment.
- Thank you, nurse.
530
00:41:17,209 --> 00:41:20,949
- Mr Trotter.
- Doctor Singh.
531
00:41:21,327 --> 00:41:23,672
Listen, about that paint I sold you
for your surgery.
532
00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:27,050
Oh, let's not worry about that,
I have work to do.
533
00:41:32,328 --> 00:41:40,679
- Not nervous are you?
- Just a tad you know. I mean, this is my first time.
534
00:41:41,307 --> 00:41:42,980
Mine too!
535
00:41:50,499 --> 00:42:01,860
- My, my, my! You are a big man, Mr Trotter.
- Oh, thank you doctor.
536
00:42:03,590 --> 00:42:05,712
You should go on a diet.
537
00:42:08,724 --> 00:42:11,413
I always say that,
just to relax the patient.
538
00:42:11,448 --> 00:42:16,560
Yeah, I've got to remember that one
next time I have some bloke's vitals in me hands.
539
00:42:18,216 --> 00:42:21,011
I'll have to give you a small injection
just to numb the area.
540
00:42:21,208 --> 00:42:22,970
Alright, thank you.
541
00:42:25,715 --> 00:42:27,603
This might sting a bit.
542
00:42:37,408 --> 00:42:39,310
What's wrong?
543
00:42:43,979 --> 00:42:47,673
It’s alright, sweetheart! Just...
I got a touch of cramp.
544
00:42:50,597 --> 00:42:56,322
Tell me Raquel.
What do you think about this vasectomy idea?
545
00:42:56,682 --> 00:42:58,140
I don't mind, honest.
546
00:42:58,175 --> 00:43:00,955
Alright, Raquel, you win!
I won't have it done.
547
00:43:04,925 --> 00:43:10,213
So what finally put you off having a vasectomy then?
Didn’t have the balls?
548
00:43:11,796 --> 00:43:19,309
No, it wasn’t that. Look, I wasn't frightened!
It was a medical reason.
549
00:43:20,238 --> 00:43:22,224
I kept thinking about them tadpoles.
550
00:43:23,094 --> 00:43:26,571
- What about 'em?
- Well... where do they go?
551
00:43:27,181 --> 00:43:28,571
What d'you mean?
552
00:43:28,772 --> 00:43:33,349
Well when you have the operation
it stops 'em from going…
553
00:43:36,913 --> 00:43:40,633
well, taking their normal route.
So where do they go?
554
00:43:41,574 --> 00:43:44,816
What, you worried about 'em hanging round
on street corners?
555
00:43:46,642 --> 00:43:49,862
All I'm saying is
they've gotta go somewhere.
556
00:43:50,395 --> 00:43:54,231
It got to such a point I thought
I'd be frightened to sneeze.
557
00:44:03,884 --> 00:44:08,827
- Caught you at last, Mr Trotter.
- Doctor Singh, how nice to see you again.
558
00:44:09,091 --> 00:44:11,392
Have you seen my surgery recently?
559
00:44:13,195 --> 00:44:16,237
That paint you sold me
is peeling off in great chunks.
560
00:44:16,272 --> 00:44:21,397
It's a medical practice, Mr Trotter,
and it looks as if my walls have got scabies!
561
00:44:21,734 --> 00:44:23,578
Patients are leaving me.
562
00:44:24,145 --> 00:44:27,518
The thing is, Dr Singh, we didn't realise
until some time after
563
00:44:27,553 --> 00:44:31,940
that the paint was ever so slightly out of date,
did we, Rodney?
564
00:44:32,110 --> 00:44:38,587
No. We spotted a tin and we noticed
it should have been used by June 1983.
565
00:44:39,113 --> 00:44:41,770
I want something done
about it and fast!
566
00:44:41,948 --> 00:44:44,248
Yes of course, Doctor Singh.
I will send someone
567
00:44:44,283 --> 00:44:48,154
from my painting and decorating department round
to see you first thing in the morning.
568
00:44:48,405 --> 00:44:51,747
If you don't Mr Trotter,
I'll be back!
569
00:44:53,908 --> 00:44:58,426
Yes, thank you, Doctor Singh.
I’m missing you already...
570
00:44:59,299 --> 00:45:01,777
'I'll be back'! He always says that.
571
00:45:02,273 --> 00:45:06,592
Do you know what his nickname is?
The Turbanator.
572
00:45:08,091 --> 00:45:11,370
- Turban-ator.
- I don't believe you sometimes!
573
00:45:11,603 --> 00:45:16,445
Doctor Singh is an honest, law-abiding man.
You knew that paint was iffy.
574
00:45:16,787 --> 00:45:20,560
I’m supposed to be some sort
of paint expert now, am I?
575
00:45:22,143 --> 00:45:25,368
Don't give me all that rubbish about him
being a law-abiding citizen!
576
00:45:25,403 --> 00:45:29,130
I mean look at him now,
he’s riding that bike without a crash helmet.
577
00:45:29,346 --> 00:45:34,509
He's a Sikh!
Under the law Sikhs are excused crashed hats!
578
00:45:34,860 --> 00:45:37,182
How's he gonna fit
a helmet over that turban?
579
00:45:37,956 --> 00:45:39,882
I never thought of that.
580
00:45:39,917 --> 00:45:43,805
I suppose that's why you never see
a Sikh astronaut, innit?
581
00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:46,034
More than likely, Del.
582
00:45:54,091 --> 00:45:58,140
I am not wearing it, alright?
It's half past five and that's my going home time!
583
00:45:58,307 --> 00:46:00,876
Rodney, opportunities don't stop
presenting themselves
584
00:46:00,911 --> 00:46:03,410
because Cassandra has got the sprouts on!
585
00:46:03,769 --> 00:46:06,335
It’s bloody stupid,
and I'm not doing it, alright?
586
00:46:06,519 --> 00:46:10,103
Rodney, there are millions of Sikhs
out there riding motor cycles
587
00:46:10,138 --> 00:46:12,806
that are going completely unprotected.
588
00:46:19,194 --> 00:46:21,759
And this is going to solve their problem.
589
00:46:22,181 --> 00:46:25,859
Allow me to introduce my new company,
TCT!
590
00:46:26,026 --> 00:46:29,735
- TCT?
- Yes, Trotters Crash Turbans.
591
00:46:30,909 --> 00:46:34,380
This is our opportunity
to do something for our fellow men, Rodney.
592
00:46:34,550 --> 00:46:39,076
It is also an opportunity for you to get rid of them
horse-riding crash-helmets you got lumbered with.
593
00:46:39,305 --> 00:46:43,898
- Hang about, this is at the prototype, innit?
- It is not a prototype!
594
00:46:44,189 --> 00:46:48,280
It is a show-jumping helmet
with one of Raquel's old scarves glued on top!
595
00:46:48,315 --> 00:46:51,945
That is because Raquel is
100% behind this project!
596
00:46:51,980 --> 00:46:57,564
She said to me, 'Del Boy, you can anything you want,
because I want to do my bit for mankind'.
597
00:46:58,522 --> 00:47:07,766
- Look! Look! I mean... Look!
- I think you look rather dashing.
598
00:47:07,801 --> 00:47:11,645
I look like a human-cannonball
who's just crashed into a washing line.
599
00:47:11,889 --> 00:47:16,500
God, I hate vanity!
You take my word for it, Rodney.
600
00:47:16,535 --> 00:47:19,037
Once you take this over
to Wembley and Southall
601
00:47:19,072 --> 00:47:22,800
and show the Sikh community this
in all its glory...
602
00:47:22,835 --> 00:47:25,793
- Take it over and show it to them?
- Yes, of course!
603
00:47:25,828 --> 00:47:27,591
‘Cause then we’ll sell them by the thousands.
604
00:47:27,626 --> 00:47:31,106
We can then export them to
Australia, America, the Far East.
605
00:47:31,141 --> 00:47:32,960
You expect me to go and sell this?
606
00:47:32,995 --> 00:47:36,010
Well, you are my new director
of sales, aren't you?
607
00:47:36,045 --> 00:47:38,332
They'll smash my head in!
608
00:47:39,122 --> 00:47:42,238
Of course they won't,
they're peaceful loving people.
609
00:47:42,273 --> 00:47:46,532
Anyway even if they do,
you'll be wearing a Trotter Crash Turban!
610
00:47:46,890 --> 00:47:50,173
A perfect opportunity to prove
how effective it is!
611
00:47:51,364 --> 00:47:52,958
You know it makes sense.
612
00:47:53,182 --> 00:47:56,780
All I know is I am not stepping out of that
front door dressed like this!
613
00:47:56,968 --> 00:47:59,112
- Alright, Rodney?
- Hi, Raquel.
614
00:47:59,147 --> 00:48:01,390
- During the war.
- Will you shut up?
615
00:48:01,704 --> 00:48:05,746
Can't you see that Rodney and I
are in the middle of a very important board meeting?
616
00:48:05,781 --> 00:48:09,149
We don’t wanna hear stories
about U-Boats and giant squids!
617
00:48:09,184 --> 00:48:12,965
I was just gonna say that during the war
I spent some time in India
618
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:15,716
and I got to know a little about the Sikh religion.
619
00:48:15,936 --> 00:48:20,550
What I discovered was,
that to a Sikh a turban has mystical powers
620
00:48:20,585 --> 00:48:22,802
which are supposed to enter the body.
621
00:48:22,976 --> 00:48:25,810
In other words it has to be
in contact with the head.
622
00:48:25,845 --> 00:48:31,102
Yeah, see? And this ain't in contact with the head
‘cause there's a bloody horse riding helmet in between!
623
00:48:31,354 --> 00:48:34,301
Alright, I haven’t finalized the design yet,
have I?
624
00:48:34,336 --> 00:48:38,117
What I’ll do is, we’ll just get a little piece, like this
and we’ll stuff it up inside there,
625
00:48:38,152 --> 00:48:41,459
so it is in contact with the head! Yeah?
Raquel, what do you think?
626
00:48:41,494 --> 00:48:44,499
I can't see it catching on, Del.
I mean, what would you wear with it?
627
00:48:44,679 --> 00:48:46,451
Is that my scarf?
628
00:48:46,782 --> 00:48:48,787
Don't worry, I’ll buy you another one.
629
00:48:48,822 --> 00:48:52,572
Will you please understand, Raquel,
this is not a fashion statement.
630
00:48:52,767 --> 00:48:54,487
I guessed that, Derek.
I guessed that!
631
00:48:54,522 --> 00:48:56,156
No, it is a safety device.
632
00:48:56,191 --> 00:48:59,869
Del, people would rather be critically injured
than wear this!
633
00:49:00,620 --> 00:49:03,717
Answer that will you?
Look, mark my words.
634
00:49:03,752 --> 00:49:06,517
Three months from now
you'll be seeing this on Tomorrow's World.
635
00:49:06,552 --> 00:49:08,597
More like Wayne's World.
636
00:49:09,068 --> 00:49:11,307
I am not going on Tomorrow's World
dressed like this.
637
00:49:11,342 --> 00:49:13,854
Rodney, it's Cassandra's bank for you.
638
00:49:14,244 --> 00:49:17,141
She's probably got another late meeting.
Come on, giss it here.
639
00:49:17,176 --> 00:49:19,742
Raquel, alright.
Now listen to me.
640
00:49:19,777 --> 00:49:22,725
They laughed when they invented
the air bag, didn’t they?
641
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,795
No they didn’t, they were a good invention.
642
00:49:24,830 --> 00:49:28,385
Alright, tell me one invention
that they did laugh at when it was first seen.
643
00:49:28,420 --> 00:49:33,170
- That!
- Yeah, I'm on my way, thank you.
644
00:49:34,882 --> 00:49:36,462
What's up, Rodders?
645
00:49:37,967 --> 00:49:42,617
They’ve rushed Cassandra to hospital.
She's had a miscarriage.
646
00:49:46,208 --> 00:49:48,465
Alright, Rodders. Alright, mate.
647
00:49:48,943 --> 00:49:52,255
Come on, calm down, I’m with you.
Stay here, stay here.
648
00:49:52,290 --> 00:49:55,479
Excuse me, can you tell me which ward
Mrs Trotter is in please?
649
00:49:55,749 --> 00:49:57,743
- Are you Mr Trotter?
- Yes, I am.
650
00:49:57,778 --> 00:49:59,650
- Come this way please.
- Yes, OK.
651
00:50:01,201 --> 00:50:02,915
Alright, Rodney. Come on, this way.
652
00:50:04,067 --> 00:50:07,216
Oi! Are you having a laugh with me,
or something?
653
00:50:07,413 --> 00:50:10,007
I’ve been here nearly 20 minutes already,
654
00:50:10,042 --> 00:50:16,941
and the only person in this poxy hospital
who’s spoken to me, is this old cow!
655
00:50:16,976 --> 00:50:19,762
I’m sorry sir, but we’re very busy.
656
00:50:19,797 --> 00:50:21,609
This way please.
657
00:50:25,165 --> 00:50:28,145
Could you put these on, please.
It's just a precaution.
658
00:50:34,333 --> 00:50:38,957
Mrs Trotter is in a single room, number 46,
down there on the right.
659
00:50:39,131 --> 00:50:43,169
She is naturally still very upset
and we don't want her being excited in any way.
660
00:50:43,366 --> 00:50:44,799
Of course not, thank you.
661
00:50:50,023 --> 00:50:51,706
Can I put one of them on, please?
662
00:50:51,978 --> 00:50:54,388
- Who are you?
- I'm her husband.
663
00:50:54,423 --> 00:50:58,068
- Who the hell's that then?
- He’s my brother.
664
00:51:05,234 --> 00:51:06,742
Del?
665
00:51:09,477 --> 00:51:11,779
What the bloody hell
am I going to say to her?
666
00:51:13,070 --> 00:51:17,569
Don't worry, Rodney.
You'll say something, it'll just come to you.
667
00:51:19,717 --> 00:51:25,490
Just listen to me, Rodney,
at this pacific moment in time,
668
00:51:25,660 --> 00:51:31,464
Cassandra she don't need doom and gloom.
She needs you to be optimistic.
669
00:51:31,694 --> 00:51:34,157
Oh yeah, I feel optimistic right now,
don't I?
670
00:51:34,329 --> 00:51:36,833
I don't care how you feel,
you just gotta be!
671
00:51:36,868 --> 00:51:39,555
- You don’t care how I feel?
- No.
672
00:51:39,851 --> 00:51:43,730
You can do your weeping and crying
in the van on the way home!
673
00:51:43,903 --> 00:51:47,391
Right now you've got to be a rock
for Cassandra.
674
00:51:48,850 --> 00:51:51,422
I want you to go in there
and I want you to talk to her.
675
00:51:51,457 --> 00:51:55,248
Talk to her about the future, not the past
or the present, but about the future.
676
00:51:55,997 --> 00:52:03,041
Because you two, you two,
you got some really good times to come.
677
00:52:04,289 --> 00:52:07,013
It is strange how I find that
hard to believe right now.
678
00:52:07,048 --> 00:52:10,724
Well, you got to believe it.
Because it's true.
679
00:52:11,662 --> 00:52:16,812
Right now Cassandra needs your strength.
680
00:52:17,301 --> 00:52:22,096
Now, you go in there,
and I don’t want no sobbing, no booing.
681
00:52:23,274 --> 00:52:28,944
You just give her comfort
and understanding. Alright?
682
00:52:31,077 --> 00:52:33,933
- Right.
- Good boy.
683
00:52:34,684 --> 00:52:37,476
You know it makes sense, eh?
684
00:53:05,032 --> 00:53:07,284
I'm sorry, Rodney!
685
00:53:24,728 --> 00:53:28,399
What are you saying sorry for?
Don't be silly.
686
00:53:29,473 --> 00:53:35,241
- I let you down! I let everyone down!
- Of course you haven’t!
687
00:53:37,898 --> 00:53:44,192
It happens, Cass, it just happens.
688
00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:47,566
There was nothing you or I could have done.
689
00:53:48,708 --> 00:53:54,671
You mustn’t blame yourself, sweetheart.
You haven’t let anybody down.
690
00:53:55,144 --> 00:54:01,505
Has she, Rodney?
Tell her, this time next year, go on.
691
00:54:02,232 --> 00:54:03,664
Yeah I will.
692
00:54:12,635 --> 00:54:17,768
I think maybe this might be a good time
for us to be on our own to discuss a few things.
693
00:54:19,324 --> 00:54:21,429
Yeah, I think you're right, bruv.
694
00:54:23,751 --> 00:54:28,672
Cassandra, me and Rodney
are going outside for a little chat.
695
00:54:30,846 --> 00:54:35,873
No, I mean me and Cassandra.
We be on our own.
696
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:40,494
Yeah, alright. OK.
697
00:54:43,485 --> 00:54:46,530
I'll see you later, Cassandra.
698
00:54:47,341 --> 00:54:50,124
I’ll see you outside, Rodney.
699
00:55:02,789 --> 00:55:04,987
I lost our baby.
700
00:55:06,150 --> 00:55:08,678
I can't leave you alone
with anything, can I?
701
00:55:13,072 --> 00:55:17,881
We're gonna get over this, Cass,
and we are going to win.
702
00:55:19,439 --> 00:55:27,007
D'you know why?
‘Cause we’re strong. We are very very strong.
703
00:55:29,594 --> 00:55:32,865
Things are gonna get better and better
and better for us.
704
00:55:34,684 --> 00:55:38,598
- I love you, Rodney.
- I love you, Cass.
705
00:55:43,268 --> 00:55:45,238
I love you so much.
706
00:55:48,943 --> 00:55:52,099
It sort of burnt me right across
the forehead here.
707
00:55:52,329 --> 00:55:55,085
See, the bloke who sold it to me
said it was a hair-dryer,
708
00:55:55,273 --> 00:55:59,014
it turns out to be an electric paint-stripper.
709
00:55:59,518 --> 00:56:01,931
If you like to come with me, Mr Fisher.
710
00:56:03,743 --> 00:56:06,806
Oi! Why's he getting seen before me?
711
00:56:07,138 --> 00:56:11,031
I don't know why people bother to pay
their national health stamps.
712
00:56:11,198 --> 00:56:14,669
‘Cause if I'd ever had a job
I wouldn't have paid for 'em.
713
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,751
Would you please keep your voice down?
714
00:56:18,073 --> 00:56:23,074
No. It's a free country
and I'll shout as much as I bloody well like!
715
00:56:23,410 --> 00:56:28,232
You're looking after all these bleeding malingerers here,
where I should be top of your list.
716
00:56:28,429 --> 00:56:35,484
Now, I took some pills earlier on today,
now, I've no idea what they were ‘cause I was drunk.
717
00:56:35,708 --> 00:56:38,557
Now they're starting to upset me a little bit!
718
00:56:38,815 --> 00:56:43,036
You nurses, you’re always whinging
about low wages.
719
00:56:43,221 --> 00:56:49,245
You don't deserve anything better.
Do you hear that? You're all sodding useless.
720
00:56:49,447 --> 00:56:50,989
- Excuse me, sir.
- What?
721
00:57:02,229 --> 00:57:04,027
Feeling better sir?
722
00:57:05,782 --> 00:57:08,356
Yes, thank you, doctor.
723
00:57:09,329 --> 00:57:12,483
All part of the service. Bonjour.
724
00:57:14,913 --> 00:57:18,080
I bet you wish you'd gone private now,
don't you?
725
00:57:28,337 --> 00:57:32,204
Subtitles by
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726
00:57:33,204 --> 00:57:43,204
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¤‰Ú@ž©Š¸”Þ ”Þ 9 Only.Fools.And.Horses.S08E03.iNTERNAL.DVDRip.XviD-aAF.srt0
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
1
00:00:42,229 --> 00:00:47,522
Potatoes, garlic, lemon grass.
2
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:51,565
Lemon grass!
Where am I gonna get lemon grass from?
3
00:00:52,210 --> 00:00:54,673
Oh to hell with it, we'll have to have it
without lemon grass.
4
00:00:56,201 --> 00:01:01,323
- What are you doing up this early? It’s only 6:30!
- I couldn't sleep. I'm worried about tonight.
5
00:01:01,358 --> 00:01:05,297
You don’t have to worry, sweetheart.
It’s only your Mum and Dad coming for dinner.
6
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,764
It's not only my Mum and
Dad coming for dinner.
7
00:01:07,799 --> 00:01:10,501
Why, they’re bringing
the neighbours and all, are they?
8
00:01:11,033 --> 00:01:12,870
I mean, it's not that simple!
9
00:01:12,905 --> 00:01:16,121
My parents and I didn't see each other for years,
didn't even talk.
10
00:01:16,283 --> 00:01:18,220
I know. But you've kissed
and made up now, ain't you?
11
00:01:18,255 --> 00:01:20,888
You and Damien,
you went up there for the weekend at their house.
12
00:01:20,923 --> 00:01:24,528
I know. But now they're coming here!
They've never been to the flat before.
13
00:01:24,683 --> 00:01:28,777
I've never cooked for them before...
They've never met you before.
14
00:01:30,711 --> 00:01:34,806
Exactly! I'll be right by your side.
What did you tell them about me?
15
00:01:35,837 --> 00:01:38,232
Well... I said your name is Derek...
16
00:01:38,804 --> 00:01:40,546
That's about it really.
17
00:01:41,366 --> 00:01:44,749
Well, with a bloke like me
that's all you need to know really, innit?
18
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:50,951
- What are you gonna do us to eat?
- Noisettes of lamb in red wine and cognac.
19
00:01:51,131 --> 00:01:54,683
You don't need to go to that trouble, sweetheart,
a bacon sandwich will do me...
20
00:01:56,190 --> 00:02:02,081
Oh I see, that’s for tonight! Lamb in wine.
That’s gonna be lovely jubbly.
21
00:02:02,116 --> 00:02:03,831
- Morning all.
- Morning, Unc.
22
00:02:04,035 --> 00:02:07,107
And another thing. You promised you'd get
another table and some proper armchairs!
23
00:02:07,142 --> 00:02:11,013
- We can't eat at that thing.
- Alright. It's taken care of, sweetheart.
24
00:02:11,485 --> 00:02:16,024
Denzil's coming round later on, he’s gonna clear
all this gear out and drop off the new stuff.
25
00:02:16,216 --> 00:02:19,526
Anyway, I don't know why you're going
to all this bother. Really I don’t.
26
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,649
I said we could take 'em out for dinner.
27
00:02:21,818 --> 00:02:24,873
I'm really well in with the manager
at the local restaurant.
28
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:26,984
No, this is my home now
29
00:02:27,019 --> 00:02:30,076
and if my parents want me back in their lives
they'd better get used to it.
30
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,326
Besides, Spudulike's
always full on a Friday.
31
00:02:33,547 --> 00:02:36,095
That’s true. Anyway.
I'll get us some breakfast then, shall I?
32
00:02:36,130 --> 00:02:38,543
OK. Will you check behind the bar
and see if we've got any cognac?
33
00:02:40,147 --> 00:02:43,343
Yeah, we’ve got plenty of it.
Albert, what do you want?
34
00:02:43,378 --> 00:02:46,383
Well, if we're starting early
I'll have a cognac as well.
35
00:02:47,908 --> 00:02:50,482
No, you old git. That's for tonight!
36
00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:54,910
Will you tell Raquel to stop worrying
and fussing about this meal tonight?
37
00:02:55,107 --> 00:02:57,748
You've got nothing to worry about, love.
We'll all lend a hand.
38
00:02:57,783 --> 00:03:00,023
You do the meat and I'll do the gravy.
39
00:03:00,058 --> 00:03:01,816
That’s alright, and I'll do the veg.
40
00:03:01,851 --> 00:03:04,613
I'm a dab hand with a pint of water
and a bucket of cabbage.
41
00:03:04,648 --> 00:03:08,002
The only thing we've gotta worry about
is whether that bloody lift’s working.
42
00:03:08,037 --> 00:03:09,718
Broke down twice this week.
43
00:03:09,753 --> 00:03:13,795
We can't have Cassandra climbing up all those stairs,
not after what she's been through.
44
00:03:14,175 --> 00:03:17,459
- Are her and Rodney coming to dinner?
- Well, I invited them.
45
00:03:17,494 --> 00:03:21,146
- But the way they are at the moment, who knows.
- I hope they do - they need to get out.
46
00:03:21,181 --> 00:03:23,223
What d'you mean?
Rodney's out every night!
47
00:03:23,258 --> 00:03:25,533
He's got a lot on his mind, Raquel.
48
00:03:25,568 --> 00:03:28,140
He's got a lot on his mind?
And how do you think Cassandra feels?
49
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,028
She's the one who had the miscarriage!
50
00:03:30,063 --> 00:03:34,445
She needs her husband by her side,
not out drinking in some pub or club.
51
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:38,433
Yes, I know! But she's a woman, isn't she?
She's stronger than Rodney.
52
00:03:40,703 --> 00:03:43,404
I mean, I've known Rodney all his life.
53
00:03:43,726 --> 00:03:48,027
He's always had this problem about
facing up the things that hurt him.
54
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:51,275
What he tends to do is walk away
and pretend it isn't happening.
55
00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:52,965
That's what he's doing now.
56
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:56,686
But as soon as he gets it off his chest
he's gonna be fine.
57
00:03:58,069 --> 00:03:59,651
Don’t worry, I’ll get it.
58
00:04:02,684 --> 00:04:04,725
Trotters Independent Traders...
59
00:04:05,394 --> 00:04:09,268
Hello, Cassandra! Cor, you’re up early?
Why are you doing that for?
60
00:04:09,977 --> 00:04:12,991
You what? Oh, right!
61
00:04:13,526 --> 00:04:18,234
Rodney was only out again last night.
Didn’t get home 'til the early hours.
62
00:04:18,415 --> 00:04:20,425
I know, you were with him!
63
00:04:24,492 --> 00:04:26,721
You better talk to her.
You talk to her, will ya?
64
00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:28,838
- I'll take it in the kitchen.
- Yeah, alright.
65
00:04:29,079 --> 00:04:32,006
- What Rodney needs is a counter-worry.
- You what?
66
00:04:32,484 --> 00:04:35,574
- During the...
- If you say 'during the war' once more,
67
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,050
I’m gonna pour this cup of tea right over your head!
68
00:04:38,085 --> 00:04:41,236
- I wasn't going to say during the war!
- Well that’s allright, then.
69
00:04:41,271 --> 00:04:44,700
- Bloody little know all.
- Alright. I’m sorry.
70
00:04:46,575 --> 00:04:52,113
During the 1939-1945 conflict
with Germany…
71
00:04:54,682 --> 00:04:58,378
I was sailing on a frigate,
HMS Sphinx, in the Adriatic.
72
00:04:58,701 --> 00:05:02,437
Now in those days a ship's crew
was full of stress and fear.
73
00:05:02,472 --> 00:05:05,774
I’m not surprised when they saw you walking
up the gangplank!
74
00:05:06,196 --> 00:05:11,636
So our old skipper, Captain Kenworthy,
used to allay all those fears by creating a counter-worry.
75
00:05:11,829 --> 00:05:15,304
Like one day he announced there was
a cholera epidemic on the ship.
76
00:05:15,475 --> 00:05:17,852
Rally?
That must have cheered you all up, didn't it?
77
00:05:18,073 --> 00:05:20,680
It took their minds off
the U-boats and the sharks.
78
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:25,022
It's a good job your Captain Kenworthy
didn’t join the Samaritans.
79
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:29,340
Otherwise you wouldn't be able to get a barge
under Chelsea Bridge for falling bodies!
80
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,211
He's still the same.
81
00:05:31,384 --> 00:05:34,360
Cassandra said he's even stopped
going to see the Councillor at the hospital.
82
00:05:35,072 --> 00:05:39,545
Well, Albert reckons that we ought to tell Rodney
that there's a cholera epidemic in Peckham
83
00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:43,742
- …and that should get him out of his mood.
- I said give him a counter-worry.
84
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:47,273
Look, if Rodney thought a close friend
or a relative was ill
85
00:05:47,308 --> 00:05:50,318
he'd start worrying about them
and stop worrying about himself.
86
00:05:50,353 --> 00:05:51,659
Yeah, I see.
87
00:05:51,694 --> 00:05:53,233
So when that person became better
88
00:05:53,268 --> 00:05:55,679
Rodney would have forgotten
what he was worried about in the first place.
89
00:05:55,714 --> 00:05:57,209
Exactly.
90
00:05:57,244 --> 00:05:58,598
It's worth a try.
91
00:05:58,633 --> 00:06:01,953
- It's got to be someone he really cares for.
- Damien.
92
00:06:02,292 --> 00:06:06,169
- How can you ask a five year old to act ill?
- I could pretend to be ill.
93
00:06:06,204 --> 00:06:08,805
Yes, but how would he know the difference?
94
00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:12,093
It's gotta be me, innit?
95
00:06:12,801 --> 00:06:17,602
That’s him now. Alright, we give it a will.
We’ll give it a try. I’m ill, alright?
96
00:06:21,054 --> 00:06:24,583
- Morning.
- Morning, son. How's Cassandra?
97
00:06:25,162 --> 00:06:26,508
Fine, thank you.
98
00:06:26,543 --> 00:06:32,118
Good – morning - Rodney.
How are you?
99
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,584
I’m alright.
100
00:06:35,317 --> 00:06:39,779
- Del's not very well, Rodney.
- Oh, I'll go home then.
101
00:06:41,277 --> 00:06:44,471
That’s alright, I might make a recovery.
102
00:06:45,452 --> 00:06:47,444
We called a doctor in last night.
103
00:06:47,843 --> 00:06:50,875
I bet that you're wondering
what he said, aren’t you?
104
00:06:53,256 --> 00:06:54,723
What?
105
00:06:54,926 --> 00:06:58,416
He said I would live,
but he didn’t recommend it.
106
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,886
Right.
107
00:07:03,786 --> 00:07:07,691
I'm really worried, Rodney.
Has he ever suffered with pleurisy?
108
00:07:07,859 --> 00:07:10,210
Only when he tries to spell it.
109
00:07:13,479 --> 00:07:16,161
- I'll make a pot of tea.
- Alright, sweetheart.
110
00:07:19,170 --> 00:07:20,951
Oi, Raquel. I’ll have a cup.
111
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:25,491
Raquel, can I have a cup of tea too, please?
112
00:07:26,594 --> 00:07:27,940
It's alright. I'll get it.
113
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:31,619
Thank you Rodney. Rodney?
Thank you Rodney.
114
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,919
That uncaring little git!
115
00:07:37,971 --> 00:07:39,734
I could be on me last knockings here
116
00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:43,326
and he doesn’t care if I've got
yellow fever or foot-fungus!
117
00:07:52,864 --> 00:07:54,922
Alright, Rodders? What you up to?
118
00:07:55,105 --> 00:07:58,690
Cataloguing our stock.
I'm gonna put all of this on computer.
119
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,937
On computer?
We've had this discussion before.
120
00:08:01,972 --> 00:08:07,215
That’s dangerous. That means anyone
could hack in and find out what we've got.
121
00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:12,598
If we found someone was hacking into our computer
all the police would have to do is go and arrest Mr Bean!
122
00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:19,201
I mean, look, these are the entire records
for Trotters Independent Traders.
123
00:08:19,369 --> 00:08:24,237
I began filing 'em when I first started working
for you 16 years ago. But you told me to stop it.
124
00:08:24,272 --> 00:08:26,428
Because we don't need it, do we?
125
00:08:26,463 --> 00:08:28,089
‘Cause it's all up here.
126
00:08:28,124 --> 00:08:32,433
I mean squirrels, they ain’t got computers
but they know where their nuts are.
127
00:08:32,996 --> 00:08:36,576
Well, I'm gonna make a note of everything.
And I'm gonna chuck a lot of this junk out.
128
00:08:37,249 --> 00:08:41,049
You be careful.
One man's junk is another man's treasures.
129
00:08:41,625 --> 00:08:48,215
Derek, we have got a pile of Showaddywaddy LPs
under a tyre for a Triumph Herald and an artificial limb.
130
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,678
These are not gonna make big news
on The Antiques Roadshow!
131
00:08:55,844 --> 00:08:58,557
These LPs, they’re collectors items.
132
00:08:59,916 --> 00:09:04,924
Well let's see if we can find a one-legged
Showaddywaddy freak and flog them to him!
133
00:09:04,959 --> 00:09:07,868
And if he turns up in a Triumph Herald
we've had a result!
134
00:09:08,802 --> 00:09:11,012
Rodney, what is the matter with you?
135
00:09:12,738 --> 00:09:14,869
- What is the matter with me?
- Yes!
136
00:09:15,397 --> 00:09:19,193
- Didn't anybody tell ya?
- Rodney, I’m sorry…
137
00:09:19,228 --> 00:09:22,633
My wife was rushed to hospital
a fortnight ago and we lost...
138
00:09:23,816 --> 00:09:26,673
There's nothing wrong with me, Del, right?
Everything's hunky dory.
139
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,222
Rodney, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean that.
140
00:09:31,257 --> 00:09:36,334
I had a dream a few weeks ago.
I dreamt you and Damien ruled the world.
141
00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:38,094
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
142
00:09:38,129 --> 00:09:44,183
You owned companies, corporations,
conglomerates everywhere... It was horrible!
143
00:09:44,218 --> 00:09:48,790
- What d'you mean?
- You know what I was? The messenger!
144
00:09:48,973 --> 00:09:52,942
You and Damien were presidents and chairmen
and I was a bloody messenger!
145
00:09:53,414 --> 00:09:56,846
And then I thought, hold on,
maybe it’s not a dream, maybe it's a prophecy.
146
00:09:57,257 --> 00:10:01,568
You know, like in the Bible when King David
saw seven fat cows and seven skinny ones.
147
00:10:02,414 --> 00:10:06,183
No, that just sounds like he's come out
of the Nag's Head disco!
148
00:10:07,855 --> 00:10:10,398
Seven fat cows and seven…
149
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:18,217
I mean, nothing’s ever gone
right for me, has it?
150
00:10:19,121 --> 00:10:21,177
I know what you mean, Rodders.
151
00:10:22,986 --> 00:10:27,388
I'd love a bit of good luck, Del.
Not just for me, for all of us.
152
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,447
I just wish something good would turn up.
153
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,402
So would everyone, Rodney.
154
00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:38,207
That's why they’re all out there
doing the Lottery, ain’t they?
155
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:43,349
I mean, if it were up to me,
what I’d like to do…
156
00:10:43,384 --> 00:10:51,200
I’d like to be able to say that was life's lucky dip.
I’d like to just go, da daaa.
157
00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:57,626
There it is, look, that is gonna change our lives.
But it won’t, will it, eh?
158
00:10:58,218 --> 00:11:00,178
‘Cause life is not like that.
159
00:11:05,519 --> 00:11:08,736
Have you made any attempt
to discuss this with Cassandra?
160
00:11:08,771 --> 00:11:10,390
Del, will you just leave it alone?
161
00:11:10,718 --> 00:11:14,167
I'm only tryin' to help, Rodney.
You can't keep walking away from this.
162
00:11:14,202 --> 00:11:18,170
I am not walking away from it!
Look, you get the lift, I'll take the stairs.
163
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:21,778
Hang about. Look, it's here now...
Don’t bother. Come on, look it’s here.
164
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,672
Alright, I won't mention it again.
165
00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:33,758
Look at the state of this lift!
What's going on in their brains?
166
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,242
Just a bunch of half-heads, ain't they?
167
00:11:38,082 --> 00:11:44,193
Look! 'Del Boy is a sex machine'.
Who'd write something like that?
168
00:11:46,798 --> 00:11:48,291
I don’t know!
169
00:11:52,249 --> 00:11:57,467
'Rodney Trotter...'
The lying gits!
170
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,212
What's happening?
171
00:12:08,712 --> 00:12:14,760
It's broken down. The lift, it's broken down…
The poxy bleeding council.
172
00:12:16,245 --> 00:12:18,994
It’s broken down,
that’s the matter with me!
173
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:23,777
- Press the alarm button.
- I'll do it! I’ll press the alarm button.
174
00:12:25,017 --> 00:12:27,552
It's broken! It’s not working either now.
175
00:12:28,799 --> 00:12:32,183
Come on up here!.
There’s a couple of blokes here trapped in the lift!
176
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:36,102
Alright, alright! There's no need to get
in a lather about it.
177
00:12:36,335 --> 00:12:40,515
Someone will press for the lift in a minute,
realise it's not working and call the engineers.
178
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:45,966
- We'll be out soon.
- I just don't like being closed in like this.
179
00:12:46,306 --> 00:12:51,312
- I never knew you were claustrophobic.
- I'm not! I just don't like being closed in like this!
180
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:57,107
Del, come on, sit down on the floor and relax.
They'll be here in a minute.
181
00:12:57,142 --> 00:13:04,083
Yeah, yeah, sit down, take it nice and easy,
calm down, just calm down, will ya?
182
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:13,129
‘Cause the oxygen, right, falls down to the bottom,
and this way we get cleaner air.
183
00:13:13,164 --> 00:13:15,042
Yeah! Good, good!
184
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:34,957
Your lifts are broken again!
We had to carry that stuff up 12 flights of stairs.
185
00:13:34,992 --> 00:13:39,350
Del said him and Rodney'd be here to help.
Se where are they?
186
00:13:39,907 --> 00:13:41,196
Don’t know.
187
00:13:41,231 --> 00:13:44,250
Listen Raquel, it's not my fault.
188
00:13:44,285 --> 00:13:48,609
Del asked me to deliver that table
and to store this stuff in my lock-up.
189
00:13:49,449 --> 00:13:53,804
And the table and chairs are only on hire,
they've gotta go back by Monday.
190
00:13:53,839 --> 00:13:56,343
They're having a posh do at the town hall.
191
00:14:03,874 --> 00:14:10,458
- They're not here yet, are they?
- Give 'em time. Sit down, take it easy.
192
00:14:11,064 --> 00:14:13,230
Yeah, alright. Take it easy.
193
00:14:15,598 --> 00:14:17,057
Let's play a game.
194
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:20,860
Play a game?
You got a ball in your pocket or something?
195
00:14:21,506 --> 00:14:26,369
- A different sort of game. I Spy.
- I Spy?
196
00:14:26,643 --> 00:14:28,911
Yeah. Go on, you can go first.
197
00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:33,621
Alright then! I spy with my little eye
something beginning with W.
198
00:14:36,846 --> 00:14:37,873
Walls?
199
00:14:37,908 --> 00:14:40,802
Walls. That's right.
There, that's the end of that game then, innit?
200
00:14:41,624 --> 00:14:46,331
- Alright, you choose the game.
- Alright then. What about hide and seek?
201
00:14:46,603 --> 00:14:47,709
I never thought I'd see you like this!
202
00:14:47,744 --> 00:14:50,838
You're acting like a big kid
just ‘cause we're trapped in a lift for a while.
203
00:14:53,571 --> 00:14:55,618
Yeah, well you don't know how I feel!
204
00:14:56,650 --> 00:15:03,011
I feel... I feel sort of frightened!
You don't know what that's like!
205
00:15:03,046 --> 00:15:04,920
I don't know what it's like?
206
00:15:04,955 --> 00:15:09,563
How d'you think I've felt for the last couple of weeks
since Cassie... since what happened?
207
00:15:11,854 --> 00:15:14,574
I don't know.
I don't know how you've felt, Rodney.
208
00:15:14,609 --> 00:15:16,890
Well, I'll tell you, frightened ain't the word!
209
00:15:19,633 --> 00:15:23,391
- D'you know what I did the other night?
- No, but I bet it was depressing!
210
00:15:24,249 --> 00:15:26,832
I sat and read my diaries
from when I was a school kid.
211
00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:28,714
See, I was right!
212
00:15:28,749 --> 00:15:34,646
No, not quite. I actually noticed
moments of hope within those pages.
213
00:15:35,956 --> 00:15:41,948
I mean there weren't many, just the occasional
oasis of promise in a desert of pessimism.
214
00:15:43,124 --> 00:15:46,920
They was simple hopes,
as you'd expect for someone of my age.
215
00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:50,381
I hoped for, hairs…
216
00:15:53,287 --> 00:15:55,818
hoped I'd do well in my exams…
217
00:15:58,445 --> 00:16:01,357
I even hoped for a good job when I left school.
218
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:07,730
Well, you got hairs, didn't you?
Think how Right Said Fred must feel.
219
00:16:09,806 --> 00:16:11,649
Me and Cass were so happy, Del.
220
00:16:13,570 --> 00:16:18,721
We were looking forward and all we could see
in front of us was this big wide highway
221
00:16:18,756 --> 00:16:21,561
and we were just cruising down it, and…
222
00:16:22,142 --> 00:16:27,786
all of the sudden it came to a shuddering halt.
Just like this poxy lift.
223
00:16:30,387 --> 00:16:33,947
Suddenly 'Happy Families'
became 'Dungeons and Dragons'.
224
00:16:36,185 --> 00:16:40,119
And I've never felt sodding pain
like that in all my life.
225
00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:50,659
- Is Cassandra hurting?
- Well of course she is!
226
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:55,496
How do you know?
You haven't talked to her about it.
227
00:16:55,531 --> 00:16:59,919
No, and do you know why?
It’s because... it's because...
228
00:17:00,507 --> 00:17:05,635
It's almost like if I don't talk about it,
it might not be true.
229
00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:11,382
- But it is.
- I know! I know. But if I don't say it...
230
00:17:12,397 --> 00:17:18,520
- If you don't say what?
- We lost our baby!
231
00:17:22,196 --> 00:17:26,161
But you did. And you have said it.
232
00:17:28,026 --> 00:17:30,333
Yeah. I said it!
233
00:17:36,317 --> 00:17:41,069
You just shield yourself from it, you know.
234
00:17:44,542 --> 00:17:46,511
I've just been lying, ain't I?
235
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:52,190
Yes. And what about Cassandra?
236
00:17:55,146 --> 00:17:59,308
Not her. Cassandra can't tell a lie.
237
00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:07,005
Raquel can, the moment one leaves my lips.
238
00:18:12,437 --> 00:18:14,832
Both those lifts have
broken down again!
239
00:18:18,461 --> 00:18:22,654
- Is this the stuff Del was talking about?
- Yes.
240
00:18:28,849 --> 00:18:35,940
Cassie seemed so fragile. I wanted to cuddle her
and talk to her about it, but…
241
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,525
I was frightened I might sort of break her.
242
00:18:40,972 --> 00:18:51,025
No. She's strong, Rodney.
Look, it's just a dropped stitch in life's tapestry.
243
00:18:51,787 --> 00:18:53,541
That's what mum used to say.
244
00:18:55,765 --> 00:18:57,828
What do I say to her, Del?
245
00:18:59,607 --> 00:19:05,396
Well, you tell her exactly what you told me.
You can leave out the bit about the hairs, if you like.
246
00:19:08,343 --> 00:19:11,886
You go home right now
and have a heart to heart, alright?
247
00:19:12,245 --> 00:19:15,439
And while you're there, you ask her
if she wants to come round for dinner tonight.
248
00:19:16,676 --> 00:19:20,812
- I can’t mate, I’ve got a real problem with that.
- What is it?
249
00:19:21,364 --> 00:19:25,337
- I’m stuck in a bloody lift!
- Oh yeah.
250
00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:28,165
Let's have another look at this thing,
shall we?
251
00:19:32,824 --> 00:19:37,524
- Your claustrophobia cleared up quick, didn't it?
- Yeah, I got over the worst of it.
252
00:19:37,933 --> 00:19:41,186
Almost as quick as that flu
you had this morning.
253
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:45,368
Well, these things come and go, don't they?
Look at what this little switch does, here.
254
00:19:51,178 --> 00:19:55,668
You git! You stopped it!
255
00:19:58,099 --> 00:20:03,558
It was the only way I could get you talking!
You can't run away in a broken lift.
256
00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:08,371
You git!
257
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:14,076
You git!
258
00:20:15,767 --> 00:20:19,229
Come here. Alright?
Come on!
259
00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:24,541
What else, what else?
I'm bound to have forgotten something.
260
00:20:24,576 --> 00:20:27,912
Calm down. Everything's fine.
You'll have a hot flush in a minute.
261
00:20:27,947 --> 00:20:30,438
I'm just so nervous something will go wrong...
262
00:20:31,935 --> 00:20:35,440
Del, please don't use
any of your French phrases to my parents.
263
00:20:35,646 --> 00:20:38,827
How’s that, sweetheart?
Aren't they up on the old French lingo, or what?
264
00:20:39,426 --> 00:20:41,674
No...
The meat!
265
00:20:42,087 --> 00:20:44,104
I'll get a wine out of the fridge.
266
00:20:44,502 --> 00:20:47,008
Well, everything seems to be going
according to plan.
267
00:20:48,235 --> 00:20:51,757
Damien! Don't do that!
Dear, oh dear.
268
00:20:51,923 --> 00:20:54,130
Look, it's only plastic, you'll break it.
269
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:58,589
- I've made the gravy and put it in the bottom oven.
- Thank you, Albert.
270
00:20:58,786 --> 00:21:01,410
Damien, you go and sit round there, alright?
Go on, that’s a good boy.
271
00:21:01,445 --> 00:21:06,768
Right! Now remember, we’ve gotta go
girl-boy, girl-boy, girl-boy and uncle Albert.
272
00:21:09,441 --> 00:21:10,940
- What’s that?
- Oh God!
273
00:21:11,367 --> 00:21:17,104
Calm down the lot of you. I'll answer the door.
Lot of good you'd have been on the Russian convoys.
274
00:21:22,090 --> 00:21:24,711
Good evening. Please come in.
275
00:21:25,069 --> 00:21:29,663
- You must be Raquel's parents.
- Yes. My wife Audrey, and I'm James.
276
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:32,846
Lovely to meet you. Please follow me.
277
00:21:36,072 --> 00:21:39,710
- She did say he was older than her.
- I know, but...
278
00:21:43,668 --> 00:21:46,495
- Hi Mum, Dad.
- Darling.
279
00:21:47,065 --> 00:21:49,923
- Nanny, Grandad!
- Watch out, here comes trouble!
280
00:21:50,185 --> 00:21:56,035
Mum, Dad, this is Derek's brother. Rodney,
and his wife, Cassandra. James and Audrey.
281
00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:58,203
- Lovely to meet you.
- Pleasure.
282
00:21:59,425 --> 00:22:06,368
- And this is my... this is Derek.
- Au revoir.
283
00:22:08,575 --> 00:22:10,849
Oh you're Derek.
We thought that...
284
00:22:10,884 --> 00:22:14,066
We thought... we thought
you were busy working this evening.
285
00:22:14,101 --> 00:22:18,551
Oh no, not this evening.
Not on a special occasion like this.
286
00:22:18,586 --> 00:22:23,381
As it is a special occasion I've bought
this rather nice bottle of Porto. It's 15 years old.
287
00:22:23,663 --> 00:22:28,821
Thank you. 15 years old?
We'll have to watch that, it might have acne!
288
00:22:33,114 --> 00:22:38,505
OK, let’s get started.
Shall we start with a nice little aperitif?
289
00:22:41,271 --> 00:22:43,712
I'm knocking them bandy, ain’t I?
290
00:22:47,755 --> 00:22:49,710
Right, there’s the gravy.
291
00:22:51,010 --> 00:22:56,583
- Rodney, would you fill the wine glasses, please?
- Yes of course. More wine Audrey?
292
00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:59,029
- Thank you.
- James?
293
00:22:59,257 --> 00:23:02,333
No, I don't think I should.
I've got to drive back to the hotel tonight.
294
00:23:02,368 --> 00:23:04,795
Why don't you get a cab back,
pick up the car in the morning?
295
00:23:05,181 --> 00:23:07,421
- What do you think?
- It's your decision.
296
00:23:07,662 --> 00:23:09,854
What the hell. Pour away, Rodney.
297
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:14,083
Yes, that's the spirit, you know it makes sense.
You can always leave your car outside...
298
00:23:15,434 --> 00:23:18,247
On second thoughts we'd better
put the car in our garage.
299
00:23:18,416 --> 00:23:19,819
Is it not safe outside?
300
00:23:19,854 --> 00:23:22,890
Well, not if you've become attached
to your wheels it's not.
301
00:23:24,655 --> 00:23:27,750
There we go, look, excuse the fingers.
302
00:23:29,822 --> 00:23:38,218
I'm just gonna get another bottle of wine.
So why don’t you all… Chappelle Audent?
303
00:23:39,478 --> 00:23:43,166
- So Albert was in the navy?
- Very much so.
304
00:23:43,371 --> 00:23:46,740
I was in the Royal Navy myself,
12 years, first officer.
305
00:23:46,919 --> 00:23:50,707
- You and Albert shall have to have a chat.
- After we've gone home!
306
00:23:52,887 --> 00:23:58,069
It’s going really well out there.
Have them coming, open another bottle of wine.
307
00:23:58,319 --> 00:24:00,887
- What are you doing?
- I've made the coffee.
308
00:24:01,792 --> 00:24:04,232
What do you mean, you made the coffee?
It's too early.
309
00:24:04,416 --> 00:24:06,614
They haven’t finished their mains yet!
310
00:24:06,649 --> 00:24:09,776
It don't usually take us that long
to finish our dinner, does it?
311
00:24:10,002 --> 00:24:14,611
I know that. That’s because we're not
galloping down a Big Mac and chips, are we?
312
00:24:15,746 --> 00:24:21,491
We've got guests, we're taking our time
we’re savouring the food and the ambience,
313
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,410
we're sipping the wine and we're conversing.
314
00:24:24,608 --> 00:24:28,472
Out there, they're having a chat
between each mouthful.
315
00:24:28,936 --> 00:24:31,413
It's sophisticated, it's civilised...
316
00:24:32,959 --> 00:24:37,020
OK, don’t worry.
I'll whack this in the microwave.
317
00:24:39,724 --> 00:24:43,424
Oi! Just a minute.
What coffee d'you make this with?
318
00:24:43,622 --> 00:24:45,252
That jar over there.
319
00:24:46,595 --> 00:24:49,486
This ain't coffee, smell it!
It's bloody gravy!
320
00:24:50,735 --> 00:24:54,717
Yeah, that's gravy.
It's not my fault, it's them jars!
321
00:24:54,752 --> 00:24:57,735
Look at 'em!
How am I supposed to tell the difference?
322
00:24:57,770 --> 00:24:59,711
I’ll tell you how to tell the difference!
323
00:24:59,746 --> 00:25:07,025
This one has on the label Maxwell House Coffee
and this label says Oxo gravy granules!
324
00:25:07,060 --> 00:25:09,707
That’s a bit of a giveaway, innit?
325
00:25:10,340 --> 00:25:15,174
- Well, I was in a hurry and I got mixed up.
- I’ll mix you up in a minute.
326
00:25:15,484 --> 00:25:20,992
Wait a minute.
If you've made gravy in the coffee pot…
327
00:25:21,473 --> 00:25:24,014
what are they pouring
over their dinners in there?
328
00:25:28,432 --> 00:25:31,666
- This looks lovely darling.
- Yeah looks great, Raquel.
329
00:25:31,701 --> 00:25:33,181
Thank you.
330
00:25:34,056 --> 00:25:36,192
- Alright?
- Wonderful.
331
00:25:37,384 --> 00:25:39,174
Cushty.
332
00:25:42,870 --> 00:25:47,674
They’re only doing it.
They're only out there doing it now!
333
00:25:47,864 --> 00:25:53,617
They're pouring Maxwell bleedin' House
over their lamb noisettes and veg.
334
00:25:56,061 --> 00:25:57,674
I don't believe you!
335
00:25:58,362 --> 00:26:02,308
Not only have you managed to sink
every aircraft carrier and battleship
336
00:26:02,343 --> 00:26:07,373
that you ever sailed on, but now
you've gone and knackered the gravy boat!
337
00:26:09,372 --> 00:26:12,442
- What are we gonna do?
- Well, I ain't having any of it!
338
00:26:16,697 --> 00:26:18,702
Not yet, darling, wait for Daddy.
339
00:26:18,737 --> 00:26:20,675
So, how long were you in the navy, Albert?
340
00:26:20,710 --> 00:26:26,771
Over 50 years, man and boy. Started in the merchant,
went on to the Royal then back to the merchant.
341
00:26:26,806 --> 00:26:31,731
- Amazing. You must have some stories to tell.
- Oh God yes.
342
00:26:33,131 --> 00:26:36,496
Sorry about that,
couldn’t get the cork out of the wine.
343
00:26:37,867 --> 00:26:41,814
- Del?
- No! No, thank you.
344
00:26:42,301 --> 00:26:43,963
I'm trying to give it up.
345
00:26:43,998 --> 00:26:45,594
- Albert?
- Not for me, dear.
346
00:26:45,629 --> 00:26:47,542
Oh yes, you’ll have some!
347
00:26:48,896 --> 00:26:52,175
You know how you like your gravy.
Don’t ya?
348
00:26:58,895 --> 00:27:01,127
You git!
349
00:27:03,279 --> 00:27:04,882
Are you a naval man, Derek?
350
00:27:04,917 --> 00:27:08,775
No. No James,
I'm more of a leg man myself.
351
00:27:13,474 --> 00:27:16,463
No, Dad meant were you in the navy?
352
00:27:17,763 --> 00:27:19,243
No, I wasn’t actually, James.
353
00:27:19,517 --> 00:27:23,338
Though when I was younger
I did consider a career in the services.
354
00:27:25,034 --> 00:27:26,675
Everything alright, Mum?
355
00:27:30,389 --> 00:27:32,367
This is horrible!
356
00:27:42,027 --> 00:27:45,966
I hope you won't be offended darling,
but I'm rather full up.
357
00:27:46,217 --> 00:27:48,051
Same here!
358
00:27:49,665 --> 00:27:54,017
No, no, come on, we’ve got afters to come yet.
We’ve got mandarin segments and Instant Whip!
359
00:27:54,052 --> 00:27:56,192
- No, I feel not that hungry.
- So am I.
360
00:27:56,398 --> 00:27:59,831
Alright... Well, I'll fetch the coffee.
361
00:28:02,150 --> 00:28:03,730
Right.
362
00:28:09,770 --> 00:28:14,003
- Ahoy there, Jimbo.
- Morning, Derek... Rodney.
363
00:28:14,180 --> 00:28:15,465
How are you this morning?
364
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:18,412
Oh fine. Had a bit of a
jippy tummy last night.
365
00:28:18,610 --> 00:28:20,605
Well, thanks for looking after the car.
366
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,441
Mange-tout, mange-tout, mon plaisir.
367
00:28:23,476 --> 00:28:26,796
So this is your Aladdin’s cave
I've heard so much about?
368
00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:31,526
Yes, this is it. As I was saying Jim,
you and I are in the same sort of business.
369
00:28:31,561 --> 00:28:35,882
I mean, you're an antiques dealer
and I've… got some interesting things.
370
00:28:35,917 --> 00:28:40,077
Yes! Well, must dash, long journey.
You must come and visit us sometime.
371
00:28:40,112 --> 00:28:43,387
Yes I will, you bet.
Now, you mind how you go, eh?
372
00:28:43,771 --> 00:28:48,169
- What's that?
- It's a gas stove.
373
00:28:48,656 --> 00:28:50,666
No, I mean on top of it.
374
00:28:53,735 --> 00:28:58,395
Oh, that's just an old watch I got out of
a house clearance years ago.
375
00:28:58,658 --> 00:29:03,048
I’ll tell you what I have got.
I've got some very nice Showaddywaddy LPs.
376
00:29:07,985 --> 00:29:11,354
- Good Lord!
- Yeah, I know, it’s filthy, innit eh?
377
00:29:11,585 --> 00:29:15,215
Rodney, have you got any of that WD40 there?
We’ll get this thing wiped up.
378
00:29:15,250 --> 00:29:22,107
No, I mean, it has the name 'Harrison' engraved in it.
You see that? 'Harrison. AD 1774'.
379
00:29:22,851 --> 00:29:24,864
How did you come by this watch, Derek?
380
00:29:25,924 --> 00:29:31,658
Well, it was about 15, 16 years ago.
There was this old girl down Deptford way.
381
00:29:31,693 --> 00:29:37,253
She owned a pawn shop. Anyway she died,
no family, so they sold off the shop
382
00:29:37,288 --> 00:29:40,656
and her landlord asked me
to clear out her house.
383
00:29:40,691 --> 00:29:43,931
I found that -and a lot of other rubbish-
up in the loft.
384
00:29:45,072 --> 00:29:47,532
- Why, is it any good then?
- Good?
385
00:29:48,007 --> 00:29:51,950
John Harrison was just about
the finest watch-maker of his time.
386
00:29:51,985 --> 00:29:53,794
Of any time.
387
00:29:54,123 --> 00:29:59,091
If this is what I’m beginning to think it is,
God I’m shaking…
388
00:29:59,126 --> 00:30:01,934
Why, you didn’t have that much to drink
last night, did ya?
389
00:30:02,153 --> 00:30:06,774
Have you any proof that this watch
is your property? A receipt, something like that.
390
00:30:07,693 --> 00:30:12,210
No, you see, I don't keep receipts,
they just clutter the place up...
391
00:30:12,959 --> 00:30:18,264
- Do you reckon that’s worth something then?
- Assuming it’s not a copy, yes.
392
00:30:18,619 --> 00:30:22,307
Hold on. 16 years ago?
That's when I started working for you.
393
00:30:22,342 --> 00:30:26,890
Yes thank you, Rodney,
could we leave ‘This Is Your Life’ to Michael Aspel!
394
00:30:27,328 --> 00:30:30,161
I meant, I used to keep files then.
395
00:30:33,798 --> 00:30:36,604
You see, Derek, I’ve always been
very keen on horology.
396
00:30:39,323 --> 00:30:44,214
I thought it was too good to be true.
Now he's gonna tell our bloody fortune.
397
00:30:45,205 --> 00:30:51,511
- No, horology. It means he’s an expert in watches.
- Oh, that sort of horology.
398
00:30:52,170 --> 00:30:55,712
I've got it.
A receipt from the landlord.
399
00:30:56,018 --> 00:31:02,342
For two paintings, four jugs, one rocking chair,
one silver fob watch engraved 'Harrison'.
400
00:31:03,472 --> 00:31:09,043
Good boy, Rodders. What have I always told you?
I’ve always said ‘always keep the receipts’.
401
00:31:09,514 --> 00:31:10,856
You never know when they’re coming handy.
402
00:31:10,891 --> 00:31:12,446
You read down hear?
Victorian wa…
403
00:31:12,481 --> 00:31:14,305
Yes, thank you very much, Rodney.
There you are, Jimbo.
404
00:31:14,340 --> 00:31:16,634
This is marvellous.
I've never been so excited.
405
00:31:16,935 --> 00:31:19,850
I bet Audrey
had a blinding honeymoon then!
406
00:31:23,015 --> 00:31:24,794
What exactly do you think it is then?
407
00:31:24,829 --> 00:31:28,247
I'm almost too frightened to say!
To put it simply.
408
00:31:28,613 --> 00:31:30,705
Back in the early seventeen hundreds
409
00:31:30,740 --> 00:31:34,944
sea captains found it almost impossible
to plot their positions once out of sight of land.
410
00:31:34,979 --> 00:31:39,412
Until John Harrison invented
the first accurate marine timekeeper.
411
00:31:39,447 --> 00:31:42,973
to tell seafarers exactly where they were
on the globe.
412
00:31:43,008 --> 00:31:45,224
He went on to make many of these
instruments,
413
00:31:45,259 --> 00:31:47,449
and we know the whereabouts of all of them…
414
00:31:47,484 --> 00:31:51,262
except the last one,
the Lesser Watch as he called it.
415
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,700
We have the designs for the piece
but the watch itself was never found.
416
00:31:54,735 --> 00:31:58,071
People have been searching for it
for over 300 years.
417
00:31:58,362 --> 00:32:00,389
You don't think that's it, do you?
418
00:32:00,587 --> 00:32:06,454
- If it is, Rodney… God!
- Blimey!
419
00:32:07,575 --> 00:32:11,230
So next thing we know,
Raquel's old man's been on the phone to us.
420
00:32:11,926 --> 00:32:15,792
And he showed it to some experts
and it's only kosher.
421
00:32:15,989 --> 00:32:18,442
This is the watch that's been missing
for over 300 years?
422
00:32:18,477 --> 00:32:21,033
Yes, the Harrison Lesser Watch.
423
00:32:21,371 --> 00:32:23,295
So what is it?
424
00:32:27,685 --> 00:32:29,723
It's a watch!
425
00:32:30,014 --> 00:32:35,351
It's more than that. It lets you know
exactly where you are anywhere in the world.
426
00:32:35,386 --> 00:32:37,873
How did it get lost then?
427
00:32:42,088 --> 00:32:44,852
I don't know how it got lost!
It just did.
428
00:32:45,511 --> 00:32:50,490
If I hadn’t realised it's full value and rescued it,
it could have ended up anywhere!
429
00:32:50,763 --> 00:32:53,428
Yeah, like chucked on top
of an old gas cooker.
430
00:32:54,710 --> 00:32:59,604
- And it's gonna be auctioned?
- That's right. This afternoon, 2:30 at Sothebys.
431
00:33:10,374 --> 00:33:12,431
So, how much do you reckon it's worth, then?
432
00:33:12,466 --> 00:33:15,679
They don't know. ‘Cause nothing like this
has ever come on the market before.
433
00:33:15,714 --> 00:33:18,365
- Could be 10 grand.
- Yeah, 15!
434
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:19,854
20 maybe.
435
00:33:19,889 --> 00:33:22,841
Well, on your way back from the auction
drop by my showrooms.
436
00:33:22,876 --> 00:33:26,519
I've got a lovely couple of Skodas
at five grand each.
437
00:33:28,098 --> 00:33:30,657
You won't be laughing like that
when we come back this afternoon.
438
00:33:30,692 --> 00:33:34,359
So you two could be famous then,
well, amongst watchmakers.
439
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,822
Yeah, why not. We discovered it.
440
00:33:37,857 --> 00:33:41,226
And as Andy Warhol said,
'Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes'.
441
00:33:41,261 --> 00:33:45,218
How can everyone be famous for 15 minutes?
There's not enough time in the world, is there?
442
00:33:48,524 --> 00:33:50,986
No, no. He didn't mean
everyone would be famous!
443
00:33:51,021 --> 00:33:53,866
He was generalising upon modern society.
444
00:33:53,901 --> 00:33:56,727
You know, people became famous
for a little while then they disappear.
445
00:33:56,762 --> 00:34:03,603
- Like Rene and Renatta, Simon Dee.
- Or Ghandhi.
446
00:34:05,383 --> 00:34:10,555
So see maybe this time it's our...
Ghandhi?
447
00:34:10,752 --> 00:34:15,613
Yeah. I mean, he made one great film
and then you never saw him again.
448
00:34:21,870 --> 00:34:23,988
No, let's go. Let’s go.
449
00:34:35,653 --> 00:34:40,767
22,000…
24,000…
450
00:34:41,876 --> 00:34:43,148
28.
451
00:34:43,710 --> 00:34:45,099
30.
452
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:46,783
32.
453
00:34:48,868 --> 00:34:50,468
35.
454
00:34:51,028 --> 00:34:52,917
35,000...
455
00:34:54,472 --> 00:34:59,402
38,000. One more bid.
456
00:35:00,986 --> 00:35:05,502
40,000... The bid is 40,000 pounds.
457
00:35:05,740 --> 00:35:08,584
- Is that ours, Rodney?
- Don't be stupid!
458
00:35:08,619 --> 00:35:10,862
45,000...
459
00:35:12,701 --> 00:35:16,737
45,000. I'm selling at 45,000.
460
00:35:17,007 --> 00:35:21,416
Sold at 45,000. Paddle number 674.
461
00:35:22,863 --> 00:35:25,694
Now we come to lot 73.
462
00:35:28,266 --> 00:35:32,374
A solid silver pocket marine timekeeper.
463
00:35:33,289 --> 00:35:35,727
This was found in London by two brothers.
464
00:35:36,001 --> 00:35:41,370
Unfortunately they held on the piece for 16 years
believing it to be a Victorian egg-timer.
465
00:35:45,291 --> 00:35:51,757
This is quite simply the most significant discovery
in horological terms of this century.
466
00:35:52,336 --> 00:35:55,740
The watch has been authenticated and accepted
by all the leading experts
467
00:35:55,775 --> 00:35:58,790
as being the last watch ever made
by John Harrison.
468
00:35:58,825 --> 00:36:05,204
It is the fabled H6,
the until now mythical 'Lesser Watch'.
469
00:36:05,689 --> 00:36:07,741
Now, I feel I need say no more
470
00:36:08,011 --> 00:36:12,170
and I'd like to start the bidding
at 150,000 pounds.
471
00:36:19,425 --> 00:36:21,529
200,000…
472
00:36:23,197 --> 00:36:24,549
250.
473
00:36:26,710 --> 00:36:33,394
Oh dear. It was when he said 150,000.
That’s when I came over really bad, me.
474
00:36:33,626 --> 00:36:39,955
It went on, Del. 200,000, 250, 3.
That's when I dragged you out.
475
00:36:40,220 --> 00:36:43,515
You mean it ended up at 300,000 pounds?
476
00:36:43,550 --> 00:36:47,708
- It's still going on!
- Well come on, let's get back up there.
477
00:36:49,801 --> 00:36:55,046
3 and a quarter. The bid is in the room.
478
00:36:56,288 --> 00:36:57,913
3 and a half.
479
00:36:58,330 --> 00:37:01,560
350,000 quid!
480
00:37:03,284 --> 00:37:05,477
3 and 3 quarters.
481
00:37:06,858 --> 00:37:08,916
4, thank you.
482
00:37:09,949 --> 00:37:14,605
The bid stands at four million pounds.
483
00:37:44,362 --> 00:37:49,230
So, what was the final outcome?
484
00:37:50,031 --> 00:37:55,342
It was bought by an anonymous bidder.
He's giving it to the Maritime Museum at Greenwich.
485
00:37:55,377 --> 00:37:57,718
So, at least it stays in the country.
486
00:37:57,753 --> 00:38:00,488
Oh, that’s nice, innit?
487
00:38:02,589 --> 00:38:04,805
No, you Wally!
488
00:38:05,482 --> 00:38:11,056
What was the final score?
What exactly did it go for?
489
00:38:18,492 --> 00:38:21,358
6.2 million.
490
00:38:21,950 --> 00:38:26,823
So that’s just over 3 million each.
491
00:38:29,979 --> 00:38:34,933
- Well we've had worse days, haven't we?
- Oh yeah...
492
00:38:37,590 --> 00:38:39,585
You want to go first or should I?
493
00:38:42,783 --> 00:38:46,295
- Why don’t we go together?
- Yeah, alright.
494
00:38:47,251 --> 00:38:49,552
One, two, three.
495
00:39:10,350 --> 00:39:14,230
Bring your family down.
Have your photograph taken next to it.
496
00:39:17,642 --> 00:39:21,802
It’s beautiful though, ain’t it Rodders, eh?
Luxury and style.
497
00:39:22,661 --> 00:39:25,075
- Very me, don’t you think?
- Yeah!
498
00:39:26,778 --> 00:39:29,090
- Buy it!
- Yeah, shall I?
499
00:39:29,478 --> 00:39:37,001
- You like it. Buy it!
- No, no. Not until that cheque is cleared.
500
00:39:37,198 --> 00:39:41,119
I've got a terrible feeling
that this whole deal's gonna go pear-shaped.
501
00:39:41,667 --> 00:39:45,909
Del, we're dealing with Sotheby's
and the Greenwich museum, not Ronnie and Reggie!
502
00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:52,995
But I mean, if this goes tits-up
I'm landed with a 70 grand debt, ain’t I?
503
00:39:53,477 --> 00:39:59,499
Yeah, take your point. Well, go on in,
you sit in the nice car, see if it suits you.
504
00:40:00,729 --> 00:40:02,608
Yeah, alright then. I will.
505
00:40:04,125 --> 00:40:08,269
Yes, my son. Oh, yes!
506
00:40:12,617 --> 00:40:16,342
That Rolls Royce out there.
I wanna buy it.
507
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:23,361
That’s a good one, Rodney!
Tell me, what drugs are you on this week?
508
00:40:44,214 --> 00:40:50,533
- There you go. It's yours.
- You what?
509
00:40:50,568 --> 00:40:55,329
The Roller. It's yours.
I've just bought it for you.
510
00:40:58,971 --> 00:41:09,946
- You bought this Roller for me? Why?
- A little present. Just to say thanks.
511
00:42:59,490 --> 00:43:04,466
- Yes sir, what can I get you?
- Champagne all round.
512
00:43:11,883 --> 00:43:15,027
Hold on! I think we’ve left
our wallets at home again.
513
00:43:15,364 --> 00:43:18,189
Please sir, that is not a problem.
514
00:43:18,736 --> 00:43:23,765
- On the slate, Mike?
- On the house, Del!
515
00:43:25,198 --> 00:43:29,947
No, no, Michael, we'll pay our way.
And while we're at it, I’ll have all your sandwiches!
516
00:43:30,327 --> 00:43:34,261
- That’s it. Alright. Go get them.
- Let me look where me money is.
517
00:43:34,496 --> 00:43:38,433
No, no Rodney. I'll get the sandwiches,
‘cause you bought the Rolls.
518
00:44:41,034 --> 00:44:42,651
Yes!
519
00:47:37,163 --> 00:47:44,368
- Del Boy. It's time to get up. It's 7:30.
- Yeah, alright mum.
520
00:47:45,336 --> 00:47:47,843
It's your fault if you've got a hangover.
521
00:47:47,878 --> 00:47:51,720
You can't have today off.
You're taking your eleven plus.
522
00:47:57,515 --> 00:48:02,190
I never raised a hand to your mother Rodney,
except in self-defence.
523
00:48:11,342 --> 00:48:14,864
Your dad always said that one day Del Boy
would reach the top
524
00:48:15,156 --> 00:48:19,376
but then again he used to say
that one day Millwall would win the cup.
525
00:48:42,143 --> 00:48:47,889
- Alright?
- Yeah. What you doing here?
526
00:48:48,475 --> 00:48:51,368
Raquel phoned, said you'd gone missing.
527
00:48:51,942 --> 00:48:56,733
I said ‘wait for the ransom note to arrive’
but she said ‘go and find him’, so…
528
00:48:57,976 --> 00:48:59,420
I guessed you’d be here.
529
00:49:00,567 --> 00:49:03,825
I'm just taking one last
look at the old place, Rodney.
530
00:49:06,462 --> 00:49:08,787
Funny, innit, just think of all them years,
you know…
531
00:49:09,291 --> 00:49:11,716
Us scrimping and scraping.
532
00:49:12,504 --> 00:49:18,656
Going out in all-hours, just trying to earn a few bobs
so we could put a bit of grub on the table.
533
00:49:19,385 --> 00:49:27,087
And all the time down in that garage
we had this famous thing, worth 6 million quid.
534
00:49:28,493 --> 00:49:30,667
Yeah, that crossed my mind and all!
535
00:49:32,241 --> 00:49:33,565
Still!
536
00:49:36,431 --> 00:49:38,154
You put the flat on the market yet?
537
00:49:38,891 --> 00:49:43,785
No, not yet. I just didn’t have the heart to.
538
00:49:44,841 --> 00:49:49,035
You know, I wanted to think about
Mum and Granddad.
539
00:49:50,240 --> 00:49:55,754
I'll do it in a couple of weeks, you know.
I’ll give it to some estate agent.
540
00:49:56,458 --> 00:49:59,248
You know, I’ll let them have the carpet.
541
00:50:03,737 --> 00:50:05,837
Yeah, they won’t mind.
542
00:50:07,393 --> 00:50:11,291
Talking about that, I called into
the travel agents the other day.
543
00:50:11,574 --> 00:50:14,160
Booked us all a holiday in Barbados.
544
00:50:16,057 --> 00:50:17,461
My treat.
545
00:50:17,653 --> 00:50:22,553
- Nice. Flying first class?
- Concorde.
546
00:50:23,166 --> 00:50:24,485
Even better.
547
00:50:29,423 --> 00:50:31,715
Shame about Albert's boat, weren't it?
548
00:50:36,431 --> 00:50:39,327
What a stupid place to put a bridge, Rodney.
549
00:50:40,477 --> 00:50:43,521
I thought that right over a river like that...
550
00:50:47,391 --> 00:50:53,070
- So how are you?
- Me? Just… Wonderful, you know.
551
00:50:53,985 --> 00:50:56,013
Everything’s coming up roses.
552
00:50:57,797 --> 00:50:59,421
Alright, what's wrong?
553
00:51:04,444 --> 00:51:07,445
I always wanted to be a millionaire, Rodney.
554
00:51:09,442 --> 00:51:13,604
I always wanted a Rolls-Royce
and a big house in the country
555
00:51:13,639 --> 00:51:18,511
- and jet off to the Caribbean and all that.
- Well, you've got it.
556
00:51:19,229 --> 00:51:24,522
I know. But it's not like I thought it would be.
557
00:51:27,260 --> 00:51:33,954
All the dreaming and the scheming
and the chasing and the trying…
558
00:51:34,852 --> 00:51:37,319
…that was the fun part, you know?
559
00:51:38,939 --> 00:51:42,840
It was dangerous, it was impossible.
560
00:51:43,962 --> 00:51:49,044
It was like Columbo sailing away to find America,
561
00:51:54,789 --> 00:51:58,233
not knowing whether he was gonna fall
off the edge of the world.
562
00:52:00,523 --> 00:52:02,374
That's how I used to feel.
563
00:52:04,114 --> 00:52:06,385
Well, you fell off a couple of times,
didn't you?
564
00:52:08,376 --> 00:52:11,484
Once a month, bruv. Once a month regular.
565
00:52:14,122 --> 00:52:18,300
You know, now I've done it,
now I’ve achieved what I wanted.
566
00:52:19,847 --> 00:52:26,456
The chase is finished.
The hunt is over.
567
00:52:28,994 --> 00:52:33,110
What am I gonna do now?
Learn to play golf?
568
00:52:34,422 --> 00:52:37,061
Well, you've got the trousers for it at least.
569
00:52:39,087 --> 00:52:42,245
Look, why don't you just
enjoy your retirement?
570
00:52:43,152 --> 00:52:46,134
‘Cause I don't wanna enjoy my retirement.
571
00:52:47,521 --> 00:52:53,088
I wanna feel like I used to feel,
all eager and alive.
572
00:52:54,617 --> 00:52:57,892
I want something exciting to happen.
573
00:53:01,089 --> 00:53:05,426
Dear oh dear? What are you doing, unc?
I thought you was a ghost!
574
00:53:05,606 --> 00:53:08,274
He never got the hang of this haunting lark,
did he?
575
00:53:08,843 --> 00:53:10,382
What you two doing here?
576
00:53:10,417 --> 00:53:13,673
Well, never mind what us two are doing here.
What are you doing here?
577
00:53:13,925 --> 00:53:16,733
Well, I just come back to pick up
a few of me belongings.
578
00:53:17,487 --> 00:53:21,754
I thought I'd have one last look
at the flat before you sell it.
579
00:53:24,157 --> 00:53:29,442
Yeah, well, we've had a good look, eh?
Come on, let's lock up and go.
580
00:53:41,890 --> 00:53:45,556
I must have forgot to tell British Telecom
that we’re gone.
581
00:53:46,676 --> 00:53:49,429
Yeah, hello?... Who?
582
00:53:49,847 --> 00:53:53,881
Hello Lennie, how you doing, pal?...
Alright?
583
00:53:54,233 --> 00:53:56,060
Lennie Norris.
584
00:53:57,354 --> 00:54:02,227
You do what? Really?
Hang on.
585
00:54:03,074 --> 00:54:07,878
Listen. He's got 250 electronic carpet steamers.
586
00:54:08,797 --> 00:54:14,839
Now listen, they retail at a 115 quid,
he's gonna let us have them for 25 nicker.
587
00:54:15,790 --> 00:54:18,229
Del, we're not in the
business any more.
588
00:54:20,011 --> 00:54:24,420
I know. Rodney,
we can double our money on this.
589
00:54:26,170 --> 00:54:29,385
Derek, can you hear me over those trousers?
590
00:54:33,844 --> 00:54:36,333
We are not in the business anymore, mate!
591
00:54:42,110 --> 00:54:46,807
Hello, Lenny.
No, we're not interested.
592
00:54:48,699 --> 00:54:53,733
Trotters Independent Traders
has ceased trading.
593
00:54:55,108 --> 00:54:56,737
Bonjour.
594
00:55:04,704 --> 00:55:09,760
Tell you what. Fancy going down to
the Golden Dragon for a Chinese?
595
00:55:09,795 --> 00:55:12,774
Yeah. I'm feeling a bit peckish
now you mention it.
596
00:55:12,809 --> 00:55:17,300
- Yeah, I could do a sweet and sour something.
- Yeah, alright.
597
00:55:18,718 --> 00:55:21,938
I’ll tell you what, Rodders.
Let’s leave the cars here, shall we, and…
598
00:55:22,183 --> 00:55:26,522
- …just take a toddle.
- Yeah, alright.
599
00:55:29,558 --> 00:55:38,219
- Mange Dieu, Mange Dieu, what a fool I've been...
- What's wrong now?
600
00:55:38,402 --> 00:55:43,910
Well, here I am thinking now we've got
all this money that spells like the end of it.
601
00:55:44,356 --> 00:55:47,774
But it don't, does it? It's like the beginning.
602
00:55:48,308 --> 00:55:53,659
Because for the first time in our lives
we've got money to invest!
603
00:55:53,884 --> 00:55:56,516
- No!
- Dangerous business, investment!
604
00:55:56,551 --> 00:55:59,799
Come on Rodders. You remember all those years
you used to say to me…
605
00:55:59,834 --> 00:56:03,182
- …'Del Boy, we should be investing’.
- No! No I never said that!
606
00:56:03,217 --> 00:56:06,618
Well, it must have been me then.
I remember it was one of us that got it right.
607
00:56:06,788 --> 00:56:10,195
Now we can invest big-time
in the futures market.
608
00:56:10,580 --> 00:56:16,135
- We can get into Hong Kong, Singapore, Peking.
- I don’t want to invest, alright?
609
00:56:16,928 --> 00:56:19,445
Rodders, have I ever let you down?
610
00:56:19,682 --> 00:56:26,093
Yes! A couple of years ago when you told me
I'd won a holiday in a painting competition
611
00:56:26,128 --> 00:56:30,837
but forgot to mention that, for an entire week,
I would have to pretend to be 14.
612
00:56:31,565 --> 00:56:37,015
That's always been your problem, Rodney.
You’re always dwelling on the past.
613
00:56:37,274 --> 00:56:41,331
- Mum said to me on her deathbed...
- Oi! Don't start on about Mum and her deathbed!
614
00:56:41,366 --> 00:56:43,953
She said to me on her deathbed,
she said to me…'Del Boy,
615
00:56:43,988 --> 00:56:49,017
if ever you and little Rodney become rich,
you must invest in the futures market!'
616
00:56:49,195 --> 00:56:53,214
You liar! ‘Cause there wasn't
a futures market when Mum was alive!
617
00:56:53,249 --> 00:56:57,099
Now, what you don’t see,
that shows you what a visionary she was!
618
00:56:57,592 --> 00:57:00,253
Come on Rodney, this is our big chance.
619
00:57:00,956 --> 00:57:02,903
He who dares wins!
620
00:57:03,392 --> 00:57:07,132
This time next year we could be billionaires!
621
00:57:13,629 --> 00:57:17,430
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622
00:57:18,430 --> 00:57:28,430
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